Play It Again, SAHM
Page 7
Huck: Hmm. Listening…nope, definitely sounds more like “Tom… Tom…go kiss your wife until she forgets the Hannah chick…and then see if she’ll help you fold the load of clothes that just beeped in the dryer.”
Dulcet: That might be…we could always try it and see if you heard correctly. :)
Huck signed off at 8:27:13 p.m.
Dulcet signed off at 8:28:35 p.m.
From: Marianne Hausten
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: [SAHM I AM] Gender expectations
Hannah’s comments brought up a sore spot for me. It’s something that has been bugging me recently, but I was reluctant to bring it up on the loop because it’s a little controversial.
Those of you who have both boys and girls—do you find that people expect totally different behavior from each one? Here I’ve spent the past three years or so trying to get a handle on how to expect good behavior from Helene. And now with Neil, who is two, when I expect him to sit still or be quiet, I get chewed out from people. “He’s a BOY” they protest. “He can’t be expected to behave nicely!”
Then what on earth was all my work for? Do you know how awful life was when Helene was so out of control? How can they even suggest that I throw it all out the window now that I have a boy?
I’m sure some of you will say the same thing—that boys can’t be expected to behave. But I can’t accept that. I’m determined to prove otherwise. MY kids are going to be nice children—not little beasts that no one wants to have around.
Marianne
From: P. Lorimer
To: Marianne Hausten
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] Gender expectations
Tell it like it is, Marianne! Good for you. I never had different standards for Bennet than I do for Julia. I think there are some developmental differences, but with the basics like respect and obedience, keep up your expectations. Don’t listen to the Hannahs of the world. It used to be that people thought women were incapable of learning, that they couldn’t be expected to achieve what a man could. So now it’s the other way around? It was wrong then, and it’s wrong now.
You’re doing a great job. I’m proud of you.
Hugs,
Phyllis
From: Marianne Hausten
To: P. Lorimer
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] Gender expectations
Thanks, Phyllis. That means a lot to me. I’m getting a lot of pressure from my mom and Brandon’s sister especially. And my playgroup. And some days, I wonder if I know anything at all.
Marianne
Text Message From Veronica Marcello: For Rosalyn Ebberly
——July 18/5:30 p.m.——
Posts like Hannah’s are why I don’t want to be part of a church. Could she B more medieval?
Text Message From Rosalyn Ebberly: For Veronica Marcello
——July 18/5:32 p.m.——
I wouldn’t expect you to agree with her. But a lot of people do.
Text Message From Veronica Marcello: For Rosalyn Ebberly
——July 18/5:38 p.m.——
Do u?
Text Message From Rosalyn Ebberly: For Veronica Marcello
——July 18/5:45 p.m.——
I don’t know. I used to. But if this is what it feels like to be created for something, I think I’d rather pass.
Text Message From Veronica Marcello: For Rosalyn Ebberly
——July 18/5:46 p.m.——
Wow. Was not xpectN that from u.
Text Message From Rosalyn Ebberly: For Veronica Marcello
——July 18/5:49 p.m.——
:) Me neither. Did you go to church on Sunday?
Text Message From Veronica Marcello: For Rosalyn Ebberly
——July 18/5:54 p.m.——
Yeah. Not as bad as I thot might b. Peaceful. Frank very happy.
Text Message From Rosalyn Ebberly: For Veronica Marcello
——July 18/6:02 p.m.——
I’d never dreamed you’d go to any church. I’m not happy with the choice of church, but I’m glad you weren’t miserable. Will you go back?
Text Message From Veronica Marcello: For Rosalyn Ebberly
——July 18/6:04 p.m.——
I think so. Only bc Frank wants to.
Text Message From Rosalyn Ebberly: For Veronica Marcello
——July 18/6:07 p.m.——
That’s great—for Frank.
From: Iona James
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: [SAHM I AM] High School Reunion
I will be brief because I only have a few moments before the Angel Child wakes from his nap. The reunion last night was horrible. Here’s what happened:
* All my old crowd—the nonconformists and artists—have turned into suburban sellouts. None of them are pursuing their art. None are standing for their principles of justice or concern for the environment. They’re all driving SUVs and drinking expensive, non-fair-trade coffee!
* Our homecoming queen asked me if it was some sort of jungle illness that made my hair twist into dreadlocks. She never was the brightest star in our sky. Everyone laughed, though. It shouldn’t hurt, but it does. I tried to explain my spiritual connection to my dreadlocks, but nobody wanted to listen. Just laugh.
* My ex-boyfriend from tenth grade told our whole table about how he’d recently discovered the world’s worst alternative/folk band— Broken Wrench and Copper Bucket. He did a very loud, beer-enhanced parody of their signature song. Not two minutes later, he turned to Jeremy to ask him what he did for a living. Jeremy looked him straight in the eye and said, “I am the lead musician for Broken Wrench and Copper Bucket.” They thought it was a great joke until they saw we weren’t laughing.
* The worst moment, though, was toward the end. I still nurse the Angel Child, even at ten months old, and I have a lot of milk. I could feel the pressure building through the evening, because I rarely go that long without nursing him. At the end of the evening, one of my classmates’ husbands showed up with their twin babies. They started to cry…and my milk let down. My top was soaked, and no way to hide it because I didn’t have a jacket.
I cried all the way home. Why did I go? My pride? Some twisted sense of dependence on these insignificant people? Or maybe it was a way for my spirit to remind me of my own insignificance.
On a positive note, I’m sure to get at least seven or eight truly raw, pain-filled poems from this experience.
Iona James
From: Zelia Muzuwa
To: “Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject: For Iona
Hey Iona,
The rest of us Green Eggs and Ham gals decided to all buy the latest Broken Wrench and Copper Bucket CD. If jerks like the ones at your reunion don’t like it, it’s got to be good! I just started listening to mine, and I love it!
Sorry—hope we didn’t ruin any good, angsty poetry. :)
Z
From: Iona James
To: “Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject: Re: For Iona
Thank you, everyone! Don’t worry, Z—this will knock my poem output down to maybe three poems. But I suspect I can survive. Maybe I’ll even write a small happy poem about you Green Eggs—and the Ham, of course.
Iona James
From: The Millards
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: [SAHM I AM] A suggestion
Seems to me that the only people that actually understand us and can put up with us are… US! Iona’s awful reunion experience got me thinking.
Why don’t we have our own “reunion”? We could arrange to meet up somewhere over a weekend, and just have a small get-together.
I remember when Phyllis and Jonathan needed a p
lace to stay and they went to visit Brenna for several weeks. The rest of us were so envious they got to meet up. But why couldn’t we plan a meet-up for everyone?
I’d be willing to coordinate it if Rosalyn or someone would help me. Give me something to do since I’m not allowed to so much as polish ANY of my own belongings. :)
Jocelyn
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] A suggestion
That’s a brilliant idea, Jocelyn! If the rest of you are as excited about it as I am, I think we should go for it. I’d be glad to cocoordinate with Jocelyn. Perhaps Connie could even join us. I know we all miss her terribly.
What do the rest of you think? It would be so amazing to see some of you in person after so many years of knowing you online. Wouldn’t it be fun?
Rosalyn
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
From: Dulcie Huckleberry
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] A suggestion
Yes PLEASE! Let’s do this! I wish I could volunteer to help, but I won’t have time. But I do want to come. I would LOVE to see you all.
Dulcie
Loophole Groups: SAHM I Am Chat Room
Dulcie: Green Eggs and Ham, we all have to try our best to get to the meet-up!
Brenna: Agreed.
Marianne: I’m there. Brandon already said he’d take extra time off if needed to take care of the kids. Isn’t that nice?
Zelia: this is all great, but jocelyn, how could you agree to work with HER?
Jocelyn: Her? You mean Rosalyn? Easy. Because I’m not holding a year-long grudge against her.
Zelia: not a grudge. i just can’t ever respect or trust her again. can’t believe you’d work directly with her on something like this. you’re gonna get hurt. she’s like a spider. she’ll catch you in her web.
Phyllis: Z, I love you dear. But don’t you think it’s time to let go?
Zelia: et tu, Brute?
Dulcie: Let’s not get into that right now. Just think how fun it will be when we all get together—no matter who arranges it! You will come, won’t you, Z?
Zelia: yeah, sure. wouldn’t miss it.
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: [SAHM I AM] TOTW July 27: What do you do for relaxation?
Dear Stressed SAHMs,
At my counseling session today, my dear therapist said something I don’t think I’ve ever heard before. “Rosalyn,” she said, “you need to relax.”
“Relax?” I had to laugh. “I have three children. When am I supposed to relax?”
But she was serious. She wanted to know what I do for fun. FUN! So I told her about how I make scrapbooks of all my kids’ photos.
“And you spend six hours stitching the photos to the page using special llama hair fibers imported from Peru. Then you spend another hour trying to decide between six different kinds of brads to put at the center of a collage flower in the corner. It takes you another two days to rest up from the ordeal. You call that relaxation?”
“You’re exaggerating” I told her. “I only spend a half hour choosing brads.”
For some reason, she almost glared at me.
Since I clearly wasn’t going to convince her that scrapbooking is relaxing, I tried again. I told her that I enjoy gourmet cooking.
“Really?” she asked. “Even after eight hours and three tries to get some French concoction exactly right, and then end up bleary-eyed at 1:00 a.m. trying to put the finishing touches on a chocolate-ginger tort with handmade marzipan fruit? That makes you feel relaxed?”
“I always sleep well when I DO get to bed.”
“Sleep deprivation contributes heavily to depression, you know.”
Then she asked me, “Do you actually ENJOY these activities?”
I had to admit I didn’t know. I always did them because they were things I could do that no one else was as good at.
She asked me, “Do you ever read a book just for fun?” No, never.
“Take a walk that’s not for exercise?” Not that I recall.
“Do you have ANY hobbies that you aren’t very good at, but you do them just because you enjoy them?” Why would I do that?
“Watch any movies? Hang out with friends? Visit a coffee shop and read the newspaper?” Isn’t that what people do when they’re retired?
I think I frustrated her. So obviously, this is something I need to work on. I think with enough help, I could become an expert on relaxation. It’s just a matter of working hard at it and practicing. I’ve never been one to shy away from a challenge!
Which leads me to the Topic of the Week:
How do YOU relax? I’m sure I can figure it out if I just have a little guidance. So give me your ideas.
Rosalyn Ebberly.
SAHM I Am Loop Moderator
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
From: Hannah Farrell
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW July 27: What do you do for relaxation?
Hi Rosalyn!
I’m totally surprised that it takes you six whole hours to do a simple stitch embellishment on your scrapbook page. I can show you how to do it in less than an hour! I do that in between chatting with friends on MySpace.
As for the gourmet food— I think you should lay off the cake, personally. When you get to be, well…your age, your metabolism slows down and that frosting is going to go straight to your thighs. I would think it would be awful to actually LOOK middle-aged, even if you are.
What I do to relax is stuff like MySpace or Second Life—which is this virtual world where you can have a job and take trips and shop—all with a made-up character who has their own house and everything! It’s super cool, and I’d probably make a lot of friends if I had more time.
Lately, I’ve also been absolutely gone over learning how to write little plug-in programs for my blog so it does more stuff. It’s just a matter of learning the code for it. I’m hoping that Bradley will let me fix up his Web site for his job—it’s pretty lame right now.
But you’re probably not into all that technology stuff. It’s more a thing for the younger generation. If you want me to show you anything, though, just let me know.
Hannah
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW July 27: What do you do for relaxation?
Hannah, dear,
How old, exactly, do you think I am?
And please… I would never eat the cake myself. I usually give it to the local homeless shelter. It’s such a treat for them after all the cafeteria-style food they usually get!
As for the stitch embellishment—it’s far from simple. I can do a simple stitch in about ten minutes, so no need to help me out with that. No…this one was a special stitch known only to a remote tribe in Tibet, used only for wedding garments and ceremonial robes for their religious rites. There are thirteen steps involved in each stitch, and an entire story that goes with each step. It’s a dying art, and an old woman in the tribe was kind enough to teach it to me the last mission trip I took there. We had to travel by mule and had nothing to eat but grubs and this very dodgy-smelling gruel. But anyone who has known me long will tell you I’d do anything to bring the love of Jesus to even the remotest parts of the world. I’ll tell you about it sometime, if you like.
I wouldn’t expect someone your age to understand what a profound experience that was. Most of you guys think a mission trip is spending a week painting a church building in a border town in Mexico. A whole week without MySpace. Sacrifice
indeed. :)
But I never like to compare—that’s not the point of the Gospel, is it?
Enjoy your blog, dear. That’s so cute.
Rosalyn Ebberly
SAHM I Am Loop Moderator
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
Instant Message
JocelynM: Well, THAT was like a blast from the past! I thought you’d moved beyond those sort of one-upping posts.
Pr31Mom: I was weak! I couldn’t help it!
JocelynM: I think I’m going to have to tell your therapist.
Pr31Mom: No, please! I couldn’t bear her disappointment.
JocelynM: I was teasing. :)
Pr31Mom: Oh.
JocelynM: Hey look, she replied.
Pr31Mom: I’m scared to read it.
From: Hannah Farrell
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW July 27: What do you do for relaxation?
Wow, you’ve done lots of cool stuff. I’ve been to Asia, too. I spent the summer after my junior year of high school helping prostitutes in Thailand learn jobs so they didn’t have to sell themselves anymore. I found out about that program through MySpace.
However, I am pretty impressed with all that you’ve done, Rosalyn. Most women my mother’s age don’t do anything more than shop and get pedicures. You sound pretty cool. I like meeting older women that I can respect for their wisdom and experience. You’ve gone through some rough times, but I’m learning a lot from that, too, so hopefully I’ll be able to avoid ruining my family like that.
Hugs,
Hannah
Instant Message
Pr31Mom: I was NEVER that bad!
JocelynM: True. You were worse.
Pr31Mom: Really?
JocelynM: Fraid so.
Pr31Mom: Oh my goodness. Can I just die now? Can I?
JocelynM: What? And deprive us of your “wisdom and experience”?
Pr31Mom: Gack! God is punishing me.
JocelynM: If so, it would show some remarkable good sense on His part. :)
Pr31Mom: You don’t really think that…
JocelynM: No, I don’t. I think Hannah is probably every bit as miserable as you were. Just for different reasons.