Losing Her

by Cori Williams

  “Is that all men think about? Seriously?”

  “Well, yeah, and you kind of walked right into that one, now get that ass moving, we need to go.”

  Dinner with Justin and his wife Della was fun. The two of them had a very special relationship, you could just see the amount of love they had for each other exuding from both them. Della was sassy and full of attitude, but sweet at the same time; and Justin seemed like a reformed bad boy, via Della. He followed her every word, every move, every everything.

  “We should really hang out again,” Della said as we’re leaving. “Without the boys this time, maybe we can go shopping, okay, scratch that, we need to go shopping.”

  “You’re not allowed to go shopping, remember?” Justin interrupted, his tone teasing.

  “You shut it,” Della pointed a finger at him. “I’ll behave myself. I tend to go a little crazy sometimes,” she said to me. “I blame it on my parents spoiling me when I was younger.”

  “Okay,” I snorted as Justin rolled his eyes and grabbed onto her hand.

  “Let’s go, blondie. Enough plans for now. It was fun, we’ll see you two later.”

  We said our goodbyes and Conner and I headed home. I smiled the whole way back. Tonight felt normal, like something a normal married couple would do, it was nice. Lawson didn’t cross my mind once and it only helped to cement the fact that I needed to steer clear of him so I didn’t damage my marriage beyond repair.

  * * *

  The front door slamming caused me to jump in my chair, and I clutched my phone in my hands as I cautiously pushed to my feet and crept out of my office. My heart was racing as I heard a noise come from the living room and my fingers were hovering over the keypad of my phone. It would take only mere seconds to dial 911.

  “Shit!”

  I jumped in place, clutching my phone to my chest and exhaled a breath when I recognized the familiar voice. “Conner! What are you doing home? You scared the shit out of me.” His shifts had changed recently at work, so now was not a usual time for him to be home.

  I found him bending over in the kitchen, rubbing at his knee. He straightened up before turning around, wobbling slightly on his feet. Instantly I knew why, and my worst fear was staring me straight in the face.

  “What are you doing home?” I repeated quietly. His jaw was tight as he pushed past me as he walked down the hallway to our room. “Conner! What are you doing home? Why aren’t you answering me?”

  I caught up to him and tugged on his arm. He snapped backwards, shoving me against the wall, the pain instant. Exactly what I suspected smacked me in the face when he spoke, the heavy scent of alcohol, sending my stomach into a downward spiral. This isn’t happening. He’s been doing so good! “This is my damn house, I’ll come home whenever I want,” he snarled, squeezing at both of my wrists. “And you better get used to me being around. Hopefully I don’t disrupt your day.”

  I knew I should have just kept my mouth shut, not egged him on anymore, but I refused to. “What are you talking about, Conner?” I asked in a calm, even tone, even though he was still squeezing my wrists, which were starting to go numb. I bit down on my lip, trying to focus on something other than the pain. He blew out a shaky breath and released my wrists, taking a step back before rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m on unpaid leave, starting immediately. So,” he laughed dryly. “I guess we get to spend some quality time together. I’m sure you’re happy about that.”

  “What?” my mouth dropped open and the pain in my wrists was pushed elsewhere. “What are you talking about? What do you mean? What happened?”

  “God damn it, Campbell. I don’t want to talk about it right now. Can’t you see that I’m dealing with a lot of shit right now?”

  “Then talk to me, Conner!” I demanded, tears starting to trickle down my cheeks. Frustration and confusion was taking over. Why couldn’t things just work out for us? Whenever everything seemed to be going well, there was another bump in the road. I wasn’t sure how many more bumps I could handle. I needed a smooth road right now. “Please just talk to me,” I stepped forward, reaching for his hand but he shook it away. “Don’t do this to us, don’t start drinking, thinking that it will solve your problems because you know it won’t. You might think it will but it just makes things worse.”

  His hard eyes softened for just a second as he looked, at me and I thought I had finally got through to him, but then he shook his head. “I’m not your pathetic father, Campbell. So quit trying to fix me. Give me some fucking time.” And he walked into the bedroom, slamming the door in my face.

  Chapter 28

  Campbell

  I DIDN’T KNOW what to do. I couldn’t talk to Lawson about this because he would just want me to leave—and Tess, too. Molly and I had pretty much lost contact since I quit my job. So when my phone rang and I saw that it was Della, I answered immediately. Now, I was on my way to meet her for lunch and shopping. When I went in to tell Conner, I couldn’t even wake him up. His loud snoring told me he was still alive, though. I searched his truck before I left and found empty beer cans. The panic was starting to set in. This was all too familiar.

  “Hey chic, are you ready to shop?”

  I tried to force a smile onto my face, but it was useless.

  “What’s wrong? Are you not in the mood to shop? We can do something else? Maybe a movie?”

  “No that’s not it,” I shook my head and Della looped her arm through mine.

  “C’mon, let’s head to lunch and you can tell me all about it.”

  As soon as we were seated, Della forced me to spill. I left out some of the details, but I did tell her about the drinking and Conner being put on unpaid leave.

  “That’s a lot to handle, Campbell. And he won’t tell you why? Maybe I can weasel it out of Justin.”

  “No,” I shook my head. “I don’t want that to cause problems in your marriage.”

  Della rolled her eyes. “Sweetie, I have that boy wrapped around my little finger,” she smiled dreamily just thinking about him. “How ‘bout this? We finish up lunch, do some shopping, get our piggies looking beautiful and then we’ll head back to my house. And then if Justin just so happens to mention something about Conner, maybe we’ll find out some more details for you.”

  “Well—”

  “Okay, great,” she clapped. “I’m glad that’s settled then. Now, what do we want for an appetizer?”

  After doing everything that Della planned out, I was exhausted, but I had barely thought about the whole situation with Conner, so I guessed that was a good thing. I was just going to head home to deal with the mess instead of going to Della’s house, but she forced me into her car.

  “Oh good, he’s home, let’s go,” she demanded at me, and I begrudgingly listened. Justin’s eyes widened when he saw me follow in behind Della and I knew that he’d heard about Conner. Della rattled off to him about her day and then announced that she had to pee, so she left me behind with Justin—all alone.

  “So,” he shuffled on his feet, avoiding my eyes. “You girls had a busy day. She didn’t spend too much of my money, did she?”

  “Well,” I laughed nervously, leaning back against the kitchen counter. “She might’ve hurt the pocketbook just a little and I think she’s gonna need some help unloading her bags.”

  “So did you two talk about Conner?” Della interrupted and I shook my head at her, willing her to just let it go.

  Justin groaned and Della pushed him in the shoulder. “Justin, help her out. Conner’s having issues and won’t talk to her.”

  “I don’t know anything,” he held his hands up defensively and she stared at him hard before his shoulders sagged. “Okay…I heard, and these are just rumors, that he showed up this morning, and apparently, he’d had something to drink. He handled a suspect a little roughly and when the chief confronted him about it they got into a little bit of a shoving match, mainly on Conner’s part, so he put him on suspension. That’s all I know.”

  “Grea
t.” I buried my head into my hands. “I figured it had something to do with the drinking, but I was really hoping that we were past this problem.”

  “I’m sorry sweetie, if there’s anything I can do, just tell me. Do you want to stay here for the night?” Della rubbed at my back, but I shook my head.

  “No, I just need to go home and deal with this.”

  “Are you sure?” Della bit down on her lip. “Maybe you need to give him some more time.”

  “It’ll be fine, I need to make sure he’s okay anyway.”

  “Well alright then, I’ll drive you back to your car.”

  By the time I made it back home, it was dark and the house was quiet. Conner’s car was in the driveway so I at least felt relieved about that. I felt guilty for how long I was gone. What if he had left and drove drunk? What if he’d hurt someone? That would have been on my shoulders.

  I opened up the front door and as soon as I walked in, I spotted him through the darkness, sitting in the recliner, his elbows balanced on his knee, his face cradled in his palms. As soon as he saw me, he was to his feet and I shrunk backwards—It had been my first reaction for awhile.

  “Campbell.” He came at me and grabbed at my shoulders, pulling me against him and hugging me tightly, taking me by surprise. He inhaled sharply and then blew out a broken breath before pressing a kiss to my forehead and holding his lips there. It was then that I felt the wetness, running from his face to mine. “I was so worried about you,” he murmured. “God Campbell, I don’t know what to do. I can’t lose you but I know I don’t deserve you. I’m a complete fuck up.”

  “Conner, stop. You’re not. I’m right here,” I stroked the side of his face, leveling my eyes with his. “I’m right here,” I repeated, trying to reassure him. I had never seen Conner like this. He had always been in control of his emotions, ever since I had known him. I had never once seen him cry, but at this point the tears were flowing as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

  “We’re going to get through this and I’ll be right here the entire time. I promise.”

  Chapter 29

  Lawson

  I KNEW THAT ONE NIGHT with Campbell would put a strain on our relationship, but in that moment, I didn’t give two shits. All I wanted was her—and it was everything and more that I’d been dreaming about for all those years. I could still smell her perfume in my truck, remembering the way her lips traced every inch of my body, and thought about the taste of her on my lips. I was having Campbell withdraw. The thought made me laugh. Most people would have looked at me like I was insane if I had told them I was suffering from withdrawal from Campbell. I would have given anything to taste her again. Or touch her. Or even just talk to her.

  I checked my phone one last time before stuffing it in my pocket and grabbing my keys from the hallway table. I needed to get Campbell out of my head, so I was intent on getting some work done. Chase O’Neil was a client that I’d been working with over the past couple of months, Campbell too, but I knew she’d refuse to go to this meeting with me today. He’d been living in Nashville for the past two years with his family, and he was slowly getting back into the music scene after leaving it when he graduated from college. Some people would have found him a challenge to manage, since he was a little older than the new kids on the block, but not me. Talent oversaw everything.

  I couldn’t keep Campbell out of my head on the drive there. She needed time, but time for what, exactly? Her husband was an asshole and she knew it. I knew what was holding her back, though—She thought she could fix him, just like she thought she could fix her dad, just because of how good of a person she was. But the difference was that her dad was her dad—her blood. Conner was nothing more than a piece of paper. She said that he had changed, yet she still ended up underneath me in that hotel room, moaning my name and riding my face—that had to mean something; and I knew it just wasn’t about the physical aspect with Campbell. I fell in love with her the first day I saw her, even though I didn’t know it at the time. I felt like such a fool for not realizing it, but I was young and stupid and caught up in the world of stardom. I was too busy jetting all over the place, having random, meaningless hookups, to realize what was right in front of me the whole time. And then it was too late. But I wasn’t letting that stop me any longer.

  I parked at the restaurant we were meeting, and spotted Chase right away, his hand intertwined with who I assumed was his wife. I had yet to meet her, but he talked about her all the time. That’s what I wanted. I wanted to be able to tell people about Campbell and how amazing she was and how in love I was with her. I wanted to hold her in public and take her out on dates and kiss her whenever and wherever the hell I wanted.

  “Lawson!” Chase greeted cheerfully, engulfing my hand in his and shaking it enthusiastically.

  “Hey bud, how’s it going? Leah, I’m assuming.”

  “That’s me,” she smiled and took my hand in hers. “It’s so great to finally meet you. Chase has been talking non-stop about meeting the great Lawson Reynolds.”

  I snorted. “I can guarantee you he’s greater than me, I just got lucky and he’s about to get lucky real soon. How ‘bout we grab some lunch and go over all the details of the deal I hammered out. I think you two are going to like it.”

  * * *

  As soon as I left our meeting, I pulled out my phone to turn up the volume and see the missed call from Campbell—of course. I hoped that she’d answer when I called back, or that she didn’t leave me some lame voicemail, telling me not to contact her. I pushed out a breath of relief when I saw no message, and she answered on the second ring when I called back.

  “Hey,” she answered lightly, but a little strained. “I hope I’m not bothering you.”

  “You’re never bothering me, Campbell. I’m glad you called.”

  She laughed. “You’re glad I called? Why so formal, Lawson Reynolds?”

  Some of the tension oozed away as I heard the old Campbell through the phone. I was worried things would be awkward between us. Maybe she just wanted to go back to the way things were—even though I hoped she didn’t. I’m sure she was confused as hell.

  “So anyway,” she said, and I realized I hadn’t been paying attention to a word she’d said. “I was wondering if we could meet for coffee tomorrow morning. Are you free?”

  “Coffee?” I questioned “Since when are you a coffee drinker?”

  “Well I’m not a coffee drinker per say, but add about a pound of sugar, some caramel, and whip cream, and I’m good. So do you want to meet or not?”

  “Of course you know I do.”

  We worked out the details, and I was relieved, to say the least. At least she was talking to me. But coffee in a public place didn’t seem like Campbell, maybe she planned it that way for a reason, to let me down gently. I wasn’t sure how I would be able to handle that.

  Chapter 30

  Campbell

  “THANKS FOR MEETING ME.” I pushed back a strand of hair before fiddling with the handle on my steaming mug. Lawson was eyeing me intently and I didn’t really know what to say. I just needed to see him.

  “You know I’d do anything for you, Campbell. Just say the word.”

  “Well,” I swallowed over the lump in my throat. “I need you—well, both of us really—to forget that night between us ever existed.” He slumped in his chair and I bit down on the inside of my cheek, not knowing whether I was making a huge mistake or not. I didn’t want to lose Lawson, but I didn’t want to lose my husband, either. Did that make me selfish? Hell yes, it did.

  “Forget about that night?” he asked in a hushed tone. “Is that even possible, Campbell?” he eyed me and I looked away, knowing that it wasn’t, but I didn’t know what else to do. Obviously it wouldn’t simply disappear from my mind, no matter how much I willed it away, but I wanted Lawson in my life. We were friends, first and foremost, and right then I needed all of the friends I could get—Even though I couldn’t tell Lawson what was
really going on. He would have probably tried to kidnap me and whisk me away.

  “I don’t know, but I don’t want to lose my friend.”

  “I’ll always be your friend…but I wanted more.”

  “I’m married.”

  He grunted, shaking his head. “That doesn’t mean anything—not to me—and it shouldn’t to you either, not since the second he laid a harmful hand on you.”

  “It’s not like that anymore.” I wasn’t lying. I thought things would get bad between Conner and I, but he was just a mess, he needed help. He wasn’t hurting me though. “But one of the reasons I wanted to see you was to see if you would be able to put me to work more. I understand if you can’t, but…” I chewed on my lip, swallowing over my pride. Lawson had always been there to help me in any way possible. I didn’t want him to think I was using him. “We just need the extra money right now.”

  His eyebrows shot up. “I thought you were okay on money and that’s why you quit your job. Did something happen? You know I’ll help you in any way that I can.”

  “Well Conner’s not working right now, so….”

  “Oh,” his mouth dropped open in surprise but he quickly recovered, rubbing at the stubble on his chin. “I’m assuming you don’t want to go into detail?” I gave one quick nod and his shoulders sagged. “Well of course I can put you to work, Campbell. You’re brilliant at what you do, anyone can see that. Is Conner okay with this?”

  “Yes, we talked about.” And surprisingly, Connor had been okay with it. His mood swings had been dizzying, but apparently he was okay with Lawson now. I had been earning some trust back from him, even though I didn’t deserve it.

  “Well then, alright. You can help me out some more with Chase O’Neil, I actually just had a meeting with him yesterday.”

  My ears perked up, and I listened as Lawson went on and on about Chase. He was really excited about him and I loved seeing how energized he was about this side of the business. I wasn’t sure how he would handle being out of the band, I figured it would be a big adjustment, but this side of things seemed to suit him even more than the stardom. Lawson knew the ins and outs of the business, so I knew that he’d be the best person to represent Chase.