A Very Crimson Christmas (Crimson, Colorado 4)

by Michelle Major

  “She didn’t know anything about me giving money to Brad,” Ruth continued. “He’s right, I contacted him. I chose to give him the money. You put it in my bank account, and I have a right to spend it however I want.” She put a hand on Natalie’s shoulder. “Someone had to protect her.”

  “Tell me how this happened,” he said to Natalie. “The whole story.”

  She straightened before answering, as if refusing to be on her knees in front of him. Despite the fury that pounded through him, he admired her for that.

  The explanation she gave him was long and complex, detailing the early days of her marriage to Brad traveling for work to the debt and manipulation that followed.

  “Why did you marry him in the first place?” he interrupted at one point, unable to believe the woman he knew would commit herself to a guy like Brad Holt. Or maybe it was just his ego that needed soothing since she’d married Brad within a year of rejecting Liam.

  “Because I had to get away from my mother, and marriage seemed like my best chance,” she answered, no emotion in her tone. “I didn’t particularly care who was standing on the other side of the aisle at that point. You’d left, breaking my heart in the process. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to love someone again, so what did it matter?”

  The vulnerability of what she revealed wrecked him. He’d cast himself as the wronged party in their breakup. She’d moved on with life, married another man. Now he saw it in a new light, that she’d run away just like he had, only she’d done it in a different way.

  “You see, Liam?” Ruth said, wiping away tears. “I had to help her.”

  “No,” Natalie said, her cheeks now dry. “This is my mess, and I shouldn’t have confided in you, Ruth. Liam’s right. You’re my patient and I took advantage of that relationship.”

  Ruth huffed out a breath. “I was your friend before I hired you, and that never changed. You’re a good girl. You work your fanny off and everyone knows it.” She stood, giving Natalie a hug and whispering something in her ear that brought a ghost of a smile to Nat’s pale face. Then she turned her attention to Liam. “What use is having money if I can’t use it to help a friend in need?”

  He pressed his lips together, reminding himself that wasn’t the point. It would do no good to argue with Ruth.

  She wrapped her thin arms around his middle. “You are the son I never had, Liam. I love you and it lit up my life to watch you grow. I appreciate how you take care of me now, and I’m glad you’re back in Crimson, even if this mess is what brought you here. Don’t throw away happiness because it doesn’t come wrapped in a shiny package. Some of the best things in life have a little bite to them.” She looked between the two of them. “This old lady’s going to bed now. You two work things out. I hated watching you break apart ten years ago. It would be no different now.”

  Natalie nodded, but kept her eyes to the ground.

  “I’ll move out tomorrow morning,” Natalie said into the silence that stretched between them as Ruth left the room.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” His heart felt as though it was shrinking with every moment that passed. “Everything we shared over the past weeks didn’t matter to you. You threw us away. Again.”

  Her eyes crashed into his, suddenly furious. “What exactly did I throw away, Liam? When were you planning to reveal that you’d practically committed to moving LifeMap to Vermont? You never planned to stay in Crimson. I was a detour on your path to more success, just like ten years ago.”

  “It wasn’t a done deal,” he muttered, but that wasn’t the point, either. “I wanted a reason to change my mind, Natalie. I wanted you to be that reason.”

  * * *

  She sighed and like a hole in a balloon, all the fight deflated out of her. It did no good to replay the last month over and over, to try to see a way she could have avoided this ending. It felt like her predetermined destiny. “I was never going to be the person you want me to be, Liam. It’s like Ruth said, life is messy. I’m messy. I’ve got fears and troubles and it’s what makes me who I am. I know who you are. You’re the guy who walks away when things don’t come easy.” Kneeling once again, she began to pick up the pieces of the lamp that had fallen from an end table and shattered across the floor. “This was never going to be easy. So, yeah, I kept the secret. I should have told you that I suspected Ruth was involved in some way.”

  “Ten thousand dollars is a lot of ways, Nat.”

  She sat back on her heels, pointed a section of broken glass at him. “I swear I didn’t know. I asked her, and when she denied it, I believed her. I wanted to believe her so I didn’t push too hard. Just like you wanted to believe in me. We both learned a lesson. No Christmas miracles in Crimson this season. But I will pay her back, and I’ll make sure Brad stays away from her. I’ll stay away if that’s what you want me to do.”

  “She won’t let that happen.” He blew out a breath. “She loves you and Austin too much.”

  “I know you want what’s best for her.”

  “What’s best is for me to leave town. Everyone was doing just fine before I came back.”

  No, she wanted to tell him.

  Not me. I was dead inside and you brought me back to life.

  Again.

  But she didn’t say those words, would not beg him to stay like she’d done a decade earlier. No one could fix the broken parts of her life, the ones that came from inside her. Not Liam with his confidence and power, not Ruth with her money. If Natalie was going to put her life on track, she needed to do it herself. Stop living in fear’s shadow and step out into the light.

  “What about your company?”

  “You were right, Vermont is basically a done deal. Maybe I was willing to give Crimson a chance, but that isn’t going to happen—”

  “Because of me.” She stood, throwing the larger pieces of glass into the trash can.

  “Don’t worry, Nat. I’ll be the villain in the story, just like before. I’ll leave and everyone in town can talk about how I led them on, gave them false hope.” He paused, ran his fingers through his hair then added, “Then ran away. Apparently it’s what I do.”

  “Liam—”

  He held up a hand, cut her off. “I’ll come by tomorrow to say goodbye to Ruth. I’d appreciate it if you weren’t here when I did.”

  The words stung, but Natalie hid the hurt. She nodded, kept her voice even when she answered. “If that’s what you want.”

  For just a moment she saw both pain and love swirling in his gray eyes, fighting to see which emotion would come out on top. Then he blinked, shuttering his gaze, and he was a blank canvas, a stranger in front of her despite all they’d shared. “You made what I want irrelevant with your lies,” he said before walking away.

  She stared after him, rooted to one spot on the floor. The ice in his words began to blanket her heart, freezing her emotions once more. The front door slammed and a minute later the headlights from his SUV shone through the window before disappearing again. He was gone.

  And she was alone, with no one but herself to blame.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The town square was deserted the next morning when Liam parked at the curb. The sun hadn’t yet risen and everything looked frozen and still in the predawn light. A few pieces of trash blew across the street in the icy wind. Another snowfall was on the way, he could smell it in the air. Definitely time to get out of town if he was starting to predict the weather with his nose. He had an app for that.

  It was hard to imagine the happiness of last night now when his heart felt like a lead weight in his chest. In a few hours, downtown would be bustling again with last-minute shoppers and families out to enjoy the holiday spirit. Not Liam. His plan was to be gone by noon, heading back east where he could pretend to be living the life he wanted.

  He pushed through the door to
Jason Crenshaw’s law office. Jase turned from where he stood behind the empty receptionist’s desk and held up a pot of steaming coffee.

  “Katie’s bakery is about to open,” he said with a smile. “You sure you don’t want to head down there? I make terrible coffee.”

  “I’ll take terrible.” Liam pulled the knit cap off his head and stuffed it into his pocket. “I’m on a time crunch this morning.”

  Jase nodded, adjusting the collar on his casual flannel shirt. He poured coffee into a mug that read Have No Fear... The Attorney Is Here. “Last-minute Christmas shopping?” He handed the mug to Liam.

  “I’ve got a flight leaving Aspen this afternoon.”

  He sensed the change in Jase, a stiffening of the other man’s shoulders, as if he was already bracing himself for bad news. “Come on back, then.” He led Liam into an office that looked like nothing had been put away for years. File cabinets lined the wall but stacks of cream-colored file folders sat in front of every one, some so high it would take only a wisp of a breeze to send them toppling.

  “It’s organized chaos,” Jase said, taking a seat behind a large mahogany desk that was surprisingly tidy in comparison to the rest of the office.

  “You lose your secretary?”

  “I’ve lost three secretaries,” Jase admitted with a sigh. “There’s something in the water around here. Everyone I hire ends up pregnant.” He laughed when Liam’s brows rose. “Not by me.”

  “Another reason I’m holding on to Tanner. He’s not going to get pregnant anytime soon.”

  Jase leaned back in his chair. “I’m guessing you didn’t pull me out of bed before sunrise to critique my office decor.”

  Liam took a drink of coffee, his throat like sandpaper, then winced.

  “Told you it was terrible,” Jase muttered.

  “LifeMap is going to Vermont.”

  “Feel free to beat around the bush next time.” Jase put down his coffee, leaned forward as if he needed to catch his breath after being sucker punched.

  “I’m sorry,” Liam said, knowing how inadequate those two words sounded. “The official press release with the announcement will go out right after Christmas. I wanted you to hear it from me first.”

  “Is there anything I can do to change your mind?”

  “No. Crimson isn’t the right fit for the company. For me.”

  Jase glanced up. “Really? Because I didn’t get that from you last night.”

  “Today isn’t last night.”

  “Right. That statement might be deep and profound, but I’m too caffeine deprived to tell. If there’s anything that will make a difference going forward, I’m still in the game. If not, best of luck in Vermont.” He scrubbed his hands over his face, took a long swallow of coffee and cringed. “That’s worse than usual. Seriously, let’s head over to Life Is Sweet. The bear claws will be warm this early.”

  Liam’s jaw dropped. “Are you for real? I just told you my million-dollar company has rejected Crimson. You’re running for mayor next year.”

  “I was planning to run before you got to town, so you leaving won’t derail me. Maybe this will hurt my chances, but that’s my problem, not yours.” Jase stood, gazed into his cup for a moment. “How can coffee be so difficult to get right?”

  “You’re missing the part where you yell at me, threaten to run me out of town for leading you on, tell me I’ve abused my wealth and power.”

  “Liam.” Jase shook his head, walked around the desk. “I think you just took care of that yourself. Am I upset that you’re not headquartering here? Yes. Will life go on? Hell, yes. Crimson is a great town. Whether or not it’s right for you doesn’t change that.”

  “But why are you inviting me to the bakery?”

  “Because...” Jase walked past Liam to the receptionist area, grabbing a performance jacket from a hook near the door. “I’m hungry and I need caffeine. We are not splitting the atom here, man.”

  Liam stood in the doorway between the two rooms as Jase turned. “Oh, wait. I get it. You think I won’t want to hang out since you’ve kicked Crimson to the curb?”

  “In a word...yes.”

  “I can’t decide if you think so little of me or yourself.” He opened the door to his office and sunlight streamed in as morning dawned. “I do know that Katie’s going to be swamped in about fifteen minutes, and if I miss out on a bear claw because of your existential crisis, we will have words.”

  “Existential crisis,” Liam repeated with a laugh, following Jase out the door. “Is that what this is?”

  “Your business, not mine.” Jase waved to a handful of people, volunteers it looked like to Liam, who’d begun sweeping and straightening around the square. “I’m a simple guy.”

  “Then I take it you don’t have a girlfriend?”

  “Nothing about women is simple.”

  “No doubt.”

  “How does Natalie feel about you leaving? It seemed like you two were getting close again.”

  “I’m not sure either of us really knows how to let someone get close.”

  “More deep thoughts.” Jase rubbed his temple. “I need caffeine before I can go there.” Just as they got to the bakery, he stopped and turned. “Natalie has had a hard time of it the past few years. It’s not easy for her to trust people, to let anyone help. I think she is so used to taking care of things herself with the problems her mom’s had.”

  “You know her pretty well.”

  Jase shrugged. “We grew up in the same area of town, and I was her attorney for the divorce.”

  Liam opened his mouth, but Jase held up a hand. “Attorney/client privilege prevents me from saying any more than that about Brad Holt or all the reasons he didn’t deserve her. But I can tell you she’s special, although you must know that already.”

  Liam looked away from Jase, down the street to the mountain that shadowed the town. One word was inadequate to describe all the things that made Natalie precious to him, made it so hard to walk away.

  “She’s a cactus,” Jase continued, clearly warming to his topic. Sounding more as if he was giving a closing argument with every word. “A prickly pear on the surface, thorny and thick-skinned, but inside full of delicate sweetness.”

  Liam rolled his eyes, even as he had to admit the image fit. “Delicate sweetness? Who’s getting existential now?”

  A wide grin split Jase’s face. “I know, man. Wait until I down that first cup of coffee. I’ll get going for real then. Are you positive you have to leave town today? Christmas is right around the corner, and I’m sure it would mean a lot to Ruth to have you here.”

  A part of Liam wanted to stay, the young boy who had loved Christmas once upon a time. But the man he’d become knew he had to go, that if he stayed here longer it would only lead to more pain. He’d had quite enough hurt, both giving and receiving, to last a lifetime. Maybe he wanted to fool himself into thinking he’d changed, but he hadn’t. He was the person he’d always been and what he did best was leave. Why wait?

  “One more cup of coffee,” he told Jase. “Then I’m out of here.”

  * * *

  Natalie peeked around the corner of the bedroom and saw Ruth napping in her bed. Late afternoon light filtered through the sheer curtains at the window, bright despite the cold temperature outside. The older woman seemed peaceful but as she looked closer, she noticed dried tears tracked down her cheeks. Her throat tightened at the sight. It had only been two days since Liam had left Crimson. Natalie had kept herself extra busy during that time, which wasn’t difficult right before Christmas. She and Ruth hadn’t talked about Liam’s departure, but she knew the older woman’s heart was breaking as much as her own. It was simple to blame herself for their sadness.

  She must have made a noise because Ruth stirred, her eyes opening. “Natalie,” she whispe
red. “You’re crying.”

  “No.” Natalie wiped the back of her sleeve across her runny nose. “I don’t cry, Ruth. I’ve told you that before.”

  “Come here.” Ruth patted her hand on the quilt.

  Natalie shook her head. “You can’t want me here after what I did. I...made him go. This is all my fault.” She realized her voice was shaking and she felt her knees start to give way.

  “Please come here.”

  Natalie stumbled forward. Sobs wracking her body, she fell onto the bed next to Ruth, curled into the woman. Now that she’d unleashed the tears, they wouldn’t stop. She cried for all the mistakes she’d made, all the things she’d tried to repair but couldn’t because she was too broken herself to even know where to begin. They were big sloppy tears and there were so many—years’ and years’ worth.

  Ruth rubbed a gentle hand against her back, shushed and soothed her.

  “Why couldn’t you ha-ave be-en my mom?” Natalie asked on a choked cry. “Maybe then I wouldn’t have turned out so messed up.”

  “You’re doing the best you can,” Ruth murmured. “You always have. You’re a good mother and a great nurse. You have friends who love you and an amazing son. From what I can see, you turned out just fine.”

  “But I don’t have Liam.” Natalie’s voice broke as she spoke his name. “I pushed him away. I let him go.” She tried to focus through her tears. “I ruined your Christmas, and he wanted to make this one the best ever.”

  “You didn’t ruin anything. Yes, I’m sad that Liam’s gone. But I believe he’ll come back. This is his home. I know that in my heart, and I can only hope that his will lead him here again.”

  “He won’t.” Natalie hiccupped, took the tissue Ruth handed her. “I should have begged him to stay. I wanted to, but I’m too much of a coward. There is so much fear inside me, Ruth, I feel like it’s eating away at me from the inside out. What if I turn into my mother?”