Losing Her

by Cori Williams

  “Campbell, answer me. What are you doing out here?”

  I shrugged my shoulders before picking up another rock, watching it tumble slowly down the hill after I sailed it through the air. “I don’t know. I just needed some time to clear my head. Everything’s just so confusing right now.”

  “I’m sorry about the other night,” he locked eyes with me and shook his head once. “I was a complete asshole, exactly like that dickhead of your husband and it was the last thing you deserved. I know you aren’t a whore, you’re anything but. I just got upset, thinking about you being with him. I don’t want to be second rate to you, Campbell.”

  “I know, Lawson and you don’t deserve that.” I pushed to my feet. “Not at all. So, I’m leaving Conner,” I added quietly and he stiffened, his mouth gaping open slightly.

  “You are? Since when?”

  “Since about five minutes ago.” I laughed dryly. “It’s been coming for a long time now. I’m just not happy anymore and I can’t keep living like this. I’ve tried to help him all I can and I just don’t have the energy anymore.”

  “I’ll help any way I can, just say the word.”

  “Lawson, just because I’m doing this, I’m not expecting you to be waiting for me with open arms, I’m doing this for me. I have to.”

  “And what if I was waiting with open arms?” he asked, smirking slightly. “Would you want to run straight into them? Because they’ve been waiting for you for a long time.”

  “I don’t know,” I bit back a smile. “I can’t really even think about that right now, just one thing at a time, right? I might need a place to stay for a night or two, strictly as friends,” I tacked on at the end.

  “Absolutely, anything you need, Cam. I’m right here. When are you going to tell him? I think someone needs to be there with you.”

  “No this is something I need to do by myself.”

  “No,” he demanded. “This is where I put my foot down, Campbell. I know how stubborn you are, but I’m not letting you do that. There’s no telling how he’ll react. He’s not going to be happy.”

  “I think he knows it’s coming,” I said quietly. “He’s been really depressed lately, in a funk I can’t get him out of. He barely looks at me anymore, he hasn’t said a word to me in days. He knows it’s coming and I think he’s coming to terms with it. I’ll be fine.”

  “I don’t like it, Campbell.” He shook his head and I sighed.

  “Well, I’m sorry but I need to do this on my own terms.

  “Fine. When are you doing it? I’ll expect you to call me at least within the hour.”

  I took a deep breath, shaking my head. “Always bossy, aren’t you? I’m going to do it tonight. I’ll call you later. I promise.”

  “Alright, well…do you need a ride home?”

  “No I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t want to hurt him anymore than I’m about to. He already thinks there’s something going on between us.”

  “He does? And he’s letting you work with me?”

  “Like I said, I think he’s known this was coming. He’s not going to fight me on it.” That was a lie, well I wouldn’t say a complete lie but I really didn’t know how Conner would react, but I was to the point of where I didn’t care. I had to do this by myself.

  “Well, okay then,” he scratched at his head. “I guess I’ll wait for your call and don’t think I won’t come over there if I don’t hear from you, Campbell.”

  “Trust me, I know you will,” I muttered, grinning at my toes. “Wish me luck,” I added with a light laugh, even though on the inside I was weighed down with everything going on in my life.

  Lawson nodded and I watched as he headed towards his truck, glancing over his shoulder at me the whole way, like he was afraid I’d disappear. I couldn’t imagine my life without Lawson, and maybe someday there would be something more between us. I could only hope, but for now I needed to take care of the current mess my life had become.

  Chapter 33

  Losing Her

  Lawson

  I LOOKED AT THE MESSAGE that she had sent me over a week ago.

  I haven’t told him yet. There’s some things we need to work out first. I’ll call you soon. I’m okay.

  I should’ve just gone straight there. Maybe he forced her to send that message, maybe I needed to go knock some sense into her head. I could see how much of a toll this was taking on her, mentally and physically. Her voluptuous curves that I’d loved about her since day one were slowly withering away. There were deep bags under her wide eyes that I wanted to wipe away, relieving her of some stress that wasn’t needed.

  But now Campbell wasn’t answering my calls—well that wasn’t right—she wasn’t answering her phone because her phone was no longer in service. I couldn’t get a hold of her. She wasn’t answering my emails. Something was wrong. Something was definitely wrong.

  I groaned when I once again got Tess’s voicemail, tossing my phone onto the passenger seat. I’d been trying to call her all morning to see if she’d heard from Campbell at all. Calling Colt was no use, him and Riley had left for a camping trip with the kids three days ago, and I’m sure wherever they were, they had zero reception. Tess had stayed behind to handle the clothing line she’d been working on. Why the hell isn’t she answering?

  I was trying to remain calm and level headed, but it was impossible. My mind was racing with all of the different possibilities. I should’ve gotten her out of the situation months ago but she was too damn stubborn, and I let her make that decision. If something had happened, I didn’t know what I would do, and if it was by the hands of that asshole…I would probably be in jail for the rest of my life.

  As soon as I pulled into the driveway, I could tell no one was home. The curtains were drawn and the drive was empty of any cars. It just felt empty, and a sinking feeling rumbled through my stomach. Something was off. I still ran straight for the door, pounding my fist on the worn wood, and jammed the other one against the doorbell, over and over again.

  “Campbell! Open up.” I yelled until my lungs were raw and aching. Frustration took over and I slammed my fist into the door, a soundly crack resonating before the pain radiated through my entire hand. “Fuck. God damn it.” My hand was on fire, but I couldn’t give myself time to feel the pain. I needed to figure something out. If she was in there, I was getting to her. I walked around the house, looking for an unlocked window or door, anyway to get inside. I paced back to the front door when I didn’t find a way. I guessed I’d have to make my own. I was just picking up a good sized rock when I heard heavy footsteps fall on the driveway, causing my head to whip around. I recognized Campbell’s elderly neighbor, coming at me with a raised fist. “What in the Sam Hill are you doing, son? What’s all that racket about?”

  I ignored his questions and met him halfway down the driveway, squeezing my fists at my sides. “Have you seen Campbell? I need to find her.”

  He squinted his eyes at me. “Well you’re not her husband, what do you want with the girl?” He asked in a slow drawl.

  “It doesn’t matter,” I blew out a breath, forcing my hands down so I didn’t grab at the old man’s throat and force him to tell me what he knew. “Have you seen her lately, sir?” I tacked on at the end, hoping that would squeeze some information out of him.

  “Well of course I have, they were out making more racket than you at about 11 o’clock last night.”

  “What?” I snapped. “What kind of racket?” my fists clenched. This old fucker better not have heard something happening to Campbell and not done anything about it.

  He shrugged his shoulders. “The moving truck of course, in and out, in and out of this house. I don’t think they were finished up until almost two in the morning, disrupted my whole sleeping schedule.”

  “Moving trucks? What?” My mind raced and now I was intent on getting inside that house. This couldn’t be happening. Did he force her to leave? Why didn’t she call me for help? Did he take her phone away? Was s
he safe? Was she unharmed? I didn’t know what that fucker was capable of—I didn’t want to know.

  “There’s a spare key under that rock,” the old man pointed to a large rock, and I quickly forget about the pain I wanted to put him in just moments ago. “Put it back when you’re done,” he threw over his shoulder. “Just don’t make any more racket, will ya?”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” I quickly grabbed the key and unlocked the front door, pacing from room after room. They were all the same.

  Empty.

  Empty.

  Empty.

  Every. Single. Room.

  I whipped out my phone, punching in Tess’s number. Straight to voicemail again. What the fuck Tess? I needed to talk to someone about this. I needed to figure out what to do. I needed someone to reassure me that everything was going to be okay when I couldn’t reassure myself of that very thing.

  She was gone.

  The reality slammed into me, full force.

  Campbell is gone.

  My heart clenched and then picked up speed, feeling like it was about to burst straight out of my chest. Panic was setting in as I felt all control slip away. I had never felt so helpless in my life.

  I shook my head, knowing that I was no quitter.

  I had to find her. I’d do anything to find her.

  “What the hell am I going to do?” I muttered out loud, kicking at a dirty rag that was left behind. I couldn’t live without Campbell, and I definitely couldn’t live without knowing that she was okay. I needed to do something. I’d find her, no matter what.

  Thinking about going to the police passed through my mind, but as quick it was there, it was gone. What would I have said? That the woman I was in love with had left with her husband and I needed to find her? She had never reported any of the abuse that Conner had put her through, probably thinking it was a waste of time since he himself was a cop after all. No, going to the police wasn’t an option, not right then, anyway. If I could have found some kind of proof that something bad had happened to her…not that I wanted to find that kind of proof, but it would have helped my case.

  Knowing that she left willingly hurt me more. Just days ago everything had seemed, to be looking brighter. She was going to leave Conner. I didn’t think she wanted to rush out of one relationship straight into another one with me, but I wasn’t going to give her much of a choice. I wanted her to be mine and only mine. Forever.

  Now, that forever seemed impossible.

  I pressed at my eyes, trying to think of what my next step would be. I didn’t know who to turn to or what to do. It was one of the first times in my life I felt completely helpless, and it hurt like hell. I should’ve protected her when I could have. I slammed the door behind me, before replacing the key under the rock. Walking through the grass to get to my truck, something made me stop and I looked down, noticing a piece of paper in the grass. I leaned down to pick it up, instantly recognizing Campbell’s handwriting scrawled across it.

  Lawson, I’m okay. We just needed a fresh start for our family. Please don’t look for me. I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you what you deserved. Someday you’ll find a girl who will take care of you and give you their whole heart.

  Cammie

  I read the note and reread it, again and again, until the words start to blur together and made no sense—really, they made no sense to begin with. She left willingly? In the middle of the night, without so much as a goodbye? And she didn’t want me to come after her? My heart felt like it had been ripped to shreds, courtesy of one simple piece of paper, a simple string of words strung together; but those words had more impact on me than anything ever had in my life. “She left a note,” I whispered “She’s gone. She doesn’t want me to look for her.”

  She was gone.

  And that was how I lost her

  That was how I lost part of my world.

  Epilogue

  “WHAT’S WRONG?”

  My hands shook as I clicked the mouse and numbly moved to the side so she could see what had my entire body trembling. The nightmare wasn’t over like I had believed. No, it had only just begun.

  “Oh my God…he’s…he’s alive? How? He was dead. I killed him. There was so much blood, how would he not be dead,” she muttered, shaking her head. “I thought I killed him.” Her body was shaking and I wrapped an arm around her shoulders, even though we were both in need of comfort right now. At least we had each other. “He was dead,” she whispered forcibly. I nodded silently, re-reading the words of the newspaper article over and over again, trying to make some sense out of it.

  For four years, we’d been on the run, fearing that someone would find us and put us away for what we had done—Leaving behind our entire lives that we once knew, living in constant fear, having to watch our backs constantly, never staying in one place for long, not saying too much to one person because we never knew what that person would say to who. It was completely exhausting. We’d taken over new identities; chopped off our hair and dyed it different shades, went by different names, took odd jobs that only paid cash—sometimes downright degrading jobs that I would’ve never wished upon anyone.

  And we were running for no reason.

  The thought infuriated me, making my blood burn in my veins and my hands shake with fury.

  He had re-married. The newspaper article was old, it mentioned something about some award that he had won, but I didn’t pay attention to that part, all I saw was that he was alive and he was married. The woman in the picture with him was beautiful, a warm smile on her face as she looked adoringly at the man who was a complete stranger to me. The man who I had been married to. I wondered how he got away with being married to two women since he hadn’t really died. All along he’d been alive, moving on with his life, while I remained in hiding because of him. It was so typical of him. He probably laughed every time he thought about me cowering away somewhere. I was right where he had always wanted me—afraid, scared, weak. I wonder if his new wife knew about me, or if she was completely naïve to who he really was. I knew without a doubt she would soon find out. A monster could only be in hiding for so long before his true self was exposed.

  “I have to do something.” I closed out of the story and shut my laptop, trying to push his face from my mind, only it wasn’t the happy go lucky one I saw in the picture—it was a face filled with rage, his fist raised in the air, inching closer and closer to me. My breathing increased, the fear that I hadn’t felt in so long was slowly setting in.

  “Did you hear me?” Her hand on my shoulder caused me to jump and I pressed a hand to my chest, trying to still my racing heart. I hadn’t been this jumpy in a long while. Sure we were on the run but we were far away from home. I don’t think anyone would be able to find us very easily here. But seeing him again—just a picture—had every sense heightened and at high alert.

  “What? No…I just….”

  “I know,” she interrupted, “It’s a lot to process. We thought he was dead and even though we’ve been on the run, or at least thought we have been, there was a weight lifted off your shoulders knowing that he couldn’t hurt you again. He’s not going to hurt you again though. He has no idea where we are.”

  But he probably does, I wanted to say. He was a smart, conniving man. He’d probably known where we were all along, he just figured he was better off without me—The feeling was very much mutual.

  “He can’t hurt you anymore.”

  I swallowed over the lump in my throat and tried to smile, but it was useless. He still had power over me and I hated it.

  “So do you think we can go home?” she pursed her lips, looking at me expectantly. I knew she missed her family. She sacrificed a lot by taking off with me, but at the time, we figured it was for the best, now…well, now everything had changed in the blink of an eye. I didn’t have a family to go back to. My only family had been my husband, and he made me not want to have a family ever again. I hated that he had turned my whole world black.

  “Yes,” I smi
led, reaching out to squeeze her hand. “You can go home. I don’t see why not. Obviously he never reported anything. Probably because they would’ve started questioning what happened to me and why I ran.”

  “But what about you? You’re not coming back?” She chewed on her bottom lip. “You can come stay with me. I’m sure…do you think they’ve been looking for me?” Her eyes pooled with tears and she blinked them away furiously.

  “Sweetie, of course they’ve been looking for you, every second of the day.” We tried to avoid big towns and people in general, and we were four states away from home, which is why we probably hadn’t seen anything in the news about our disappearance. It was probable that no one had been looking for me, but they would’ve been looking for her.

  “So should I just show up out of the blue, waving, ‘Hey guys, I’m back.’” She giggled, but one caught at the back of her throat and the tears started up again.

  “I don’t know. How ‘bout we figure things out in the morning?” I faked a yawn. “We should probably get to bed, I have a feeling our worlds are about to be turned upside down starting tomorrow.”

  I climbed into bed and she followed me, tucking herself into the side right next to me. This is how we’ve been living, taking oddball jobs, saving penny after penny to get by, one bed rooms at motels that accepted cash, all because of a lie. “Hey,” her muffled voice called from her pillow. “You never said what you were going to do? Are you going to come back with me? I really think you should. I don’t want you on the road all by yourself.”