October Breezes

by Maria Rachel Hooley

  I know you think I won't stay, but you don't know me, Skye, and you're not the only one who has tried to drive people away. My step-father gave me this book the day he first met me, and I told him he was wasting my time, much like you’ve told me. But that’s okay. I’l tel you the same thing he said to me: It’s my time to waste, and it won’t cost you anything. Let me waste my time, Skye. That’s al I’m asking. Just let me waste my time.

  Warren

  I kept staring at the page, knowing he must have meant the words he’d written, but I didn’t feel them. I wouldn’t alow myself.

  He planned to stick around while I planned his exit. Let’s see who wins. Stil, I was a voracious reader despite the lie I told Warren, and once I’d skimmed the back cover, I was intrigued. So I started reading.

  By the time the phone rang, I was thoroughly caught up in Scout’s world. Then my mother knocked.

  “Skye, are you awake, honey?”

  I closed the book and thrust it on the shelf. The last thing I wanted my mom to see was me actualy reading Warren's gift.

  “Yeah, I’m awake.”

  She opened the door and poked her head into the room.

  “Feel like talking to Kelin?”

  My back tensed, and I wished I could go back to Maycomb, Alabama, with Scout. My mom came into the room holding the cordless phone against her chest to mute our conversation. Stil, if I said I didn’t want to talk, he'd know.

  “Skye?” she repeated.

  Finaly I said, “Yeah.”

  She frowned and handed me the phone. Then she touched my forehead, gauging my temperature the same way she’d done since I was smal. For some reason, that gesture brought comfort, as though she could get rid of this pain if I let her. “You don't have a fever. Feeling better?”

  “It’s my stomach,” I mouthed, and headed to my bed, carrying the phone.

  “Don’t talk too long,” she warned before quietly shutting the door.

  Waiting until she left, I lifted the receiver, hoping my voice didn't reveal the jitters I felt. “Helo?”

  “Skye?”

  “Yeah, it’s me .” I twisted a bit of my comforter around my forefinger and leaned against the headboard.

  “How are you feeling?” Kelin asked. “You were pale when you left.”

  “I’l be okay.”

  “I know why you asked about Becca. I caught her running her mouth at the pep raly. I can understand if you’re angry, considering what I overheard, but I didn’t put those words in her mouth. I sure as hel didn’t talk about you like that.”

  “Do you think about me like that?”

  Silence. I waited, unwiling to fil in the blanks.

  Finaly, he said, “That’s a loaded question, Skye.”

  My stomach lurched. “Meaning?”

  “You’re beautiful. To say my imagination doesn’t go places with that would be a lie, but that doesn’t mean that’s what we’re about. I don’t think of you as ‘easy,’ as Becca put it, and that’s not why I’m going out with you.”

  My shoulders eased from the rigid line. What if he’s lying? I heard Devin’s voice in my mind. “Then why are you going out with me?”

  “Because you’re a mystery. You’re different, and I have to admit, I’m curious. I want to get to know you.”

  Maybe Kelin was bulshitting me, and if I were smart I’d cut my losses, but he sounded so earnest.

  “Don’t believe Becca,” Kelin went on. "She lies at the drop of a hat."

  “It’s pretty humiliating, al these girls talking about me,” I admitted, blushing. I chewed my lip, glad he couldn't see my expression.

  “I’m realy sorry.” His voice lowered. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I told Becca to shut up in front of her friends.”

  At first, I didn’t think I’d heard right, and I sat up straight, temped to ask him to repeat it. "You told her to shut up?”

  “Yeah. She didn’t much care for it, and I’m not sure it wil stop her from shooting off her mouth, but it’s worth a try.”

  “Do you know why Becca hates me?” I tucked the covers around my legs.

  “No.”

  I took a deep breath and clenched my eyes shut, hoping I wasn't making things worse by teling him. “She wants to go out with you.”

  “She’s not my type,” he said. “And even if she were, I wouldn't be interested.” He paused, and I wondered what he was thinking before he asked, “Are we stil on for next weekend?”

  “Yes.”

  My mom knocked and opened the door. “You need to get off the phone and get to bed so you’l be able to go to school.”

  I nodded, and she promptly closed the door and left. “I need to go.”

  “Skye,” Kelin said. “I know this is tough, but I’d like to think we’re worth it. Are we?”

  I smiled. “Yeah, I think we are.”

  “I’l see you tomorrow?”

  Feeling the weight lifting off my shoulders, I said,

  “Definitely.”

  I hung up, stil imagining his face as he’d spoken. No matter how much I liked Kelin, some part of me didn’t completely trust him. Maybe I never would, but I wanted to believe in him.

  I laid the phone on the nightstand and snuggled deeper into the covers. After a few moments, I drifted off. It wasn’t my alarm clock that woke me, but rocks pinging against glass. I hastened to the window and puled up the blinds. Devin stood with his hands in his jacket pockets.

  I raised the window and leaned out. “What in the devil are you doing out there?” I whispered loudly. The winter air chiled me, and I folded my arms across my chest, trying to block it.

  “I need to talk to you,” he answered.

  “Now?” I shivered, wishing I were stil buried in the blankets.

  “Yes. Can you come down?”

  I shook my head. “No. If my mom catches me in the cold, she’l have my hide and yours, no matter how much she likes you.”

  “You don’t have to act sick, Skye. I know the real reason you left. I heard the cheerleaders in my fifth hour. Why are you letting him do this?” he hissed.

  “It’s not his fault," I snapped back. "Becca started the rumors.”

  He stiffened. “You’re not that blind. He’s going to hurt you.”

  Realizing nothing was going to change his mind, I finaly said, “I have to go.” I didn’t wait for his response because I knew what it would be. Instead, I lowered the window and drew the blinds. I turned off the light and changed into my nightgown, but this time it was a long while before I drifted to sleep. Fear and hope about Kelin filed my dreams with uneasy images.

  * * *

  The next morning, I applied my make up meticulously. I’d selected an emerald sweater and jeans to wear and sat on the front porch, in the same place I'd waited as long as I'd known Devin. Before he had his driver’s license, we’d would walk to school. But something was different this morning. I was glad I’d dressed warmly, considering the cold northerly breeze. Twirling a strand of hair around my finger, I frowned and stared at my watch's minute hand dismiss each second. It wasn’t like him to be late. Not long before the tardy bel, Devin puled up. Normaly, he would've kiled the engine and stepped out of the car; today, he let the engine purr as he sat in the driver's seat, his gaze fixed straight ahead. I opened the door and said, “Good morning” as I sat and braced my books against my chest.

  “I suppose it is somewhere,” he replied. He waited for me to belt in and close the door before signaling and puling from the curb.

  “I didn’t mean to make you mad last night,” I said. “Mom would have kiled me if she’d found us talking.” I looked at my watch. "Is everything okay? You're kind of late this morning."

  Shaking his head, Devin said, "Not nearly late enough.

  Don't sugar-coat last night, Skye. The last thing you wanted to do is explain anything to me.”

  "Meaning?"

  He didn't answer but instead focused on driving in silence the whole way. He puled into the parking lot a
nd turned off the engine. “This isn’t going to work.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “There are things I can do. I can handle you hating people because of your dad. I can handle the emptiness you feel. I can even help you pass algebra with a ‘B.’” He yanked the keys from the ignition. “But I’l be damned if I can watch a train wreck slowly unfolding. I’m strong, but I’m not that strong.” He clenched his jaw and banged the steering wheel. “I think it best if maybe your mom or…Kelin…drives you to and from school.”

  He started to get out, but I caught his hand. “Devin, don’t do this. Don’t throw away our friendship because things are crazy right now.” My heart sped up, and I found myself breathing in shalow gasps as though I couldn't take in enough air.

  Devin squeezed my hand. The morning light glittered in the tears pooling in his eyes, and his mouth twisted into a painful frown.

  “I didn’t have to. You did it before I could.” Emotion streaked his tone, leaving it raw and gravely. He puled away from me. “We need to get inside or we’l be late.” He got out of the car. His back stiffened as he walked, his shoulders forming a hard line.

  I sat dazed in a stunned silence. The first bel rang, jarring me. Outside the window, the landscape looked the same. Trees stood barren in winter's thral. The same grey filed the sky. But I would never be the same. I grabbed my books and rushed through the parking lot. Once inside, I scurried to math class and walked into the room where I sat, numb and cold. He’ll come around, I thought, but those were empty words.

  Throughout the morning, I expected Devin to find me, to say something-anything-to make this right. There had to be a way without sacrificing Devin's friendship or losing Kelin. I looked for Devin between classes. Any other day, I would have run into him once or twice, but today my searching yielded nothing, and even worse, I felt everyone stil staring, whispering. I finaly realized Devin had chosen to hide.

  What had I done?

  When lunchtime roled around, I shot from my desk, bypassed my locker, and headed straight to the table where Devin and I usualy ate. Even though the lunch period had just begun, a few students already sat there. I stood in the cafeteria doorway, clutching my books, waiting. After five minutes, I lowered my books and walked down the hal, peering in classrooms as I went. Finaly, I saw him sitting with Bethany Fields in the courtyard. Devin straddled the concrete bench, and an open notebook lay between him and Bethany. Head down, he appeared to be reading. I cracked the door just enough to hear him reciting a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and Devin, more than competent at oral reading, stumbled over the words. I started to go out, but seeing her lean toward him, grab his arm and laugh, I froze. Devin's laughter joined hers. I stepped back and let the door close as my books slipped from my grasp. Hearing the door catch, Devin looked up.

  His eyes met mine, and he looked away, a deep flush coloring his cheeks. He closed the notebook and turned his back to me.

  I stumbled backward, and my whole body trembled violently. I tried to blink away the tears, but they kept coming.

  Relieved at the empty halway, I leaned against the wal and cried, my whole body hurting as I'd never known possible. Above me red and white banners waved, swayed by the heater's gusts. I don’t know how long I remained there, only that a few moments later a familiar voice said, “Skye? You al right?” Kelin, wearing a black and red wind suit, stood next to the fountain, his finger stil resting on the button. When I didn't immediately speak, he lightly grasped my elbow.

  My hands flew to my face and brushed the tears away.

  “I’m fine.”

  “You don’t look fine. Did Becca say something else? Is that why you’re crying?”

  “No.”

  He slid his arm around me, his fingers gently squeezing my shoulder. “Anything I can do?” He peered intently at me, concern filing his blue eyes.

  “No,” I finaly said, pointing at the bathroom. “I need to go in there.”

  “I’l be here.” He leaned against the wal, crossing one ankle over the other and he shoved his hands into his pockets.

  I stood before the mirror and splashed cold water on my face. After patting my hair into place and washing my skin, my appearance seemed closer to normal as I re-emerged into the halway.

  “Want to get lunch?”

  I shrugged, dreading the thought of entering the lunch room where too many people would stare at me. “I’d rather hit the vending machines.” I puled two dolars from my pocket. “But don’t let me stop you from getting a burger.”

  He shook his head. “Maybe I’d rather just have chips and a soda with you than a burger and fries with Tyler. Let’s face it : while al the girls think he’s a razzle-dazzle man, you’re much more interesting.” He, too, reached into his pockets and puled out a few bils. Together, we waited to get a snack, then sat on the foyer's wooden benches to eat.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked quietly as other students miled about us. Becca and another cheerleader floated past by and, Becca opened her mouth, but Kelin frowned, effectively silencing her. After that, they hurried past.

  “There’s no point.” I crumpled the empty bag and tossed it into the trash can. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that talking doesn’t make a difference.”

  After school I purposely waited, digging through my locker as though searching for something important. I arranged my books and threw away the trash littering the bottom. Every time I glimpsed someone passing, I turned, stil expecting Devin would show. I kept hoping, even after most of the students had gone.

  Maybe you should have gotten on the bus. He said he wasn’t going to give you a ride anymore. I shut my locker and resigned myself to a brisk walk. Sliding one arm into my jacket sleeve and then the other, I turned and ran into Kelin, my shoulder bumping his chest. The impact threw me backward, and he grabbed my forearm to steady me. Once sure of my balance, his grip eased.

  “Hey.”

  “Why are you stil here?” I zipped my coat.

  He shrugged. “I wanted to make sure you're okay. You were so upset at lunch, and I know you didn’t realy want to talk. I thought you might want some company.” He scanned the empty halways. “I didn’t know if you'd stil be here, but I figured it was worth a shot.”

  “I’m fine.” I pointed to the stairwel. “I was just leaving.”

  Kelin nodded. “Where's Devin? Doesn’t he normaly give you a ride?” He brushed the bangs from my eyes.

  “Yeah, but today he had something he needed to do.” I puled my backpack over one shoulder. “That’s al right. I can walk.” I stepped toward the stairs, and he folowed.

  "It's pretty cold out there. How 'bout I give you a ride?"

  I took one last glance up and down the hal and saw no sign of Devin. "That would be great."

  Our steps fel into a natural rhythm, and he slid his arm around my waist. “Does that bother you?”

  My feelings were so mixed at this point, I just shook my head. “No.” Together we walked to his car, where he opened the door. Al during the ride home, a silence grew until even the radio couldn’t fil. Stil, he rested his hand atop mine and hummed the song playing as if he knew I didn’t want to talk.

  When we arrived at my house, he puled into the empty driveway and turned off the radio. “We’re here.”

  “I guess we are.” I opened the door. “I’m sorry I’ve been so upset lately.”

  He squeezed my hand softly as a gentle smile played across his features. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Skye.” He leaned toward me and kissed my cheek, then nuzzled my ear. “We have plenty of time to get to know each other, and you are definitely worth waiting for.”

  I clung to him, alowing myself to become lost in his warmth and security. He drew me closer. I finaly kissed his cheek and gently puled away. “I should go.” Grabbing my book bag, I opened the door. “I’d ask you to come in except my mom's not here.”

  “That’s al right,” he said, nodding. “I’l see you
tomorrow, okay?” He leaned toward me and pecked my cheek.

  I nodded, stepping out of the car. Bounding up the front porch steps, I unlocked the door and once inside peered out, watching Kelin drive away while setting my bag on the couch.

  Although I opened my English book and tried to get to work, I re-read the same section over and over without understanding it. I could have done the review sections, but I couldn't shake the image of Devin with Bethany.

  In choosing not to give up on Kelin, I had lost the one thing I thought nothing could destroy--Devin's friendship. It had been the only security I believed in completely.

  More than once, I dialed Devin’s number, only to get the answering machine, and no matter what I wanted to say to Devin, I couldn’t leave a message, so I hung up and waited a few more minutes before trying to cal again. Maybe I couldn’t even do it over the phone, but I had to keep trying.

  Finaly, the last time I caled, Devin's mom answered.

  “Mrs. Abbott, this is Skye. Could I speak with Devin?”

  “I’m sorry, Skye. He’s not here. He’s studying with Bethany at the library.”

  I cringed, envisioning them standing in front of the library, Bethany bracing against a stone pilar as Devin leaned close to her.

  At once, their gazes locked, and Devin dipped forward and kissed her. His mouth probed hers deeper and his arms slid around her, drawing her closer until he leaned back, smiling gently. The two laughed, and he kissed her forehead.

  Gritting my teeth, I tried to banish the image, but it wouldn't go. “Do you know when he’l be home?”

  “A couple of hours.”

  I looked at the clock. 4:30. “Could you tel him I caled?”

  “Wil do.”

  I hung up the phone, gathered my books, and headed to my room, waiting, and stil wondering what I'd say to spare our friendship. I tried doing homework, reading my book, painting my toenails, and everything else I could think of to make time go by.