Independent Jenny

by Sarah Louise Smith

  “Thank you.” She sighed and started up the car again. Thirty seconds later, we were outside the house. Two dogs came running out; a golden retriever who looked just like Wentworth but a little smaller, and a border collie. We both greeted them fondly and were licked in return. I let Wentworth out of the back of the car and he wagged his tail and chased around with them both while Hayley and I looked at each other.

  “Well, are you going to knock?” I asked her, hoping she wasn’t going to make me do the talking again and tell Guy why we were here.

  Then Will appeared in the doorway and I felt my mouth drop open a little. There, wearing jeans and a v-neck jumper, with scruffy hair, deep brown eyes, and an incredibly cute smile, was the first man, or, let’s be honest, boy, I’d slept with. He wasn’t this cute back then, was he? He looked the same, yet more masculine, more defined … more grown up, which of course he was.

  “Oh wow. Jenny Finch? Is that you?”

  He had developed a slight Scottish accent, which surprised me.

  “Yes it is. Hello Will!”

  He came towards me and I grinned at him. I noticed he had a wedding ring on and I hoped he didn’t think we’d come all this way because I needed to see him again. Although, as he put his arms around me, I was pretty glad I had.

  “How have you been?”

  Gosh, the Lynx effect was really powerful. I steadied myself as I pulled away.

  “I’m not bad,” he said, with a distant look in his eyes. “And Hayley, right?”

  “Yes,” she nodded enthusiastically. “Yep, yep, I’m Hayley.”

  I mouthed the words ‘calm down’ at her as she looked at me over his shoulder while they shared a brief hug. Not as long as mine. But then she’d never slept with him. I had. I’d slept with that gorgeous man, back when he was just a scrawny, spotty teen. I felt quite proud. Had he told his wife about me? Surely they’d had the awkward conversation about the time they each lost their virginity. I wondered what he’d said about me.

  As Hayley pulled away, I noticed her engagement ring wasn’t on her finger. Not a coincidence, of course. I wanted to be supportive but it was hard when she was being completely unreasonable. I pushed my disapproving thoughts to one side as Will turned back to smile at me.

  “So what brings you ladies all the way to Skye?”

  “A holiday,” Hayley said too quickly. “Just a holiday, right Jenny?”

  I gave her my calm down look again.

  “Yes, we just wanted a break, and then when we were planning the trip Hayley remembered she still had your address from way back when. She and Guy used to write to each other.”

  “Oh yeah, of course. You two were mad for each other.”

  Hayley smiled and blushed.

  “They sure were,” I said, giving a nervous giggle. Hayley’s anxiety was rubbing off on me.

  “Guy was devastated when we moved up here. Talked about you all the time for months. Moped around he did, drove us all crazy.”

  “Really?” Hayley asked, smiling from ear to ear.

  “Yeah. He should be back in a minute, just walked down to chat to the lad who works for him. I don’t live here anymore, but I’m staying with him for a while.”

  I nodded. Troubles at home? Maybe we had something in common. I could see us bitching about our partners while re-igniting our past. I bet he was better in bed now than he was back then.

  Holy cow, what was the matter with me? The prospect of being single seemed to mean I had an infatuation for every handsome man I met. Even a married one. I felt myself blush.

  “It’d be great to see him, if you don’t mind us waiting?” Hayley asked.

  “Sure. Want to come in for a cuppa?”

  He led the way into the house, which was very obviously lacking a female touch. Old flowery wallpaper was peeling away in the corners, surrounding battered furniture, newspapers, letters, and all manner of other clutter on every surface.

  “Excuse the mess. Guy doesn’t have much time for housework, I guess.”

  He led us through to the kitchen and gestured for us to sit at a big oak dining table while he made some tea.

  “So you like Skye?”

  “I love it,” I said as Hayley went into frozen nervous shock. I kicked her under the table.

  “Yeah, it’s lovely,” Hayley said. I watched her take a deep breath.

  “So where do you live these days?”

  “Bath. We both live in Bath. How about you?”

  “Glasgow. Just moved there recently, I’ve been in Edinburgh since uni.”

  “What do you do? For a living, I mean?” Hayley suddenly came back to life, thankfully.

  “I’m a vet.”

  “Just like you planned. Congratulations,” I said, smiling. He gave me a warm smile back.

  “Thank you. Glad you remember. What do you do, Jenny?”

  “I’m a photographer.”

  “You were always good at taking photos, if I remember,” he said and I felt myself blush again.

  “She’s awesome,” Hayley said proudly. “She’s even had some photos in magazines.”

  “Wow, that’s fantastic,” Will smiled at me.

  “Thanks, Hayley,” I said, glad she was relaxing a bit.

  “And what do you do, Hayley?”

  She answered him and I wondered how much small talk we could get through before an awkward silence descended. Surely not much.

  “How’re you’re parents? Are they around?” Hayley asked.

  “Dad died a few years back,” Will told us.

  “Sorry to hear that,” I said, accepting my cup of tea.

  “I always liked your dad,” Hayley said, taking hers. What a lie. She called him all the names under the sun when he announced he was moving his family, and the love of her young life, so far away.

  “Thanks, that’s nice.”

  “Where’s your mum?” she asked. She’d got on well with her, I remember.

  “She lives with my Aunt these days, back down south.”

  Just as Will was pouring out his own tea, we heard the front door open and Hayley sat bolt upright.

  Guy hadn’t changed as much as his brother. He was a bit broader, a bit more manly, but he still looked like just a slightly older version of the same person that Hayley had been in love with. Darn it.

  I looked from his face to hers and watched her fall in love with him again within the space of a millisecond, and knew we shouldn’t have come. Poor Kieran.

  “Hayley?”

  He sounded even more Scottish than Will.

  “Hello!” Hayley stood up and went over to him. They stood for a minute, a few inches apart, looking at each other. I glanced at Will. He watched them, frowning. He glanced at me and smiled. I raised my eyebrows and smiled back. Man, he was gorgeous. I bet he never cheated on his wife, lucky lady.

  Hayley threw her arms around Guy and he hugged her back with his eyes closed. I took that as a bad sign.

  “What’re you doing here?” he asked as they finally broke apart.

  “I had to find you,” she admitted. “I’ve wondered about you, all this time, and I just wanted to see you again.”

  “I’ve wondered about you, too.”

  “Hi, Guy,” I said, getting up and shaking his hand. “Jenny, remember me?”

  “Yeah, of course. How’re you?”

  “Good thanks, you?”

  “Yeah, great. Doing well.”

  I went over to where Will was standing and sipped my tea.

  “I’ve thought about you a lot, lately,” Hayley admitted.

  “Really?”

  “Yes. Are you married?”

  “No, live here alone. Single. You?”

  “I’m not married,” she said. Well, that wasn’t a lie technically, but I still gave her my look of disapproval. It went unnoticed. She only had eyes for him.

  “I wondered where you were, what you were doing, for years,” he told her. Oh crap, this was the opposite of what I’d been hoping for.

&nb
sp; “Me too. We’ve got so much to catch up on!”

  “Do you want to go for a walk or something? Let them catch up?” Will asked me.

  I wasn’t sure leaving them alone was a good idea but then again, I was feeling pretty awkward standing there watching, like some sort of voyeur.

  “Sure.” I put my tea down on the kitchen counter. “I’ll see you in a while, Hayley.”

  “Oh, okay, yeah,” she said, giving me a brief smile before returning to look at Guy.

  Will and I set off out of the house with the dogs running ahead. We went through a gate and then up into a field. I asked him about the farm and life here and he told me about his parents, about the chickens and sheep they kept, about Guy running the place.

  “Guy talks about selling it now and then. I don’t know if he will, he enjoys the remoteness and quite likes to be a hermit really.”

  Well that had to be a good thing, I couldn’t imagine Hayley being attracted to that; it wasn’t her sort of thing at all.

  “So, what’s Bath like?”

  I told him about the Abbey and the river, the history and the honey-coloured buildings I loved.

  “I’d like to visit, sounds nice.”

  “It is. Edinburgh’s lovely, been there a few times.”

  “Yeah, I was happy there.”

  “But not now, in Glasgow?”

  “Nah, not so much.” He smiled sadly.

  “Do you remember that time we went to the Tower of London together?” I asked him, remembering for the first time in a while a day out we’d had during our previous time together.

  “Of course! We had fun that day didn’t we?”

  “Yep. Then you bought me a McDonalds for dinner.”

  “Oh yeah, your memory’s good. What a charmer I was. How romantic.”

  I laughed. “I always felt we were more friends than boyfriend and girlfriend.”

  “Yeah, I remember that too. I was so much more into you than you were into me.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.” He smiled. “It’s okay, I’m over it now.”

  I laughed again. For the first time in a while, I felt relaxed in a man’s company, well a straight man, at least. We’d reached the top of a hill and could see for miles. Every direction was beautiful.

  “Wow! I just love it here,” I told him. “So, so beautiful.”

  “Yeah, it’s quite something isn’t it? I didn’t like it much when I was eighteen. Couldn’t wait to get away to uni. But now, I appreciate it more.”

  “Would you move back?”

  “I wanted to, before we went to Glasgow, but my wife wasn’t interested. Wanted to live in a city.”

  “So you moved to Glasgow for her?”

  “Yes.” He had a sad look and I wondered if she’d hurt him. Was that why he was here? Or had he cheated on her? We sat on a fallen log in a comfortable silence, looking out at the view. I started picking at the grass and watched the dogs chasing each other around.

  “What’re their names?”

  “The golden retriever, she’s mine, and she’s called Fern.”

  “She’s beautiful.”

  “She sure is. Then the collie, that’s Bono. He’s Guy’s.”

  “Mine is Wentworth,” I told him.

  “After Captain Wentworth?”

  “Yep, you’ve read Persuasion?” I was pretty surprised. He was quite studious as a teen but I couldn’t imagine him reading romantic classics.

  “Yes, and I remember what a big Jane Austen fan you were. I can still picture you reading Pride and Prejudice, lying on your bed, telling me to be quiet while you found out what happened.”

  “Huh, you remember that? That must’ve been the first time I ever read it.”

  “I remember a lot of things about you.”

  He smiled at me. Good Lord, he was gorgeous. Too bad about that ring, or I would just lean in and kiss him and…

  I tried to shake the thought out of my head. Instead of making a decision about how I felt about the two men who claimed to love me back at home, I was fantasising about kissing my first boyfriend, who was now married. How I’d managed to complicate things even further in the space of just an hour, I couldn’t fathom, but I was pretty sure it was all Hayley’s fault.

  Will started talking about other books he’d enjoyed and we had a long debate about Wuthering Heights and Tess of The D’Urbervilles, him claiming the former was the better, me insisting the latter was my favourite of the two.

  “So what else do you like to do, when you’re not reading?”

  “I love walking,” I told him. “We went to the Cuillins yesterday but not for long, Hayley’s not much of a walker.”

  “Maybe we can go for a hike while you’re here?”

  “Love to,” I said, hoping I didn’t sound as dreamy as I felt.

  “And what about work, do you enjoy what you do?”

  “Sometimes. I mostly photograph weddings and I admit I’m getting bored of that. I’d really like to travel and photograph for magazines, or something.”

  “What’s stopping you?”

  Good question. Why had no one asked me that before?

  “I’ve no idea, actually. It’s competitive, though. Not an easy field to make a living from.”

  “Still, you don’t know until you try, huh?”

  “You’re right. I need to stop talking about it and do it.”

  “You should. I’d love to see your photos.”

  I smiled at him and he smiled back and was it me, or was there a spark? Oh god, I couldn’t be the other woman. I couldn’t do to his wife what those other women had done to me. I must be imagining it, anyway. He was decent guy -– a vet! Someone who made cute little furry creatures feel better when they got sick. He wouldn’t cheat. Anyway, didn’t I have enough men to think about as it was? Two was already one too many.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Spots of rain started to fall and we got up and walked back down to the house, the dogs following us. Hayley and Kieran were nowhere to be seen, so Will made us some coffee and we sat in the living room, talking about our school days while Wentworth slept on the rug and I cuddled Fern as she licked my hands. Maybe I didn’t need a man, just a couple of faithful loving Golden Retrievers to cuddle at night.

  “So, are you living with someone, or…?”

  I didn’t want to lie, but the truth was too much of a long, sad tale that I couldn’t face right now.

  “It’s complicated,” I admitted, “but I’m single.”

  That was the first time I’d said I was single for a long time and I didn’t like it. Facing the world alone seemed scary, yet I didn’t want to be with Ross right now, so it seemed that yes, I was single again. I guess I’d get used to that. Unless I wanted Aiden. Did I?

  I thought my head might explode. I forced myself to concentrate on the present. No Ross, no Aiden, just catching up with an old friend. And no matter how attractive I found him, he was married so there was no way anything could happen and so, really, I could just relax. I took a deep breath.

  “Complicated, I know how that feels.”

  I raised my eyebrows, wanting to know more, then glanced at his ring. Definitely there, left hand, right finger. So where was his wife, then? I was about to ask when he looked at something in the corner.

  “Is that your camera in your bag?” Will pointed to my rucksack which I’d brought in earlier.

  “Yes,” I said, pulling it out. “After Wentworth, it’s probably the best thing I’ve ever bought. I love it.”

  He examined it. “It’s pretty decent. Mind if I look at your photos?”

  I blushed but nodded. He took the camera from me and started to scroll through while I waited to hear what he thought. He didn’t keep me long.

  “These are fantastic, Jenny. You’ve got a real talent. I love your use of light.”

  He went through, making comments and telling me which ones he liked best. I smiled, feeling embarrassed and humbled by his comments. We were just puttin
g the camera away when Hayley and Guy came back. Hayley was even muddier than yesterday, had bright red rosy cheeks, and a silly, girly grin on her face.

  “Where have you two been?” I asked accusingly.

  “Guy had work to do, on the farm, so I tagged along. Met his sheep.”

  Guy grinned at us both before going into the kitchen to fetch drinks. Hayley followed him like a puppy dog, offering to make us all sandwiches.

  We spent a few hours eating, drinking, and chatting about our school days. Guy kept saying he needed to get back to work and Hayley kept engaging him in more conversation. Eventually he got up and suggested she come out with him again and off they went, Bono following behind. They seemed as besotted with each other as ever and I wondered how I’d allowed her to do this. Surely a good friend would have talked her out of it, or at least tried harder than I had. I wondered if she’d told Guy she was engaged yet. I very much doubted it.

  “I know a great spot to watch the sunset,” Will said after making us omelettes for dinner, and debating whether they were ever going to return. “Want to bring your camera?”

  So we got into his Audi, Fern and Wentworth sat happily together on the back seat, and we headed back down the track. He told me more about the farm and his parents and how they’d settled in after the big move.

  “I hated it at first. It was so quiet and I wanted to be back in Milton Keynes, but I went off to Edinburgh to study, and then I grew to quite like it when I came home for holidays.”

  “Why didn’t we stay in touch, do you think? Like those two did, at least at first?”

  “Well, you seemed kind of … indifferent to me. I knew you weren’t into me as much as I was you. So I guess I acted the same way, pretended it was fine, no big deal. But I was pretty cut up about leaving you. I was crazy about you, if I’m honest.”

  I looked away from the views I’d been admiring and at his face.

  “You should’ve said!”

  “Why? You didn’t feel as strongly, I’d just have been embarrassed.”

  He glanced at me and back out at the road ahead. His cheeks were reddening, even now.

  “Well, maybe if you’d shown you cared, I’d have liked you better.”

  He shrugged. “It was probably for the best. We were young and living rather far apart. Things turned out for the best, didn’t they?”