Hopelessly Imperfect (Imperfect #1)

by Gabriela Cabezut

“He is.” I walked to my locker, which was six lockers away from hers. “So, where are we going?”

  She cracked up. “You are so telling me later about this Rivers guy.”

  Hopefully, you’ll forget about it after we chase your mysterious boyfriend. However, with my luck and knowing how persistent she was, she would get her way eventually.

  “I’ll meet you here in an hour, okay?” She beamed at me before trotting away. We still had one more class before lunch.

  As I neared my calculus classroom, Marissa stepped in front of me. Her eyes were narrowed and venomous as she growled, “I don’t buy the innocent look you’re sporting. You are no one, Cassandra. Nobody cares about you if you’re not hanging out with us.”

  I knew I had hurt her without meaning to. Still, I really didn’t want to have enemies. Especially her. “I had no idea you liked him. You never said anything.” An incredulous look passed through her eyes, as if she thought I was trying to mislead her. “Seriously,” I stressed.

  “I don’t believe you.” Her lips were set in a straight line, and her jaw was clenched. A vein even popped out on her forehead as she glared at me. “I won’t forgive you. And I’m watching you. You should watch your back too.” With that, she walked away as I rolled my eyes at her.

  She was clearly delusional if she thought I was scared of her. First, she wasn’t menacing at all. Second, I couldn’t care less about Tom. I meant it when I said he was nice and that I was happy for her. If she didn’t believe me, I couldn’t do anything about it.

  I entered the classroom and took a seat in the back, next to the window once again. I liked looking outside, watching the way the wind moved the leaves on the trees, or the soccer team practicing on the field. It was sort of refreshing.

  A moment later, Nathan walked into class, joking around with some other guy. Both of them had the distinctive body type of someone who does a lot of exercise. My brows furrowed as I thought about how I’d felt when Farah had mentioned she’d met someone in detention. That was just plain weird. Still, I didn’t want that guy to be Nathan. And that thought made me feel bewildered and awkward.

  I was looking through the window again when I heard him shuffling around with the chair behind my desk. And I swear I could feel him smirking at me.

  Not paying attention at him, I rolled my eyes and turned in time to see Anne, my former best friend, step into class. My stomach clenched at the sight of her. I missed her every day when Mom was sick, but I just didn’t want to deal with anything at the time. And I hurt her. I knew that.

  Apparently, I’d hurt everyone around me. Marissa was proof of that.

  That sinking feeling washed over me again. Sighing, I took out my calculus book and notebook as I felt Nathan bump his desk against my chair again, the same way he had on the first day of school. I knew he was just messing with me, and just like that, the dark feeling vanished as my lips twitched. “You should switch seats with someone. This desk is clearly too small for you, Rivers,” I said without turning around.

  He chuckled. “What would be the fun in that, Taylor?” He stayed quiet for a moment before adding, “Don’t I get a hello from a comrade?”

  Bemused at his statement, I turned around. “What?”

  His eyes wandered all over my face, and the smile vanished from his face as he looked at me in concern. “Are you okay?”

  Peeved at his obvious distress, I turned back around. “I’m fine.”

  Yes. I looked like crap. I knew my eyes were red and puffy from crying so much, and I still didn’t feel like wearing makeup. I had only applied some light mascara and a bit of blush today so Dad wouldn’t worry.

  “Are you sure?” he whispered.

  My temper flared. I didn’t want pity from anyone. Especially from him. Things were awkward enough as it was. I turned to his desk once again, feeling pissed. “Look—” I stopped abruptly because I didn’t realize he was leaning close to me, and now our faces were only inches apart.

  Our noses were about to touch, and I gasped as I found myself gazing into those intense gray eyes as they bored into mine. I noticed they had ocean-blue flecks. My lips parted as Nathan got even closer to me. “I don’t pity you. I never would,” he whispered, as if he knew I’d get angry because of that. He was so close that if I moved less than an inch, our lips would touch.

  He pulled away then and ran his hand through his hair as he took a deep breath, still watching me. Wide-eyed and awed, I turned away from him. My hands were trembling, and instinctively I touched my scars as a shaky breath left my lips.

  What the hell was that?

  The teacher walked in and started class, but the only thing I could think about was those mesmerizing eyes. They were so unique; I had never seen eyes like his. They looked so deep that I felt like I could really get lost in them.

  He didn’t bump my chair again, and I grabbed my things and left as fast as I could as soon as class was over. If he had made me uncomfortable before, well, after this there was a new grade of awkwardness hanging in the air. At least for me.

  Farah caught up with me at my locker and kept rambling about the guy she wanted to see. She still hadn’t mentioned his name, and I was feeling more nervous with every second that he might be Nathan. Also, the whole situation with him was unnerving. Still, I tried to ignore my rambling thoughts as I followed her around. We passed the janitor’s closet and left the school through the back entrance. Outside, we had to walk through a small alley filled with dumpsters.

  “Ew.” I pinched my nose and looked pointedly at Farah. She shrugged and kept walking. I had to admit, she seemed unfazed at the smell as we walked straight to the other side of the street like it was normal to just pass through here. She really liked this guy. Warily, I looked back at the small exit door we’d just left through. Where are we going?

  We’d crossed a small parking lot when I heard guys shouting. Farah’s eyes cut to me. She was wide-eyed as we stepped inside the alley where the commotion was coming from. We both froze for a moment. A full-on fight was going on. A large crowd had congregated around it, and people were screaming at both opponents.

  I swallowed hard and glanced at Farah. She looked as panicked as me. I saw some guys from our school, but I wasn’t friends with them. No surprise there. However, the place was completely crowded. There were a lot of people I didn’t know and had never seen in my life. They didn’t look nice, either.

  Swallowing hard, I placed my hand on Farah’s arm. “I think we should leave.”

  Her usually easygoing demeanor was slowly fading away. Hesitantly, she nodded. Before we turned around to run back to school, a boy spoke from behind us. “Hi, beautiful! You made it!”

  Farah’s eyes sparkled as I turned around to find the same guy that had walked into calculus with Nathan. Relief washed over me as he approached us. He had soft, brownish waves of hair and was sporting a warm smile. However, my eyes widened as they zoomed in on his white t-shirt. It was smudged with dirt and a few bloodstains. I looked quizzically at Farah, whose panic had clearly evaporated as she gazed at him dreamily. I rolled my eyes at that.

  He stepped closer and kissed her on the cheek like a fight wasn’t going on right behind us. “I’m Chris, by the way.” He raised his hand like he wanted to bump fists with me. I just blinked at him. His green eyes sparkled in amusement as I didn’t move an inch. Farah beamed at him and was speechless for a change. Despite the dirty t-shirt, he was cute and also well-built. Even though he was being friendly now, he had the whole bad-boy attitude going on, which had me concerned for Farah.

  “And you’re Cassandra.” I frowned at him. How did he know me?

  Farah looked between us. “You know each other?” Her voice contained a hint of jealousy.

  “No,” I stressed at the same time he said, “kind of.”

  I eyed him quizzically. He shrugged and added nonchalantly, “We take calculus together, and we appear to have a friend in common, don’t we?” His eyes twinkled knowingly. Before I could answ
er, he grabbed Farah’s hand and my shoulder. “Come on, you’ll get to see our friend in action!”

  My brows furrowed in bewilderment as he pushed people to the side and brought us to the front of the circle. He passed an arm around Farah’s waist as I frowned at him. He was being too friendly for someone who just met her.

  Farah smiled at me reassuringly before someone shouted, “For this round, we have Rivers against Thompson!”

  My eyes widened as I found myself staring at Nathan’s gray eyes once again. They were stormy, clouded with rage and pain at the same time. But not physical pain. The kind of heartbreaking ache that makes you feel guilty and distraught at the same time. Curiosity and concern spiked inside me as my stomach clenched uneasily. However, the pain faded as his eyes locked on mine. Anger darkened his face.

  Someone doesn’t look happy to see me here.

  His eyes traveled to Chris and narrowed. Chris wasn’t really paying attention to Nathan. Instead, he was whispering to Farah, who was giggling like a little girl.

  Nathan’s opponent walked inside the circle. He was really skinny, and for a moment, I feared for him. Glowering, Nathan walked to stand in front of him. The guy launched himself at Nathan, and I winced for the Thompson dude. I was no expert in fighting, but he didn’t seem to stand a chance.

  On cue, Nathan blocked the guy’s fist with his arm and punched him in the stomach.

  “Don’t hit him so hard,” I heard myself scream at Nathan as the guy bent over, obviously in pain from the punch.

  Nathan gazed at me incredulously as the boy stood up. I shrugged apologetically at him. Thompson stood in front of Nathan, but Nathan was still glowering at me and didn’t notice that the skinny boy was getting ready to punch him again.

  Crap. He’ll hit Nathan this time.

  A wide smile tugged up my lips. Take that, Nathan.

  An emotion I couldn’t describe flashed through his face just as he got punched in it. I couldn’t help myself and cracked up.

  He didn’t see it coming, and the force of the blow made him lose his balance and land on his butt. He got up, shaking his head, a small smile on his face. Our eyes locked for a moment just as the school bell rang in the distance. Everyone scattered in a hurry. Nathan shook hands with the skinny guy, who was grinning like he was the happiest man on earth.

  A moment later, Nathan reached us and slapped Chris hard on the back. Chris didn’t seem to mind, though. He was smirking at Nathan. An ugly bruise was starting to form on Nathan’s eye. It was already swelling and turning purple. I felt a pang of guilt for distracting him and laughing about what happened to him as well.

  He was walking next to me, still smiling. “I’m sorry,” I blurted out, embarrassed, and winced as he turned to me. His eye looked even more swollen. It had to hurt too.

  Nathan stopped to open the school’s back door for me. He smirked at me as his good eye wandered to my face. “It was worth it.”

  Huh?

  Quizzically, I frowned at his words before we trotted back to school, Farah and Chris right behind us.

  Before we parted ways in the hallway, he stopped in front of me. A breathtaking smile played on his face as he said, “I’d take that punch again just to see you smile like that once more.” My heart started to race as he leaned closer and whispered by my ear, “You should do it more often, Taylor.” Then he walked away as I stared after him completely dumbfounded. Again.

  Chapter Five

  I was still thinking about Nathan’s words a couple of days later, when Dad invited Marie over to our house.

  She arrived with beef stew and a bowl of rice. My dad made us some salad and bought some chocolates and went all-out when setting the dining room table, taking out the fancy china and getting some flowers to put in the middle of the table.

  I helped him in silence, feeling extremely awkward.

  I liked Marie. I really did. Then again, she wasn’t only my mom’s best friend, she was also like an aunt to me. Seeing my father act like this, for her, well…it was plain weird.

  Nonetheless, dinner was absolutely delicious. Especially since we’d been eating takeout for the last month or so. Eating home-cooked food at last felt cozy and homey.

  Marie was really attentive too. She tried to make light conversation with me by asking about school and stuff. However, an awkward feeling nagged at the back of my mind.

  What the hell is she doing here? Why is she smiling so much at my father?

  Why is he smiling back?

  Under any other circumstances, those questions would probably make me sound like a crazy, egocentric teenager who was probably imagining things. It just felt strange to have another woman sitting at the table with us only a few months after Mom passed away.

  Kind of replacing her.

  I couldn’t bear to think that. I missed her. I could never replace her, not even with Marie. And Dad, didn’t he love Mom? Didn’t he stay with her until her last breath? Didn’t he miss her?

  You’re one to talk.

  My stomach felt heavier and more uneasy as her visit wore on. Maybe I was imagining things. Still, I stayed silent during most of dinner and asked to be excused just as we finished eating.

  After tossing and turning for most of the night, I grabbed my cell phone and read the time. It was almost past four. Sleep seemed like a luxury nowadays. I passed a hand across my face, completely frustrated with myself and pretty much everyone else.

  Since I wasn’t going to go back to sleep, I decided to go out for a run. I wasn’t very athletic, but I needed to do something, and running seemed like a good choice.

  A part of me wanted to draw. I used to love drawing, but I wasn’t ready to get back into it. I felt like I couldn’t enjoy myself. I simply didn’t have the right to.

  Not after everything I did.

  The cold air nipped my skin as I started to jog. It was still dark, and you could see little twinkling lights over the horizon. A small smile played on my lips as my breathing hitched from the exercise. Prickles started to tease my legs, but I ignored them. I jogged toward Riverbend Park to enjoy the view of the river. I stopped for a moment to catch my breath as I leaned against a tree. The sun was starting to rise, and I just couldn’t stop picturing Nathan’s breathtaking smile. One side of his lips tugged higher than the other, making it unique. I rolled my eyes, but a small grin tugged at my lips as I recalled the moment he got punched.

  Nathan was a mystery. An intriguing, unnerving, alluring mystery.

  He seemed to have some sort of stalker tendencies since he appeared out of nowhere pretty much everywhere I went. Strangely, I didn’t mind. I actually liked it. Not that I would ever admit that to anyone.

  Apparently, I hadn’t been paying much attention to anything around me these last two years as I walked around in the bubble I’d created for myself. It was a fragile bubble, though. So fragile, it would break from time to time. Like when I was drunk. It happened once and my whole world collapsed. I didn’t like to think about it.

  I shook my head; Tom had saved me that one time, and he’d never spoken about it after. I had kissed him and totally come on to him, but he didn’t take advantage of me. And I think I ended up crying and mumbling something about Mom. So when he kissed me again, a few days later, I kissed him back. The memories from that night were blurry. That’s how we started to be friends with benefits, sort of. I felt like I owed it to him. Plus, it was fun at the time.

  However, I didn’t know Marissa had feelings for him. Tom and I had that weird sort-of relationship for over four months, and Marissa never said anything.

  I sighed.

  I was pretty much oblivious to everyone around me. She had the right to hate me.

  The sun was shining brightly as I started to jog back to my house. I’d never fancied running, but I liked it this time. I enjoyed how I could just get lost in the movement of my legs. I was doing this again tomorrow, for sure.

  Dad was still asleep when I got back. I made coffee and jogged upstairs
to take a shower. I had enjoyed wearing a sleeveless sports shirt to run, and I cringed at the thought of wearing another long-sleeved blouse. I just didn’t want people to know about my scars. But it’s so damn hot.

  Sighing, I grabbed a short-sleeved black shirt and decided to be careful. I found some bracelets and decided to put them on both wrists to camouflage the scars.

  As I trotted downstairs, I heard Dad in the kitchen. He was setting out cereal bowls as I walked in. He stared at me for a moment and smiled, relieved. “I thought I heard you leave before dawn,” he said as he poured the whole-grain cereal into my bowl.

  “Yeah, I couldn’t sleep and decided to go out for a run.” I poured the milk in both bowls as he watched me dumbfounded. Lifting my shoulders in a noncommittal shrug, I took a seat at the stool and grabbed a spoon. “Apparently, I like running. I’m going to try it again tomorrow.”

  “Dr. Simmons recommended that you exercise,” he mumbled to himself as he started to eat. Yeah. I did feel better. Maybe the old man did know what he was talking about.

  “Dad? I have to see Amanda, Dr. Pierce, but I’m not sure I want to talk to yet another therapist at school.”

  He nodded. “I’ll call your school today.” He smiled at me as his blue eyes twinkled with emotion. “You look better, honey.” After a pause he added, “Did you enjoy having Marie over for dinner last night?”

  My stomach churned uneasily as I played with the food in my bowl. “Yeah, I guess,” I trailed off, unsure. I kept my eyes on the cereal even when I felt Dad’s gaze on me.

  “I think we should do it again, don’t you?” he asked tentatively.

  Suddenly, I wasn’t hungry anymore; even though I had only eaten half of the cereal. I stood up to wash my bowl in silence. I liked her, but I didn’t like her getting into our lives like this.

  How selfish can you be, Cassandra?

  My heart felt tight. Dad looks happy, though. He had been smiling and making jokes during dinner, something I hadn’t seen him do in years.

  I just miss Mom.