Penny and Boots Complete Series Omnibus: An Unveiled Academy Novel - Snakes and Shadows, Werewolves and Wendigo, Pixels and Poltergeists, Bunyips and Billabongs

by Amy Hopkins

  Instead, it tripped.

  With a rustling landslide of nesting material, the phoenix rolled to the bottom of the pile. It lifted a dazed head, hiccupped, and burst into flames.

  "Shit." Penny scrambled backward as a rush of heat fanned her face. She took a deep breath, trying not to choke on the fine clouds of scented ash as she yelled for backup. "Boots! You're up! Code—uh—Twelve? Seventeen?"

  "Fuck the code, just bring the rain, Princess." Amelia turned a frantic grin Penny's way. She lifted both hands in a “what are you gonna do” gesture.

  "What she said.” Penny edged back from the roaring fire as dry leaves began to ignite around them, floating into the air and drifting into the surrounding forest. “Come on, Boots. We don’t have all day!"

  Her plea was answered with a deep gurgling sound. She glanced over her shoulder and bit down on an instinctive urge to scream.

  The fat snake that meandered toward them looked nothing like her longtime friend. Far from the slender, rainbow rope who spent most of her time lazily coiled in one of Penny's knapsacks, this monstrosity dragged itself between the trees like a legless buffalo.

  "Better get out of the way, Penny!" Amelia grabbed Penny's arm and guided her away from the pudgy, dazed serpent. "You haven’t seen what happens when she opens her mouth. I have!"

  Penny couldn't resist watching over her shoulder as she let Amelia drag her back. The snake's fat body had swollen enough that Penny almost couldn't see over her back. Despite Boots’ monstrous size, it wasn't until she let the water out that Penny realized just how much she had ingested.

  To say that the water rushed from the serpent's mouth would be an understatement. Exploded, flooded, pummeled, perhaps. Boots did her best to direct the spray at the flaming funeral pyre of the phoenix. Somehow, Penny still got drenched. Clouds of steam plumed into the air, then coalesced into scalding raindrops that fell from the sky.

  It took several minutes for the air to clear. Finally, Penny pulled free of Amelia's grasp.

  "Spot fire!" Red called. His warning was followed by the hiss of the fire extinguisher.

  Penny thought she spotted movement in the muddy ash and sludge ahead. "Cisco, do you still have the net?"—

  She picked her way through carefully. Had it been her imagination? No—there! Penny pounced, trusting her instincts. She landed belly first in the sludge, but her groping hands quickly found what they were looking for. When she stood again, covered in a thick coating of wet ash, she held a tiny mass of wriggling, naked flesh in her hands. “Gotcha!”

  She looked up at the sound of squelching footsteps to see Cisco and Red approaching.

  “Aw, look at the wee beastie,” Red cooed. He held out a foil blanket. “Here you go. Wrap him up before he gets cold. Or sets something else on fire.”

  “I don’t think he can, can he?” Amelia joined them, a large gilded cage in her arms. She set it down and unlatched the door. “I’m pretty sure he can only ignite when he’s almost dead.”

  “Almost dead?” Cisco argued. “That bird looked like it had passed on in a retirement village, then stuck around as a moldering taxidermy project for another decade after.” He helped Penny settle the bird in the cage, then locked it and eyed Penny. “When Red said he’d planned a dirty weekend, I assumed he was talking about Amelia.”

  Cisco yelped as the two women punched him, but managed a limp high five with Red afterward.

  “I do need a shower,” Penny admitted. She glared at the bird. “You know, this all could have gone down a lot easier if you had just cooperated.”

  Chirp.

  “Where did Boots go?” Cisco looked around, a hint of worry lacing his voice.

  “She’s probably sleeping it off,” Penny said.

  She had thoroughly researched Boots’ water abilities before the mission, helped by the information her friends had gleaned from the serpent's appearance when Penny had fought the Kraken. Her task was made even easier by several new reports of Rainbow Serpent sightings back in Australia. In fact, one had taken up a mascot position at a local fire station.

  The serpent—named Monty by the local brigade—had helped put out a couple of bush fires and even saved a young child from a burning house. The reports lodged by the regional investigators had all confirmed that after a “major water event,” the serpent in question would disappear for a day or two, returning no worse for wear to resume its duties as a volunteer fire-fighter.

  Seeing Penny’s confidence brought a grin to Cisco’s face. “I guess we’re done, then. We’ll drop off this little squawker and then head to Paddy’s?”

  “Not until I’ve cleaned up,” Penny remarked dryly. “Unless you want me to dump a bucket of slurry in your pants so you can see how it feels?”

  “You can get in my pants any—“ Cisco’s quip was cut short by a sharp slap on the back of his head.

  “Don’t get too far ahead of yourself,” Penny warned him. “We had one date. Well, three-quarters of a date. And even if it wasn’t interrupted by a crazy emergency, doesn’t mean anything was going to happen after.”

  “You didn’t tell me anything about that,” Amelia broke in. “When you got in so late last night, I just assumed you and Cisco had been getting frisky in his room.”

  “If that was the case, love, I’d have come to visit you.” Red leaned past Penny’s scarlet face and winked at his girlfriend.

  Cisco shuddered. “It was awful. Not the date!” he explained hastily. “The Myther.”

  Amelia spread her hands, waiting expectantly.

  Penny sighed. “Remember that old urban legend about a woman who had hippy dreadlocks for so long, a spider laid eggs in it?”

  “Yeah, sure,” Amelia replied. Then, her eyes grew large. “Nooo.”

  “Yup.” Penny’s stomach roiled just thinking about it. “They were climbing down her face, and chunks of hair and scalp were falling away.”

  “No way!” Amelia squealed, waving away any attempt Penny might make to continue. “Don’t tell me anymore. That poor woman!”

  “Not a woman,” Cisco corrected. “One of the agents stationed at the hospital sent me a text this morning. They tested the body, she had no DNA.”

  “She DIED?” Amelia gasped. “I don’t care if she was real-real or a construct, that’s awful!”

  Penny nodded. Though the concept of Mythers and the study they did made them seem like ephemeral beings, her relationship with many of them—Boots, Paddy, Bacchus—had her questioning that. Paddy could feel pain, so could Boots. That woman, ‘real’ or not, had suffered.

  Penny shook off her melancholy. Right now, they had a job to do. “Come on. Let’s get this little firebug out of here.” She grabbed the cage and headed back for the van, dragging it awkwardly beside her.

  A moment later, the other side of the cage lifted. Cisco smiled at Penny. “Need a lift?”

  “Thanks.” Penny gave him a warm grin. “You know, dinner was really nice. We should do it again.”

  Cisco glanced away but couldn’t hide his widening grin. “Really?”

  “Really.”

  Chapter Two

  “It’s quiet in here tonight,” Cisco commented as they walked through the door of Paddy’s Irish Bar.

  Penny nodded. She’d picked up a few extra shifts over the break between semesters and had gotten used to the ebb and flow of customers throughout the week. “Tuesdays are the easy nights. The Mythers like to catch up on Mondays, the Protectorate—that’s the angel and godmother alliance I was telling you about—hold meetings here on Wednesdays, and the regular crowd comes in from Thursday to Sunday. Tuesday is the only night I don’t have to break up some kind of barney.” She paused, remembering one evening a few weeks ago when two humans had started a fight over a girl. “Well, most Tuesdays.”

  Amelia cocked an eyebrow. “Barney?”

  “It’s a fight, love.” Red winked at Penny. “I really do need to teach you proper English.”

  “Hey, Paddy!” Penny raised a ha
nd to wave at the leprechaun, who hurried over.

  “Penny! Did ye get your schedule yet?” He thrust a half-empty drink in her hand. “Here’s a whiskey. Quick, down the hatch. Ye really need to go get that schedule for me, Paddy is on me arse about it.” He waggled his hands, shooing her away. “Go on, off with ye. I don’t want ta see ye back until ye have it.”

  Frowning, Penny dug around in her purse. “I’ve got a copy right here.” She held out a slip of paper. “I emailed it to Josh yesterday. Didn’t he get it?”

  “Oh. Uh…” Paddy glanced around frantically. “He must have forgotten to tell me. But really, all of ye should be goin’ just the same.”

  “Why?” Penny set the glass on a nearby table and folded her arms. “Paddy, what’s going on?”

  “Can’t a leprechaun have a drink in peace?” Paddy folded his arms defiantly. “One night of quiet, that’s all I be wantin’.”

  Red laid his accent on thick, his face the very picture of disapproval. “Now, Paddy, I can’t believe ye’d kick out a fellow countryman.”

  Paddy looked over his shoulder, then back at Penny. “It’s…um, school. That’s it. Yer in school, all of ye, and it’s yer first week back and—”

  “PADDYYYYYY!” The howl was muffled but still held a painful note that set Penny’s teeth on edge.

  Red clutched his ears. “What in the hells?”

  “Paddy! You can’t run from me!” A small, elderly woman hobbled out of the back room and glowered at the leprechaun. “How could you? I trusted you!” She threw a tiny object at the subject of her ire. It bounced off his hat and pinged on the floor.

  Penny stooped down carefully to pick it up, unwilling to take her eyes off the woman. “It’s a ring.” She held it up to the light. “It’s…plastic? Costume jewelry.”

  At that, the woman burst into mournful tears, her pitch rising as she began to keen.

  “Paddy?” Cisco cleared his throat and spoke louder to be heard over the ruckus. “Paddy, what did you do?”

  Paddy stared at the floor glumly, hands behind his back. He mumbled something inaudible.

  “Excuse me, miss?” Red approached the tiny, howling woman. She stopped mid-cry and glared up at him with wet eyes. “Do you need some help?”

  “Help? Yes.” Her lips curled back in an ugly grimace, but she lowered her voice to an angry hiss. “You can bring your fur and teeth out to disembowel this trickster beast, savage his throat, then bury what’s left of him twenty feet under the soil.”

  “Uh… Anything else?” Red stepped back, unnerved.

  The woman straightened. “I’ll pay you well. Really, name your price.” She reached up to pat her grey hair back into place, then tugged the front of her dress to smooth it.

  Red coughed, turning to mouth at Penny with pleading eyes. “Help.”

  Penny sighed. “Listen, lady, we’re not going to hurt Paddy. Well, not that badly, anyway.” She shot the leprechaun in question a warning glance, willing him to keep his mouth shut. “How about you tell us what’s wrong, and we’ll see if we can’t make it better without killing anyone.”

  “What’s wrong?” The woman spat on the floor, and Penny made a mental note have the bar staff clean it up before someone slipped—or in case it was poisonous. “He’s a lying, scheming little gombeen, that’s what’s wrong.”

  “What’s a gombeen?” Amelia whispered.

  “He’s a gombeen!” The woman stepped forward and thrust a finger toward Paddy. This close, her resolve shattered and tears welled again. “He promised me he’d treat me well. That he wouldn’t abandon me like the others did. He said he’d shower me with gifts and buy me a wee cottage to live in, far away from all the hateful humans who curse me and call me horrible things.”

  Understanding dawned and Penny rounded on Paddy, who had started to inch toward the door. “Oh, no, you don’t, you little shit. Explain. Now!”

  Paddy gave a deep sigh. “Aye, I did ye wrong, Orlagh. I did mean to keep me promises, but me gold… Well, I can’t just be givin’ it away.”

  Penny stared at him. “You cheap, weaselly little—”

  Paddy raised his hands defensively. “I can’t be helpin’ it! I’m a leprechaun. I can’t stop bein’ greedy any more than Red can stop sproutin’ fur on a full moon.”

  “And what are you?” Penny asked the tiny old woman. Orlagh was too short to be a regular human.

  Orlagh lifted her chin, then raised a hand to pull a fine cloth veil over her face. She didn’t speak until it was secure, and even then, she kept her voice low as if she were afraid of being overheard. “Your people know me as Banshee. Though they call me much worse.”

  Even with her face hidden, Orlagh’s pain shone through in her words.

  Penny walked over to kneel before her. “Orlagh, you seem like a lovely person. I’m sorry Paddy took advantage of you. If it helps, I think he’s telling the truth when he says he can’t help it.” She waited, breath held.

  Orlagh gave a slow nod. “It is his nature. I should have known better.”

  “To make it right, Paddy will buy you that cottage.” Penny ignored the outraged screech from behind. “Somewhere nice and secluded, and far from anyone that would hurt you. There are reserves being set up to protect your people—perhaps we can find a place for you in one of them. I’ll make sure you’re safe.”

  Orlagh dipped her head, and when she raised it again, the veil had fallen. Her face glowed with youthful beauty and her eyes glittered over a small smile. It was suddenly clear how Paddy had fallen in love with her. “Thank you. Your honor shall be spoken among the dead for eternity.”

  “Oh. That’s, um, nice.” Penny glanced back at Paddy, jabbing a finger in his direction. “And you are never going to make false promises again.”

  Paddy grumbled, snorted, and eventually nodded. “Fine.” He toed the floor for a moment before raising plaintive eyes. “But if you’re stayin’, can I have me whiskey back?”

  Chastened by the harsh talking to, Paddy declined Penny’s offer to join them for drinks. “I’ll go give ye schedule to Paddy. Ye know, just in case that email didn’t get through.” He stalked off, throwing one last cautionary glance at the door Orlagh had given a mighty slam when she had left.

  “Who would have thought Paddy would fall for a banshee,” Amelia mused. “Not that she wasn’t beautiful. I just assumed he was so in love with himself he’d never notice another person.”

  “I guess even Paddy gets lonely sometimes,” Red guessed. “But what a prick, promising the lass a house then giving her a plastic ring!”

  Amelia gave him a pointed look. “Yeah, a total dick move. If you ever pull something like that, I’ll—”

  “Never!” Red leaned over to give her a wet kiss on the cheek. “I’d never treat my girl like that.”

  “Is that because you love her, or because you’re suitably scared of her?” Cisco asked.

  Red shrugged. “Can’t it be both?” He dodged Amelia’s swat.

  Shaking his head at their antics, Cisco shifted in his seat to face Penny. “Are you going to Glass’ class first thing tomorrow?”

  The defense instructor, disgusted with the physical shortcomings of his students, had scheduled several extra classes during the week. The dean had refused to make them mandatory, much to his disappointment, but it seemed most of the students in Penny’s class had taken up the offer.

  She nodded. “We’ve got Cyber, then Greek and British mythology all stacked in a row. I’ll need the workout to get me through it without going crazy.”

  Cisco groaned in agreement. “The schedule is full-on this semester.”

  “Aye, but at least the gang is back together!” Red grinned.

  He, Amelia, Penny, and Cisco had all chosen the Greek and British history specializations. Penny had signed up for a third—the Australasian mythology branch. But she would be taking that class alone.

  “Why did they make Cybermythology a mandatory subject, though?” Amelia happily accepted the plate
of wings a waitress brought over. “Seems more like something Trevor would be into.”

  “They probably don’t want to lose all the students to hoaxes personified,” Cisco replied. “I still can’t believe Penny turned down a prince.”

  “At least I know I have a backup if you ever turn me down.” Penny tipped her head toward the door. “Or if you turn out to be an ass like Paddy.”

  Cisco snorted. “If you believe there’s a chance of either, then you don’t know me at all. Do you really think my mother would raise someone like that?”

  Chuckling, Penny shook her head. “Good point. Maybe we could get her to teach Paddy some morals?”

  “Paddy has morals!” The leprechaun in question emerged from the back room brandishing Penny’s schedule, which was now stapled to a second sheet of paper. “Old Paddy is almost done, but he needs to see ye in the office.”

  Penny nodded and hurried over. She shoved through the swinging door and took a hard left to arrive in Joshua’s office. “You needed to see me?” she asked.

  “Yeah.” Joshua’s desk was cluttered with invoices and empty coffee mugs. “I know you said the Friday night class was optional, but I wanted to make sure you’re really okay with missing it. I hate to ask, but that’s our worst night on the floor and you’re so damn good at what you do.”

  Penny grinned. “You’re damn right, I am. And I know Friday sucks. That’s why I circled it three times and noted that I could be flexible there. It’s just basic fitness, entirely optional, and I can make the time up in the Academy gym during the week.”

  “Okay. If you’re certain.” Joshua passed Penny a neatly typed roster. “Thanks, Penny.”

  “Joshua?” Penny hesitated before leaving. “You’ve got access to all Paddy’s financials, right?”

  “Not all.” Joshua leaned back in his chair and rubbed his face. It was almost as if he could sense the bad news coming. “Just his bank accounts. I’m sure he’s got a stash of gold somewhere he hasn’t told me about. Why?”