Hoofin’ It: A Magical Romantic Comedy (with a body count)
Page 41
“What about the cops?” Dad growled.
“If they want to ask me questions, they’ll have to come to Nebraska.” I waited for Marian to relax against me, listening to her laugh softly. I caught her by surprise, and despite my exhaustion, I ducked and tossed her over my shoulder. Fortunately for me, Bai Bao Chen was close by, giving me the perfect chance to dump Marian onto the kirin’s back. “We’re kidnapping her. I have a bet to win. Game?”
The kirin tossed her head and whinnied her laughter. “Always. Yi? We’re leaving. We’re going to some place called Nebraska. Do you think they have cows in Nebraska?”
Bai Bao Chen’s stallion trotted over from deeper within Michietti’s, chortling when he caught sight of Marian sprawled across his mare’s back. “I would not know. How interesting. I would like a cow, too. Do you think they will give us one still alive? Do cows run fast? I hope cows run fast.”
Ernesto sighed and turned to my father. “I’ll take care of things here. Don’t worry. It’s best for everyone if this remains quiet.”
“Come visit. I’ll even let you into the house before you burn to a crisp, vampire.” Dad rose to his full height, grabbed Marian by her waist, and lifted her up, seating her in the saddle. “Boy, I expect you to teach this woman how to sit a horse without embarrassing us all. Get your ass in the saddle and take her home. We’ll be along soon enough, so try not to destroy the house before we’re back.”
Bai Bao Chen spared me from having to vault into the saddle by stretching out her front hooves in a mimicry of a bow. Swinging my leg over the kirin’s back, I slid into place behind Marian, wrapping my arms around her waist and taking a moment to enjoy the feel of her pressed against my chest. “How many pancakes do I have to peel off the ceiling?”
The way my parents refused to meet my eyes promised a mess of epic proportions for me to clean up. “You two!”
“Just take your woman home already.”
Bai Bao Chen rose to her full height and canted her head to look at me with a bright eye. “How far is it to this Nebraska?”
“About five hundred miles.”
The kirin turned to Ernesto and asked, “What is a mile?”
The vampire tossed his head back and laughed. “Why don’t you go find out? Have a safe ride, children.”
“Seriously, Ernesto. Do not make me bite you. What is a mile?”
I struggled to imagine how the kirin had lived so long under the streets of Chicago without learning what a mile was. “I’ll show you,” I promised. “Leave your papa to his business so he feels important. You know how he gets when he doesn’t feel important.”
Ernesto scowled at me. “You truly are an awful child.”
“I am. This awful child is going to kidnap his woman and spend the next few days convincing her she should marry him. If you have any problems with this, take it up with the werewolves. It’s their fault I turned out this way.”
My parents sighed, and Dad shook his head, giving Marian’s leg a pat. “If you need rescued, give us a call. We’ll come save you, eventually—maybe.”
“I think I’ll be all right. I need a vacation anyway, but if my boss gives me any shit for taking a few extra days off, you get to deal with him.”
Dad laughed. “That’s on you, Ernesto. You may as well earn your keep.”
“What do I look like to you?”
I shook my head and let my parents bicker with an ancient vampire who’d lived through the rise and fall of civilizations. I was eager to find somewhere nice and quiet to take a long nap. “Sorry, Marian.”
“For what? I don’t know about you, but I’ve gotten exactly what I wanted. You have nothing to be sorry about—except bleeding all over me. You’ll have to tell me what you thought you were doing on that roof, Mr. Gibson. And once you’re done explaining that, keep in mind won’t be staying in Nebraska long. I may have submitted some applications on your behalf, as is my right as your mate. Unlike Chicago’s police force, the FBI doesn’t have rules against partial blindness or approved fraternization among officers. You’re mine.”
Even when I won, I lost, and even if I lost, I still won, and the thought made me laugh. I’d address the issue with the FBI—and any stealthy applications she may have made on my behalf—later, preferably when I had her somewhere nice and private so I could thoroughly thank her. “I was being an idiot and was busy getting my nose broken, of course. How about I promise not to do it again? I’ll be good.”
She twisted around to glare at me. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
I smiled because it was true. “How about I take you home with me?”
Bai Bao Chen heaved one of Ernesto’s long-suffering sighs. “Puppy love,” she complained to her stallion. Fang Jaihao Yi wisely said nothing.
Maybe one day I’d learn from him, but today was not that day. “You’re just jealous, Bai Bao Chen.”
Somehow she bucked me off without losing Marian, and I laughed with everyone else while I picked myself off the ground. I had to cajole and bribe Bai Bao Chen with every bit of meat in my fridge and freezer to convince the kirin to forgive me and allow me to ride instead of making me walk to my apartment.
Through it all Marian laughed, and I’d never heard a sweeter sound.
About the Author
RJ Blain suffers from a Moleskine journal obsession, a pen fixation, and a terrible tendency to pun without warning.
When she isn't playing pretend, she likes to think she's a cartographer and a sumi-e painter.
In her spare time, she daydreams about being a spy. Should that fail, her contingency plan involves tying her best of enemies to spinning wheels and quoting James Bond villains until she is satisfied.
If you want to know when my next title releases, there are two ways to find out.
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RJBlain.com
Magical Romantic Comedies (with a body count)
Playing with Fire
Hoofin’ It
Hearth, Home, and Havoc (Novella, Dec 2017)
Whatever for Hire (Dec 2017)
Serial Killer Princess (Jan 2018)
From Witch & Wolf World
Series: Witch & Wolf
Inquisitor
Winter Wolf
Blood Diamond
Silver Bullet (December 2017)
* * *
Series: Wolf Hunt
Wolf Hunt (2018)
* * *
Series: Nature of the Beast
Pack Justice
Dual Nature (TBD)
* * *
Series: Balancing the Scales
Karma
License to Kill (TBD)
* * *
Standalones
Beneath a Blood Moon
Shadowed Flame
* * *
Tales of the Winter Wolf
(Short Story/Novella Collections)
Omnibus - Volumes One-Five
Volume Six (Aftermath to Winter Wolf.)
Other Stories by RJ Blain
Jesse Alexander Novels
Water Viper
Steel Heart (TBD)
* * *
Requiem for the Rift King (Epic Fantasy)
Storm Without End
Storm Surge
The Tides of War (TBD)
Witch & Wolf World Reading Order
The Witch & Wolf world is all over the place. I’m sorry about that—really. I’m worse than a gnat sometimes, flitting from project to project, excited to write my next story. Here’s my preferred reading order of these books. While I wrote Inquisitor first, it actually happens after Winter Wolf.
Note: You can jump in on any series with the exception of Blood Diamond, Silver Bul
let, and later volumes—they are dependent on events that happen prior in the series.
Winter Wolf (W&W #2)
Tales of the Winter Wolf Vol. 6
Tales of the Winter Wolf Vol. 1-5
Inquisitor (W&W #1)
Beneath a Blood Moon (Standalone)
Blood Diamond (W&W #3)
Silver Bullet (W&W #4)
Wolf Hunt (WH #1, W&W #5)
* * *
The following books can be read at any time:
Nature of the Beast
Pack Justice
Dual Nature (TBD)
Balancing the Scales
Karma
License to Kill (TBD)
Standalone
Shadowed Flame