Hopelessly Imperfect (Imperfect #1)

by Gabriela Cabezut

  The school was already packed with people. Chatter and laughter surrounded me as I walked through the school’s doors. Hitching my backpack over my shoulder, I walked to my locker to get my books for the day. My steps faltered when I found myself in front of Anne, who was about to pass me. I didn’t know if I should say hi or something.

  Her green eyes didn’t glare at me as they usually did. She nodded and stepped by me as I stood rooted in place. Nodding was an improvement, I guess.

  After first period, my backpack was getting heavier, so I went back to my locker to leave some books there. Farah was next to me as I finished the task. “So,” she said as I zipped my backpack, “how was the ride home?” Her blue eyes sparkled mischievously. Groaning, I closed my locker and decided to ignore her. “Did he tried to make you swoon?”

  Rolling my eyes, I quickened my pace.

  “O-M-G! Did he tried to make a move or something?” She gasped with wide eyes.

  “Chris is walking behind us,” I said matter-of-factly. Farah stopped and turned around, beaming. My lips twitched in a smile. He wasn’t.

  She slapped me playfully on the arm. “That’s mean, you know.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Stop teasing me.”

  Farah rolled her eyes as she pushed her glasses up. She had on a white tank top and a blue, short-sleeved hoodie that brought out her eyes. A few strands of blonde hair framed her face. Grinning, I said, “You look cute, by the way.”

  She beamed. “Thanks! You need to show me how to braid my hair like that!” she said, gesturing to the messy fishtail I had put my hair into since I didn’t want to have it in my face all day.

  “Sure.” I shrugged.

  “And by the way, your lover boy is coming this way.” She wriggled her eyebrows as I looked around us, searching for Nathan. I didn’t see him.

  She laughed at me. “Payback is a bitch, huh?” Her blue eyes widened innocently as she smirked. “Tom is coming this way.” She raised an eyebrow before walking away.

  Groaning inwardly, I took a deep breath as he reached me. “Hi, Cassie.”

  Remember how he never mentioned you getting drunk to anyone. “Hey.” I grinned awkwardly.

  His brown eyes roamed all over my face, making me feel uncomfortable. “You look pretty.”

  I cleared my throat. “Thank you.” I searched behind him, expecting to see Marissa lurking nearby.

  “So, I’m having a party this weekend,” he said confidently, “and I’d like to see you there.”

  “Oh. Okay. Thank you for inviting me.”

  His smile morphed into a smirk. “Actually—” he leaned closer to me, “—I can pick you up, if you want.”

  As a date? I bit my lip. Trying to be inconspicuous, I took a small step back. “I appreciate it.” I tried to smile at his expectant face. “But I’m still not ready to date, remember?” I murmured, embarrassed.

  I kind of told you that last week, when you asked. And the week before.

  His smile faded. “I’m trusting you’ll let me know when you are.” His eyes were serious. Too serious. Kind of frightening in a way, but I pushed those thoughts away. This was Tom. He had been nice to me.

  “Can I ask Farah to come with me?”

  He shrugged. “The more the merrier. I’ll see you later, then.” He sauntered away. However, I still felt uneasy.

  The bell rang, and warily, I trotted to English. Luckily, the teacher hadn’t arrived yet. I heard Marissa talking to Meredith excitedly about Tom’s party as I sat down. Farah smiled at me knowingly, and I could tell she wanted to ask me what Tom wanted, but my eyes were trained on Marissa. I felt bad for not noticing she was into Tom before, and I really hoped the guy noticed her soon.

  Farah leaned into my desk. “So? What did he want?”

  I’d opened my mouth to tell her about the party when Mrs. Clearwater, our teacher, stepped into the classroom. “Class,” she said as she cleaned her glasses with a handkerchief, “there’s a state writing contest coming soon, and you are all going to take part in it.” A few kids groaned while I watched her expectantly. I wasn’t much of a writer, but English was one of my favorite classes. “So, I want you to write an essay about your summer.” More groaning. I tensed and turned to look at Farah, who was eyeing me, concerned. “It has to be something important, kids. No nonsense about going to the beach and stuff. Pick out something you did that might have made a difference to you,” she finished excitedly.

  Staring at the dents in my desk, I frowned as I thought about it. Maybe I could make something up. Then again, that was going back to the old me, the one whose life was completely fake. No. Doing that only brought me shame and guilt. I regretted so many things after acting like that. Still, writing about Mom seemed too personal.

  Chewing my pencil, I was deep in thought when Farah planted herself in front of me at the end of class. “Are you okay?” Her blue eyes watched me in concern.

  Putting the pencil away, I shrugged. “Yeah.”

  “Are you going to write about it?” she whispered after leaning closer.

  “I don’t know,” I trailed off, unsure.

  “So what happened to you over the summer?” Marissa said from behind me.

  Farah and I turned to her. My best friend was sending daggers her way at the same time my shoulders tensed. “I’m touched that you are so interested in my life, Marissa.” Sarcasm dripped from my every word.

  Marissa’s brown eyes glinted curiously. “I mean, what on earth made you fall so low, Cassandra?”

  I instinctively put my hands on my desk so she wouldn’t see the scars on my wrists. Her eyes followed my movement, and a sneer formed on her lips. “Oh. There’s something, all right,” she murmured, completely amused at finding a touchy subject for me.

  “It’s none of your fucking business,” Farah said through clenched teeth.

  Ignoring her, Marissa eyed me for a moment, and a wide smile spread across her lips. “I will find out, and when I do, I’m going to make sure everyone else knows too.”

  Shrugging, I grabbed my backpack. “I’m touched at your sudden interest in my life, Marissa, but honestly, that’s kind of low, even for you.” I stood up, and Farah followed me closely as we walked out of our classroom.

  “That fucking bitch,” she murmured as we trotted through the hallway to the cafeteria.

  “It’s okay.” I tried to smile at her. But in truth, it wasn’t. I wasn’t really sure how to feel about what Marissa had said yet.

  We reached our spot outside, and Chris was already waiting for Farah. Disappointment filled me. I kind of wanted to see Nate, and that thought alone made my stomach churn. Not wanting to be the third wheel and definitely not needing to see them making out, I told them I needed to go to the library to do some research.

  Farah wanted to protest because she seemed genuinely concerned about me, but the moment Chris wrapped his arms around her and whispered something in her ear, I pretty much ran away from them.

  The library was deserted except for the librarian and me. Grimacing, I pulled out the book I started to read over the weekend, but after ten minutes of rereading the same page, I closed it.

  I kept thinking about the English essay. I thought about my classmates. Would they stare at me with pity after I read my essay out loud? Ugh. Probably.

  I didn’t want that. I kind of wanted to go through senior year being ignored, but I knew how resourceful Marissa could be, and she would eventually learn what happened over the summer. I rolled my eyes. The girl obviously needed a life.

  Lunch ended, and the next classes passed without incident. Still, I had to admit I inconspicuously looked out for Nathan and Jay. I hadn’t seen them in school today, and I wondered where they were. Then again, it seemed like the roles had changed, and now I was the one stalking Nathan. That needed to stop.

  When school finished, I walked to Amanda’s practice. I was early, but I didn’t know what else to do, so I grabbed a salad from a nearby restaurant and sat in the park to eat my
meal.

  I thought about the essay.

  What should I write about? Should I talk about Mom?

  It seemed wrong not to be honest. The good part was that we had a couple of weeks to write it, and Mrs. Clearwater was going to choose the best one for the contest, so there was a chance she wouldn’t pick mine. Only the best ones would be read to the class. Maybe I could write it badly so she wouldn’t choose it. But again, it didn’t feel right to be dishonest. Ugh.

  I looked at my phone’s clock and rolled my eyes since there were still fifteen minutes before my therapy session, but I was kind of bored, so I packed up everything and walked to Amanda’s office. Since she didn’t have a waiting room, I sat on the floor and leaned my head against the wall while closing my eyes. Minutes passed before her door finally screeched open and I opened my eyes.

  My heart raced as I found myself gazing at the mysterious guy I’d been obsessing over all day long. Still, I hadn’t asked Chris about Nathan after lunch, even though I had been dying to.

  A small smile played on his lips as he took me in. “Taylor,” he said in that deep, husky voice as he nodded at me. Today he was wearing a bright blue t-shirt and ripped jeans, giving him a rock-star look. And, well, he was actually rocking it.

  “Rivers.” I smiled before grabbing my things to get up from the floor. His hand encased mine, making my heart flutter as he pulled me up. I wanted to ask him why he hadn’t been at school, but I was pretty sure he’d probably mock me without actually answering, so I bit my lip, not knowing what else to do.

  Amanda’s hazel eyes were studying the whole scene. A knowing smile played on her lips as she saw me looking at her, and she nodded after stepping aside to let me go into her office.

  “Have a good day,” I said to Nathan and wanted to slap myself because of how pathetic and completely embarrassing that sounded. Nate smirked. He didn’t say anything but let go of my hand and walked past me.

  Blushing, I took a seat on my designated sofa in Amanda’s office. She smiled and took a seat on her couch. She asked me how my week was going, and I told her how I felt about meeting Lucy and about Dad’s future marriage. She listened to me like she always did, commenting on a few things, but she seemed kind of distracted. She kept looking at her watch, and she was smiling too much. After she checked the time again, I stopped talking altogether.

  Amanda’s hazel eyes turned to me expectantly. “Yes?”

  “Do you have to go somewhere?” I blurted out, and my eyes widened at my boldness. I mean, Amanda was really nice, and I hadn’t meant to snap at her.

  She smiled, tilting her head, “I’m sorry, I am a bit distracted. But I have listened to you, and I honestly think you should go for it.”

  “Huh?”

  “The essay!” She shook her head. “See? I was listening!” She grinned before adding, “I think writing about your experience might be therapeutic. If you do it, please let me read it.” She got up and started to put everything away. I peeked at my phone to see the time, and we still had half an hour. “Sometimes it’s easier to write the things we feel than to say them out loud. I think something good might come out of it.” She beamed at me and gave me my pink hoodie.

  Gosh. She really wants me out of here.

  I grabbed it in silence, and as I reached for my backpack, Amanda spoke from behind me. “I’m glad you’re making new friends, Cassie. You deserve to be happy.” Her hazel eyes watched me warmly as she opened the door.

  My brows were furrowed as I murmured, “Thanks.” I guess.

  “Cassie?” She grabbed my arm as I passed her. “Unofficially, I wanted to thank you.”

  “For what?” I tilted my head, completely confused. I was actually starting to believe I was the sane person here.

  “Whatever you’re doing to Nathan, please don’t stop.” Her eyes sparkled excitedly. “Today was the first time in a year that he opened up to me, and I know it’s because of you.”

  Surprise washed over me. “I haven’t done anything,” I stuttered, shocked.

  She chuckled. “Oh, you have. He’s been waiting for you outside.” Her eyes turned to one of the large windows that overlooked the park. Following her gaze, I saw Nate’s truck parked around the corner, a small cloud of smoke behind it. My heart skipped a beat. He was there all right.

  “I’m sorry if I seemed distracted. I’m just too excited to see so much improvement in Nathan!”

  My heart was in full-on fluttering mode knowing that he was waiting for me, so I really didn’t know what to say to that. Amanda watched me knowingly as she gestured for me to leave. I walked outside the building, and I couldn’t help but wonder if she was right.

  Nate stood as he heard me approach and threw his cigarette to the ground before stepping on it. His gray eyes watched me for a moment before a small smile played on his lips.

  “Your stalker tendencies have no precedents, Rivers,” I quipped.

  He grinned and shrugged, murmuring, “You’re out early.” He frowned as my heart skipped a beat again.

  “Amanda had somewhere to go.” We both turned to her window, and there she was, beaming at us. I rolled my eyes. Talk about being discreet.

  “Great,” Nate whispered by my ear, sending shivers down my spine. He walked around his car to open the door for me. “I’m hungry.” He shrugged again.

  “You’re always hungry.” I raised an eyebrow.

  “True.” He smiled as I climbed inside the car. My eyes turned to Amanda’s office once again. She was still there. I was blushing as Nate hopped in.

  “Did you eat?” he asked as the engine roared to life.

  “A salad.”

  His eyes turned to me. “Are you one of those girls who only eat salads?” He raised an eyebrow, making me chuckle.

  “No. I just haven’t been hungry lately.”

  “Tsk. We may need to work on that,” he said to himself, making my heart flutter even faster.

  He drove us to a fast-food restaurant and got a large hamburger and fries for him and a chocolate sundae for me. Then he took us to the city limits. He parked his car and told me to follow him.

  Hesitantly, I complied. He stepped down a dirt path. It was really dark, but I felt completely safe around him. We walked in comfortable silence for a few minutes. When we reached a rocky hill, he grabbed my hand and helped me get to the top.

  My lips parted as I took in the incredible view. The dark sky was completely drowned in little twinkling stars that contrasted with the distant large buildings of the city.

  “You like it?” Nate asked beside me, still holding my hand.

  “It’s breathtaking,” I whispered excitedly.

  Little tingles played through my hand as I turned to gaze at him. Nathan’s gray eyes were piercing for a moment before he took a deep breath. Slowly, his hand pulled away from mine, as we needed both hands to ease ourselves down and take a seat on the rocks.

  He passed me the sundae he’d been carrying in the paper tray. “Thank you,” I murmured before grabbing a spoonful of the delicious ice cream. I savored the sundae as I gazed at the distant scenery. It looked like something worth drawing. With a shy smile on my face, I turned to him. “So, where were you today?”

  He placed a hand on his chest. “I’m really touched that you missed me so much.” His eyes sparkled mischievously.

  Rolling my eyes, I turned away. Ugh. I knew this would happen. Plus, he didn’t answer me. “Why do you always do that?” I asked, frustrated.

  “Do what?” He feigned innocence.

  “Whatever,” I muttered, annoyed.

  Nate chuckled. “It’s to make things interesting,” he murmured after a moment.

  You are interesting. Way too interesting. I bit my lip instead of voicing my thoughts. A faint, cold breeze nipped my cheeks as I sighed. “My dad’s getting married,” I murmured while swirling the ice cream with the spoon, “to my mom’s best friend.” I frowned.

  Nate choked on his soda, making a mess. Chuckling, I passed
him a bunch of napkins while his gray eyes looked at me in concern. “That’s…”

  “Fucked up,” I finished for him while he started to clean up.

  His mouth twitched, and a small smile played across his lips. “Pretty much.” He gazed at me. “How do you feel about it?” He cleaned his hands before running one through his hair.

  My eyes followed the movement. I had the sudden urge to do the same. My hand itched to touch his hair. I clenched it and stared back into the distance, because looking at him was making me feel awkward.

  Scrunching up my nose, I went on, “Well, Dad didn’t ask for my opinion. I know it’s messed up—” I bit my lip while rubbing one of my scars, “—but I kind of get it, you know?” I gazed at him. He nodded while popping a fry in his mouth. “I know Dad. He’s the least selfish person ever. He took care of my grandmother despite the fact that neither Mom nor her ever got along. And when Mom got sick,” my tone softened, “well, he took care of her as well. He never complained or anything. He kept going, day after day, always with a smile on his face.” Guilt washed over me, and I closed my eyes for a moment. “I don’t think he can move on by himself. I believe he needs someone by his side.” My jaw quivered as a trembling breath left my lips.

  Nate’s warm hand encased mine. My eyes cut down to our hands as my voice was barely a whisper. “He has every right to be selfish. He earned it.” His thumb started to make soothing circles on the back of my hand. And even though this was such a difficult subject for me, his touch was making my stomach flutter.

  We were silent once again. That was one of the things I liked about Nathan. We didn’t need to talk all the time. There was no need to impress one another or try to be polite.

  Nonetheless, his hand on mine was making me feel tingly all over.

  Swallowing hard and trying to calm the butterflies in my stomach, I asked him, “Did you hear about the English essay?”

  He snorted. “Yeah.” He rolled his eyes before making a face. “Talk about a lame subject.”