Play It Again, SAHM

by Meredith Efken

  To: Zelia Muzuwa

  Subject: Re: Did you get your song written?

  You are so kind, Zelia! I only get on the Internet when I go downstairs to the tea shop and use their wireless network, so I probably wouldn’t be around for your chat. But I’ll keep it in mind.

  I wouldn’t mind meeting the others on your subloop, though. That might be fun. I can probably learn to be inspired by light, as well as dark, I suppose.

  Iona James

  From: Rosalyn Ebberly

  To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: [SAHM I AM] TOTW

  July 13: Housecleaning as Worship?

  Dear Domestic Divas,

  I just returned from another AMAZING session with my counselor. I seriously do not know how I ever managed without this woman. It’s like she sees into my soul, and no matter how ugly it gets, she never even cringes. In fact, I think she likes me. There’s always that client-therapist reserve, but I get the feeling that I’m probably one of her favorite clients. If I ever stop needing her as my therapist, I bet we could be really good friends.

  Anyway, one of the things we talked about today was how much I’ve always resented housecleaning. Can you believe it? I know… I’ve always made such a big deal about how good a housekeeper I am. And I AM good! But I really dislike it.

  In fact, I loathe it. Detest it.

  If my entire housekeeping experience could be concentrated into a single human being, I would pull that person’s hair out one hair at a time, even her eyelashes. And then I’d put clothespins on her nose!

  Oh! And I could make her wear food-encrusted rubber gloves…

  AND spray her with disinfectant cleaner instead of perfume.

  I’m liking this picture!!!

  Then I’d SHOVE HER HEADFIRST INTO THE TRASH CAN, where hopefully she’d die a slow and smelly death. THAT’S what I’d do to housecleaning if I could!

  Whew! Felt good to express all that inner rage. Very cleansing. See what I’m learning in counseling?

  My therapist suggested that perhaps if I thought about cleaning the house as another way of worshipping God, then I wouldn’t feel so resentful about it.

  I don’t know. I’ve always cleaned house because it was my job, my duty. I was expected to do it, so I did. And I expected the very best from myself, and I got it. I know everything is supposed to be done for God’s glory.

  But I don’t know if I want to think of it as worship. Worship is supposed to be enjoyable. I don’t know if I want to ruin that picture by connecting it to doing the dishes.

  What do you think?

  Chat away, dear ones,

  Rosalyn Ebberly

  “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)

  From: Hannah Farrell

  To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW

  July 13: Housecleaning as Worship?

  Wow, Rosalyn. I hope when I’ve been married twenty years or whatever that I won’t be as violent-minded as you are! You’re a little scary. Good thing you’re seeing a shrink, huh?

  I think that housecleaning SHOULD be totally like worship, especially for women that are Christians. I mean, that’s like the highest calling for a woman—to be a good housekeeper. I know it says so in the Bible. So it should be worship.

  I think it’s bad to feel resentment about that. I mean, sure, it would be nice to have a little help now and then. My Bradley would be glad to help out around our house, except he works a lot, and like he says— I have to earn my keep somehow since I don’t have a job. And he’s really grateful for what I do, because if he didn’t have me, he says he’d have to hire a cleaning lady. So I’m saving him a lot of money. That makes me feel glad—it’s nice to be needed.

  I do have a question, though. What is the correct way to clean a stovetop? We just got one of those glass-top ranges, and I totally don’t want to ruin it.

  Thanks,

  Hannah

  From: Thomas Huckleberry

  To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW

  July 13: Housecleaning as Worship?

  Hey Hannah,

  Just the guy on the loop, here. Don’t want to freak you out. Might want to check your Bible concordance, though. I don’t think it says anywhere that a woman’s highest calling is to keep house.

  I don’t think there’s such a thing as the “correct” way to clean a stovetop. There might be a “best” way, but pretty much whatever gets it cleaned should work.

  And it’s not true that a stay-at-home spouse has to “earn their keep.” I didn’t think that way about Dulcie when she was at home and I worked. And she doesn’t think that way about me now that she is working from home. We share housecleaning duties.

  I don’t know if cleaning can be worship or not. I just try to get it done as fast as I can so I can do stuff I like to do.

  Tom H.

  From: Dulcie Huckleberry

  To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW

  July 13: Housecleaning as Worship?

  Hannah,

  Don’t listen to a thing Tom says! (Well, at least not about how to clean a stove. The rest was good.)

  There IS a right way to clean a glass-top range! Don’t use anything abrasive on it, and get the special cleaner for it.

  Most importantly, DON’T let your husband anywhere near the stove—he might, oh… I don’t know… USE CAST IRON ON IT AND BREAK THE WHOLE TOP! Hypothetically of course.

  Love,

  Dulcie

  From: Thomas Huckleberry

  To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW

  July 13: Housecleaning as Worship?

  Hannah,

  In that hypothetical situation, you’d probably be quite happy to get a new stove, considering you didn’t even like the glass-top stove and were constantly harping on your husband “Don’t scratch it! You’re scratching it!”

  Tom

  From: Dulcie Huckleberry

  To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW

  July 13: Housecleaning as Worship?

  Except that in that hypothetical case, what she probably liked best about the glass-top stove was that it was already paid for. So she didn’t have to scrape together money with no warning to get a new stove!

  From: Zelia Muzuwa

  To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW

  July 13: Housecleaning as Worship?

  Ah, yes, the Argument By Hypothesis technique. Pay attention, Hannah—you’re watching true masters of this high and noble art.

  Check the loop archives for their “Hypothetical Shrunken Sweater” discussion— BRILLIANT!

  Z

  From: Hannah Farrell

  To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW

  July 13: Housecleaning as Worship?

  This is why I am so like “Having a guy on the loop is a bad idea.” No offense, guys, but don’t put me in the middle of this. I’m not the one that broke the hypothetical stove. I just want to know how to clean my real one.

  Hannah

  From: The Millards

  To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW

  July 13: Housecleaning as Worship?

  There most certainly is a right way to clean a glass-top stove, but the ninny cleaning my house isn’t doing it.

  See, a glass-top range is kind of like a work of art. You have to treat it carefully. My kids let oatmeal boil ov
er last week, while I was out running some errands. It got baked on, and when our cleaning lady went to work on it, she must have scraped it off using a razor blade or something, because now the surface is pitted and gouged.

  I called to complain, hoping that maybe I could just cancel the service. But the supervisor was SO nice and friendly—she even gave us two extra months for free to make up for it! I couldn’t just dump them after that expression of goodwill.

  The good thing is, having her come out every week is good incentive for me to get things picked up and ready for her. I need something to do…it’s getting boring around here.

  As far as worship—yes, I think cleaning can be worship. I like making everything shiny and bright—reminds me of what God has done for me.

  Jocelyn

  From: Dulcie Huckleberry

  To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW

  July 13: Housecleaning as Worship?

  Jocelyn, honey, you really are sick. Have Rosalyn’s shrink suggest one in your area—you need major help. :)

  But speaking of cleaning ladies, you guys will NOT believe what happened to me today.

  I was supposed to meet with a potential client—has a big home overlooking Table Rock Lake, and wants it professionally decorated. The WHOLE house! If I could land this, it would pay all our family expenses for the next three months—just by itself.

  I was ready. I spent three hours just putting together some ideas. And I got up extra early to make sure my hair and makeup and clothes all looked great.

  I brought my portfolio, including a DVD of previous work, and my briefcase.

  I looked professional!

  The house is palatial. There’s a winding path to the front door, flanked by tree roses. And giant fir trees line the lawn. Look one direction, and the Ozarks are spread before you. Look the other way and Table Rock Lake sparkles on the horizon below.

  By the time I got to the front door, I was almost shaking, and my heart was pounding. I rang the doorbell, and a man opened the door. My client’s husband. I offered him my hand and started to introduce myself, but he interrupted me.

  “Staff use the side entrance that way.”

  I was so shocked, I just stared at him. I’ve never been forced to use a separate entrance at any client’s house. Normally, everyone is very friendly and tries to feed me, which is the last thing I need.

  He scowled at my silence. “Can’t we ever get a girl that speaks English? Country’s being overrun with Mexicans—don’t even bother learning the language when they sneak across!” Then he looked over his shoulder, stepped out the door and shut it behind him. “Where are your papers?”

  A hot steam started roiling inside me. This was unbelievable. “What…papers?”

  He rolled his eyes and leaned closer. “Pa-pers.” He drew out each syllable, nearly shouting at me. “Are…you…legal?”

  Just as I was trying to decide whether slapping him would be worth it or not, the door swung open again. My client leaned out. “Dulcie, is that you?”

  “Yes, I just arrived.” This time my offered handshake was accepted.

  She frowned at her husband. “Is there a problem, sweetie?”

  “Who is this?” He nodded at me.

  “That’s Dulcie Huckleberry, dear! You know, she’s Shoji Tabuchi’s personal decorator.” (WHAT? Must have serious talk with Jeanine about exaggeration and false advertising!) She turned to me. “I’m so glad you were able to come. Let’s get you in out of this oppressive heat.”

  I risked one brief glare at the husband as I followed her through the door. His face was red and he looked embarrassed.

  He should be! I have never been so insulted. And believe me, I’ve met some pretty insulting idiots. I’m used to people thinking I’m Mexican instead of Guatemalan. All us Hispanic people “look alike,” you know. And I’ve even been spoken to in Spanish, though I can’t do more than count to ten.

  But I have never been treated like so much trash or with such suspicion! And what really hurts about it is that I can’t afford to tell them to take their fancy house and shove it. So in a way, I really am “staff”— I need them far worse than they need me. And that burns.

  So I apologize to Tom and the rest of you for being a bit grumpy. Work really stunk today.

  Dulcie

  From: Iona James

  To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW

  July 13: Housecleaning as Worship?

  Dulcie,

  What happened to you was inexcusable. I work on a part-time basis at the tea shop downstairs, and I know how rude customers can be. I’m sorry you had a rough day.

  For everyone,

  I’ve been lying on the grass in the park, watching the Angel Child play on a blanket. And thinking about worshipping God through cleaning my home. And I wondered, maybe it’s not so much a matter of us choosing to worship God through housecleaning. Maybe it’s a matter that we’ve gotten to the point of worshipping housecleaning itself.

  Worship is supposed to be something that brings glory to God. Is He glorified when we spend all our time polishing our material possessions? Or is it our possessions that are glorified?

  But I’m just a dreamer and poet—so maybe I’m lost when it comes to the path of a good homemaker. It’s certainly never a life I envisioned in any of my dreams.

  In three days’ time, I will attend my ten-year high school reunion. And in my heart of hearts, I dread it.

  I fear they will all find me unchanged—the same dreamy, head-in-the-clouds Iona that I was back then. Not many of my dreams have come true that I had then. I am happy with my life, except for the times when those old dreams tug at my spirit.

  Before I accepted the invitation to go, I didn’t care a bit that I have stretch marks and circles under my eyes. Now, I look in the mirror, and that’s all I see. That, and a girl-woman whose poetry has had to take a backseat to baby food and diapers, and whose husband will look almost unemployed compared to everyone else.

  And it angers me that I even care!

  I can’t judge any of you for polishing your possessions. I am guilty of wanting to polish myself—so I can be glorified by a bunch of people who never liked me in the first place. I don’t even know why I am going. Curiosity, I suppose. Or that small sense of self-hate?

  I’m getting into a bit of a black mood with all this. Too much self-analysis. I will now set that all aside, take the Angel Child down to the tea shop, and have chamomile tea with people who know and love me. I may even write a poem about it. I’m trying to learn to be inspired by things other than pain.

  Dwell in mystery, my friends,

  Iona James

  From: P. Lorimer

  To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW

  July 13: Housecleaning as Worship?

  Great post, Iona! I have often wondered if a stay-at-home parent’s job is actually to clean the house. I am not so certain it is. As much as I enjoy vacuuming in my heels and pearls and pencil skirt, I’m just not so sure that’s what our highest calling really is.

  As I understand it, the highest calling of any human being is to love God with all our heart and soul and mind, and love our neighbors as ourselves. We can do that regardless of whether or not we’re married, have a career, stay at home, or…

  Ugh. I hate it when God takes my little homilies and pokes me with them. My highest calling, according to my own post here, is to love my advisor as I love myself. Even though she refuses to return my calls and is not helping me develop the proposal for my dissertation. I am still supposed to love her. That is, I’m afraid, the worship to which I am called right now.

  Drat. Cleaning the house would be a LOT easier!

  Phyllis

  From: Hannah Farrell

>   To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW

  July 13: Housecleaning as Worship?

  Dear Phyllis,

  As much as I respect your perspective as a pastor’s wife, I really don’t agree with the idea that we’re not called to keep house! If that is true, then what ARE we SAHMs supposed to be doing? We can’t all be in graduate school, you know!

  And Bradley works so hard all day long. How would he feel if he came home to find a messy house? He’d feel like I wasn’t doing my share.

  Plus, I think women are just naturally more skilled at keeping house. Look at Tom—he’s no good at stove cleaning or laundry! My Bradley is the same way. Men just aren’t built for household chores, any more than women are really built to go out and support a family. (Sorry, Dulcie, but you wouldn’t have had that problem at your client’s house if you were a guy.) We all have our roles in life, and I think we should be content with that. THAT’S how we glorify God.

  Hannah

  Instant Message

  Dulcet: Okay, I know you’re a big boy. But can I just please tell her off?

  Huck: Tell who off? I’ve been busy all morning with the kids.

  Dulcet: Check your sahmiam posts.

  Huck: ok. brb

  (Huck is idle.)

  Huck: Ah. I see. No. Don’t tell her off.

  Dulcet: Please? Just one little barb? Something so subtle and straight-faced, an idiot like her wouldn’t even understand?

  Huck: Dulce, honey. It’s not worth it.

  Dulcet: You ALWAYS say that! What IS worth it? Why do you have to be so passive about everything? Didn’t her post make you mad?

  Huck: She’s some kid on an email loop. Why would I let her make me mad?

  Dulcet: I hate it when you’re reasonable.

  Huck: You hate it when I’m not. I can’t win. :)

  Dulcet: Don’t you have laundry to do or something?

  Huck: You know, I don’t really think I’m built for laundry. I think that’s something God has called YOU to do. :)

  Dulcet: Interesting. I think God is calling YOU to sleep on the couch tonight, buster.

  Huck: Funny. I’m not hearing that call.

  Dulcet: Selective hearing. Apparently the kids inherited it from you, darling.