Don’t Tell: The Series

by Paige, Violet

  “I need the thermometer from the bathroom. Top shelf in the medicine cabinet. The one with the purple bear,” I explained.

  He spun on his heels without a word and returned in ten seconds with the thermometer. “What is it?” he asked. “What’s wrong?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know.”

  I pressed the power switch and ran the flat part over Grayson’s forehead. The screen immediately flashed orange and then red.

  “Oh no,” I whispered.

  Grayson started to cry.

  “It’s ok.” I tried to soothe him.

  “What did it say?” Cole leaned over to read it. I handed it to him.

  He leaned against the counter. “Damn it,” he muttered.

  My head dropped. “It’s ok. I’ve got some Tylenol. Let’s get him in some jammies.” I looked up at Cole. “We can try a lukewarm bath if he wants.”

  “Oh no, no, no. We’re not all staying home. That’s not going to happen.”

  My eyes darted to his. “You’re not suggesting I leave you two here?”

  “You’re going home for Christmas.”

  I shook my head. “That’s crazy.”

  “Baby, I will take care of Grayson. When he’s better, we’ll fly. Besides, do you think it’s a great idea for you to take care of him while you’re pregnant? What if you get a fever? I haven’t gotten that far in my book, but I know you aren’t supposed to be around people with colds and the flu.”

  “He doesn’t have the flu,” I argued.

  Cole looked at his watch. “You need to get on the road.”

  “I’m not leaving you here. Not like this.” My heart split in two. I couldn’t do this. What in the hell was he thinking? I would never leave them to deal with whatever this was. What if it progressed? What if he was up all night? Cole didn’t wake up as easily as I did.

  “Daddy, I need juice. My throat hurts,” Grayson whined.

  I looked at Cole. “You need me for this. He’s going to be up all night.”

  He grabbed me by the shoulders. “What I need is for you and our baby to be safe and healthy. I can’t put Grayson on an airplane with a fever. It doesn’t make sense for you to miss out on all the things you love with your parents.”

  “I-I don’t want to go.” I buried my face in my palms. “I don’t want to tell them about the baby without you.”

  “Don’t tell them until I get there.” He reached for a sippy cup and poured juice in the container for his son.

  “You don’t think my mom will take one look at me and know?” I pointed to my boobs, which seemed like they had doubled in roundness in the past two months. I was already in a bra two cup sizes larger. Cole loved how big they were.

  His eyes lingered on them a little too long, considering the seriousness of the moment. “I don’t know. Tell her you stopped working out.” He shrugged.

  “Cole, this is crazy. I’m talking about our baby. Our indefinitely postponed wedding. It’s one thing to keep a secret living in Texas. It’s different to be under their roof and hide my pregnancy. I can’t lie about the two most important things in my life.”

  “And I want you to get there so your parents aren’t pissed at me for keeping you here when it’s not necessary.” He tugged my arm, leading me to the front porch. He slung my bags on his broad shoulders. “I don’t want you to miss the flight. I’ve got this. I know the Tylenol rotation. We have juice and popsicles. I’ll be there in a few days. Maybe even tomorrow if it’s a twenty-four-hour bug.”

  “But—”

  He threw my suitcase in the trunk and pulled Grayson’s and his bags from the back. He was more careful with my carry-on.

  He handed the keys to me and kissed me on the cheek.

  “We’ll be there as soon as we can. Don’t worry. It’s not worth you trying to rebook your ticket and possibly catching what he has.”

  “I don’t want to do this without you,” I whispered.

  He stopped moving. “You’re never going to do this without me. I promise.”

  He kissed me roughly. I moaned from the pressure as much as I did from the feeling when he’s arms unwrapped from my body. I wanted to pull them back to my waist. I wanted to press my body against his. I loved how he tasted. How his tongue flicked against mine. How safe I felt when he held me.

  “Now, go.” He tapped the top of the car.

  I slid in behind the wheel and started the ignition. He jogged up the stairs. I knew he had to get back to Grayson.

  I reluctantly put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway. I watched the blue beach cottage fade in the rearview mirror. This was home now, but I was saying good-bye to it for an entire week. Nothing about this felt right.

  2

  Cole

  This fucking sucked. But I knew it was the right thing to do. The only thing I could do. Kaitlyn needed holidays and magical moments. She needed the big tree and cookie baking with her mom. It didn’t mean much to me. It wasn’t like I would miss it, but I could make sure she didn’t.

  I meant what I said by the car. It was important she stayed healthy. I didn’t want my pregnant fiancé’ coming down with a fever at Christmas.

  I closed the door behind me as I walked in the house and she drove away.

  Grayson was curled on the couch with his sippy cup and a blanket. I dropped onto the cushion next to him. The house didn’t feel the same without her. It was already darker and gloomy. Having a sad sick kid didn’t help.

  “Kate gone?” he asked with a snivel.

  I rubbed his knee. “We’ll see her in a few days. As soon as you feel better.”

  “I want plane.”

  “Well, you’ll get to ride the plane when we get rid of this fever.” I knew he was disappointed. Trying to explain to a two-year old that he wasn’t well enough to travel was only going to end up with me talking in circles. “I’ll be right back with your medicine.”

  Kaitlyn kept everything labeled and secured in the medicine cabinet. She was a natural at being a mother. She and Grayson had bonded before she had even moved in. He trusted her. I loved her even more for how she accepted my son as if he were her own child.

  I unlocked the cabinet and retrieved the Tylenol from the top shelf. I measured out how much he needed and walked back to the living room.

  “Here you go.” I held up the spoon in the shape of a train. She had found it online and bought it. It was exactly the kind of thing she did for him all the time.

  Grayson held his mouth open. Thank God I didn’t have to worry about him taking it. The train spoon worked like a charm. I flipped through the channels until I found a Christmas special Grayson wanted to watch. Eventually, he drifted off to sleep and I placed his head on a pillow and walked to the deck for some fresh air.

  South Padre was desolate this time of the year. Most of the residents were in the hospitality business, and then there were the snowbirds who came down for the winter months.

  The couple next to us had strung lights on the palm trees on their deck. But I knew it wasn’t what Kaitlyn was used to.

  The Sinclaires went all out at the holidays. I’d never forget the first time Ryan invited me to go home with him over Christmas break. They had a twelve-foot tree. Every bush and plant in the yard was covered in lights. I’d never seen so many presents. And they invited me in as if I was a member of the family.

  I smirked. Christmases could have been a lot different if I had given Kaitlyn any thought. But what the fuck did I know back then? She was in high school. She was a skinny kid in glasses. And honestly, it was worth the wait. I’d never thought I’d be the kind of man to see life that way, but I did.

  With her in my life, things were in focus for the first time.

  It may have taken eight years to get where we were, but it was exactly where we were supposed to be. The wind kicked up on the ocean and I turned back to the cottage. I didn’t want to miss Grayson waking up if he needed something.

  Before I crossed over the threshold I looked
down at my watch. Kaitlyn should be on her flight home by now. Something in my chest tightened. I didn’t like the look on her face when she left. I didn’t like that she had to drive to the airport. I didn’t like she was flying out of Texas without me.

  We wouldn’t travel like this again. When we flew back, we’d be side by side. We’d start the new year the right way. I wasn’t one for resolutions, but maybe I should make one.

  I started to open the door when my phone rang. I pulled it from my back pocket.

  “Hello?”

  “Captain Thomas.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t go by that anymore.”

  “I’m glad I found you.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I’ve tried three other Cole Thomases before I found the correct one,” he explained. “This is Colonel Grant Brady with the FAO office at the Pentagon.”

  My back immediately straightened. “Sir,” I answered, closing the door again. I could see Grayson snuggled on the couch. I decided to watch him through the door. I had no idea what in the hell this call was about, but I already didn’t like it.

  “Captain Thomas, we have received some intel and could use your help.”

  I closed my eyes. Fuck.

  “Sir, I’m no longer in the Corps. I might not be the Cole Thomas you’re looking for. Maybe you should keep calling around.”

  “You were the lead Foreign Area Officer in Kabatur, according to my information.”

  I shook my head. This couldn’t be happening. It was every bad dream I’d ever had.

  “If that’s what your report states.”

  “It is,” he continued. “We have a situation that requires your service.”

  “I’ve been gone nearly two years. The Corps had to replace me with another expert on Kabatur. Where is he? I can’t believe I’m of any use to you.”

  “Normally, I wouldn’t go into it, but the officer is no longer with us. He died in an IED explosion in-country. We don’t have another option right now. I can’t recall a time I’ve called an officer who has left. You’re right. This isn’t ordinary. It’s an emergency.”

  I didn’t want to know about the emergency. I didn’t want to know another good officer had died from an IED. I had moved away from my duty and service for a reason. That reason was asleep on the couch with a fever right now.

  “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not going to be able to help you.”

  “Will you think about it? Consider how critical this is. There are Americans who need your assistance.”

  I huffed. “There has to be someone else. Other people speak Kabutese. I’m not current. I’m not your guy.”

  “I don’t need someone current.”

  “Why not?” I asked.

  “Because we have Ra’s Satori’s location.”

  “Holy shit.”

  “So do you think you have a few minutes for me, Captain Thomas?”

  I sat in one of the Adirondack chairs Kaitlyn had repainted. Her touch was all over the cottage. But right now I felt as if I were having an out of body experience. I couldn’t ground myself.

  I nodded. “Go ahead, sir.”

  3

  Kaitlyn

  “Kaitlyn! Kaitlyn!” my parents called out from the other side of the baggage carousel. I had barely enough time to close the cap on my water bottle before they both embraced me in a bear hug.

  “Hi Mom, Dad.” I squeezed them tightly.

  “How was your flight?” My father looked me up and down. I tried to rearrange my scarf so he couldn’t see how different my body was.

  “Good.” How was I supposed to say the entire time I wanted to beg the pilot to turn the plane around and take me back to Texas?

  “Where are Grayson and Cole?” Mom looked around for either of them.

  I explained Grayson’s sudden fever and how Cole stayed behind just until he was better.

  “That’s terrible.” She frowned. “But, honey, we are so glad you’re home.” My mother gave me an extra squeeze. “Where’s your coat? You need a coat. It’s going to snow tomorrow.”

  “I packed it. It’s not exactly cold on the island, and I didn’t want to worry about keeping up with it on the plane.”

  “I’ll get your luggage.” My father walked over to the rotating luggage, wedging himself between passengers.

  “Are you sure you’re ok?” Mom slung an arm around my shoulder.

  I had purchased a large scarf in the Dallas airport. It helped cover my massive boobs and the small swell of my belly. I didn’t know how long I could hide my body from my mom.

  “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” I leaned into her carefully.

  “I know you’re disappointed Cole’s not with you. I can tell. And you must be worried about Grayson.”

  We walked under a sparkling set of candy canes hanging from one of the airport pillars.

  “I am, but we’ll FaceTime as soon as I get to the house. I want to check on them.”

  “Does he know to give him plenty of Tylenol?” she asked.

  “Yes, Mom. He knows what he’s doing.”

  She shook her head. “I still can’t believe you two are together. And even harder to believe Cole is someone’s dad.”

  I sighed. It wasn’t the time to battle any of this. I knew my parents thought of Cole as Ryan’s best friend. The guy he used to party with and go on spring break with. His closest friend who joined the Marine Corps with him. Cole was the orphaned stray they had taken in because he didn’t have a compass. He didn’t have what they considered family.

  They’d never met his grandfather. They’d never seen the side of him I saw in South Padre. Instinctively I pressed one hand to my stomach. This was going to take time. Time, I hoped we had before they found out they were going to be grandparents.

  My father appeared triumphantly with my suitcase in hand. “Here it is, pumpkin. You girls ready?”

  We both nodded and followed him out of the airport.

  * * *

  I hadn’t been home since I drove out of my parents’ driveway in September for my move to Texas. I smiled when I saw the candles in the windows and the light-up Santa Clause my father always attached to the front porch. When I was a little girl I thought that Santa was the most beautiful Christmas decoration on the street. All the neighbors’ houses were decorated with white and colored lights. I felt slightly guilty, but I couldn’t deny it. It finally felt like Christmas. The beach just didn’t’ have the same feeling.

  “Come on, come on. I have to show you the tree. I’m dying for you to see what I did with it this year.” My mother slid out of the passenger side and jogged up the steps.

  My father gave me a knowing look. “You better go. I’ll get your bags.”

  I walked in the house. All the things I had missed about home hit me as I walked through the door. It was as if all the Christmases in my memory were bundled together and unwrapped in this one instant. Everything was festive and perfect, just like Christmas was supposed to be.

  “In here, Kaitlyn. Come see,” Mom called from the living room.

  “Ok, ok. What’s different with the tree this year?” I stopped in the doorway. “Wow, Mom. It’s amazing.” I stepped closer to examine her latest work of art.

  The twinkle lights sparkled all over the tree. All our family ornaments were on display, but there were new ones. It sparkled from the inside out. There had to be at least fifty glitter snowflakes. Some made from mirrors, others coated in a white shimmer.

  “I can’t believe you added all of this. Where did you get the idea?” I circled to the other side, not wanting to miss a single decoration.

  “Oh, it just hit me one morning when I was doing child’s pose. It threw off the rest of my class because I wanted to get out of the studio and start on the ornaments.” She laughed. “I used crushed glass on most of the snowflakes. I’m hoping we’ll have a white Christmas this year. The tree should get us started.”

  My mother had always been crafty, but this looked like the work of a
professional.

  “I think it’s the prettiest tree we’ve had.” I reached for my phone in my back pocket.

  “What are you doing?”

  I stepped back and snapped a photo. “Taking a picture to send to Cole. He has to see this.” I forwarded the picture along with a message.

  I made it! Wish you were here to see this in person.

  Seconds later he wrote back.

  Me too, baby.

  How’s Grayson?

  Still has a fever.

  I groaned. I didn’t know how long this virus would run. I didn’t want to entertain the idea that it could last well into Christmas. That wasn’t going to happen. I was determined we were going to spend our first Christmas together.

  “How about we get you settled in your room and I’ll have dinner ready in a few minutes? I bet you’re tired from the trip.”

  “A little.” I shuffled down the hall in search of my old bedroom. She had no idea how hard it was for me to keep my eyes open.

  Other than summer and holiday breaks, I hadn’t spent much time here since I graduated from high school. Pictures from school were on the walls—all the things that I didn’t pack for the Texas move were still here. My mother had even unpacked my childhood tree and placed it on the dresser. It made me think about the tree Cole probably had with Pops. It was good to be home, but my heart hurt more now than when I got on the plane in Brownsville.

  It was only a few days. I could do this, right? I watched the lights on my tree change from blue to red to green. Who was I kidding? I was going to be completely miserable as long as Cole and I were apart.

  * * *

  “Dinner was delicious, Mom. I’ll have to get that recipe from you. Maybe make that casserole for Cole.”

  “Ok. I’ll copy it for you.”

  I watched as she scurried around the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher. My father placed a glass of wine in front of me.