A SEAL's Courage

by JM Stewart

  Elise was in her midfifties, a plump little woman who loved what she did. She had the sunniest disposition Lauren had ever seen. Always smiling and laughing and chattering away. The customers adored her, and her cake-decorating skills were superb. Any other time, her enthusiasm made Lauren laugh. Now it had suspicion itching at the edges of her consciousness.

  Lauren leaned back and narrowed her gaze on Elise. “What do you know that I don’t?”

  Mandy and Steph had been tight-lipped all week, hinting they had a surprise but refusing to share. It had her on edge. With these two, anything was possible.

  Mandy straightened off the counter, her mischievous grin somehow widening. “That birthday surprise we told you about starts now.”

  Before she could ask what kind of surprise, Steph grabbed her arm and tugged her around the counter. “We’re kidnapping you for the day, babe.”

  The young woman she’d been in the process of helping smiled. “Happy birthday.”

  Lauren laughed and shook her head. “Thank you. Hope your son’s birthday is fantastic.” She planted her feet, stopping on the other side of the counter, and turned a frown between Mandy and Steph. “Guys, I can’t just leave the shop. We don’t close until nine.”

  Elise, having taken over boxing up the customer’s cupcakes, paused to wave her hands at Lauren.

  “I’ve got the shop until Jean gets here at six. Lilly is coming in tomorrow morning to help me bake. The cakes for tomorrow are finished. All we’ll need to do is bake for the day.” Elise winked. “We got this. Go have fun. You deserve it.”

  “You heard the lady. Your job today is to have fun.” Steph moved behind her, gripped her upper arms, and pushed her out the door.

  The chime dinged as Mandy pushed through behind them. “Thanks, Elise! You’re a doll.”

  Elise’s voice echoed from within the shop. “You just make sure that masseuse has muscles on top of muscles!”

  Outside on the sidewalk, Lauren pursed her lips, looking from Mandy to Steph. Never mind that they’d enlisted the help of her assistant. Neither woman even looked guilty about it. Nope. Mandy and Steph looked pleased with themselves. “Masseuse? What did you do?”

  “First up is a day at the spa.” Mandy grabbed her hand and tugged her down the sidewalk. “Then we’re going shopping.”

  Steph winked at her as she fell into step beside them. “You’re going to need something sexy for tonight.”

  Lauren planted her feet, turning to look between Mandy and Steph. “Wait. What’s tonight?”

  Mandy’s gaze shot to Steph before returning to Lauren. Her eyes lit up. “We’re throwing you a party! We rented out the Cypress Room at the Four Seasons. A live DJ and a professional bartender. I invited Mark and Scott, that gay couple whose wedding I planned last year? They’re bringing their straight friends.”

  Steph winked. “And I’ve invited a few of the single lawyers in my office.”

  “Oh God, you didn’t. I’m officially that pathetic friend.” Lauren released a heavy breath and closed her eyes, exhausted by the prospect of the evening. “I don’t know if I’m up for this, guys. I’ve had quite enough humiliation lately from the male persuasion. If one more man decides I’m not his type, I may just decide to join a convent.”

  Mandy squeezed her hand. “It’s not a singles party. It’s just a huge blowout. Because we can. Trent will be there. Will and Skylar and her sisters, Belle and Savannah are coming, too. It’ll be a blast. You’ll see.”

  Lauren laughed for Mandy and Steph’s sake, but her stomach knotted. After her complete and utter humiliation last week, she didn’t know if she was ready to see Trent again. How the hell did she act around him now? Did she blow it off? Pretend she hadn’t propositioned him—twice—and he hadn’t turned her down? That was the trouble. She wasn’t sure she could.

  Mandy tugged on her hand. “Come on. It’s just a party. You deserve to have a little fun. Let your hair down for a change. But right now we’re having a spa day.”

  Chapter Four

  Trent peered out at the crowd before him. It was a little after eight, and the Cypress Room of the Four Seasons was jam-packed with bodies. The left side of the room, where he currently sat, contained a small buffet full of everything from finger foods to slices of birthday cake. A DJ’s booth sat along the far wall. The majority of the people who’d come were all crowded in front of it, shaking and gyrating to the upbeat music. A fun, buoyant atmosphere pervaded the space and every person in it.

  Everyone but him. The music bouncing off the walls throbbed through his skull, and the sheer number of bodies made him claustrophobic. Which was why he’d chosen to sit near the buffet. He was being a humbug, but he’d had to come. To show Lauren she was important to him, but also simply to see her, to be near her.

  Lauren, however, appeared to be keeping her distance. A week had passed since the night he’d gone over to her place to apologize, but clearly she was still upset with him. She’d hardly glanced in his direction since he’d arrived an hour ago. The few times she had, her expression and had been cool and aloof. Would she even miss him if he left?

  The problem was, he couldn’t make his legs move. She mesmerized him. Out on the dance floor, Lauren was in the center of it all with Mandy and Steph. Wearing a long-sleeved black crop top that showed off her flat stomach and a pencil skirt that clung to her every blessed curve, she looked damn near edible. She wore heels again, these not so obnoxiously high, and God he loved her in them.

  The light in her eyes held his attention. The smile illuminating her face seemed never ending. That four guys currently vied for her attention wasn’t lost on him either. And yes. He was jealous. Damn it. His gut burned with the overwhelming desire to insinuate himself into the midst of them and proclaim her all his.

  But she wasn’t. He was supposed to be keeping his distance from her. Because he wasn’t anything she needed or deserved. And she knew it, too, or she wouldn’t be avoiding him. The problem was, he couldn’t stop thinking about that phenomenal kiss. Or remembering her offer. What fool in his right mind turned down an offer like that from her? Chances were, she’d proposition one of those yahoos the same way and all he could do was watch.

  The scrape of a metal chair over the hardwood floor announced he had company at the table. Skylar plopped down beside him with a breathless huff and sat back, staring at the crowd in front of her. “You know, you could just go ask her to dance.”

  The smile in Skylar’s voice had Trent hard-pressed not to return it. Either she’d been talking to Will—who’d caught him ogling Lauren more than once—or he wasn’t being as inconspicuous as he’d thought.

  Trent sat forward to rest his elbows on the table, looping his hand around his untouched cup of soda. “Why? So I can show her I have two left feet? No thanks.”

  Skylar turned her head, eyes narrowed and lips pursed in disapproval. “So, you’re just going to sit here and stalk her all night?”

  Trent sipped his soda. Letting her think that was better than having to tell her he kept his distance because Lauren hadn’t spoken two words to him since he’d arrived. Nor did he blame her for it. “I’m keeping an eye on her. That guy in the front keeps pushing drinks into her hand.”

  As he watched, one of the guys circling her smiled and tipped the end of her cup, all but pouring what was no doubt alcohol down her throat. The only thing that kept him in his seat was Mandy. She glared at the guy and shoved him off, then took the cup from Lauren and handed her a bottle of water instead. Who the hell had invited that guy anyway?

  Skylar nudged his elbow. “Uh-huh. Sure you are. And it’s her birthday. She’s supposed to enjoy herself.” She pushed to her feet, took his cup from his hand and set it on the table, then grabbed his elbow and tugged him out of his seat. “Come on. We’re going to dance.”

  She didn’t wait for his approval or denial, but dragged him toward the dance floor. Halfway there, they passed Will, a drink in each hand.

  Will smiled. “Whe
re are you two headed off to?”

  Skylar paused long enough to take one of the drinks from Will’s hand and downed it, then handed the cup back and pecked his cheek. “I’m giving your brother a shove in the right direction.”

  Trent shot his brother a frown and shook his head.

  Will’s grin widened. “Good. He needs it.”

  Once out on the dance floor, Skylar braced her hands against his back and shoved him in Lauren’s direction. Then the rat turned to the crowd of men surrounding Lauren. Voice raised over the thumping, pulsing music, Skylar propped a hand on one hip. “So, boys. Who wants to dance with the bride-to-be?”

  At forty-two, Skylar was a good ten years older than most of the guys surrounding her, but she was tall and blond and she kept herself in great shape. She had invites before Trent could manage to swallow his nerves.

  Lauren’s gaze pivoted to him. Her smile fell, reaffirming his earlier thought. She was still upset with him.

  Fuck. That look on her face would make him do everything he shouldn’t.

  He held out his hand and flashed the brightest smile he could muster. “Any chance I can get a dance with the birthday girl?”

  She stared at his hand for a moment before meeting his gaze and arching a cynical brow. “You sure you want to?”

  He playfully rolled his eyes, grabbed her hand anyway, and tugged her close. She set her hands on his shoulders and swayed with him, but the stiffness didn’t leave her body.

  Trent sighed. He’d hurt her to the point she no longer felt comfortable with him. Hell, she wouldn’t even look at him. Damn it. Somehow he had to fix this. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. You have to know that.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ll get over it.” Despite her statement, her tone held an aloofness that told him she’d put up walls against him. Big ones.

  He’d have to be honest with her. There wasn’t any talking around this anymore. He’d already gone and done too much. So he leaned his mouth beside her ear. He needed to be sure she heard every word, because he wasn’t sure he could repeat it.

  “I lost two friends that day. Watched them get blown to pieces. It was my job to find that bomb and I missed it. I got distracted by a couple of nearby children squealing. It was a split second, but it was enough, and I misread Cooper’s cues. There wasn’t just one bomb. There were three, all buried in the same area. I can’t lose any more friends, Lauren. Especially you.”

  Heart hammering in his throat, he paused and waited for her to say something, to acknowledge that she’d heard him. It came seconds later. The stiffness left her body and she leaned into him. The move was subtle, merely a shift of her weight, but enough he’d felt it. Time seemed to stop. An entire room full of people fell away as his senses homed in on her.

  Yeah. This was what he loved about being in her presence. She quieted the noise in his head. Trent closed his eyes, allowed himself to luxuriate in the moment, and kept talking, using the lull of her against him, her lean curves swaying to the beat of the music, and that sweet scent of hers to help him get the words out.

  “Coming home was hard. It’s not easy going from that to civilian life. Coming home to see life just went on. People went about their days like nothing happened. That’s hard to adjust to. You don’t come back the same. That shit etches itself inside of you. I’ll carry those images with me forever. I go to sleep every night hearing their screams. Some nights it’s the war in general that gets me. Hearing the constant gunfire going on around the base. To this day I can still hear the sobs of this little girl we found when we were clearing a building. Her entire family had been murdered by insurgents.”

  The images swirled in his head, bright flashes of things he’d give both his arms to forget. Or not to have seen at all. So he drew a breath and kept going, before he lost the nerve to say the words. Or the hell in his head sucked him under.

  “When I need someone, you’re there. No questions asked. No lectures. No fussing. I’ve lost far too many friends over the years. I don’t want to lose you, too.”

  Lauren didn’t say anything for so long he feared he’d simply pushed her too far, but after a moment she sighed and leaned her head against his cheek. “You okay with this crowd?”

  The soft concern in her voice settled somewhere inside, filling him with a warmth he didn’t know what to do with. It told him in no uncertain terms that she saw all those things he’d never meant to show her. Like he was made of clear glass. Which only made her that much harder to resist. Wendy had only seen the SEAL, the man in uniform. She’d had ideas about who he was, insisted he live up to them, and for a while he’d tried in a vain attempt to make her happy. Because he’d convinced himself he loved her. And he supposed he had.

  She’d never looked at him the way Lauren had the other night, though. Which only served to fill his head with questions he shouldn’t ponder.

  He shrugged. “The music makes my head pound, but I’m all right.”

  She rubbed his chest, the warmth of her hand burning his skin through his shirt. “It’s sweet of you to come, but you don’t have to stay if it’s difficult.”

  “And miss getting to dance with the birthday girl? Not a chance.” Tempted to take her hand in his, or tug her closer, he forced himself to pull back enough to meet her gaze and smiled. “You look like you’re enjoying yourself.”

  Her smile lit up her whole face. “I am. I decided tonight I was going to forget all my damn rules. After all, it’s my birthday, and you only live once, right? I’m pretty sure I’m already drunk, but I haven’t had this much fun in far too long.”

  “Well, you deserve it. I have something for you, by the way. It was too big to bring with me.” The gift was probably lame, but his heart was in it at least. He’d picked up wood carving as a kid, using old sticks he found. His therapist had recommended he try it as a way to occupy his mind on those nights he had trouble. Turned out, his therapist was right. Carving gave him something to focus on and took him out of the painful memories.

  Since he’d started spending a lot of time with Lauren, many pieces had been inspired by her.

  Her brows rose. “Oh?”

  “A birthday present. I’ll have to borrow Will’s car, but I’ll bring it by tomorrow.”

  She studied him for a moment, something working behind her eyes. “Come over for lunch?”

  “Sure.”

  She turned her head, gazing off to her right, the corners of her mouth twitching. “Good. You owe me a date anyway, since our last one got cut shorter than I’d hoped.”

  On some plane, he knew she was teasing, but guilt nudged his gut all the same. She was right. He did owe her. And then some. “I tell you what. How ’bout you come to my place. I’ll cook, to make up for it.”

  “Deal.” Her tone held smugness, but she leaned her cheek against his again and Trent forgot everything but the feel of her body swaying against him.

  The song was woefully short, the soft romantic strains fading, replaced by an upbeat tune that thumped off the walls. As the couples around them disentangled, bodies once again surging to the new beat, he and Lauren stopped moving. Hands on his shoulders, she pulled back. The way she stared at him, the luscious tension rising between them, had him dreaming of what if. Namely, taking her up on her offer. Hell. Maybe a fling with Lauren was exactly what he needed to push him into the land of the living again. Into finally moving past the shit he’d seen overseas. God, he was tempted.

  Lauren flashed a soft smile, and the warmth in her big brown eyes filled his soul. “If I don’t see you again tonight, thank you for coming. It means a lot to me. I wasn’t sure you would, all things considered.”

  Damn it. There it was. The soft side of her, the one that pulled at the lonely ache deep inside. He released his hold on her. If he didn’t, he’d be pulling her back and attaching his mouth to hers.

  Neither could he force himself to release contact with her entirely. Instead he cupped her chin in his palm, stroking her supple skin with this thumb. �
��We’re friends. I couldn’t not be here.”

  He’d hoped his words would finally soothe the wound between them, but Lauren froze in front of him. Her shoulders rounded as a palpable hurt filled her eyes.

  “I’m really beginning to hate that word,” she said, as if half to herself. “Friends. I tried to swallow my feelings earlier, because I appreciated what you shared with me. I know that’s very painful stuff for you, and it can’t have been easy to talk about it. But dancing with you, being close to you like this? I just can’t pretend anymore that being your friend is really what I want. Because it isn’t. I realize that kiss probably meant nothing to you, but it was something to me.”

  She pushed out of his arms and sidestepped around him, and all he could do was watch her go. In trying to put her back in a safe place, all he’d done was hurt her. For the second time he had to ask himself, if he’d done the right thing, why did he feel like a complete ass?

  * * *

  A couple hours later Trent was still holding down the chairs. Lauren was still in the middle of that crowd, still surrounded by men, all seeming to hang on her every word. She was in fine form tonight. Clearly she’d meant what she’d said. She intended to enjoy herself. Though he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen her quite this relaxed. She didn’t seem like herself at all.

  Some part of him told him he ought to go home, but he still couldn’t make himself leave. He couldn’t stop thinking about the last thing she’d said to him.

  Those words haunted him. I just can’t pretend anymore that being your friend is really what I want. Because it isn’t. What she’d said next bothered him the most: I realize that kiss probably meant nothing to you, but it was something to me.

  She was so very wrong. He didn’t want to be that guy, another asshole on her list, but if he gave in to the desire burning through him, that’s exactly what he would be. He couldn’t give her forever. Oh, he knew Lauren would never do to him what Wendy had, but he wasn’t sure he wanted a forever or believed in it anymore, and he refused to treat Lauren like a warm body. She deserved better.