A Very Crimson Christmas (Crimson, Colorado 4)

by Michelle Major

  Glancing at Austin, Natalie forced herself to nod. “Thank you.”

  “I wish I could stay with you.” Katie glanced over her shoulder. “But one of the girls called in sick and we’ve been busy all day. I can barely keep up.” She turned to Austin. “How are you at boxing up cookies?”

  He straightened. “I’ve never tried, but I bet I could be good.”

  “I bet you could, too,” Katie agreed. “Can I borrow your son for about twenty minutes, Nat? I’ve got a couple of last-minute orders going out tonight.”

  “Sure.” Natalie picked up a fork. “I’ll be here with my cake.”

  Austin stood to go with Katie and placed his backpack on the empty seat. Natalie couldn’t help but reach out and give him a quick hug as he left.

  “It’s okay, Mom. Grandma just gets excited sometimes.”

  His show of understanding made her insides ache. “You’re the best, bud,” she managed and watched him follow Katie into the back of the shop.

  She let her chin fall to her chest, closed her eyes and concentrated on regulating her breathing. It was the same way she’d recentered herself from the time she was little and her mom would scream and yell about the horrors of the world outside Crimson. It had been a long time since she’d been on the receiving end of that toxic energy and it drained her.

  At some point, she felt Liam take her hand in his. The pad of his thumb circled the sensitive skin on the inside of her palm. She almost pulled away, used to being alone in the aftermath of one of her mother’s rants.

  “So that just happened,” she said quietly.

  “I didn’t realize it was so bad with her,” he answered.

  She glanced up, wiping away the tears she could feel clinging to her lashes with the sleeve of her coat. She would not cry, especially in front of him. “She’s actually better than she used to be.” She drew her hand away from his, not sure if she’d be able to get through this conversation while he was touching her. “She’s had anxiety since I can remember, but it hit a high point in high school. She had about six months of full-blown agoraphobia when she wasn’t able to leave the condo, even to get the mail or go to the grocery. I tried to convince her to see a therapist, but she didn’t want anyone to know. Lou Bristol, who owns The Tavern, was nice enough to hold her job for her and eventually—when the money ran out—she got okay enough to go back to work.”

  “And you were taking care of her?”

  “It was no accident I never invited friends over to my house,” she said, trying to make a joke.

  Liam didn’t smile. “She fed you that garbage about the dangers of the big, bad world the whole time you were growing up?”

  “I’m just glad the internet wasn’t popular back then. Her ability to find photos of horrific plane crashes and images from natural disasters is kind of freaky.”

  “I’m not judging you for her behavior, but it had to be a burden.”

  “Most people don’t know. She hides it behind her crusty attitude toward outsiders. I hide it with...everything I am.” She clapped a hand over her mouth, aware of the vulnerability that statement revealed.

  Liam only nodded. “I get that, too. Most people think my parents sent me to boarding school because that’s where the offspring of families with wealth and privilege went. No one understands it was because my mother and father couldn’t stand to have me around.”

  “That couldn’t be the—”

  “It’s the truth,” he interrupted. “Only Ruth knows, and now you.”

  His gaze locked on hers, wary and waiting. All she said was, “You didn’t deserve that.”

  “It’s part of why I never came to see Ruth after college. I felt like such a sellout, going to work for my dad after the way he’d treated me. I was embarrassed that I still wanted his approval and couldn’t stand the thought that Ruth might call me out on my cowardice.”

  “She loves you, Liam. All she ever wanted was your happiness.”

  His chin hitched, acknowledging the words but putting an effective end to his sharing. She understood the need to reveal himself in bite-size pieces. It made the hurt more palatable. “What about your mom and Austin?” he asked.

  “He’s never alone with her.” Natalie took a bite of cake, lifted it halfway to her mouth then set down the fork again. “She actually manages quite well these days. She has a route she takes between the condo, the grocery and the bar. It’s like Crimson is her own mental biosphere. She feels safe as long as she sticks to the routine.” She sighed. “Entering the bakery probably threw her off, then when Austin mentioned traveling...well, she’s never had a meltdown like that in front of him.”

  “Are you making excuses for her?” Liam’s voice was disbelieving. “She’s got real problems, Nat.”

  “She’s my mother, Liam. You think I don’t know her issues?”

  “Which explains a lot about your issues.”

  She bristled, hating to be called out on something she couldn’t seem to change. “So I stay in one place. Are roots that are too deep better than no roots at all? We may have different ways of insulating ourselves from pain, Liam, but the result is the same.” She sucked in a breath, forced herself to look him in the eye. “We remain alone.”

  He gave a hard shake of his head. “I don’t want that anymore. I want to let people in. I want to let you in, Natalie.”

  “I’m not sure I can do that,” she whispered. “I don’t think I know how.”

  “One step,” he told her, taking her hand again and brushing his mouth across her knuckles. “One step at a time. At least tell me you’ll try while I’m here.”

  Could she do it? Could she make herself vulnerable to this man again? Risk being hurt? She knew it would take total honesty, revealing everything to him. They couldn’t move forward without that. But right now she just wanted to enjoy the moment, the bright warmth of possibility rising up inside her. “Maybe it’s time for a Christmas miracle.”

  She cupped his face in her hands and leaned forward, pressing her lips to his and refusing to care who might see her.

  “That’s a hell of a start,” he said when she sat back.

  She winked at him, feeling flirty and light for the first time in years. “We’ve got to start someplace.”

  * * *

  “This was a mistake,” Liam mumbled as he parked in front of the main house at Crimson Ranch.

  Austin jumped out of the backseat, slammed the door behind him and ran up the steps to the big ranch house.

  “What’s wrong?” Natalie asked, placing her hand over his on the console. “Logan invited you himself.”

  “Dealing with one brother, even the biggest one, is different than having to face them all at the same time. Hey, guys,” he said in a singsong voice, “sorry about your sister dying in my arms.”

  “Liam,” she whispered, shifting to take his face between her hands. “Beth’s death was an accident. Not your fault. No one’s fault.”

  “I held that girl as she died, Nat.”

  “I can’t imagine how awful that was. None of us can. I also can’t imagine how Josh, Jake and Logan dealt with losing their sister.” Her cool fingers felt like heaven on his overheated skin. “But they did. One day at a time. With baby steps.”

  He drew in a breath, letting the scent of her in the closed space of the truck’s cab wash over him, cleanse the dark places inside him. “This feels like a long jump versus a baby step.”

  “I’ll be with you the whole way.” She leaned in even more and kissed him.

  Too soon she drew back and opened her car door. “You ready?”

  Ready to wrap his arms around her? Hell, yes. But he nodded and climbed out of the SUV.

  The house was alight, warm and cheery with boughs of holly and ropes of pine garland strung throughout. This is Christmas, he though
t, as Natalie led him to where voices could be heard in the back half of the house. They walked into an open family room and kitchen, a huge tree situated in front of the picture window. Stockings were hung off the mantel by the fireplace and the words from the popular holiday song popped into his head. There was no doubt those stockings had been hung with care. The big ranch house was literally bursting with love and cheer, so much so it made his teeth hurt.

  One day at a time. The Travers brothers had rebuilt their lives one day at a time. It seemed almost impossible that he could ever get to this point. He knew he didn’t belong here, in the midst of so much happiness. But true to her word, Natalie stayed by his side. She laced her fingers with his as the couples sitting around the tree turned.

  “Natalie,” a tall blonde squealed, walking from the kitchen to where they stood. “It’s so good to see you.”

  Liam recognized her as Sara Wellens, the movie actress who’d just recently made a comeback in Hollywood. She also happened to be married to Josh, the middle Travers brother, and helped him run this guest ranch when she wasn’t on a movie set. Her steps faltered for a moment as she noticed Natalie’s hand in Liam’s. Then her smile widened. She wrapped Natalie in a tight hug while Liam watched.

  “I’ve been gone a couple of weeks filming,” she said, looking at Liam over Natalie’s shoulders. “I miss my girlfriends when I’m gone.”

  “But not as much as she misses her husband,” Josh called as he stood from the couch.

  “You must be Liam,” Sara said, holding out her hand. “I’ve heard all about you.”

  His stomach plummeted to the floor. “I shouldn’t—”

  “From what I understand your company is going to put Crimson on the map. Everyone in town is really excited to have you here.”

  “You might be giving Sara a run for her money as the local celebrity,” Josh said as he joined their group. He held out a hand and Liam shook it, dumbfounded. He’d been so sure he was going to receive the cold shoulder from the other Travers brothers, at least until he apologized for what had happened to their sister.

  “I’m happy to transfer the limelight to Liam,” Sara said. “You be the star, Mr. Donovan.”

  “You’ll always be my star, darlin’,” Josh said, drawing his arm around Sara’s shoulders.

  “Join the party, you two.” Sara motioned to the group in front of the fireplace.

  “What can I get you to drink?” Josh asked.

  “A beer,” Liam answered. His throat felt as dry as sandpaper.

  “Can you whip up one of those holiday cocktails for Natalie?” Sara asked, expertly batting her eyelashes at her husband.

  “Of course.”

  “I’m okay with water,” Natalie answered.

  “One cocktail. It’s frozen and strawberry.” Sara wiggled her hips. “Guaranteed to put you in the holiday spirit.”

  Liam squeezed Natalie’s fingers.

  “One cocktail,” she said after a moment.

  Sara clapped her hands and pushed Josh toward the kitchen.

  Natalie led Liam forward, introducing him to Olivia’s half sister Millie, who was married to the oldest Travers brother, Jake. Jake had been in college when the accident occurred so Liam had never met him. He was the tallest of the three brothers, blond and lean. He also seemed the most serious. Liam knew he was a doctor and had moved back to Crimson last year.

  Just as they shook hands a little girl ran up to Jake, pulling on his navy sweater. “Daddy, Daddy, I found a pair of reindeer ears under the tree.” She held out a headband with two felt ears sticking up from it. “Now we can both have antlers.” The girl patted her own head that had similar ears sprouting out of it.

  “This is my daughter, Brooke,” Jake told Liam, straightening the girl’s ears.

  “Brooke, say hello to Mr. Donovan. He’s a friend of Miss Natalie’s.”

  “Hello, Mr. Donovan,” she said in a soft, sweet voice. “I can try to find you some reindeer ears, too.”

  Liam almost laughed. “I don’t think—”

  He stopped when Jake cleared his throat. He looked over and was surprised to see the man sporting the reindeer antlers. Jake arched a brow, as if daring him to comment. Liam looked back at Brooke. “Sure. I’ll take a pair of reindeer ears.”

  The girl gave him a bright smile. “Be right back,” she said and disappeared again.

  “Nice antlers,” Josh said, joining them and handing Liam a beer.

  He took a long pull on it.

  “Be careful,” Jake said quietly, “I’ve got a big red nose hidden in my pocket. One more crack about my ears and you’ll be playing Rudolph tonight.”

  Liam choked out a laugh, trying hard not to spit out his beer as he did. When Josh leveled a look at him, Liam held up one hand. “I’m just waiting for my ears.”

  “Smart man,” Jake confirmed, and Liam relaxed a little. Somehow being game for his daughter’s whims had smoothed the way with Jake Travers. Liam would wear the ears and nose if that’s what it took.

  “Is there anything you won’t force the rest of us to endure to make Brooke happy?” Josh asked.

  Jake pretended to think about it for a moment, then a grin split his face. “Nope.”

  “Are you close with your dad?” Josh turned to Liam, suddenly serious.

  Normally Liam would give someone an ambiguous answer to that question. Maybe it was the beer or the general atmosphere at Crimson Ranch, but he found himself telling the truth instead. “We haven’t spoken since I walked away from Donovan Enterprises. He’s tried to reach out recently, but only because he wants to acquire LifeMap before the software launches. He’s never had much use for me. That’s how I ended up with Ruth in high school.” He clamped his mouth shut, having given these two almost strangers more insight into his relationship with his father than he had to anyone in a long time.

  Neither looked shocked. “Just remember to learn from that dysfunction when it comes time for you to be a father yourself,” Josh told him.

  Jake smiled. “What he’s saying is don’t be the same sort of jerk your father is. Do better. It’s a big lesson.”

  Liam’s gaze tracked to Natalie, standing near the dining room table with Sara and Olivia, before he forced it back to Josh. “I’m not—”

  “Right,” Jake said with a laugh, clapping a hand on Liam’s shoulder. “We’ve all made that denial.”

  “Good luck,” Josh added.

  Liam shook his head. “Is this the part where you warn me that if I hurt her I’ll have to answer to you?”

  Josh tipped back his head and laughed. “We don’t have to. If Natalie gets hurt, there won’t be anything left for us once the women are done with you.”

  “Don’t worry,” Jake said. “If Josh, Logan and I can figure it out, you should have no problem.”

  Liam didn’t know how to answer. He’d expected judgment and blame, but each of the brothers was welcoming in their own way.

  A gust of cool air blew into the room as Logan opened the French doors that led to the patio. “The fire pit is ready,” he announced, rubbing together his gloved hands.

  “S’mores!” Austin yelled, jumping up from where he sat next to a teenage girl on the couch.

  Jake’s daughter ran in from the kitchen, her arms full of supplies. “I’ve got the marsh-smellows and chocolate,” she cried.

  “Slow down, Brookie-cookie,” Jake said, catching her in his arms as she went past. “No running near the fire.”

  “You better come supra-vise me, Daddy.”

  “Only if you give me first dibs on the marshmallows,” Jake said, carrying her toward the patio.

  “No way,” she said with a laugh.

  Liam watched as everyone drifted out the back door.

  Natalie held out her hand to him. “You ca
n’t say no to s’mores,” she told him, crooking a finger in his direction.

  The way he felt now, he couldn’t say no to anything that involved her. Her eyes danced as he walked toward her, her cheeks alight with color. Maybe it was from the drink she’d had, but he liked to believe it had more to do with him—with them together.

  She’d come to him late last night, after she’d finished work on her jewelry. He’d stayed awake as long as he could, debating whether to go down to her workshop when he’d heard her enter after putting Austin to bed. In the end, he’d decided against it. He knew the scene with her mother at the bakery had been difficult, and he didn’t want to push her for more than she was able to give. He’d done that ten years ago and ended up losing her. Patience, he’d told himself. Baby steps. So he’d taken a cold shower and finally drifted off to sleep.

  Only to wake up to Natalie’s warm body sliding under the covers next to him, kissing him awake. The whole thing had been like a dream, the feel of her skin against his body, the scent of her shampoo and lotion surrounding him. He hadn’t spoken, too afraid of breaking the spell. It had been enough to slip his hands under her sweater, to peel off her clothes and his own boxers before grabbing a condom from the nightstand and moving inside her.

  “You’re prepared,” she’d whispered on a soft moan.

  “Hopeful,” he corrected, and she’d laughed into the base of his throat.

  It was so easy, the two of them together in the intimacy of that moment. Moving with her, desire building as he touched her, made him forget everything else. The walls they both still hid behind, the things he wasn’t willing to say to her, didn’t want to ask her in return. All that fell away as he held her.

  He had to choose whether to stay in Crimson and make it not only his home but headquarters for his company. Put the past behind him and go forward into a future he hadn’t imagined.

  “It’s not that big of a decision.”

  Natalie’s voice broke through his thoughts. She watched him from the doorway to the patio, an unsure smile on her face. She was talking about s’mores, unaware of the sliding slope his doubts created in his own mind. One step at a time, he reminded himself, and headed toward her.