Hopelessly Imperfect (Imperfect #1)

by Gabriela Cabezut

“I’m going to brush my teeth, and I think I have time to walk to school.”

  Sadness flashed through his eyes as he nodded. It killed me to see him like that. Especially after seeing him smiling last night. My stomach clenched and I swallowed hard as I stood by the kitchen door. Gazing at my shoes and rubbing my scar, I murmured, “You don’t have to ask me. You can invite her whenever.”

  “Did you know your mom asked both of us to be together if she wasn’t here anymore?”

  His words felt like a punch to my stomach. I looked up at him as my eyes brimmed with tears. My heart started to race, and I had to swallow the lump forming in my throat. Dad watched me, assessing my reaction. I stayed silent as I worried my lip.

  I did remember.

  Mom had told us she wanted Marie and Dad to be together right after she found out she had cancer. Marie had been divorced for the last eight years. She didn’t have children, and so far, she hadn’t found anyone to be with.

  I got it. I knew Mom didn’t want my father to end up alone.

  It’s just too soon, isn’t it?

  Still, what right did I have to say anything about it?

  I kept quiet as I trotted to my room to get ready for the day.

  The walk to school was pleasant since I wasn’t wearing so many layers of clothes now. I had let my hair down, and by the time I reached the school, it had almost dried. The large school building appeared before me as I absentmindedly moved my feet, still thinking about what my father had said.

  I didn’t want to think much about it, though.

  Swallowing hard, I crossed the parking lot. It was still early, and there weren’t many cars around. Only a group of girls talking at the bottom of the stairs, and a couple of guys goofing around with a soccer ball.

  My hair had curled into small waves, and I tried to flatten it with my hands as I stepped inside the main hallway. Strangely, I wasn’t surprised to see Nathan leaning on my locker waiting for me. I had successfully avoided him over the last few days since our math teacher had been sick. Every time I thought of him, his intense eyes and the comment about my smile brought back the feeling of butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

  Then again, they guy was persistent. I hated to admit this, but he looked good in those dark blue, ripped jeans and gray shirt. It somehow enhanced the color of his eyes. I was glad to notice the bruise on his left eye was almost imperceptible. It was still a bit swollen, but not as much as the day he got punched.

  My steps faltered as I approached him, but I straightened up and stepped in front of him. “Do you mind?” I raised an eyebrow, peeved.

  His lips tugged up in a crooked smile. “Don’t you ever greet people?”

  My heart started to race at that stupidly good-looking smile, and I retaliated with a sickly-sweet smile. “Hi, Nate!”

  He chuckled and moved aside so I could open my locker. “You look nice, by the way.” He grabbed a strand of my hair with his right hand. My heart was beating a mile a minute as my cheeks warmed. I tried to ignore it as I worried my lip and took out my English book. The strand of hair slipped out of his hand.

  Oh, thank God.

  When I turned around, he was passing a hand through his hair. Which made me feel envious of his whole just-out-of-bed hairstyle. Boys will always have it easier than girls.

  “Listen, about the other day,” he drawled as my heart started to race even faster, since I couldn’t stop thinking about it myself. His eyes were serious. The distinctive sound of students chatting and milling around filled the hallway. His voice was steady as he said, “You can’t go out there again, not even with your friend or Chris.” It sounded like an order. What the hell?

  “Excuse me?” I raised an eyebrow, not liking the tone of his voice.

  He sighed and brushed his tongue over his lips before determination set in his eyes. “Half the guys out there are in gangs.” He hitched his backpack strap higher on his shoulder. “It’s not a safe place for a girl like you.”

  “A girl like me?” Defiance laced my tone.

  “Yes. A girl like you.” He set his jaw as he straightened up and looked at me boldly.

  I closed my locker door with more force than necessary, making some of the students nearby look our way. “You can’t tell me where I can or can’t go.”

  A lopsided smile played on his lips.

  I ignored the way my heart skipped at the sight of it.

  Taking a step closer, he added, “If I see you there, I’m going to pick you up and drop your cute little ass back at the school grounds.”

  My breath caught in my throat at his proximity and the blazing intensity of his eyes.

  “You’ve been warned, Taylor,” he said in a tone that meant we were done with this conversation before walking away.

  My blood boiled. How dare he forbid me to do anything? And what does he means by “a girl like me”?

  The bell rang, and I stomped toward English class. Farah was already in her seat doodling in her notebook. She eyed me quizzically. “What happened?”

  Rolling my eyes, I dropped my backpack on the floor. “Nathan is an idiot.”

  Farah’s lips twitched as she tried to suppress a smile. “Nathan? The same Nathan who got punched for you?” She crossed her arms across her chest. “The one who’s a total nobody?” She raised an eyebrow, and the smile she had previously tried to suppress was now a smirk.

  Pressing my lips together for a moment, I slumped in my seat. “The one and only,” I muttered annoyed, before pinching the bridge of my nose.

  “Huh.” Farah’s smirk was now more pronounced. “You never told me how you two met or that there’s something going on between you.”

  Taking a deep breath, I started to take out my notebook and black pen. “There’s nothing going on.”

  “Why are you so angry at him now?” she pushed.

  “I’m not. He’s no one. I don’t care what he says. I can go wherever I want, and he can deal with it.” I crossed my arms as I finished setting everything on my desk. I looked up at my friend, who raised an eyebrow with that annoying grin still on her face. “It’s not important,” I muttered.

  Softly, she shook her head. “I’m sure he isn’t.”

  “He’s not.”

  “I know.” She beamed at me. “So, since you’re so grumpy this morning, due to nothing important—” I rolled my eyes as she kept on, “—let me tell you what happened yesterday!” Her voice was soft, but her blue eyes sparkled excitedly as she grinned wider.

  Thankful for the change of subject, I breathed out and listened intently as she kept on, “I didn’t know that Chris is actually my neighbor! He drove me home yesterday, and it turns out his house is on the same street as mine, just a few houses away. He’s such a gentleman.” Her eyes were dreamy and her tone was barely a whisper as she added, “And he kissed me.”

  I blinked at her as Mrs. Clearwater trotted in, already giving instructions for the next hour. Farah turned away, but I could tell she thought she and Chris were now seeing each other. I wouldn’t be so sure, though.

  It was just going all too fast for my taste. Sure, I’d fallen into the whole “friends with benefits” thing with Tom pretty fast too, but at least I knew that. I kept quiet, though. I didn’t feel like I could intrude in her life, anyway.

  Nonetheless, I was worried about her.

  As we walked out of class, I heard Marissa’s distinctive high-pitched voice telling someone off. I was going to pass by as I always did when she got like this, but I felt bad for the girl she was being mean to. A trembling voice answered Marissa, who laughed at her. I recognized that voice—it belonged to Anne. Frowning, I touched Farah’s arm to stop her before walking down the corridor myself to see what was going on.

  Anne was slumped on the floor with her books and notebooks scattered around her as Marissa and her minions made fun of her and called her horrible names. My blood started to boil, and I pushed some girl away before stepping in front of Anne. “Leave her alone, Marissa.”
/>   “Who’s going to stop me? You?” Marissa sneered, raising an eyebrow defiantly.

  “Just go.”

  She stepped closer and towered over me. With all her strength, she pushed me in the chest, and I crashed back into Anne. Marissa’s eyes were wild. “I’m going to make your life a living hell!” She pointed at me as I swallowed hard. I could handle her, but I couldn’t let her bully Anne.

  As I stood up, I leveled my gaze with hers. “I’m not scared,” I said in a serious tone.

  Marissa took a step closer. “You should be.”

  My mouth felt dry as I added, “If you have a problem with me, that’s fine. Deal with me. Don’t bring anyone else into it.”

  She laughed. “Oh, I have a problem with you.” She shook her head with a sneer.

  “Then you have a problem with me too!” Farah stepped next to me, and I internally cringed. This was exactly the kind of situation I wanted to keep her out of. She was extremely nice, and I didn’t want to bring her into my troubles. Especially since she didn’t really know about them.

  Marissa’s eyes were trained on me. “She doesn’t know what a backstabbing bitch you are, does she?”

  Her words cut me deep. My chest tightened. No, she doesn’t.

  My lips were set in a straight line when a rough voice shouted from behind us, “Farah, babe, where have you been? I’ve been looking for you!” All eyes were on Chris at the sound of his voice. He watched us warily. “Is there something wrong?”

  We must have looked odd standing there. Anne was picking up her books as Marissa towered over me and Farah. My friend looked ready to punch Marissa, and Marissa’s minions were sending daggers our way.

  “Nope,” Farah answered without taking her eyes off Marissa. “We’re just making new friends, right?” At that, Marissa glanced at Farah, her eyes full of loathing.

  Damn. My stomach clenched, but I didn’t move an inch. I didn’t want to be the one backing away. Even if all I wanted to do was run the other way. However, I wasn’t giving up on my friends. Not again.

  Marissa glared at me before she bobbed her head toward her minions. They walked away. Farah and I followed her with our eyes as she disappeared down the hallway. A relived breath left my lips. Thank God she left.

  Chris stepped closer to us, and I noticed he wasn’t alone. Nathan was right behind him. They were both carrying their backpacks, probably on their way to class when they saw us.

  Someone pushed me from behind, and Farah grabbed my arm to prevent me from falling. Frowning, I turned around to see who had shoved me. Anne was right behind me, her jaw quivering and her eyes blazing. “Fuck you, Cassandra! I don’t need your help! You are so much worse than her! You’re a hypocrite and a liar!” Her hands were trembling and her eyes were scorching as she added, “And I hate you!”

  Each word felt like a blow to my stomach. She walked away as my eyes dropped to the floor, brimming with tears as my breath hitched and all the fear, darkness, and self-hate inside me intensified.

  I heard Farah ask if I was okay, but I was already running away from them.

  Tears were falling freely as I sprinted out of school. My chest felt so tight that I couldn’t keep running. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I held on to the railing of the staircase with both hands as my breathing came out ragged.

  She’s right. I’m the worst person in the world. I abandoned her, even though I knew she was my friend, and I never once stood up for her when someone called her names. Not once.

  I’m such a hypocrite.

  A moment later, strong arms encased me. I tried to struggle away, but they held me tighter. “It’s okay, Cassie. It’s okay,” Nathan whispered as he rocked me.

  Tired of pulling away, I clenched his shirt as his grip tightened. In that moment, I felt like the whole world was crashing in on me again. I lost it. I sobbed out of despair, anger, fear, but mostly because I felt hopeless.

  We stayed like that for the longest time. At some point, I realized I was sitting on his lap and leaning on his chest, hugging him hard as he rubbed his hands on my back. I loosened my grip and slowly pulled away while rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand.

  His gray eyes pierced me as his warm breath caressed my skin. He cupped my chin as my lips parted. His thumb brushed one tear away as I studied the blue flecks in his eyes. “She was mad, Cassie. She didn’t mean those things.”

  I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. Pulling away from him, I looked to the side before standing up. “She did. She’s right too.” My voice sounded as broken as I felt.

  I’m the worst person ever.

  He pushed himself up. “Do you want me to take you home?” He sounded concerned.

  Lost in my thoughts, I shook my head and started to walk away. Heavy footsteps followed me. His hand encased my wrist, and I felt as if my stomach plopped to the ground. Panic swelled over me. I was completely frozen as my heart thumped loudly inside my rib cage. Even though I was wearing bracelets, I knew he could feel the bumpy scar on my wrist.

  He turned it around as my heart felt tight. His thumb dabbed my scar while his eyes bored into me. My breath heaved as his other hand grabbed my left wrist. He trailed a finger across my other scar without breaking eye contact. All I could think was that I was broken and he would know. I expected him to pull away disgusted or even shocked; but there wasn’t pity or shock in his eyes, just sadness and…guilt?

  His hand softly trailed up my arm before pulling me to him. His arms encircled me, and I could feel his heart pounding as fast as mine as I leaned on his chest once again. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I swallowed hard. Nathan didn’t say anything. He just held me tight.

  When I calmed down, he grabbed my hand and led me to his car. I was thankful he wasn’t asking questions I didn’t want to answer. He was silent as we got in; but his jaw was clenched and he gripped the steering wheel so hard, his knuckles were white.

  Knowing very well that the school was keeping a close eye on me, I texted Dad to let him know I was fine, but I was skipping for the rest of the day. Not even a minute later my cell phone rang. Grimacing and with a heavy heart, I answered the call. “Hi, Dad.”

  “Are you okay? Why are you skipping? I have a meeting with the dean, and I can’t miss it.” He sounded as stressed out as he probably was.

  “I just need some space.” Although my whole face was turned to the side, I was acutely aware of the boy beside me.

  “What happened? You sound troubled.”

  Sighing, I explained to him that I had stood up for Anne but she wasn’t happy about it. I swallowed a lump down my throat. “She hates me.” I closed my eyes as I started to tear up once more.

  Dad stayed quiet for a moment. “I’ll call the school, and I’m also going to ring Marie. I don’t want you to be alone right now.”

  “I’m not!” I said, panicked. I didn’t want to see her. It was just too confusing. “A friend is with me.” I frowned as the words left my mouth.

  “Huh.” Dad sounded troubled himself. After a second he murmured, “I still think it would be better if I called her.”

  “Dad, I really don’t want to see her.” My tone was soft but serious.

  He sighed, and I could picture him rubbing a palm down his face. “I’ll try to get out early. I’ll pick you up at Pierce’s, okay?”

  Thankful that he dropped the subject, I nodded. “Yes.”

  “Is your friend staying with you for a while?” he asked, sounding hopeful as my stomach plummeted. I hated to hear Dad so worried. I hated that it was all because of me. I gazed at Nathan for a moment, and he was still looking at the road, but I could tell he was listening intently to every word I said.

  “I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. “If he does, you won’t call her, right?”

  “He?” my dad shrieked.

  “Dad.”

  Beaten, he took a deep breath. “Okay. Just be careful.”

  “Yes. I’ll text you.” Relief laced my tone. I really didn’t want to see
Mom’s friend.

  “I love you, Cassie.”

  “Me too.”

  As I put my phone away in the front pocket of my backpack, I looked up and was surprised to see we were already parked in front of my house. I never gave him directions. Stalker much?

  Nathan hopped out of the car and waited for me to get out as well. We walked to the front door in silence. Before I opened it, I turned to him. “Thank you for bringing me home.” Good-bye, I’ll see at school, my tone pretty much implied.

  He gazed at me and raised an eyebrow. “I’d like a sandwich, thank you.”

  “Huh?” I frowned.

  “I’m famished, woman. I brought you home, now I want to eat.” He forced a smile, trying to sound nonchalant. “Please.” Even though he was trying not to show it, his eyes were soft and concerned. To be honest, I wasn’t sure I wanted to be alone right now.

  The image of Mom’s cold body lying in bed was still fresh on my mind. Gnawing my lip, I moved to let him walk in.

  As I stepped inside my house, a heavy feeling washed over me, just like it did every time. I was hoping it would fade eventually. Everything looked the same as when Mom was alive, so it felt like she was around; but she wasn’t, and every time I entered the house I got a sinking feeling knowing I wouldn’t see her.

  I swallowed hard and walked to the fridge. There were some leftovers from yesterday’s dinner, but I wasn’t in the mood for anything Marie-related. I searched through the fridge as I heard Nathan take a seat on the kitchen counter.

  “There’s really not much, sorry,” I murmured apologetically as I grabbed two apples from the bottom drawer. I washed them and threw one at him. He had good reflexes, because he caught it without a blink.

  The room was filled with crunching noises as we both munched on the fruit. He sat on the counter while I leaned against the wall across from him with the whole kitchen between us. When he was finished, he pushed away from the counter and washed his hands. “I’m still hungry.” He patted his belly with a small smirk.

  I eyed him warily. “Don’t you have to go back to school?”

  “What? And leave all the fun to you?” He raised an eyebrow. “Not happening, Taylor. Come on, I know a place.”