For Your Love

by Vanessa Miller

  “Let me start cleaning this house while my dog is out of the way. I'll see you at Bible study tomorrow.”

  “Hey, why don’t we ride together and then we can go to the mall or something.”

  Toya thought about the last time she tried to go to the strip mall down the street from Princess’s groomer. That episode ended with a panic attack. But Toya wasn’t throwing in the towel, maybe she could do it if she went to the mall with Gina. “Sounds like a plan. I’ll pick you up in the morning.”

  14

  Today was the final lesson in their Armor of God Bible study. So far, they discovered who the true enemy was and learned that prayer put them right in the presence of God. Then they discussed how the truth of God was core support for the breastplate of righteousness, which was a heavy piece of equipment every soldier must wear. But if the belt of truth were in place, the soldier would be able to stand with righteousness.

  Session four was about how the enemy tried to steal our peace of mind, but having our feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace would help us withstand those fiery darts the enemy sends our way. And of course, as session five informed them, the shield of faith was one of the most important weapons in spiritual warfare, as the Bible says, ‘without faith, it is impossible to please God.’

  Toya had always thought that she had faith, but as she listened to Priscilla Shirer describe how faith in God would guide our every action and reaction, she wondered if situations and circumstances had stolen some of her faith. If that was the case, she wanted to get it back. “Increase my faith, Lord,” she had prayed during the faith session and the sixth session which had been about salvation.

  Finally, today, they were discussing the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God. Priscilla was masterful in the way she taught them that the word of God could be used as a defense mechanism. When the enemy tried to make you believe something about yourself that didn’t line up with what God says, put the word on it. The last video was the shortest of all, but as Toya sat listening, she wondered if she had ever truly put the word on her situation. “Help me, Lord.”

  As the video ended, the lights came back on, and her mother stood behind the pulpit again. “Oh, what a time, what a time,” Yvonne Milner-Reed held the microphone to her mouth and yelled through the sanctuary.

  “If you leave here the same way you came, you can’t blame nobody but yourself. The word was cutting and sharper than a two-edged sword. Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good. He wants His people to truly know Him and understand what His armor can do for them.”

  Even though no music was playing, women were jumping out of their seats, dancing, shouting, and amening. Yvonne said, “The altar is open, come down here and get what you came for. Ask God to take the fear, shame, and the blame as you put on this armor that God wants you to wear from this day forward.

  Just like that, the altar was flooded. Some got on bended knees, some bowed low, and some stood, but all gave praise to God as they called out to Him. Gina had been one of the first women at the altar.

  Toya hung back, not wanting the people who had known her most of her life to think that she didn’t have all she needed from Jesus. After all, she was the pastor’s daughter. But the spirit of God was heavy on her and in the sanctuary. She couldn’t deny that she needed something from God.

  After Marvel kidnapped her, Toya never said anything to anyone, but she began to doubt God’s ability to keep her safe. What was the use in praying, when someone could just snatch you off the street and do what they wanted with you? But as Toya glanced around the room, she came face to face with people, like Mother Thornton, who had been praying for her since she was a child... those prayers, from the people who loved her, was what saved her from a monster like Marvel. Toya needed to get back what she had lost. She had a feeling she would be able to get it right here and right now if she lifted her shield of faith. So, that’s what she did. She stood and walked toward the altar; tears streamed down her face as she decided that she wasn’t going to leave until she got everything God wanted to give her.

  Toya didn’t know how she saw it through the blur of tears in her own eyes. But her mother was still standing behind the pulpit, she was no longer instructing the people, she watched Toya’s journey to the altar, she got down on the floor and lay prostrate before the Lord. She wasn’t saying anything that Toya could make out, she was just crying. But she didn’t seem sad, more like tears of joy.

  Her mother had been praying for her, and now she finally saw Toya putting her trust in God. Toya felt as if her tears were touching the very hand of Jesus, and He was catching each drop as she poured her heart out to Him. She gave Him her fears and her burdens. When she finally got up and walked back to her seat, Toya truly felt like she could conquer the world. Her fear was gone.

  ~~~

  Later that day Toya and Gina walked the mall and Toya didn’t feel the least bit panicked. She had finally learned not just how to use her sword, but how to believe that the word of God was true, and she could trust it. Before leaving church, she wrote in the back of her Bible, ‘God has not given me the spirit of fear, but of power, love and of a sound mind.’ That scripture came from the book of 2 Timothy 1:7.

  Why she hadn’t commanded her fear to line up with the word of God before, Toya didn’t know, but she would forever be thankful that she attended the Armor of God Bible study.

  “How does this look?” Gina had tried on a denim blue jean dress that swayed at the bottom.

  “Girl, you are rocking that.”

  Smiling, while looking in the floor length mirror, Gina said, “I am, aren’t I. I’m buying it.”

  She went back into the dressing room, and Toya picked out a burgundy button-down dress and took it to the dressing room. She had several outfits in burgundy already but loved the color so much, she wasn’t opposed to adding another item to her wardrobe.

  As she tried on the dress, Toya looked in the mirror and liked what she saw. Not just how the dress looked on her, and it looked amazing. But Toya was enjoying the way her eyes looked because there was no fear, no waiting for the panic attack to begin. Toya gave all glory to God for the way she was feeling. She lifted her hands and praised God inside the dressing room.

  Right in the middle of her praise, Toya heard a scream. At first, she wasn’t sure it was actually a scream, because she was so caught up in praising the Lord for all He’d done for her. But she quickly received a confirmation with the wrapping on her dressing room door and Gina screaming, “I saw him. I saw him.”

  Toya opened the dressing room door. “What’s going on?” Gina flew inside the dressing room and locked the door behind her. She was shaking so bad; Toya thought her friend was about to have a seizure. Toya put a hand on Gina’s shoulder. “Calm down. Tell me what happened.”

  Gina was crying, “I’ve been hiding from him for so many years. I thought it was finally safe to come back home. But he found me.” Gina was frantic as she added, “He’s going to kill me.”

  “Now that’s where you’re wrong. Didn’t we just finish that Armor of God Bible study? Don’t start doubting God’s ability to keep you safe. Don’t do what I did.”

  “I just want to get out of here. Can we go now?” Gina was inconsolable.

  Toya opened the dressing room door, looked around as if she’d know the guy if she saw him. But since there were only women standing around, she figured it was safe to come out. “I don’t see him, Gina. Come on, let’s get out of here.”

  Gina reluctantly stepped out of the dressing room. Everyone in the store was staring at them. “Why are they looking at us?” Gina asked Toya like she hadn’t just been screaming her head off.

  “Don’t worry about them.” Toya took the clothes she had worn into the store off the bench and stuffed them in her purse. Thankfully, everyone was too busy staring at them to purchase their items, so the checkout line was empty. Toya quickly purchased the dress, then pulled the tags off of it. She asked the cashier if mall secu
rity could escort them to the car.

  “I was just about to ask if you needed me to call security,” the woman said. She then picked up the phone and did exactly that.

  15

  Gina was still visibly shaken as Toya drove her home. But she was also embarrassed, so she said, “I’m sorry about all the fuss I made in the store, and how you had to walk out in the dress you were trying on.”

  “Girl please, I like my dress. I was going to buy it anyway.”

  “Yeah, but you’re weren’t planning on wearing it today, were you? It’s a really pretty dress, and all we’re doing is going home.”

  Toya put a hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Gina, it’s alright. I don’t know what I would have done if I had seen my ex. And just a few days ago, I had a panic attack when I tried to go to the mall, just thinking about who might be lurking around every corner, so I’m not judging you.”

  “You’ve been having panic attacks?”

  “I used to have them all the time. That’s why I quit my job. But I’m finally free of that.”

  Gina’s eyes narrowed at Toya as her voice raised, “Why didn’t you tell me? I’ve unloaded all of my drama on you and all this time I had no idea that you’ve been having panic attacks.”

  Toya could tell that Gina was angry. And she had every right to be because Toya hadn’t been totally honest with her friend. She’d sat and listened to Gina tell her whole story of having to move out of the country to get away from some lunatic who didn’t know how to say goodbye, and still, she had said nothing of the lunatic that had caused her panic attacks. “I get why you’re upset. And you’re right. I should have told you what’s been going on with me, and I will. Let’s go hang out at my place and talk.”

  Calming down, Gina said, “Thanks, Toya, I really don’t think I’m ready to go home by myself.”

  “What are friends for. You can sleep in the guest room tonight if you want to.”

  Gina jumped on that. “Let’s stop at my place first, so I can get a few things.”

  They did that, then drove around the corner to Toya’s townhouse. Toya made sandwiches and a small side salad for both of them. They sat down in the family room with their food.

  Gina said, “I got so worked up, I forgot how hungry I was. She took a few bites of her turkey and swiss sandwich and chewed it like it was lobster. “This is good.”

  “You must be starving. It’s just a turkey sandwich. I wish I had stayed in the kitchen with my mother more and learned how to cook. But I think Tia got that gene. So, I do a bunch of sandwiches around here.”

  “I understand it. If you look in my kitchen cabinet, you’ll see one type of soup after the next. Quick and easy is the way to go when you’re just cooking for yourself.”

  “That’s how I see it. But I’m praying that when God sends my husband, the man will know how to cook.”

  The look on Gina’s face changed. Like she was thinking about an unpleasant memory. “You need to be praying for a lot more than that. Trust me, I know.”

  “You’re not alone there,” Toya said, as she was now ready to tell her truth. Putting her sandwich down, Toya sighed deeply. “I met this man about a year ago. He was handsome, intelligent, rich, and very attentive. I thought I hit the jackpot. But it turns out that he hated my mother and was only dating me as part of a plot to destroy her.”

  Gina’s head went back as if someone had punched her in the face. “Wait... what did you just say?”

  “I know it’s hard to believe. But this really happened to me.”

  “No, it’s not hard to believe at all, because I lived with a guy who hated your mother. He blamed her for his mother’s death, even though his own father was the one who killed her.” Gina rolled her eyes heavenward, then continued, “When I told him that you and I used to be best friends and that your mom was a nice lady, things got crazy between us.”

  How many men in this world could there possibly be out there hating on her mom? This was no coincidence. “What was his name?”

  ~~~

  Marvel had received word from the private investigator that he had looking for Toya that she was once again attending her mom’s church. The investigator said that she had been attending service on Saturdays at eleven in the morning for the last few weeks, so he waited in the parking lot to see which car she would get into. And surprise, surprise.

  Not only did Toya walk out of that church, but his long-lost love, Gina was also with her. He had waisted two years of his life searching for that woman. When he finally discovered that she had left the country, he took the hint. She no longer wanted to be with him. He decided to let Gina have fun thinking that she was out of his reach because he needed to focus on putting his plan together so that he could destroy Yvonne Milner.

  But now that he had both women in his sight, Marvel figured he must have been living right. Because God was allowing him to kill two birds with one stone. He followed them to the mall and then put a tracking device on Toya’s car.

  Since he was able to track them to wherever they decided to go next, Marvel didn’t have to follow them into the mall. But he couldn’t resist letting Gina know that he finally had her in his sights again. She would pay for what she put him through. By the time he was through with Gina, she would beg him to take her back.

  His dad told him that in the end, his mom had begged for her life and promised that she would never leave him again. But he just couldn’t trust her anymore. Gina had done nothing to make him believe that he could trust her either. And he sure couldn’t trust Toya. That one was cut from the same cloth as her mother. She was probably poisoning Gina against him at this very moment.

  Women needed to know their place. It is always behind a man, not beside him and certainly not out in front trying to outshine him. He would teach them both a lesson they wouldn’t soon forget.

  ~~~

  “Marvel Williams.”

  Toya fell back in her seat as if a strong wind had swept her away. “This cannot be happening. You and I must truly be attracted to the same kind of men. Because I actually dated that monster.”

  “Oh, he doesn’t come off as a monster at first. He acts more like a Jarrod... kind, attentive, making you feel like he wants to give you the world. But it’s all an act.” Gina jaw tightened as she spoke of Marvel.

  Toya shook her head at the memories. “My mom tried to warn me about him, but I wouldn’t listen. Marvel seemed to know me so well, my likes, and even the things I didn’t like, he didn’t like them either. I thought he was the one, so I ignored my mother.”

  “You can blame me for that,” Gina said as sorrow filled her eyes. Then she tried to explain herself. “I was just so terrified of him; I never knew what would set him off and land me in the ER. So, I tried my best to keep him calm.”

  Toya sympathized with her friend, she recognized the monster in Marvel at the end of their relationship, but Gina lived with him. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, Gina. You did what you needed to do in order to survive.”

  Tears drifted down Gina’s face. She hit her thigh with her fist. “He was always in a pleasant and calm mood whenever I told stories about all the fun you and I used to have. I thought he was just being nice to me to make up for slapping or pushing me, or even that time, he blacked my eye and broke my arm.

  “But to be truthful, I didn’t bother to analyze it too much. Telling my childhood stories kept him calm, and I needed him calm so I could devise a plan of escape.” She looked back at Toya, her eyes implored Toya to understand. “But I never thought he would use those stories to hurt you. I promise I would have just let him beat me rather than turn him loose on you.”

  “I believe you, Gina. You are good with me. And don’t worry about Marvel, because we are going to fight this monster together.”

  Gina’s eyes widened with fear. “You don’t know him like I do, Toya. The evil that’s in him comes from his father. And that man is on a whole nother level of evil. You remember that guy who ran over the woman in Cha
rlottesville or the man who went into that movie theater and shot and killed all those innocent people.” Toya nodded. “Well, Marvel Senior is that level of evil.”

  “You met him?”

  Gina shivered as if trying to get a bug off her. “It was about five years ago. Marvel wanted to visit his father. He wanted to introduce me as his future wife to that evil man. Marvel Senior was in a high-security prison, which I totally understood why after our visit. But I had to go through all these security clearances just to have my name added to the list. The first time he hit me was when I said I didn’t want to go through all of that just to sit in a prison with someone for thirty minutes.

  “He apologized profusely, and I believed that he hadn’t meant to do it... until I visited his father. That man took one look at me, then turned to his son as if I wasn’t sitting right across from him and said, ‘you’ll have to beat this one to keep her in line.’”

  “No, he didn’t.” Toya couldn’t believe what she was hearing. How could anyone be like that?

  “That wasn’t all. He had some sort of sick hold over Marvel. He told his son that he wasn’t happy with the amount of money that he sent every month. He basically blamed Marvel for his imprisonment. He told Marvel that if his silly mother hadn’t got herself knocked up, he wouldn’t have married her and therefore, he wouldn’t be in this situation. So, it was Marvel’s responsibility to take care of him.”

  “Okay yes, the man is evil,” Toya agreed with Gina, but then she said, “But it is our responsibility to put the word of God on this situation. Don’t let Marvel make you forget what we learn in Bible study. You’re fearful because of all that you know about Marvel, right?”

  Gina’s hands were folded in her lap as she nodded.

  “But the word of God tells us that ‘God has not given us the spirit of fear but of love, power land of a sound mind.’”

  “I know all of that, Toya, but somehow when it comes to this situation with Marvel, I forget about God and start worrying about what Marvel is going to do next.”