Kismet

by AE Woodward

  “Yes, you can. Think of it this way, Katie. Perhaps this is the universe’s way of giving you a second chance. A chance to make things right with Parker, so that you can start living again.”

  “I don’t believe in God,” I argue.

  “Me either. But I do believe in second chances.”

  “It just doesn’t seem right—”

  “To who?” he interjects. “Who doesn’t it seem right to? To you? To Parker? Because it seems to me that you guys are the only thing in each other’s lives that does make sense.”

  “It’s just—”

  “I wasn’t done. You’re worried that other people might think less of you, am I right?”

  I nod.

  “Katie, anybody who matters is just going to be happy to see you happy. And if they don’t see this as the blessing it is… well then they don’t deserve to be in your life.”

  I’ve never considered my own feelings, ever. Suddenly it all clicks for me. As a child, I’d been so filled with doubt as a child that it had contributed to my mutism—at least that’s what all my therapists and doctors told me. They worked for hours on increasing my self-worth, but I had a hard time finding value in myself. Understanding that I wasn’t alone, even though I felt like I was, was difficult. It continued through adulthood and when my life came crashing down it only increased those feelings tenfold. It felt like I’d brought it all on myself, that I had somehow deserved the hand I’d been dealt. But, now, I refuse to believe that. This is about feeling hope. Hope that life can go on for me. That I can be happy again… and I already am.

  “Can you do me favor?” I ask, looking up at Stevenson through weepy eyes.

  “Of course, Katie.”

  “I want to name my baby boy.” My voice cracks and I clear my throat before continuing. “Can you help me make that happen?”

  “Absolutely. What’re you thinking?” Stevenson turns to a fresh blank page in his notebook, waiting to jot down my request.

  I think for a few minutes, names tossing around in my head faster than I can process, when it suddenly hits me. The perfect way to honor him: giving him two names that mean so much to me. “Garvin Michael Baker.”

  “I like that very much, Katie. I’ll talk to the birth certificate department at the hospital.”

  “Make sure we order a new headstone too,” I add.

  “We can do that.”

  I look at Stevenson, realizing how lucky I’ve been to have him by my side through this. “I’m proud of you, Katie,” he says and pulls me in for a hug. I hug him back and know that Dr. Stevenson will always be part of my family now. He’s seen me through all of my demons and has given me the gift of strength.

  “Now you need to go to Parker. This is the start of something beautiful for you, Katie. I know it.”

  I won’t let my fear ruin this for me this time. This time things will be done the right way. Standing, I meet Stevenson’s eyes and say, “Thank you,” before walking into the kitchen and picking up the phone.

  I dial the number that I memorized so many years ago. Hearing his familiar voice on the other end is my undoing. “Parker,” I choke, “I need you to come over.”

  There is an obvious edge to my voice and I sense the panic in him as I hear something fall to the floor. “I’ll be right there.”

  I nod even though I know he can’t see me. Speaking is not an option because I know I’ll break down. “Katie,” he ventures, “no matter what’s happened, what’s going on, we’ll work through it. We’ll get through it together, Katie, because I love you.”

  “Me too,” I manage. The line goes dead and I replace the handset, sliding down the wall and crumbling into a heap of emotions on the kitchen floor. This is my chance to make it right, and I’m going to do my best to make that happen.

  “Katie, talk to me.”

  Parker kneels down in front of me, grabbing both my hands and forcing my eyes on his. He runs his thumb over the string of my bracelet.

  “You’re scaring me.”

  I hadn’t realized that I’d been so silent since Parker showed up. It’s scary thinking that this is what it would have been like the first time, if I had told Parker my secret instead of running away. I imagine things would have been different, but I can’t afford to think like that. Not right now. Positive thinking. Stevenson kept preaching to me about the power of a positive mind and I need to listen to him right now.

  With Stevenson’s help I realized that this was right. This is my chance, my opportunity to do things the way I should have done them seven years ago. Sliding out of my chair, I join him on the floor, enveloping him in my arms.

  “I love you,” I breathe into his ear.

  Leaning back, his beautiful blue eyes meet mine and looking into them, I can see that everything is going to be okay. That he is my future… my person…

  Parker McKenzie is my kismet.

  “Katie, I love you. I can’t even begin to explain to you how much.”

  I don’t even hesitate. Leaning forward, I press my lips to his. His hands work up and down my back, quickly setting me at ease. “Now, you’ve got to tell me what’s going on with you. Please?”

  I start and stop more times than I should. It’s simple, Katie, just tell him. But I always did suck with finding the right words.

  I decide to give him the long drawn out version of what I’ve been thinking.

  “I thank my lucky stars every day for putting you back into my life. I know that I wouldn’t have made it this far without you by my side, Parker.” He smiles at me, complete and utter adoration in his eyes. “I wish we could start over, but we can’t. What’s done is done, and that’s that. But I do know that I love you, and for now that is all I need.”

  I reach down and take his hands in mine, he immediately thumbs my bracelet and I smile before placing his hands on my already slightly rounded stomach. “We’ve been given a gift, a way for us to start again. We’ll never forget, and things will never be okay, but this… this is a way for us to make amends. For us to try and make peace with our shitty decisions.”

  Parker’s eyes are wide with shock. “You’re pregnant?” he asks, dumbfounded.

  Suddenly I’m scared. This is the moment I feared as a teenager. And the fear of this moment sent me packing, looking for some sort of alternative. The tears stick in my throat, my words all used up, so I nod instead.

  Parker hesitates for a moment, and I start to freak out. My palms start sweating and I’m sure he is about to break it to me that we were just having fun, but instead I see a tear roll down his cheek, and a smile slowly spreads across his face. He leans forward and kisses me, starting with my mouth working his way to my stomach where he covers it in an all too familiar pattern. “A heart,” he says, “because you carry my heart.”

  “So what do we do now?” I ask, not really sure myself.

  “We tell everyone.”

  “Yeah?” I ask with slight disbelief.

  Standing up he reaches his hand out to me, urging me to stand. “Yeah.”

  Even with my happiness, I can’t help but wonder. “Do you think this is what it would have been like if I’d told you… you know… back then?”

  “I think it would have been different, kiddo, but I think the outcome would have been the same.”

  We start walking down the stairs, knowing that Mom, Pop, and Tommy are already down there, unknowingly waiting for the news to hit them. “Oh yeah, and what’s the outcome?”

  “That I will love you, and that baby, until my dying day.”

  In the kitchen, Mom, Pop, and Tommy are sitting around the table, going over the farm finances. They’re trying to figure out how we’re going to keep taking on horses. They been at it for days. I feel bad that I haven’t been of much help to them, but I’ve been too worried about myself and Parker to really worry about the future of the farm.

  The bottom line is that the expenditure on the horses is more than the benefit. It makes me sad to know that we might have to sell the hors
es because they’ve been such an important part of my life for as long as I can remember.

  “Here’s the two lovebirds,” Tommy jokes spitting some of his chew into an empty soda bottle.

  Mom and Pop giggle happily at his joke, but I can feel my face flush. It still seems strange to know that my—I mean our—secret is out. Parker slides his hand into mine, the right amount of reassurance at just the right time and I immediately feel myself relax. “What do the numbers look like?” Parker asks, lightening the mood.

  Pop shifts in his seat nervously. “It looks like without some sort of income, we’ll have to start selling off some of the horses.”

  I feel a lump form in my throat. They can’t.

  “Shit,” Parker sighs, taking a look at the papers strewn over the table.

  “So, what’ve you guys been doing?” Tommy asks, obviously hinting at an innuendo. Parker does me a solid and slaps him in the back of the head. Tommy yells, his hand rubbing the back of his head.

  “Katie?” Parker leads. I had hoped that he would take charge of the situation, letting my family in on our little secret for me. But I’m not that lucky. Of course he was going to leave me to do that.

  I start picking at the hangnails on my fingers, hoping somehow to forget but all it really did was bide my time. It was too late to back out now. The time had come for me to tell them. I remembered what Stevenson said to me, “Katie, anybody who matters is just going to be happy to see you happy. And if they don’t see this as the blessing it is… well then they don’t deserve to be in your life.”

  “Mom? Pop? Tommy? I have something that I want to tell you guys.”

  They look at me, none of them pressing me, nobody questioning me, just looking for more insight. They wait patiently, hanging on the seconds as they wait for my words.

  “Parker and I…”

  I pause, not sure of how to go about this. I consider the words I can use for a few seconds but instead I go with the usual. “I… I mean, we’re going to have a baby.”

  There are a few seconds of silence as the words sink in, but it doesn’t take long for my mom to lead the celebration. The tears are rolling as everybody stands and starts giving us congratulatory hugs and once everything calms down, Pop calls attention to himself.

  “I think that the time has come.”

  We all look at him, waiting to see what he has to say.

  “It’s time for us to hand over the farm. It needs fresh blood to breathe new life into it.”

  I look to my mom who is nodding in agreement. “Parker. Katie. Tommy. It’s time for you guys to save this place.”

  “Pop, what’re you talking about?’ Tommy questions.

  “I’m saying that Parker, Katie, and you are gonna be the new owners of the farm. If anybody can figure out how to save the horses, it’ll be you guys.”

  I look up at my father and ask, “Why Pop?”

  “Because, I’ve been waiting my whole life for my children to be ready to carry on my work. And now I know that you’re all ready.”

  It didn’t take Mom and Pop long to get out of dodge and, within a few days, the papers were drawn up and we were the officially the new owners of the farm. I think that Pop was just really excited to hand it over to Tommy, Parker, and I. Plus, I think they were both looking forward to not having to worry about things so much. It had been a stressful spring and summer, so they deserved to have a break. They were going to travel for a bit, just to relax and enjoy each other’s company before settling into their new house.

  I was nervous at the thought of having this place to look after, but at least I didn’t have to do it alone. Just like I’ve never had to do anything else on my own. I realize now that the loneliest place I’ve been is in my own mind. But here, in the real world, I have Tommy and Parker—always have, and always will.

  “Well that’s the last of it,” Tommy says as he places the last box into the moving truck.

  The air is cold, fall is well on its way, bringing with it new beginnings. It makes me sad to think that my parents won’t be here with me anymore and I feel the tears start to well in my eyes before I grab Mom, hugging her tight. “How’re you not crying, Mom? Leaving this place, and all your memories?”

  She hugs me back, sighing. “Because my time within these walls is over.” She pauses leaning back so that her eyes can look into mine. “I made my memories here, raised my babies, and now it’s time for me to let you do the same.”

  Tommy snakes his arm around my neck, pulling me away from Mom. “Besides, you’ll still have me around to keep you company.”

  I roll my eyes. I like to act like I’m annoyed that Tommy will still be living here, that Parker and I won’t be able to play house because of him, but the truth is that I’m so thankful that we will all be in this together. Pop has even started up calling us the “Three Musketeers” again. It’s been a long time since we’ve been referred as that, but the truth is it feels good.

  We’re saying our good-byes even though Mom and Pop are only moving a few minutes away. They’re just about to get into the truck when Parker pulls into the drive.

  In spite of the sadness and the nervousness in my heart, seeing him makes me smile. I look at Mom and Pop who have stopped what they were doing and are looking at me. “What?” I ask, clueless as to why they’ve decided to stare at me.

  “It’s just we never thought we’d see you happy again, Gertrude,” Pop says opening the truck door, “let alone living.”

  “You know, I’ve always hated that you call me that, Pop.”

  “Ah, you wouldn’t understand.” He brushes me off with a flick of his wrist. “It’s an old timer thing.”

  I’m thinking about what Pop said about seeing me live again when Parker sneaks up behind me, his hands wrap around my waist and he lifts my feet off the ground. “You ready to start learning about all my annoying habits?” he teases, kissing my neck before setting me down.

  “It’s true,” Tommy adds. “I spent a week trying to live with him a few years back. He snores, doesn’t know how to pick up after himself, and clips his toenails at the kitchen table. Needless to say, it didn’t work out.”

  “That’s okay, “ I purr, spinning myself around in his arms so that we’re hugging. “I’ll take a million annoying habits instead of being without him.”

  “Ugh,” Tommy groans. “I can’t believe I’m going to have to live with you two. You’re disgusting.”

  “You’re just jealous,” Parker jokes.

  “Hardly, I’m going to be an eternal bachelor.”

  We all shake our heads. Tommy’s only steady girlfriend had been while he was in high school. She’d ended up cheating on him with another guy on the football team and he never truly got over it, swearing off girlfriends from then on, and he keeping them at a distance. Parker mentioned one time that he thought Tommy was lonely, but Tommy would never admit that. We stand there watching as Mom and Pop say their final good-byes and hop into the truck, waving until they’re finally out of sight. Parker slaps Tommy on the shoulder. “Help me lug my shit inside.”

  I follow them in the direction of Parker’s car but veer off and make my way up to the porch to sit on the swing. Tommy and Parker open the trunk and each take a box. When they reach the front door, Parker hold it opened and asks, “You coming in?”

  “In a minute.”

  “You okay, kiddo?”

  “Yeah.”

  A smile crosses my lips and he takes me at my word, making his way inside and letting the door close behind him.

  I look out to the farm. It’s hard to believe that this place is ours. We’re in charge now.

  I never thought that this was how my life would end up. I never thought that I’d be a widow at twenty-five. That my children would die before me. Never in a million years would I imagine that I’d struggle with mutism for a second time. But I did, and it led me back here for a purpose.

  It hurts to think that all of this happened for a reason, but I have to believe that
there was a bigger plan for my life than I had for myself. I still have to figure out what it is, but there’s no doubt that this is a new beginning for us all.

  Tommy and Parker decided to take me to the annual Fall fair. For old times sake at first, but then somehow they convinced me that it would be a good idea to show Onyx. I agreed because was a sucker, and it gave me something positive to focus on besides the relentless morning sickness. My belly is starting to take shape, and it’s slowly becoming more evident that my life is going on.

  It’s the end of fall. Winter is just around the corner, and the fair is, and always has been, the last hoorah before we all go into hibernation.

  We’re walking around the dirty fairground, Parker gripping my hand like there is no letting go, and I know he means it. I am his and he is mine. We’ve waited too long, and been through too much, to ever consider letting go. We’re in it for the long run now.

  Parker and I watch Tommy play the milk bottle game, teasing him as he misses bottle after bottle. “Weren’t you a pitcher?” Parker quips. Tommy spins around, throwing the middle finger in his direction before directing his focus back to the task at hand.

  “Katie?” I hear a woman’s voice call out.

  I turn around and freeze. A face I never expected to see again was staring right at me, walking in my direction. I spin around to Parker, unsure of how to handle myself. I want to make an escape, but it’s too late. I mess around with my shirt, trying to hide my swollen abdomen. Sighing, I give up—there’s no use in trying to hide the obvious. I’m pregnant, just six months after losing my husband and daughter in a horrific accident. She is going to have a field day with this.

  “Katie?” she calls again, this time closer. A hand touches my shoulder and I spin around coming face to face with my past.

  “I thought that was you.” She immediately hugs me. “My God, Katie.”

  I never thought I’d see Greta Smithe again. She was my best friend in Manchester. We used to trade babysitting. Her kids were practically mine and vice versa. We had barbeques together—her husband and Michael drinking beers while they cooked on the grill.