For Your Love

by Vanessa Miller

  She looked in the mirror and shook her head. “Girl, you trying too hard.” She took off the beautiful dress and threw on a pair of stonewashed jeans and a beige halter top. That way, if he played her a fool, at least she wouldn’t have dressed up like she expected to be taken out to dinner. “What do you think, Princess? Will this work?”

  The dog looked up at Toya and leaned her head to the right as if she was studying her. She then barked two times and walked out of the room.

  “You don’t have to be rude. You could have just let me know that you didn’t like it. You didn’t have to walk away like that.” Toya took the halter top off and put on her loose-fitting denim shirt with a drawstring at the bottom.

  The buzzer announced that there was someone at the gate. Looking through the camera positioned at the gate, she could see that it was Jarrod, so she buzzed him in. Then she ran to the bathroom and dab some blush on her cheeks, eyeliner around her eyelids and a little lip gloss. By the time the doorbell rang, she was ready for Jarrod.

  “I’m coming,” she yelled as Princess started barking.

  She opened the door, the moment Princess saw Jarrod, she stopped barking and almost knocked him down as she pounced on him. “She’s getting big.”

  “Tell me about it,” Toya agreed. “I had no idea that German Shepherds grew so fast. She is slinging me around when I walk her now.”

  “Poor Toya. You need some more meat on your bones.” Jarrod gave Princess a hug and ruffled her ears. “You got her stuff ready?”

  “I sure do, but how are you planning to sneak this big dog into your apartment? One bark from Princess and your landlord will probably throw you out before you get a chance to move out.”

  With a sheepish, lopsided grin on his face, Jarrod admitted, “I moved to my new place this week.”

  Hand on hips, eyes shooting daggers. “And just when were you going to tell me?”

  “I wasn’t trying to keep it from you, Toya.”

  “Oh, yes, you were. You just don’t want to take responsibility for Princess. I know you, Jarrod, you ain’t slick as you think you are.”

  “I like sharing ownership with you. And Princess loves you so much. You can’t tell me that you don’t want her around anymore.”

  She took her hands off her hips as Princess rubbed up against her leg. She rubbed the dogs head, “I love you too, Princess.” But then she turned back to Jarrod. “But sometimes I need a break. This dog is a lot of work.”

  “I got you, I’m taking her off your hands right now. You won’t have to lift a finger or think about her all weekend long. Just give me her stuff, and we’ll get out of your way.”

  She could trust Jarrod to do exactly what he said. He had always been like that. No matter what Toya needed, he would take care of it. Right now, she needed rest from her dog. But not before she received answers from this man that she had always been in the friend zone with.

  “Can you sit down so I can talk to you about something before you leave and give me this weekend break that I so desperately need?”

  He hesitated. “You aren't still tripping about Gina, are you?”

  Toya shook her head. “I already apologized to Gina, and I want to apologize to you as well. My behavior was uncalled for.”

  He sat down. “Then I have all the time you need. What’s on your mind, pretty lady?”

  “Do you really think I’m pretty?” Butterflies fluttered in her stomach as she sat down next to him. ‘Lord, please let him feel the same way I do.’”

  “Have you looked in a mirror today, or any day for that matter. Of course, I think you’re pretty... no, I take that back, you’re not just pretty. You, Toya Milner, are downright gorgeous.”

  “Thanks for saying that.”

  “I’m not just trying to be nice. I really mean it, Toya. I’ve always thought that about you.”

  “Then why haven’t you ever told me?”

  Jarrod shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess things just got in the way.”

  “What kind of things?”

  His eyebrows scrunch as he gave her a questioning glance. “Why are you asking me all of this?”

  She took a deep breath as she gathered her courage. “To be honest, Gina told me that during Christmas break our junior year, you came home to tell me how you felt about me. Is that true?”

  “I should have known Gina would run her mouth.”

  “But is it true?” Toya needed to hear him say it. She needed to know she hadn’t been in her feelings all these years alone.

  “What does it matter? When I came to see you, you were all hugged up with some guy even though you knew I was coming through. You didn’t want to hear anything I had to say.”

  “I’m sorry about that. I only asked Peter to come home with me after you told me you wanted to talk over Christmas break.” A look of embarrassment crossed her face. “I thought you were going to tell me that you and Gina were in love and making future plans or something. I just couldn’t bear to hear that from you.”

  “So, what was really going on with you and that guy?”

  “Nothing, I couldn’t stand being around him. Peter was so full of himself, even while we were in college and he hadn’t accomplished anything yet.”

  Jarrod stared at Toya as if seeing her for the first time and then he burst out laughing.

  “What’s so funny?”

  He kept laughing, even while saying, “I shouldn’t be laughing, because it’s not funny. It’s not funny at all.”

  “Then stop laughing.” She picked up one of the pillows from the sofa and cracked him upside the head with it.

  “Okay, okay. Don’t get violent.” Jarrod grabbed the pillow, so she couldn’t hit him with it again. “There, I stopped laughing.” But then he started shaking his head as memories of those days flooded in. “Do you have any idea how miserable I was after seeing you with that guy?”

  “Probably about as miserable as I was when I found out you and Gina were dating.”

  Wagging a finger back and forth, Jarrod told her, “You really can’t call what Gina and I did dating. Every time we were together, all I did was talk about you. It was so bad that Gina finally called me out about it.

  “I couldn’t help it,” he told her. “You were so far away, and I missed you so bad, I just wanted to be close to someone who I could share all the memories I had of you with.” He shrugged again. “But it wasn’t fair to Gina.”

  “Is that why you wanted to apologize to her last week?”

  “It was a little more to it than that. You see, when I got back to school that year, I was destroyed. But I was also embarrassed that I had finally confessed my feelings for you to someone, and I still didn’t have anything to show for it. I didn’t want to tell Gina that you were in love with someone else, so I stopped talking to her.

  “I was hanging out with other girls and completely ignoring her. That’s when she got involved with this guy that I knew was all wrong for her. But I didn’t feel like I could say anything because I was dating a bunch of women who were all wrong for me too.”

  “Now that I think about it, Gina must have been lonely for a very long time with both of us turning our backs on her. That wasn’t fair.”

  “And that’s why I apologized to her.”

  Smiling, Toya said, “I’m glad you didn’t let my bad attitude stop you from going back into the church and doing that for Gina.” Toya playfully punched him on the shoulder. “I’m really kind of proud of you.”

  “Now that we’ve got that straight,” Jarrod inched closer to her. He put a hand on her back and let his hand drift from her shoulder blade to her lower back. “Let’s talk about us.” But instead of talking, Jarrod leaned forward and kissed her.

  His lips were soft and moist and sensual at the same time. Heat rose from her feet all the way to the top of her head until she thought she would explode from the pure joy of being on the sofa, locked in an embrace with Jarrod.

  13

  “Wait a minute.” Toya
pushed him back. She had to keep her wits about her. No way was she going to let Jarrod run in and out of her life. She wasn’t willing to give up their friendship if it only meant dating him for a few months and then being awkward with each other the rest of their lives. They would, after all, have to see one another since her mother was now married to his father.

  “That kiss felt like heaven, why’d you push me away.” He tried to pull her back into his arms. But she wasn’t having it.

  “I need a clear head to talk this out with you.”

  “You still want to talk?”

  “More than ever now.” She wasn’t letting him weasel out of this.

  Jarrod wallowed on the sofa like a man in misery.

  “Are you done?” Toya was about to pinch him, but Jarrod straightened back up and looked her in the eye so that he was giving her his full attention.

  “Now, what I don’t understand is, if you have feelings for me, and had them way back when why did you stand me up for our prom?”

  “Are we back on this again? Why can’t anyone let this go?”

  “Who else asked you about this?”

  “My dad, just the other day he basically asked in the same way you just did.”

  “Well, what did you tell him?”

  Looking a little frustrated by the matter, Jarrod gritted his teeth before saying, “I’m just going to lay it out there for you. And then you can do with it what you will.”

  “Why are you angry? I think I have a right to know why you stood me up, don’t you?”

  “I’m not angry at you, I’m angry at that stupid kid I used to be. He really messed things up for me.” Shaking his head at the situation, Jarrod finally said, “Look, the truth of the matter is that I was hurt that you lied to me about sending that college application to Howard University when all the while you only had your eyes set on Stanford.”

  “Are you kidding? You really thought I lied about that?”

  He nodded.

  Toya got up and went into her office. When she came back into the living room, she was carrying two pieces of paper. She handed both of them to Jarrod. “God works in mysterious ways because I just found both of these letters the other day. Now I have proof that I’m not some liar as I’ve been accused of being.

  “What’s this?”

  “Can you read or not?”

  He looked down at the papers. His eyes trailing from one and then the other. When he looked back at her, Jarrod’s eyes were filled with questions. “But you never said anything.”

  “I couldn’t.”

  “But the Howard acceptance letter is dated three days before the Stanford letter. Why didn’t you say anything when you received it?”

  “My dad didn’t give me the Howard letter until the Stanford letter had also arrived. He wanted me at Stanford. And I’m glad I didn’t disappoint him.”

  “I’m sure Uncle Dave was thrilled to have you at his alma mater. I’m just sorry that I was such a jerk about it. I honestly don’t even know what I was thinking. It was your life, and you should have been able to live it how you pleased. I should have supported your decision.”

  “Yes, you should have,” Toya agreed.

  He rushed back to the sofa, sat down next to her and took her hand in his. “Is it too late for us, Toya?” He closed his eyes, silently praying that he hadn’t messed things up to the point of no repair.

  “I don’t know,” she said slowly. “I mean, what about that woman I saw you out with last month? Are you a couple or what? Because I’m not trying to come in between anything.”

  “Are you talking about Lisa Sampson?”

  “Is that the woman I saw you with when I took Princess to the vet?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then you know that’s who I’m asking about. Don’t beat around the bush, Jarrod. Just tell me straight up what’s going on. Because we both know you’ve been known to date several women at once.”

  “In the past, I have dated several women at once. I’ve haven’t done anything like that in years. So, don’t go labeling me a dog when I’m far from it.”

  “Okay then, I stand corrected. Now tell me about Lisa.”

  “Lisa and I used to be friends. But she’s dating a football player now.” Jarrod added, “and yeah, maybe if I wasn’t already head over heels in love with another stubborn woman, maybe I would have been interested in Lisa, but I just wasn’t. And she for sure isn’t thinking about me.”

  “Who you calling stubborn.” She objected, but she objected with this big silly grin on her face.

  He touched the tip of her nose with his index finger. “You, that’s who. What are you going to do about it?”

  Balling her fists, she told him, “I’ve been known to fight, so don’t mess with me.”

  He took hold of her fist and pulled her to him until they were nose to nose, then lips to lips.

  When the kiss ended, Toya stared at him for what seemed like a thousand and one years as she tried to make sense out of what had just happened to her. She had never felt like this after a simple kiss. But Jarrod wasn’t just some random guy. He was the one who had always been there for her. Their friendship meant everything to her. And at this moment she was scared out of her mind.

  What if it didn’t work out? What if Jarrod found someone he wanted more than he wanted her. Toya’s heart would be broken, and she didn’t know if she could handle that. “You’d better leave.”

  “What? Why? I thought we were still talking.”

  “You promised me a weekend to myself. You and Princess need to go hang. I need some time to think.”

  Jarrod stood, straightened his pants, and adjusted his shirt. “Okay, Ms. Toya, I’ll get out of your way. But I’m not letting another ten years go by before we resolve this. I want to be with you and you alone. So, you need to make up your mind.”

  “It’s not that simple, Jarrod. There is a lot we have to consider.”

  He shook his head. “What is going on right here and right now is between the two of us and no one else.”

  “But your dad is married to my mother. You and I are basically brother and sister. How can we just start dating?”

  “My dad has nothing to do with this.” He put his hands on her shoulder as he stood in front of her imploring her to hear him out. “I have been in love with you far longer than my dad and Yvonne have been in love. So, you’re not going to tell me that their marriage cancels out what I feel for you. Because it just doesn’t.”

  “But if things don’t work between us, it will be awfully awkward during Thanksgiving dinners, not to mention Christmas or church.”

  He removed his hands from her shoulders. He couldn’t bear to touch her any longer. Not when he didn’t know where things stood. “I’ll give you until Sunday evening when I bring Princess back to make up your mind.”

  “That’s only two days, Jarrod. How can I possibly make a decision this important in just two days?”

  There was a hint of pain in his eyes, but he was committed to his decision. “I’m not going to live the rest of my life wondering what might have been or what could be. Loving you has stopped me from having the life I’ve been dreaming about for far too long. So, this is it, Toya. Either we’re going to have this beautiful life together, or I’m moving on.”

  ~~~

  “He actually said that,” Gina asked.

  Toya had her cell phone up to her ear as she complained about the unreasonable demands Jarrod was making on her. “I couldn’t believe it. Jarrod knows that there is a lot at stake when two friends decide to get romantic. Look what happened to the two of you.”

  “It did take us ten years to speak to each other again. But that was different. Jarrod just didn’t want the reminder of you. Anyway, what makes you think it won’t work out?”

  “I don’t know if it will work out, that’s what’s so scary about this.” Toya could hear the whine in her voice, and at that moment, she wondered if she was being insensitive to Gina. “Does this conversation bot
her you. After all, you and Jarrod did hook up.”

  “I wouldn’t call it a hookup. I told you that Jarrod didn’t want me. He wanted someone he could talk about you with... someone who would understand and laugh at all of our memories.”

  “I don’t believe that was all there was to it. When you called and told me about the two of you, you sounded so excited.”

  “Yes, I had been excited. But I don’t believe Jarrod was ever excited about the possibility of us. And believe me, I got over it quickly. I’m not carrying a torch for Jarrod, so you can talk this situation over with me, and I will try my best to help you see the truth.”

  “And what is the truth?”

  “The man loves you. He’s probably loved you since junior high school. And that’s a really long time to love someone and not know if they love you back.”

  “Of course, I love Jarrod. How could I not?”

  “Not just love him, Toya. He wants you to be in love with him. Can you do that for him, or if not, can you release him so that he can find someone who will love him?”

  “That’s silly. I don’t have Jarrod stuck. He’s a free man. He can do whatever he wants.”

  “Stop it, Toya. It’s time for you to take a leap of faith. Can you do it?”

  “What about you?” Toya tried to turn the table on her friend. “Why are you still single? Where is your faith?”

  “Don’t try to change the subject, girlfriend. This isn’t about me, it’s about you and Jarrod.”

  “But don’t you want to be happy too?” Toya prodded.

  “Put it this way, I gave love a try, and it blacked my eye. So, I’m sitting out for a while. You just don’t know who you can trust out there. I’m safer alone than with some man I don’t know anything about,” Gina said matter-of-factly.

  Toya was sorry that she caused Gina to think about the awful experience she’d had with a man she loved. Domestic violence was a terrible thing. But so was being kidnapped at gunpoint. But none of that had anything to do with Jarrod. He was nothing like Marvel. And Toya needed to make a decision or lose him for good this time.