The Rhythm of My Heart

by Velvet Reed

  Cole’s head whips around. “Gracie, Sweet Cheeks. I’ve been calling and calling you for hours. We need to…”

  “So, how long has this been going on?” Grace cuts Cole off.

  I watch confusion spread across Cole’s face. “How long has what been going on, Gracie?” he replies, clearly not understanding the question. I see Ashley’s car pull in behind Gracie’s, completely blocking the roadway, but she rushes out and comes to stand behind her best friend.

  “Don’t play dumb, Cole. How long have you been seeing her behind my back?” I can see that Gracie’s trying to hold herself together and not break down. I hate to see her hurting like this. I’ve come to care about her a lot, like a big brother. I want to protect her, so I step closer to her side.

  “I haven’t been seeing her, Gracie. Please believe me; she kissed me. It lasted seconds before I pushed her away. It was nothing; she means nothing to me. God, Gracie, I would never do that to you. I love you, Grace; please, believe me; I love you,” Cole begs.

  Gracie and Ashley both gasp. I can see the tears well in Gracie’s eyes and spill over, rushing down her cheeks in torrents. She takes a breath and licks her lips, pulling her trembling bottom one between her teeth. Then she breathes out slowly. “Of all the moments we’ve had together, Cole, this, this right here, is the moment you decide to tell me you love me? Here, in front of all these strangers, when my heart is breaking into a million little pieces; here, after I see you kissing another woman, you have the nerve to tell me for the first time that you fucking love me. You haven’t got the faintest idea what the word love means.”

  I close my eyes and shake my head. What did he just do? I know he’s desperate, but goddamn, he has just made everything so much worse. Cole rushes toward Gracie and tries to take her hands, but she pulls away from him. I can see that the action rips his heart out and he has tears forming in his eyes, too. “Gracie, please. I do; I love you so much. I know this is the wrong time to say it, but it’s still true. Please, Sweet Cheeks, please.”

  Gracie’s hand flies out in front of her warning Cole not to come any closer. “Do not call me Sweet Cheeks,” she growls through clenched teeth.

  My heart’s hurting for my two friends as I watch in disbelief as Miranda saunters up to Cole and places her grimy hand on his shoulder. “Let her go, Cole. God, I mean, really, could she be any more pathetic?”

  “Miranda, butt the hell out,” I snap at her, but the stupid bitch continues; Cole stands there, doing and saying nothing.

  “I honestly don’t know what you see in her anyway. It’s not like she’s overly attractive or successful. I mean, seriously, babe, she works in the little family car repair shop. Oh, and let’s not forget all the wasted time she spends looking after that little deaf kid. Pathetic.” She’s looking at Gracie as if she’s nothing, and I hear Ashley say, “You fucking bitch.”

  The next thing happens so quickly that no one sees it coming until Miranda flies backwards, landing on the grass and screaming out in pain. Her hands go to her face and blood starts seeping through her fingers, dripping down onto her designer clothes. Everyone’s standing there completely stunned into silence, everyone except Gracie who is shaking her right hand out. She bends down, gets in Miranda’s face, and points her finger at her. “If you ever and I mean EVER, speak about my niece or my family like that again, I guarantee you that next time you won’t be getting back up. You’re a fucking, disgusting excuse for a human being, Miranda!”

  Cole quickly rushes to Miranda’s side. “Gracie! You can’t just go around hitting people and threatening them like that,” he admonishes, while handing Miranda a handkerchief from his pocket.

  “Oh, hell no!” Ashley quips, as I watch my dumbass best friend bury himself even further into the pile of shit he’s landed himself in.

  “Are you kidding me right now, Cole?” Gracie screams at him. I grab her arm as she lunges for Cole, fist cocked and ready.

  “Gracie, stop!” Ashley and I say at the same time.

  Cole continues trying to help Miranda who’s squealing like a pig, but she manages to take one last verbal hit at Gracie. “We were engaged for four years, Cole, and you are going to settle for this piece of trash; maybe I was wrong about you!”

  Cole finally engages and let’s go of Miranda. “Shut the hell up, Miranda,” he says, as he spins toward Grace. The look on her face is one of utter desolation. She didn’t know! Oh, shit, she didn’t know! I can see her whole body start to shake, so I step up to one side while Ashley takes the other, and we hold her up. Cole’s standing before her again not saying a word.

  “Is that true?” Gracie asks him, the trembling vulnerability in her voice is unmistakable.

  He steps forward. “Sweet Cheeks, we need to go somewhere and talk.”

  “IS. IT. TRUE?” Gracie screams, making Cole flinch.

  He hangs his head; after a few seconds with a deep breath and a slow nod, he softly replies, “Yes, yes, it’s true. But she left me, Gracie, 2 years ago; you know this.”

  “NO! What I know is that you’ve kept this information hidden from me for months. When she kept turning up everywhere, you said she was a family friend; when you danced with her, you said you dated; every time we spoke about her, you said I had nothing to worry about. YOU ARE A GODDAMN LIAR, COLE TIERNEY! You’re a fucking LIAR!” Gracie screams through her sobs.

  There are murmurs through the gathered crowd, and I know this situation is going to be gossiped about for a long time to come. As Gracie tries to pull herself together, Ashley tries to embrace her but she pulls away. “No, no, Ashley. Just don’t touch me. You said I should listen to him; you took his side, and now I’ve been fucked over twice in one day.” She shakes her head and stares at all of us her eyes consumed with devastating grief. Then she turns to Cole. “You can have her, Cole… I’m done! I’m so fucking done.” She turns to walk back to her car.

  “Grace, wait! For God’s sake, can we please go somewhere and talk about this alone? Please, please don’t walk away,” Cole pleads, again, as he starts after her but she completely ignores him.

  When she reaches her car, she turns and calls my name, “Sam?”

  “Yeah, Gracie,” I reply warily.

  “Can I call you tomorrow?” she asks.

  I furrow my brow in confusion but nod my head. “Oh, course, darlin’. I’m here for you; you know that,” I reassure her.

  Gracie nobs her head and the tears continue their harrowing journey down her cheeks, her voice is unsteady and tears a piece of my heart when she sobs, “Good. Because by some miracle, by some bazaar twist of fucking fate, I found out this morning that I’m pregnant, and I’d really like you to be my doctor.”

  “Oh, Gracie,” Ashley gasps, and she moves toward her friend. Cole’s standing there completely shocked by her words just as I am; it only takes Gracie those two seconds to get in the car and lock her door. As she starts the engine, revving it hard, Cole starts to bang on the window and pull at the handle trying desperately to get to her, while calling her name.

  She doesn’t stop. She doesn’t listen. As she drives out of the parking lot with tires squealing, I watch my best friend crumble to his knees. As I take in the scene before me, I see a woman crying for her best friend another woman on the ground nursing what looks like a broken nose but who deserves so much more, and as I turn my head, I see my best friend… my brother. A man I have always admired and loved, a man who is now devastatingly shattered, openly crying on the ground in front of his colleagues and workplace, and I have no idea what to do to help him.

  Chapter 33

  Grace.…

  The stupid phone beside me keeps ringing. My chest is heaving with every sob that racks my body. My vision is blurred from the endless stream of tears that flow from my now swollen, red, and aching eyes. I’m sitting in my car in my dad’s driveway, and I have no recollection of how I got here. I don’t remember what roads I drove down; I don’t remember if I stopped at traffic lights, and I can’t be
certain of how long I’ve been sitting here. Oh, God. I could have caused an accident; I could have hurt someone.

  A heaviness has descended over me. I pull myself together, if only for a few minutes, and drag myself out of the car and to the front door. Fumbling through my purse, I find the keys and let myself in. I make my way over to the sound system and dock my phone. At a time like this, I know most people wouldn’t be worried about listening to music, but I need it. I need my few brief minutes of release.

  I curl up into a ball on the couch, hugging my knees to my chest, and listen to the lyrics of “When Will I Be Loved” by Linda Ronstadt. The tears start cascading down my cheeks again, as I softly choke out the words through broken sobs.

  Why can’t I find a guy who won’t cheat or lie to me? I just want someone to love me completely. Cole promised me that he would be honest. He promised me I had nothing to worry about with Miranda; now my heart’s been ripped out because it was all a fucking lie.

  My pity party kicks up a notch when Janis Joplin starts belting out “Piece Of My Heart” and my anger starts to build. I can’t believe he was actually going to marry that bitch. I grab hold of the throw pillow beside me and start pounding it with tightly clenched fists. I bury my face into the couch cushion and scream. Scream for the betrayal, the lies, my broken heart; I scream for the little miracle growing inside me who I already love dearly.

  The pain in my chest is excruciating. If I could reach in and tear my heart out to stop this ache, I would do it. It’s broken, shattered. I can’t take it. I can’t take the pressure; it’s squeezing the life out of me. Using the heel of my hand, I rub over the spot where it dejectedly beats but it doesn’t give me any relief.

  I love him. Oh, God, I love him desperately. My love for him is all consuming, irrevocable, and eternal. When I saw those miraculous little lines on all the tests this morning, I stupidly envisioned our entire lives together. Making Cole’s house our home, sitting on the deck together watching our little miracle playing and swimming happily out back, family gatherings… growing old together, happy and in love. I guess not all dreams are meant to come true.

  I place my hands on my stomach tenderly. “Mommy loves you so much, precious baby. No matter what happens, Mommy will always love you,” I tell my little miracle.

  The front door banging open, followed by heavy footsteps and my dad’s panicked voice shouting, “Gracie,” has my attention moving from my stomach to the door. When he walks into the living room and takes in the state I’m in, he shakes his head, his features soften and he breathes, “Oh, Sweet Pea,” before quickly coming to me and pulling me into his safe and comforting arms.

  The familiar scent and warmth of his embrace has me breaking down again as he rubs my back and holds me close.

  “Ssssssh. It’s okay, Gracie. You’re going to be okay. I promise,” he soothes.

  I’ve always believed everything my dad has ever told me, but this is one time, I truly can’t see how anything will be okay.

  “H—how— did you— k—know I w—was— here?” I stutter.

  “Ashley called the garage. She’s worried about you and knew you needed someone, but she didn’t think you’d want to see her.”

  “Oh,” is all I can say in response.

  “She didn’t give me all the details, just that something happened with Cole and you needed me. I knew this was where you would be. Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

  I go to speak but the words don’t come out and another round of sobbing starts. I try to take some deep breaths to calm myself; I can feel how tense and anxious my dad is, and I know if I don’t tell him, he’ll end up losing it and go looking for Cole to get answers.

  Slowly, I pull back to look into my dad’s loving eyes, then swallowing the lump in my throat I say, “I’m pregnant, Daddy.”

  His eyes go wide and confusion covers his features. “What?” he asks. “How is that possible? They said you couldn’t have kids, Gracie.”

  I’m just as confused as my dad is, but five pregnancy tests have to be right.

  “I know. But I took five pregnancy tests this morning and they all showed a positive result. I have to go to the doctor to get it officially confirmed but… I’m going to have a baby, Daddy. My own baby.”

  With tears in his eyes and a huge smile on his face, he pulls me to him again and hugs me tight. “Oh, Sweet Pea. I’m so happy for you, so, so happy. This is incredible. You’re going to be an amazing mom, Gracie,” he says, his voice thick with emotion.

  “I hope so,” I reply, slowly pulling myself together.

  “I know so,” he says, with conviction.

  We sit there together for several more minutes both lost in our own thoughts. Dad pulls back and puts a finger under my chin to lift my face, so he can see my eyes. “What happened with Cole?” he asks, the emotion replaced with an edge of anger.

  “I saw him…” I start to say, but again the front door flies open, and Charlie comes charging into the room.

  “What the hell did he do to her?” he demands, and when he sees me, his face becomes furious and he shakes his head. “What the hell!”

  “Sit down, Charlie. Your sister has some news, but she was just about to tell me what happened with Cole,” Dad tells him.

  Charlie takes a seat across from us in Dad’s armchair, his leg bouncing in agitation.

  “Go ahead, Gracie,” Dad implores.

  “After I took the tests this morning and they were positive, I just needed to see him—” I start.

  “What tests?” Charlie interrupts.

  Dad lets out a heavy sigh. “Gracie’s pregnant.”

  “What? She’s… what?” Charlie splutters and the confusion on his face actually makes me want to smile.

  “She hasn’t seen the doctor yet, but she’s pretty positive.”

  “I’m gonna be an uncle; holy shit, I’m gonna be an uncle,” Charlie says, with obvious excitement, but almost instantly, the thunderclouds roll over his features and he jumps up from his chair. “Wait! If that asshole isn’t going to stand by you, he’s gonna have to deal with me. Is that what happened? He didn’t tell you to get rid of it, did he?” My protective big brother is pacing the living room with crazy eyes. “I’m gonna kill him,” he states.

  “Charlie, stop!” I command, and he turns his attention to me. “If you give me a minute, I’ll explain what happened.”

  As Charlie returns to where he was sitting, I begin again to relay everything that happened from when I first got to the hospital until I arrived at the house. I continue to shed tears while my dad comforts me, and when I get to the end, we’re all quiet for a few minutes.

  “As pissed off as I am at Cole for not being honest about his previous relationship with the woman, do you think he was telling the truth about the kiss?” Dad asks.

  I’m startled by the question and Dad’s lack of anger toward Cole. “What do you mean?” I ask, dumbly.

  He takes my hand and looks at me. “What I’m trying to say, Grace, is I’ve seen the way Cole looks at you; I’ve seen the way he treats you. There’s no doubt in my mind that boy loves you, Gracie, and I highly doubt he would do anything to jeopardize that. I think he’s probably telling the truth about her kissing him.”

  “What?” I yell. “You’re going to take his side too? Just like Ashley.”

  “That’s not what Dad’s saying, Gracie. Yeah, he’s an asshole for not telling you they were engaged, but I don’t think Cole is cheating on you,” Charlie says.

  I throw my hands up in the air in frustration and disbelief. Why does no one care I’ve just had my heart broken? “Unbelievable! I just… unbelievable! I find out I’m pregnant, which was never supposed to happen. I see my boyfriend kissing another woman, and then I find out he’s lied about his previous relationship with said woman. Now instead of defending ME,” I yell, pointing to my chest, “the people who I love and have ALWAYS stood by are defending him!”

  “We’re not defending him, Gracie. We
just think when you calm down and think about this rationally, you might see things differently.” Charlie interjects.

  “Right,” I reply, nodding my head. “Because I’m being so fucking irrational right now.”

  “Grace Margret! Watch your mouth,” Dad chastises.

  I take a deep breath. “Okay, let’s think rationally shall we. Let’s think about how you felt when Nicole walked out on you and your baby, Charlie. Think about how heartbroken and devastated you were.”

  “What has that got to do with anything, Gracie?” Charlie asks in confusion.

  “It has everything to do with this!” I yell again. “I was there for YOU! I gave up my career for you, for this family. Because being there for you, loving you and supporting you, was the most important thing at the time. So think about how I feel right now, when I have you, Dad, and Ashley, all thinking about Cole and how I’ve got it all wrong.”

  “Gracie,” Dad pleads.

  “No, Daddy! You know, in a few days’ time when the hurt isn’t so immediate and I’ll have gone over and over everything in my mind, I probably won’t be as upset with you saying that stuff. But right now, in this moment, all I needed was for you to tell me how much of an asshole he is and how much you hate him for hurting me. I just needed you to be on my side and supporting me, worrying about me,” I finish on a sob.

  “I am, Gracie,” he replies.

  I shake my head sadly. “No… you’re not.” I close my eyes and pinch my nose between them; taking some deep breaths, I blow the last one out heavily. When I open my eyes, I reach for my bag and turn for the front door. “I’m going home and I’m taking the rest of the week off work. I just need some space.”

  “Gracie, you don’t need to be alone right now.” Charlie says, walking toward me.

  “Actually, I do. That way no one else can hurt me,” I reply, and I turn to open the door. I know what I just said was a bit harsh, but I can’t help feeling heartbroken by more than just Cole right now.