A Very Crimson Christmas (Crimson, Colorado 4)

by Michelle Major

  “Sweetie, that’s not going to happen. You’ve hit some major speed bumps in life. But you’ll get through it.”

  “Alone. Always alone. And someday Austin is going to grow up and leave, and I’ll be alone again.” She blew her nose into the tissue. “I’m sorry, that sounds ridiculous. I’ve been hiding so much for so long, it feels like I can’t live any other way.”

  “Change is difficult for all of us,” Ruth said gently, then took a deep breath. “I’m moving out of the farmhouse.”

  Natalie blinked, then sat up on the bed. “But you love it here. This is your home.”

  “It has been for many years,” Ruth agreed. “But I can’t ignore the fact any longer that it’s too much for me to be out here on my own, even with your help. My mind and my body...they aren’t what they used to be. Evergreen is a good facility. I have friends there. It’s time for my next chapter.”

  “When?”

  “After the holidays. One more Christmas here. You and Austin can stay as long as you like. It will be a lot of work to clean out this place before it’s ready to go on the market. I’m not in any hurry to sell it.” Her smile was wistful. “Baby steps.”

  Natalie thought about using those same words with Liam. “You are the bravest person I know.” She leaned forward, kissed Ruth’s wrinkled cheek. “I’m going to pay back the money you gave Brad,” she said suddenly. She and Ruth hadn’t talked any more about that revelation, but Natalie no longer wanted to avoid the hard truths of her life.

  “I gave him that money freely,” Ruth answered. “Although I see now that it was a mistake. Not to support you, but to encourage him in thinking there would be more. I thought he would leave you alone if I paid him enough.”

  “You’ll never know how much it means to me that you did that, but Brad isn’t your responsibility.” She dabbed at her eyes with the corner of the tissue. “He isn’t mine anymore, either. I talked to Jase and met with the sheriff about what’s been going on. There’s not much they can do about the money Brad already has, but I have backup now if he comes looking for more. I told Brad that I’m filing a petition for sole custody. There’s nothing he can do to me anymore. Nothing I will let him do.”

  “How did he take this news?”

  “He yelled and made threats, all of which Jase recorded. Then he cried and begged and when that didn’t work, he told me exactly what he thought of Crimson and me. It wasn’t pretty.”

  “I’m sorry, Natalie.”

  She shrugged, realizing that for all the poison her ex-husband had thrown at her, his words hadn’t really touched her. “He’d invited my mom to the meeting for moral support, so the one positive was that she got to see his true nature. I don’t know if that will change her feelings about him in the long run, but at least there’s hope.”

  “There’s always hope,” Ruth agreed with a nod. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand. “I’m done napping. I need to get ready for the pageant tonight. How is Austin doing?”

  “He is confused and sad that his dad won’t be here for the pageant, but we’re lucky to have so many people who love him. You top that list. You’re family to him—to both of us.”

  “That goes both ways, sweetie, and I can’t wait to see him perform.”

  Natalie climbed off the bed, held out a hand to Ruth to help her stand.

  “I remember one year when Liam had the lead in the Christmas play at school.” She tapped a finger on her chin. “He must have been around Austin’s age, maybe third grade. He was Rudolph.”

  “He played a reindeer?” Natalie laughed at the thought.

  “Complete with a red foam nose and papier-mâché antlers. He worked on those for hours and was so proud.” Ruth suddenly looked sad. “His parents didn’t show up that night. They missed the whole thing, sent their driver to record it so they could watch it later.”

  “How awful,” Natalie murmured. Her heart broke at the thought of how Liam must have felt as a boy. “Liam must have been devastated.”

  Ruth nodded. “We watched him glancing out to the audience during the play, looking for them. He acted as if he didn’t care, but it hurt him badly. After that he started getting into trouble. They couldn’t ignore the regular summons to the principal’s office. I think it was the only way he knew to get their attention.”

  Austin ran into the room at that moment. “Mom, I need to get to the school. I don’t want to be late.”

  Natalie reached out and pulled her son into a tight hug. “We’ll leave in a few minutes. I love you, buddy.”

  “You, too, Mom.”

  They got ready and drove to the school. The parking lot was almost full. It was a beautiful night, crisp and clear. Natalie dropped off Austin with his class, then walked with Ruth to the auditorium. There was so much excitement in the air, she could literally feel the love from the families, the holiday spirit. Again, her thoughts strayed to Liam, to a young boy looking for his parents and not finding them.

  Her friends already had seats near the stage. Olivia and Logan sat with Millie and Jake and Jake’s young daughter, Brooke.

  “Is Austin going to sing loud?” Brooke asked as Natalie and Ruth joined them. “Can I clap for him?”

  “Of course you can,” Natalie answered, her heart swelling. This was what it meant to be loved, to grow up surrounded by people who helped you know you mattered. Everyone should know this feeling, and she realized she’d been keeping the people in her life at arm’s length because of her own fear. She no longer wanted to be alone. She was ready to sail away from the emotional island she’d marooned herself on for so many years.

  “Nat, it’s about to start.” Olivia tugged on her sleeve. “Are you going to sit down?”

  She dropped into the chair next to her friend as the lights went down in the auditorium. “I have a favor to ask you,” she whispered to Olivia. “Can you help me with something? I’ll explain it after the pageant.”

  “Whatever you need,” Olivia answered, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze.

  The curtain opened, the elementary school band played and the kids started the first stanza of “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” Austin met her gaze, gave a little wave as he sang. Natalie’s heart sang along with him.

  This, she thought, is going to be the best Christmas ever for all of them. She would make sure of that.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Liam buttoned up his overcoat as he walked out onto the sidewalk into the biting Chicago cold. A damp wind whipped off the lake, seeping into his bones and the gray sky made him miss the bright Colorado sun even more. Two weeks in the mountains and suddenly he felt like a stranger to the oppressive midwestern winter.

  Not suddenly. He’d been a stranger in his own life for far too many years, but it was the connections—the friendships—he’d made in Colorado that forced him to realize it. That part of his life was over for good, and it wouldn’t help him to dwell on it now.

  Instead he took the few steps to the car waiting for him at the curb without looking around. Despite the cold, downtown was busy on Christmas Eve, with both last-minute shoppers and people coming to the city with family and friends to celebrate the holiday. Liam didn’t need any more reminders that he’d be spending this Christmas alone.

  He climbed into the back of the black sedan that Tanner had arranged to pick him up after his meeting with the LifeMap investors. But he wasn’t alone in the backseat as the car pulled away from the curb.

  “Merry Christmas, Liam.”

  “Dad.” Liam pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers. He knocked on the window between the front and back seats to get the driver’s attention. “Can you turn off the music?” The car was silent a moment later.

  “You have something against Bing Crosby?” his father asked.

  “What do you want, Dad?” He kept his eyes
trained to the window, watching the crowded sidewalks as the car made its way through the city. “I thought you’d be halfway to Fiji by this time.”

  “Bora Bora this year,” his father clarified. “And I should be. We’re flying out later this afternoon. Jena isn’t happy, she had to reschedule our couple’s massage.”

  Liam slanted his father a look at that statement. Michael held up his hands. “What can I tell you? It keeps her happy. Have you spoken to your mother?”

  “No, and I don’t expect to. Where is she this year? Ibiza?”

  Michael made a dismissive grunt. “With that Eurotrash boyfriend of hers. She’ll call at some point. The time change distracts her.”

  “You don’t have to make excuses,” Liam said between clenched teeth. “And I know you didn’t hijack my car just to wish me a merry Christmas.”

  “I’d like to give you another chance to bring LifeMap to Donovan Enterprises. I want you to come back, Liam.”

  “Not going to—”

  “Before you embarrass yourself.”

  “Excuse me?” Liam turned to look at his father, into eyes so much like his own. His dad’s gaze showed no emotion, never had.

  “You can’t think this venture is going to be a success.”

  “Actually, I do.”

  “Not if you handle everything on your own. You need the company’s backing for something this big. The fact that you were actually entertaining Colorado as a viable option for the headquarters proves that. You’ve always had some kind of unhealthy attachment to Ruth Keller.”

  “Maybe because she cares about me.”

  His father waved away that argument like a pesky fly. “Don’t forget she was my nanny, too. It was a mistake hiring her to help with you and letting you move out there in high school. You both seemed to forget she was an employee, not family. It’s past time to cut the apron strings.”

  “The strings I’m cutting are with Donovan Enterprises. I left the company for good.”

  “The only reason investors are backing you is because of your association with Donovan.”

  “The company I headed for the last five years while you were busy with your couple’s massages,” Liam couldn’t help but remind his father. He hated that his dad still had the power to pull him into these petty squabbles.

  “You had a great team around you. A team I put there.”

  This was when Liam should begin to doubt himself and if he could ever live up to or live down his father’s expectations. But he’d worked too hard to build LifeMap. He believed in the idea behind the brand and knew he was going to make it a success. “Would it be so beyond reason to think you’d be proud of me?”

  Michael pointed a finger at Liam. “I knew it. This is just like when you were a kid, always having to rebel in some way. Is this some pathetic holdover cry for attention?”

  Liam’s mouth dropped open at the blatant cruelty of those words. He waited for the pain to slice through him, the sting of judgment and rejection. But nothing came. He felt nothing, which scared him almost as badly.

  This wasn’t the man he wanted to be, all investor lunches and new ventures. He knew that didn’t bring happiness, his father was a living example of that. For a moment, he was tempted to simply walk away. Forget about LifeMap and move on to whatever was next. It would be easier than staying to fight, to face his father and his own fears.

  He was sick of running. No matter how far and fast he went nothing he found ever filled the hollow place inside him. Nothing had until he’d returned to Crimson. To Natalie.

  He tapped on the window again and signaled the driver to pull over. “I’m through, Dad. LifeMap is mine. My life is mine, what I make of it.”

  Michael grabbed his arm as Liam opened the door to the car. “Liam, wait. I’m sorry.”

  Liam didn’t close the door again but looked over his shoulder at his father.

  “I am proud of you and I want you back at Donovan Enterprises because you’re good at what you do. The best, in fact. We need you and LifeMap. I need you.”

  While the words should have been a balm to his ego, he couldn’t muster an emotional response. His father needed him because of what Liam could do for his company. The woman he’d left behind in Colorado needed him—wanted him—because of who he was on the inside. She wanted his heart, and as scared as it made him, Liam was finally ready to give it to her. He only hoped it wasn’t too late.

  “I’m not coming back.” He shook off his father’s grasp. “I’m moving forward with my life, and you aren’t a part of it.” He stepped out of the car, then ducked his head back in. “Enjoy that couple’s massage,” he said and slammed shut the door.

  He walked the few blocks to his apartment building on his cell phone, no longer feeling the cold. There were too many plans to make, plans that warmed him from the inside out.

  Dashing into the lobby, he waved to the doorman.

  “Mr. Donovan there’s a—”

  “No time,” Liam called over his shoulder, ducking into the elevator before the doors closed. “Merry Christmas.”

  His toe tapped impatiently on the marble as the elevator rose to the top floor. He glanced at his watch and typed a quick text to Tanner. He had less than an hour to get packed and to the airport. He wasn’t going to miss this chance.

  He started toward his bedroom, then stopped and sniffed the air. Lavender. The air was scented with the delicate fragrance that had haunted his dreams for the past several nights. Pivoting on his heel, he turned toward the wall of windows that overlooked Lake Michigan from his living room.

  His heart thundered in his chest at the sight before him. Natalie lay asleep on his couch, her blue parka bright against the sofa’s deep leather.

  * * *

  Natalie jerked awake from a dream, the same one she’d been having since Liam left Crimson. She was searching for him, running through the woods, calling his name. But every time she got close a wall would appear in front of her, so tall and wide she couldn’t see around or over, couldn’t figure out a way to pass. That was usually when she woke up, shaking and shivering and alone in bed. But today there was a rumbling in her dream and as if it had been struck by lightning, the wall crumbled. Through the dust and debris she saw Liam standing on the other side. As she moved toward him, her eyes popped open.

  For a moment she closed them again, wanting to return to the dream, to discover how this new twist might change the ending. Then she blinked, glanced around and remembered where she was.

  Liam, flesh and blood Liam, who was so much better than dream Liam, stood right in front of her.

  “Hey,” she whispered.

  He continued to stare.

  “I hope you’re not mad. Tanner called the doorman to let me in. I flew in on the red-eye this morning, but you were in a meeting so I thought I’d wait here.”

  Still no response.

  Not exactly how she’d planned this to go.

  “If you’re busy,” she mumbled, feeling like the fool she was, “I can leave.”

  “I have a plane to catch. Chartered.”

  “Oh.” The one word came out on a puff of air, all that was left in her lungs. Her throat closed up, and she couldn’t breathe. Wondered if she’d ever take a full breath again. Somehow she managed to scramble to her feet, her eyes on the ground.

  Before she could take a step, Liam had moved forward, crowding her. Smelling like the cold and the city and himself. Stupidly, she wanted to press her nose to his throat.

  “You flew to Chicago,” he whispered. “You got on an airplane on Christmas Eve.”

  Tucking her hair behind her ears, she tried to smile. Tried to make her voice light. “It’s a surprisingly good time to fly. The airport was empty at midnight.” She zipped up her coat with shaking fingers. “I needed the practice, anyway, if I’m
going to take Austin to the beach for spring break. Takeoff and landing were the worst.” She forced a laugh. “I’m pretty sure I only screamed once. Or twice. Well, merry Christmas, then. I’ll get out of your way.”

  “Natalie.” His finger touched her chin, tipped it up even as she resisted.

  “Don’t worry about it, Liam. I knew it was a long shot, but—”

  “I’m flying to Colorado. Back to you.” He wiped away the tear that fell from the corner of her eye. “I thought you had a rule about crying.”

  “That was a stupid rule,” she said with a sniff. “And in the past week I’ve just about caught up for all those years of not crying. Turns out a lot of things in my life didn’t make sense.” She bit down on her lip. “At least without you they didn’t.”

  “I love you, Natalie.”

  She drew in a deep, shuddering breath, her lungs returning to life with a vengeance. “If I’m going to be a crier, I need to learn to cry pretty. Enough with the ugly tears.”

  “Sweetheart, you are beautiful to me no matter what.” He wrapped his arms around her, pulled her against him, his own breath uneven.

  She held on tight, promising herself she would never let go of this man. “I love you right back, Liam Donovan. So much. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, didn’t beg you to stay.”

  “I should have never left,” he whispered against her neck, trailing soft kissing up and along her jaw. “I will never leave you again, Natalie. No more running. Anything that happens, we face it together. I should have been the man you could trust with anything. I’ll work the rest of my life to be that for you.”

  “Come home, Liam.” She drew back, took his face in her hands. “You don’t belong in Chicago or Vermont. Crimson is your home.”

  “You are my home, Nat.” The emotion in his eyes melted her. “Wherever you are is where I need to be.”

  She pressed her mouth to his, knowing she would love this man for the rest of her life—and finally understanding that home wasn’t a cage, it was the place that set you free.