So, Sarah was comfortable with the choices she made, despite running counter to her friends ‘having it all’. She wasn’t hard-wired for that kind of life and it was that simple. She had come to terms with feeling as though she disappointed her mother. Sometimes Sarah secretly hoped Rachel would be happy living vicariously through her maverick granddaughter, Skylar. The recent turn of events in the Sinclair home may have been written in the stars, Sarah thought. Rachel could have fun with Skylar and show her ‘the ropes’ of living an important life.
The idea of letting her seventeen year old finish out her senior year of high school in Manhattan sounded irresponsible and stupid in so many ways, but Sarah couldn’t help but feel it was exactly what would help her bloom. Worst case scenario, she thought, was Skylar would come home and in between Sarah would be making lots of trips into the city. Maybe that’s what she needed, anyway. She could take the younger girls into Manhattan the way she once took Claire and Skylar in for the day. She had really slacked off on Safire and Sadie in providing them the same kind of experiences as the older girls. Her sequestering of her babies wasn’t intentional, they happened to fall into different activities. Between sports and music, her girls were significantly more tied up with their respective commitments. Claire and Skylar were more cultured and artsy and demonstrably disinterested in sports and anything having to do with being a on a team.
Sarah was tempted to blame herself by not offering each of her girls a larger variety of things to see and do and become interested in, but rather than put herself in a tither thinking about being a better mother, she decided to leave things alone. The girls dictated their interests to her and she went with that flow in her parenting. She really hoped she didn’t do too much damage. And the truth of the matter was Rachel was bringing the culture of New York upstate with her more frequent visits over the years. Sarah laughed to herself as she thought about her mother on her visits to see her and the girls. Claire and Skylar could put Rachel in a context and culture; so the coiffed hair, Chanel makeup, cat’s eye glasses and antique cigarette holder made perfect sense to the older girls. But she never asked her younger two what they thought of Rachel and her visits. If Rachel felt like a fish out of water, Sarah wondered what it must have looked like to her young, impressionable and very upstate New York girls. She couldn’t help but laugh, her mother was a caricature in so many ways… an accomplished, witty and cultured woman, but a caricature. Sarah decided in that moment she’d take the girls to the city. They needed to see something different and bigger and distinctively less homogenous than where they lived. And maybe Sarah needed some culture for herself, too, and a really good New York bagel with a schmear.
Sarah needed to call Rachel and see if any of this was a possibility. She never had a feeling about which way her mother might answer to a particular request. And fair enough, Rachel’s life was busy and full, and it would be entirely understandable to not want a seventeen year old around cramping her lifestyle.
She picked up her phone and scrolled down to her Mom’s number at home and waited for it to ring. Sarah had finally come to terms with Claire leaving the nest, but she wasn’t quite prepared to see two of her babies go.
“Hello, honey, what’s happening? You neva cawl in the middle of the day.”
Sarah cleared her throat, “Um, hi, Ma, I have a question for you and I’m not sure….”
“Sarah, honey, don’t beat around the bush, just tell me what you need. I have a meeting in twenty minutes.”
“I want Skylar to come and live with you for her senior year of high school,” Sarah bit her lip as the words poured out of her mouth.
“Is she okay, honey? What’s going on?”
“Well, it’s a long story, but she’s not happy here and she wants to be in the city.”
“With me? I don’t believe that.”
Sarah paused and wondered what she needed to explain to her mother in that moment.
“Well, she has a girlfriend who lives in the city and she wants to move in with her. I thought you would be a better plan B, that’s all.”
“Is she GAY? Whaddya mean, she wants to move in with her girlfriend?”
“Well, Ma, I guess I knew I wouldn’t be able to put anything past you… yes, she thinks she’s gay and I think she’s too young to move in with a woman.”
“Well,” Rachel huffed, “she’s a baby, but at her age, she would know who she had a predilection for. But I agree, you can’t send her off to live with a girlfriend… and you certainly can’t expect her to stay where you are… that could be devastating to a young person.”
Sarah took a deep breath and asked, “So, what are you saying, Ma?”
“We have no choice, honey, she needs to come live with me. We’ll work out the details when I have a little more room on my schedule, kay, sweetie?”
“Okay, Ma… thanks.”
Sarah wasn’t sure if Rachel hung up before she could thank her, but one thing in the moment was certain, Sarah was overcome at the thought of her two oldest girls leaving home at the same time. She wasn’t sure if she was going to vomit or if she should hit the liquor cabinet for a shot of something to calm her nerves. She leaned against the counter and took a deep breath. She couldn’t decide if she was afraid of the imminent life adventures of her girls or she was afraid of the unknown itself. Maybe, she thought, she had created a life for herself and her family that was entirely too safe. She didn’t want to put her fears on her girls. Sarah had a small window of alone time left to get her shit together and figure out what was rubbing her the wrong way.
Chapter Ten
Earl walked in the back door just as his wife slammed a shot of something down her throat and dropped the glass on the counter as though she were at happy hour with friends in college.
“Uh, honey, what’s going on? Or shouldn’t I ask?”
Sarah looked at Earl and decided not to cry. He was a big teddy bear with the strongest arms and warmest hugs in the whole world, but Sarah decided she didn’t need comforting. She needed to get on the bandwagon to prepare herself for the adventures of the young women she thoughtfully raised.
“Ugh, I just needed to do one shot to calm my nerves a little.”
“Okay, I mean, I’m all for the whiskey, honey, but it’s not even dinnertime yet.”
Sarah looked Earl in the eyes and spoke calmly, “My babies are leaving and I just have to get myself together.”
“Oh, you talked to Rachel about Skylar going to New York… and she said yes. Hmm… how about that?”
“Yeah, I’m surprised. It was easier than I thought it would be. A young woman discovering herself should be in a place that’s filled with opportunity, of course my mother would be supportive of that… it just happened so fast. My mother and Skylar are kismet in so many ways, I have to let her go. I want her to fly. I just didn’t think I’d be packing up two of my babies at the same time.”
Earl reached over and grabbed Sarah whether she wanted a hug or not. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.
“You have been a great mother and you will continue to be a great mother. This is what you worked for, isn’t it? You’ve raised fiercely independent, intelligent young women who will go out into the world to discover who they are. Mrs. Sinclair, I’d like to tell you your work here is done, but it’s just entering a new phase. Let’s see where your girls take you now. They’re always going to need you.”
“Mom! Mom! What time is dinner?!?” Safire yelled from the porch.
“It’s at six-thirty, like it is every night!’ Sarah yelled back.
“Kay! Sadie and I are going to the park to shoot hoops!”
“Kay! Don’t be late!”
Sarah turned to Earl, “So, everything will be fine, right?”
“Everything is going to be exactly as it should be.”
“Now I need a hug… and a kiss.”
“Hey, Mom, sorry to interrupt,” Claire said as she heaved a box onto the kitchen counter, “i
t’s so cute how you and Dad still hug and kiss after all these years.”
Earl smiled and said, “Well, on that note, I’ll give you ladies some time to talk about whatever it is you need to talk about.”
Earl leaned in and kissed Claire on the top of the head before heading out the back door.
“What’s that about, Mom, what do we need to talk about?” Claire asked.
“Nothing, really, Claire, I think your Dad was ready to head out and find something more testosterone-oriented to do.”
“Oh, that’s all? You’re acting weird… and there’s a bottle of whiskey on the counter sitting next to an empty shot glass.”
“Yeah, well, I just talked to Rachel and she’s more than happy to take Skylar in for her senior year of high school. So, apart from the obvious, that this is crazy and it happened way too fast, I’m mourning the loss of two of my girls at the same time. Thus, the whiskey. Do you want a shot?”
“Hmm, Mom, I don’t know what to say. I would do a shot with you, but I’m meeting….”
Claire’s voice trailed off. She was so caught up in how the situation with Skylar was making her feel that she didn’t stop to think about how her mother would feel. She loved her sister infinitely, but she couldn’t help but feel a little put off by the fact that she always broke the rules and managed to get rewarded in one way or another. So, Claire was off to the University to start her conservative little path while her baby sister was heading to Manhattan. She needed to wrap her mind around it differently, but it wasn’t easy in this particular moment.
“You know what, Mom, let’s do a shot together. I need to practice for college anyhow.”
“Claire, please don’t make me a complete wreck,” Sarah’s voice dropped an octave and lost its intonation completely.
“Whatever, I’m joking. You raised me to not make a big deal about alcohol. I’m not going to be one of those college freshmen who go off the deep end… with drugs, alcohol or food when they leave their parents’ house. Nope, no freshmen fifteen for me or OD’ing on anything else for that matter.”
“Okay,” Sarah hesitated.
“Mom, you did a good job with us… and I know I don’t tell you that enough, but we’re going to be okay because of you. We’re going to be amazing because of you.”
Claire reached for the shots and handed one to her mother, “A toast to you, mom. I love you.”
Skylar walked in the kitchen just in time for the toast, “Okay, my mother and underage sister are doing shots of whiskey at three in the afternoon. Nice. And I’m the one who’s fucked up because I like women?”
“We don’t think you’re fucked up, Skye,” Sarah and Claire said in unison.
“Ugh, I know, but I feel like I sprang all this on you way too fast. I really like Felicia, but even she’s a little too enthusiastic about supporting my conversion to women.”
“Well,” Sarah said, “you can stay here or go to New York, no pressure from me either way. I talked to Rachel today and she’s all for it. We just need to talk to her again to arrange the details.”
“So,” Skylar said, “the only way I can go to New York is if I live with Rachel?”
“Honey, I’m not letting you move in with your twenty-four year old girlfriend. I’m not… for a lot of reasons. If Felicia were a guy, your father would have already choked him. I’m letting you leave, but you’re going to do this under my terms. Not yours. You’re my responsibility. Besides, you don’t know Felicia yet. Give it time.”
“Alright, alright. You’re right. Rachel is the best option. I can hang out with Felicia when I want to see her. She’s in the Village, not too far from Rachel.”
Sarah smiled, her daughters had good heads on their shoulders and she was going to take some credit for it.
“Rachel is probably going to do some research to figure out where you can get into a school this late,” Sarah said as she put the whiskey away and placed the dirty shot glasses in the sink.
“Well, why can’t I go to public school? I don’t need anything private or fancy and I don’t need her pulling any strings for me,” Skylar said, somewhat indignantly.
“Why don’t I talk to her again when she has a little more time and we’ll take it from there?” Sarah asked.
“Whatever you talk about with Rachel, just don’t forget to include me. I have ideas of my own for my last year in high school.”
“Well, I’m assuming this is all about preparing you for college next year and getting you into early admissions for Vanderbilt… you’re still planning in joining Claire at Vanderbilt, right?”
Silence fell between Skylar, Sarah and Claire. Skylar didn’t think the timing was right to disrupt the plan, so she nodded her head in agreement to keep the peace for the time being. She had no intentions of applying to Vanderbilt, but she’d wait to drop that particular bomb.
“Hey, I’m going to skip dinner tonight and hang out with Ryan,” Claire said to change the subject.
Claire already knew Skylar had other plans for school and her life. Not that her sister had intimated anything to her lately, she could feel it. She could feel everything slipping away, too… the plans she had for herself and Skylar and the plans she had made to share her college life with the boy she had already fallen for. Claire knew it was no longer a matter of things slipping away... everything she had planned for had changed in the last few days. Commotion coming from the back deck jarred Claire from her thoughts.
“Hey, ladies,” Earl said as he stuck his head through the door, “look who I found out here while I was making my way back up from the shed.”
Claire looked up and saw Ryan holding a long, white box wrapped in ribbon. The gesture was romantic, Claire thought, but she didn’t have the heart to tell him flowers weren’t her thing. Claire wasn’t sure how she could begin to articulate that she wasn’t like other girls. She wasn’t sure if Ryan or any other guy, for that matter, could really understand who she was.
And then it hit her, Ryan would never have the chance to get to know her, to find out she preferred poems to roses or a good conversation over jewelry… and now she would never really get to know him. Her fairytale ideas about life and love had been turned upside down. She wondered why she had to romanticize everything. And then she thought that maybe flowers from the baseball star were exactly what she needed. She needed learn to go with the flow.
“Hey, there, Claire. These are for your Mom,” Ryan said.
“Oh,” Claire said smiling, happy to see Ryan buttering up to Sarah while demonstrating his awareness regarding her disinclination toward being wooed by long-stem roses. Maybe he was paying attention, after all.
Ryan handed the box to Sarah, who untied the ribbon and opened the lid to discover twelve long-stemmed white roses.
“Oh, Ryan, these are beautiful. You shouldn’t have.”
“Well, Mrs. Sinclair, I wanted to get you something special since Claire is getting ready to leave and I didn’t want you to think I took it lightly that I got to spend so much time with your amazing daughter these last few months.”
“Awwww, that’s so sweet, Ryan,” Sarah said as she leaned in to kiss Ryan on the cheek, “I’ll put these in water right now. They’re really beautiful.”
Ryan turned to Claire and smiled. He pulled a small, wrapped gift from out of his backpack and handed it to Claire.
“And for you, dear Claire, I knew flowers wouldn’t impress you, so I needed to find something that I thought might take your breath away.”
Claire smiled and took the package. It was a book. A hardcover. Ryan was completely unaware how feeling the book in her hands without yet knowing what it was made her melt. She unwrapped the paper and found .a copy of Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë.
“Oh my God, I LOVE this book. I lent it out to someone and never got it back. Amazing,” Claire smiled as she held the book in her hand and studied its cover, “Thank you Ryan, this is really so sweet of you.”
Ryan smiled and kissed her cheek, “You’re
welcome. I have a thing for classic literature and it looked like something you would like.”
Claire wanted to be happy. She wanted to be in the moment and celebrate her life, but Ryan and Skye were leaving and Claire was on her way into the unknown alone. She took a deep breath and willed the hollow pain in her gut to leave. It wasn’t physical, Claire thought, her brain decided the best way to deal with her metaphorical heart breaking would be to create the overwhelming feeling of emptiness somewhere in her gut. She couldn’t believe her body could react so vehemently to an emotion. She had to get a grip.
Releasing her breath slowly helped her let it go. She had to grow up and be brave alone. Ryan and Skylar were going to brave it alone. Claire was sure she was the only weak one out of the three of them. She would will herself to be okay and hope it would stick.
Claire smiled and said, “Maybe it’ll inspire me to figure out what I’m supposed to do next.”
“Oh, Clairebear,” Earl chimed in, “you know exactly what you’re going to do next. You’ve been mapping out your life plan since you were in grade school… now c’mon, let’s sit down and eat. Ryan, I don’t know if you had big plans for tonight with my beautiful daughter, but maybe you can join us for dinner… we’d like to have you here, son.”
Ryan smiled and nodded, “Well, I’d love to stay, let me just call my dad.”
Ryan had grown to like Claire, of course, but he liked her family almost as much. He wondered if this summer would be the beginning and end of getting to know them. It didn’t matter. Throwing pitches in California was a part of his plan while working his way up to the Majors. He was entirely too young to be serious about a girl, despite knowing Claire was special. He wanted to kick back and enjoy his last few days before heading west.
Twist of Fate Page 9
