Don’t Tell: The Series

by Paige, Violet

  “Here you go. I’m going to catch the end of the game. Glad you’re here, pumpkin.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  I hadn’t thought about how to get through the nightly cocktail routine at the house. Just the smell of the wine made my stomach turn.

  There was only one week until Christmas, and my parents usually packed every night leading up to the holiday with some kind of craft, trip, or activity.

  “So, what are the plans this week?” I asked my mother.

  She slid the casserole dish with leftovers onto the bottom shelf of the refrigerator. “Oh, I thought we could carol with the neighbors tomorrow night. Then Sunday night is the pageant at church. Monday, we need to get the ornaments to the hospital.” She paused and pulled a calendar off the wall. “Ok, then that means Tuesday we do cookies so we can deliver them on Wednesday. Thursday is wrapping and then Friday is Christmas Eve and we’ll get the luminaries ready.”

  “Wow, did you leave us anytime to sleep?” I joked as I pushed the wine away.

  “You know how Christmas is here. Busy, busy. I’ve got three classes this week at the studio, but they are in the morning. You should come with me.”

  I hadn’t done yoga in at least a month. I missed it. “I think I will, but don’t criticize my tree pose.” I would have to find something loose-fitting to wear to class.

  “Wouldn’t dream of it.” She smiled as she returned the calendar to the wall. “Let’s go see how your father’s team is doing. Playoff season around the holidays always confused me. It’s not really fitting with the holiday spirit all that extra competition.”

  I giggled and carried my wine into the next room as a prop.

  4

  Kaitlyn

  I woke up Saturday morning stretched across my bed, noticing the empty space next to me. The sheets were cool. No note from Cole on the pillow. I frowned then peeled myself from under the covers and decided it was too cold to get out of bed just yet. I pulled my phone off the bedside stand, and sent Cole a text.

  Good morning. Miss you.

  I probably miss you more. It was lonely last night.

  I typed to Cole.

  There’s only one thing I want for Christmas.

  What’s that, pretty girl?

  You.

  Two seconds later the phone rang.

  “Hi.”

  “How’s my baby this morning?” he asked.

  I ran my fingers over my stomach. “She’s perfect.”

  “Or he,” he corrected.

  I laughed. “Or he.” I pushed an extra pillow under my head. “How is Grayson this morning? Any better?”

  “Actually his fever broke around 3 am.”

  “That’s great.” I smiled. “So does that mean you’re going to try to fly out today?”

  “I’ve been on the phone with the airline all morning. We might have to try stand-by. I’m not sure that’s the best thing to do with a kid who could still be sick.”

  I pouted. “I understand. That would be miserable.”

  “Baby, I’m going to be there. I promise you.”

  “I know. It’s just I hate doing everything without you. And I don’t know how much longer I can keep up the charade. I threw a glass of wine in a fern last night. I only have so many baggy sweaters.”

  He laughed. “Wear those before I get there, please.”

  I groaned. “Just get here.”

  “I will. I have some things to take care of here.”

  “Like what? We were ready to go. You wrapped everything up at work. Is it Aiden? Did he do something?”

  Cole and his young uncle had recently finalized a real estate deal. The motel Cole had inherited was going to be converted into condo units. Aiden was funding the renovations and Cole and I were responsible for the design, marketing, and day-to-day operations. It cost Aiden over a million dollars, but in the end, it was a fair deal. Both men got something they wanted. Over Christmas construction was on hold. Cole didn’t need to be at work.

  “No, it’s not Aiden. He’s actually headed your way to see Mary Ellen.”

  “I know. She can’t stop talking about him.”

  “I’m packed. Grayson’s packed. I just want to make sure he’s ready for the trip. That’s all I meant to say.”

  “Oh. Ok.”

  “I’ll try the airline again. I’ll call you this afternoon.”

  I twisted my lips together. “I’m worried you aren’t going to be here for Christmas.”

  “Hey, I’ll be there.”

  I nodded. “Ok.”

  “Go hang out with your parents. Do the Sinclaire thing you do.”

  I laughed. “You make us sound like the Griswolds.”

  “You’re the one who said it.”

  “Give Grayson a kiss for me.”

  “Bye, darlin’.”

  He hung up and I let out a big breath. I threw the covers off my legs. I trudged to the bathroom to brush my teeth and start the shower.

  I stepped into the steamy shower and lathered my hair. I rinsed the shampoo and conditioner from my hair and reached for a towel.

  I walked into the kitchen, my wet hair wrapped in a towel.

  “Good morning, pumpkin.” My father sat at the table with the newspaper spread between his arms.

  “Good morning, Dad.” I padded over to the coffee pot. “Where’s Mom?”

  I limited myself to half a cup a morning. My doctor told me it was perfectly fine to have a full cup, but I couldn’t help but be extra cautious. I always thought I’d be one of those pregnant women who would embrace the changes in my body with confidence, but I wasn’t. Every little thing made me nervous. I worried. I was scared. I wanted to make the right decisions. Do the perfect thing.

  “Oh she ran to the store for a minute. She said she was low on flour and sugar and she is going to bake something today. She’s worried with the snow rolling in she won’t get back out.”

  “I thought cookie day wasn’t until Tuesday.” Of course every day leading up to Christmas was full of holiday goodies, but the schedule my mother put us on was overboard.

  “Funny, funny. You know how she is. She wants you to have all your favorites while you’re here.”

  “That’s sweet of her, but she doesn’t have to go to extra trouble. I’m fine with what she has already made.” I had seen the pantry—it was fully stocked with every sprinkle, type of sugar, and flour known to a baker. I couldn’t imagine what else she needed to buy.

  My dad turned in his chair to face me. “Kaitlyn, it’s not trouble. We both realize we don’t know how many Christmases we’ll have with you at home. She wants everything to be perfect for this one.”

  I stopped in mid-stir. The sugar probably sank to the bottom of my mug. “It’s not my last Christmas, Dad.”

  “When you have children you’ll know what I’m talking about. It’s not the last one, but they are all going to be different now. You have someone in your life and at some point you’ll have a family and if you stay in Texas you’re not going to drag everyone up here every year. We know how it works. We did the same thing. Just ask my parents.”

  I swallowed hard. I fought the instinct to pat the growing baby bump. I did know what he was talking about. I knew things were going to be different.

  I sat across from him, his words heavy like the gray clouds outside sinking around me. I just wasn’t ready to give up on the family I already had. The traditions we had built.

  “So you and Mom are going above and beyond this year, huh?”

  “It’s Christmas. We always go above and beyond.” He chuckled.

  That was true. But this felt different. My mother was on overdrive. Was she desperate to savor every memory? Did she think once I had my own baby I wouldn’t want to do all these things?

  I wanted to tell them. I wanted them to know it was exactly the opposite. This baby made me appreciate everything they had done for Ryan and me even more. I wanted my son or daughter to know what it meant to have a beautiful Christmas. And I
wanted it for Cole too. I wanted to replace the sad memories with new ones.

  This baby was going to change everything.

  * * *

  I pulled the sweater tightly against my chest and tied the side tie at my hip. I wasn’t used to wearing them again. My main wardrobe staple in South Padre was usually a tank top, and with good reason. It was hot.

  The snow was either going to start falling tonight or sometime tomorrow afternoon. The skies were coated with thick gloomy clouds. One big snowfall and the brown yard and trees would be layered in white, glistening snow. It would be beautiful. We didn’t always have white Christmases, but I had had enough to know that they made everything seem extra magical and special. I shoved my hands in my pockets and walked back into the house. I was starting to worry Cole and Grayson were going to miss this.

  “Kaitlyn, what are you doing outside in this cold? And that’s not even a coat.” My mother stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips.

  “I just wanted to breathe in some cold air.” I smiled and walked in the house. My cheeks were starting to feel numb and they tingled once the heat hit them.

  “The grocery store was a madhouse. I think this storm is going to be a big one.” She turned to unload the grocery bags. “I’m just glad we’re all together. Once Ryan, Cole, and Grayson get here I can stop worrying about them flying in this. I hope the snow holds off a little while longer, though.”

  I pulled out five pounds of flour and a bag of sugar. “I wouldn’t want to drive in this either.” I handed her the baking goods and then noticed there was a ham in another bag, along with two sacks of potatoes. Was she planning on an army for dinner? “What do you think about the caroling tonight? Will the snow be a problem?” I asked. I had noticed it was marked on the calendar.

  “Good thing about being in the neighborhood is that we don’t have to worry about driving anywhere. If you need a coat you can borrow one of mine.”

  I laughed. What was it about mothers and coats? “No, I’ve got one, thanks.” I was looking forward to seeing everyone tonight even if we were traipsing through the street in the snow.

  My parents hadn’t moved since they bought the house when I was three. I couldn’t remember the apartment we had before. This was home. I grew up with the other kids on the street. Every few years someone would move out and a new kid would move in.

  I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and pulled it out. “Mom, it’s Cole. I’ll be right back.” I turned for my room and answered the phone on the way. “Hey.”

  “Hey, what’s happening at your parents’?”

  “Not much. Getting ready for the great Christmas blizzard.” I closed the bedroom door behind me.

  “They calling for a lot of snow?”

  “Yes.” I chewed on my bottom lip. “But it’s not supposed to be here until later. What’s going on with your flight?”

  “We made the first flight. We’re waiting to board in Dallas.”

  “You are?”

  “Should be there in three hours.”

  “Oh my God. That’s the best news. Is Grayson ok?”

  “I downloaded movies and the flight attendants gave him cookies. So far so good. He’s too excited about the plane to think about anything else.”

  I smiled. My Christmas miracle was possibly going to happen. Cole would be here tonight.

  “I bet he is. I’m sorry I missed it.”

  “I have to go, but I’ll be there soon.”

  5

  Kaitlyn

  “Pumpkin, you ready?” my dad called from the hallway. He was holding an extra scarf and gloves. “Your mother laid these out for you.”

  “I’m ready.” I grabbed the extra layer and looped the scarf around my neck. “Where’s Mom?”

  “Oh, she’s next door. Everyone is meeting at the Greens’ and she wanted to take over one of those pumpkin loaves she baked.”

  “Oh, ok.” I followed him to the kitchen and noticed the lights were on in the guesthouse in the backyard. “Why are the lights on in the guesthouse? They weren’t on this afternoon.”

  My dad fumbled with the buttons on his leather jacket. “You know. For…” His voice trailed off. “Come on, they’re waiting for us.”

  I looked out of the window again. I was certain I saw the outline of a Christmas tree in the window. My parents loved using the guesthouse when company visited. There was one bedroom, bathroom, and an open room that included a couch and kitchenette. They decided long ago it made the guests happy and family visits went a lot more smoothly when everyone had a little more space.

  Dad was acting strangely, as if my question had made him uncomfortable.

  He acted like I never mentioned the guest house. “I’ve been working on my Let it Snow rendition for this year.” Dad shuttled me out of the door and across the lawn to the Greens’ driveway.

  I couldn’t believe the snow hadn’t started yet, but the air felt thick and heavy as if flakes would start descending on us at any second.

  “Kaitlyn!” Charlene Green ran over and pulled me into a hug. “How’s Texas?”

  I smiled. “Hotter than this.”

  “We’re so glad you’re back home. Where’s this boyfriend of yours, though? We need to have a conversation with the guy who is responsible for you being so far away.” She waggled her finger at me. “I heard it’s one of Ryan’s friends?”

  Well, shit. I turned around.

  “Well, well, well. Look who’s home for Christmas.” My parents across-the-street neighbor, Alex Turnwell beamed.

  “Hi, Mr. Turnwell. Merry Christmas.”

  “Merry Christmas to you. I’ll have to tell Peg you’re home. She’s going to want a visit while you’re here.”

  “Absolutely. I’ll stop by and see her tomorrow if that’s ok.” Peg Turnwell had been on the upswing of a long battle with cancer. My mom kept me posted with her health updates. When I was a little girl she used to make dresses for my dolls. The Turnwells never had children of their own and I always thought of them as adopted grandparents.

  “Looks like we’re all here. I think we should start at the cul-de-sac and work our way up and down the side streets,” Charlene Green shouted over the crowd.

  “You mean like we do every year?” The comment came from the neighbor wise-cracking know-it-all, Bertie Spence. I wasn’t sure why she attended events when she was obviously annoyed with all of us.

  Mrs. Green ignored the comment and led us to the edge of the driveway where she passed a lit candle around along with a box of tall pillar candles. We learned long ago, the tapered ones dripped wax all over our hands even with those little stoppers, the thick pillars lasted all night.

  My dad draped an arm over my shoulder. “Ready for Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?”

  I nodded. “Sure am.”

  I didn’t care that we did the same song order every year or that we followed the same street route, or even that bitter Bertie joined us when we all knew she’d rather be at home watching Jeopardy. There was something comforting and reassuring being surrounded by people who had known me my entire life.

  My feet hurt after walking all the neighborhood streets in my boots. I didn’t wear them nearly enough. I pulled on my heels and tossed them next to my suitcase. I heard the hall linen closet open and peeked my head out of the door.

  “Mom, what’s going on? Why are taking ten towels out of there?”

  “These? I’m just-just clearing out a few things.” She hurried down the hall. She was definitely up to something.

  My throat felt dry after all the singing. My dad was always trying to get me to join him for a hot toddy. I walked to the kitchen to start a hot pot of water for some tea and rummaged through my dad’s liquor cabinet. I would just have to pretend I added the liquor.

  I looked out of the kitchen window and saw my mom in the guesthouse. There was a Christmas tree in there. The white lights glittered through the main window. As soon as the teapot whistled I poured the steaming water in a mug.


  A few minutes later Mom walked through the deck door, brushing off the first traces of snow from her shoulders and arms. “Oh hi, honey. I didn’t see you there.”

  “Hi. What’s going on in the guesthouse?” I tasted the tea. I could feel it warming my limbs already.

  “Did you see the snow started? It’s beautiful.”

  “Mom, what is going on?”

  I had never seen her so jumpy. She almost dropped her phone when it dinged from a text message.

  “Actually, would you mind helping me out there?” She reached behind me and grabbed a bottle of red wine from the rack. “I need this out there and I didn’t have enough arms when I took the towels.”

  “Sure, but who is this for?”

  “Kaitlyn, stop arguing and just go put this out there. We can talk when you get back. I have laundry to fold.” She shoved the bottle in my hands and brushed past me toward the laundry room.

  I placed the mug on the counter, slipped on my sneakers, and crossed the backyard toward the guesthouse. The snow landed on my face, coating my nose and cheeks with big, fluffy flakes. This was the kind of snow that left a velvety blanket wherever it fell.

  I always loved spending time in the guesthouse. It was like a retreat away from home. I pushed the door open. The Christmas tree filled the window. Other than the tree and a few flickering candles, the lights were dim. I took a few steps to see what ornaments Mom had used to decorate it with when I noticed the branches were tied with shreds of red and white bandanas. There was a Texas flag, a cowboy boot, a steer, and a metal star mixed in with red and white balls. What?

  I turned to see the mantle below the television was lined with cinnamon candles and there was Christmas music playing low on the stereo. I turned on my heels toward the kitchenette. I opened the refrigerator. It was fully stocked: bottled water, cheese, milk, sodas, and beer.