Ryan kissed Claire on the cheek and excused himself. Claire suddenly felt giddy. The thought of a great guy taking the time to buy her a novel, one that she already loved, made her want to giggle. And then he kissed her in front of her parents. Claire was sure she’d never feel like giggling over anything a boy could do for her, reserving it only for silly moments with her parents or sisters. Her whole world had turned amazing in a moment. Ryan had her number. And then Claire remembered… he was leaving. But not tonight, she thought, he wasn’t leaving tonight.
Chapter Eleven
Skylar felt like hanging out with friends at the local coffee house. She got along with most of her peers at school, despite her lack of social decorum as of late. She was still on the fringe of being in the ‘in’ crowd. She was actually looking forward to feeling like a ‘Jane-Schmo’, typical goofball, seventeen-year-old high school girl for the evening.
Felicia was cool and creative, but sometimes she also seemed serious, too grown-up and occasionally morose when she got on subjects about how great it was in the sixties and how shitty things were in the new millennia sitting on the cusp of the impending apocalypse. She was heavy and Skylar didn’t always feel that heavy. She also couldn’t quite put her finger on someone born in 1990 being so reminiscent about an era in time that happened close to fifty years ago. Skylar thought maybe Felicia was a hippie back then and died too young of a drug overdose or something. She was sure, anyway, that’s what Claire would say.
“Yo, Skylar, what are you doing out here by yourself?”
Skylar jumped a little. She thought she was alone.
“Oh, hey, Brad, I’m heading to the coffee shop,” Skylar responded with a smile.
Skylar had known Brad since Elementary School, like most of the kids in town. They all grew up together and rarely ever left. Brad was the youngest of five brothers. They were fifth generation dairy farmers. Skylar thought Brad was nice and definitely cute in a farmer sort of way. Burly and tough, not crazy smart or anything, but she always liked him.
“What are you doing there, meeting your girlfriend?”
“Um, no actually, she’s in the city.”
“So, the rumors are true, then? You’re really a lesbian?”
“Yeah, it’s true. I am really a lesbian.”
It felt funny to say it out loud, but Skylar wasn’t sure why. She wasn’t embarrassed, exactly. It just seemed like a strange statement to make about herself. So many adjectives could describe who she was.
“I never met one before, cool,” Brad said and smiled.
“Yeah… I guess cool is one way to describe it.”
“Hey, Skye, come hang out with me for a while and have a beer. I’m meeting some of the guys and their girlfriends down at the lake.”
“Sorry, Brad, I would, but I’m meeting a couple of friends for coffee.”
“Well, who are you meeting? Guaranteed they’re down at the lake, too. It’s turning into a pre-senior-year party, you should come.”
“Hmmm,” Skylar really considered the invite. She knew she was leaving and it would be the last time she’d see anyone again for a long time.
“Come on, maybe you’ll hook up with someone. There are girls there, too.”
Brad smiled and held out his hand. Skylar couldn’t resist. He was like a brother to her and she was definitely in the mood for hanging out and having a couple of beers. Skylar grabbed his hand and they walked through town toward the woods and the lake.
“Now don’t get any ideas about getting me back to your team, Brad.”
She laughed and put her head on his shoulder. He pulled out his pack of cigarettes and lit one. Skylar could tell in just a few seconds Brad was not smoking regular tobacco.
“Hey, where’d you get that joint?”
“Why, you want some Skye?”
Skylar took the joint from Brad and inhaled deeply. She released the smoke slowly through her nose and waited to feel the rush. Skylar was no stranger to smoking weed occasionally. It wasn’t Claire’s thing, so she never really talked about it. It was something she enjoyed with the right people.
“So, what’s it like to be with a girl?” Brad asked as they hiked down the wooded path toward the lake.
“I don’t know, it’s like being with a boy, but softer, I guess.”
“It’s so cool, Skye, you just decide who you are and go for it. Everyone at school thinks it’s pretty cool.”
“Well, not everyone, Brad.”
The path opened up to a rugged, grassy shoreline. The open space was filled with close to one hundred kids from school. Skylar assessed this by clumping them into groups and doing some fast math using the full moon as her only lighting. This was a big party. The air was crisp for a summer night. She pulled her jacket off of her waist and slid it on.
“Hey, are you cold? Do you want my jacket?”
Skylar knew Brad was a nice guy, but he was being particularly sweet, “No, I’m okay, but we should go find the beer.”
Brad pulled a small bottle of tequila from his backpack, “Will this do? I can get us beer if you want that instead.”
“Nah,” Skylar said, “let’s drink some tequila!”
Brad handed Skylar the bottle and she happily took a swig before handing it back. He motioned for her to join him on a boulder closer to the lake. It was only a matter of time before the other kids discovered the tequila and marijuana and in no time someone pulled out some wireless speakers and played some tunes. Skylar felt herself surrounded by her childhood friends, wasted and happy, hugging and singing some old rock-and-roll from the nineties. It didn’t matter who she liked, boy or girl, and she wondered if she was rash in her judgment about going to the city.
~~~~
The house was empty just minutes after dinner ended. Safire and Sadie played basketball and decided to go to a friend’s house for dinner. Skylar was out to ponder her life’s decisions alone and Sarah and Earl decided to have a movie date night. Ryan volunteered to clear the table and load the dishwasher. Meanwhile, Claire found a couple of throws and pillows and set them up on the couch before looking for a movie they could stream.
Claire had no idea what movie to choose. It depended on whether she and Ryan were actually going to watch the movie or maybe make out a little bit. She didn’t want anything too serious or too chick-flicky or too cerebral. Guys always liked comedies, maybe she should look for something funny.
“Hey, Claire,” Ryan called from the kitchen, “Can you come in here a minute?”
Claire turned the corner into the kitchen and found Ryan holding up a small plate with something chocolate and delicious-looking on it. He lit the candle sitting in its center and stepped back to reveal two glasses of red wine on the counter.
“Now that we’ve gotten to know each other, Claire, I wanted to celebrate our birthdays the way I wished we could’ve five months ago. I know it’s totally corny, but I guess that’s the kind of guy I am.”
Ryan was right. It was so cheesy, but Claire didn’t care. She helped carry the wine into the living room while he managed to keep the candle lit on the chocolate cheesecake. Ryan fed Claire a bite of the dessert and took a bite for himself. He handed Claire her wine and raised his glass to toast her.
“I’m so not good at this, Claire, but I want you to know in the short time I’ve gotten to know you, I really have fallen for you. And I know we’re young and going in completely different directions, but I really like you.”
Claire smiled and took a sip of wine from her glass. She really liked him, too. She decided she’d play it cool because she was already saying good-bye to him in her mind. Claire knew they’d meet again if they were supposed to. She did everything she could in her mind to prepare her breaking heart with a thoughtful dose of faith and hope from above. She decided she was okay in that space.
“Look, Ryan, you’re so sweet and I really like you, but we know where this is going, so….”
Ryan smiled and looked into Claire’s eyes, “Okay, I get it,
but I just want to say… I… ugh, I never stutter. I just want to say it’s like I’ve known you before, Claire. That’s it. I know it’s so fucking crazy, but….”
Claire giggled again, for the second time, maybe third in her entire life, in front of a boy. She wondered who she was to Ryan in a past life. Of course she knew they had been around together before. For Claire, it was obvious. She knew a handful of people she swore she knew before in another time and place. And she was always grateful for being aware of those kinds of connections when they happened.
Ryan looked forlorn and asked, “Do you think that’s stupid? I mean, it kinda sounds stupid when I hear the words come out of my mouth.”
In that moment, Claire felt wildly comfortable in her skin, as though she had wisdom. Zia Regina and her mother had always told her she had an old soul and she could feel it, but she wasn’t always comfortable revealing herself in this particular way to others. Some people thought this kind of spiritual talk was nothing but New Age banter, but Claire knew there was more going on in life than what met the eye. So she wasn’t being cool with Ryan or nonchalant, she was simply being herself. Claire was letting her soul do the talking. She might not have been well-versed in a lot of things, including team sports, but she knew how to talk about God and faith and the timelessness of human souls.
“Ryan,” Claire said as she put her half-empty glass of wine on the coffee table before she turned to face him, “I feel like I have a million things to say to you—like ‘How’ve you been?’ or ‘Why’d we meet again in this lifetime?’ or ‘It’s about time’—I think we’ve known each other before and I don’t think it’s crazy. I’m amazed to hear you talk like this. But you should know I feel like I have a responsibility to myself and to you to do the right thing by us in this lifetime.”
“Wow, Claire, this is so mind blowing. I don’t know what to say… I’m happy that you don’t think I’m crazy. I felt like this the second I met you. But what do you mean ‘do the right thing by us’?”
“We’ve known each other before in another time and in other circumstances and we don’t know what they are… so what are our lessons? What are our intentions? How do we decide on what we are now if we don’t know where we’ve been with each other before?”
Ryan stood up and paced the floor of the living room, “I mean, I get we’re connected and I feel it, but this is deep, you know? I thought I was coming over to feed you chocolate and get a little tipsy before we made out and I said goodnight. I never expected this… not that I don’t believe you.”
“Sorry,” Claire said, “I’m crazy and intense and I just get so carried away. The point is, well, you’re leaving and I’m leaving. Maybe we should just…”
“Just what?”
Claire stood up and pressed her body into Ryan’s back. She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head into his back. She took a deep breath and exhaled.
“I don’t know. I’m so fucking serious. Maybe we should go up to my room.”
Claire had just propositioned a boy, but it was a boy she liked, so maybe this was a good thing. She felt her palms get a little sweaty. She never propositioned a boy for anything before and certainly never had a boy come up to her bedroom.
But the moment was so romantic, whimsical, special, and momentous. The tension between them grew more intense in each moment, broken only by her phone as it vibrated on the coffee table. Fate. Fuck.
“Ryan, I’m sorry, I have to go check my phone,” Claire smiled and looked at him. For the first time in her life as an official young woman, or ever for that matter, she knew what it felt like to want to be intimate with a boy. The feeling came from deep within her—part heart, part something she never felt.
Claire sighed on first glance at her phone, “It’s my mom.”
Claire’s heart skipped a beat. Caught the late movie, going out for a drink afterwards. Don’t wait up. Xoxo mom.
“Holy crap,” Claire uttered aloud.
“Is everything okay?” Ryan asked.
This moment, Claire knew, was going to define her young life. She thought she was being a little melodramatic, but it seemed so Hollywood-esque. She could tell Ryan the truth about their newfound alone time and lead him up to her bedroom or she could tell him a white lie and say her parents were on the way home. Claire stood in silence for what felt like thirty minutes, or a year, or a lifetime. Her heart beat fast. She took another deep breath and exhaled.
She wondered if she waited for him to come to her in this lifetime. Claire imagined them as lovers, torn apart during some long-forgotten war in another time. She imagined them aged and dying, living a long, lovely life and taking their last breath together. She imagined them reuniting—running toward each other in a field, in a very Hollywood way, and she jumps into his arms and they kiss. The possibilities were endless. Claire then saw some kind of weird artillery shell crashing down on them before she gets to him… her mental record jumping on a big scratch before she quickly did a mental rewind. She couldn’t believe how twisted she could be, but it wasn’t a thought, it was a vision. She went back to the meadow and her running toward Ryan quickly putting the image out of her mind. In all the years she felt certain psychic energies and vibrations, she never saw images roll through her mind.
“Claire, is everything okay?”
“Hm?”
“With your text message? You read it and were completely zoned out.”
“I’m so sorry, Ryan.”
“It’s so weird, you’re like the only girl I’ve ever known to not drop everything to be with me. I like that. You get sort of self-absorbed.”
“Let’s go up to my room.”
Claire led Ryan by the hand and walked up the stairs.
“So, everything’s okay, I guess?”
“Yeah, my parents went out for a drink and told me not to wait up, so I think I’m not going to wait up.”
Claire turned off the bedroom light and turned on her beside nightlight with the hope it would offer her room some kind of ambiance. She shoved her bed with her knees toward Skylar’s bed.
“Hey,” Claire said, “Can you help a girl out who’s trying desperately to be somewhat sexy?”
Ryan looked nervous. Claire was less nervous in her bedroom than she was downstairs. She wondered if there was something she could do to calm him down.
Ryan smiled and pushed Skylar’s bed into Claire’s in one motion. Claire ran downstairs and grabbed the bottle of wine and one glass.
“I think we’ll be less nervous if we have another sip of wine,” Claire said.
“Yeah, I mean, maybe we should just talk for a little bit,” Ryan said, biting his lip.
Claire sat on her bed and tapped Skylar’s bed for Ryan to sit down.
“Claire, I know this sounds crazy, I’ve been with other girls before and I’m usually pretty sure of myself, but I’m sort of at a loss with you.”
“I don’t want to pressure you, Ryan, I just thought….”
Ryan leaned forward and pressed his lips into Claire’s. He gently grabbed the back of her neck to pull her closer to him. Claire moaned when she felt the weight and strength of his hand cradling the back of her head. Ryan laid Claire down on her bed and gently sidled up next to her in the same bed. She desperately wanted him and then he was gone.
“What the?” Claire asked.
“Jesus, the beds fell apart.”
Claire looked down at the floor and grimaced at the sight of Ryan in a contorted heap between the beds. She was sure it was meant to be that they were supposed to have sex. The house was empty and the parents were guaranteed to be gone for another couple of hours.
“Are you okay, Ryan? How’s your arm?”
Ryan got up, rubbed his hands up and down his body to gesture that nothing was broken or critically injured. He straightened himself out and gingerly sat back on Skylar’s bed.
“I’m fine. I’m super embarrassed, but I’m fine.”
Claire huffed and crossed her arms. She th
ought about pushing her bottom lip out to exaggerate her feelings of poutiness.
Ryan lay down in Skylar’s bed, bent his elbow and propped his head up in his hand. He motioned for Claire to do the same in her own bed.
“Well,” Claire said after she decided pouting wasn’t all that endearing, “I’m glad you’re okay.”
The room was silent until Claire and Ryan simultaneously said, “I guess it wasn’t meant to be for us.”
“I mean,” Claire interjected to get the first word in, “it’s not because I didn’t want to… I don’t know, we had the perfect opportunity and….”
“It’s all right, Claire, I was kind of feeling like I wanted to wait. I can’t promise you anything after I leave and I wanted your first time to be special.”
“I never told you it was my first time.”
“Sorry, I just assumed….”
“What? Do I seem that naïve, Ryan?”
“No, you seem that special, Claire. Whoever gets to have you someday will be one lucky guy.”
“Oh, okay,” Claire said as she lay back down on the bed and stared at the ceiling, “that’s a good answer.”
“Well, it’s the truth, Claire. You’re a really cool chick.”
Claire thought it was cute Ryan thought she was cool. She wanted to sit there while he extoled all of her virtues, but she couldn’t be that bold to ask without coming across as completely narcissistic. She knew he liked her and it satisfied her in that moment.
“Ryan, are you nervous about going away?”
“So, are we off sex and onto other conversations?” he asked.
“Maybe we should go for a walk and talk,” Claire said, thinking about getting out of the house and breathing in fresh air. The moment was gone and she’d be okay with it eventually.
Twist of Fate Page 10
