Kismet

by AE Woodward

  Thinking back on all the memories I have with Parker and Tommy, there were only a handful of incidents to choose from, but there was one I didn’t really know anything about. One time that had plagued me with curiosity for years. “The last summer I was here, you blacked Parker’s eye…”

  “I knew you’d ask about that one.” He pauses and rubs the back of his neck with his left hand. “I told Parker the reason I did it was because he’d been a rotten drunk the night before, and that was true to a certain extent but that wasn’t the whole reason.”

  Tommy shifts on the bed next to me. “Parker had gotten hellishly drunk one night, sometime in July I think, we were at camp and he passed out in the bunk room. I forgot about him until it was time to go lie down myself. Once I was in bed, I heard him murmuring, talking in his sleep like he had a million times before. I tried tuning him out but he kept saying the same thing, over and over. ‘I love her. I gotta set her free.’ I listened to him go on and on for a few minutes before I asked him who, and he replied that it was you. He started crying, saying that he knew he was going to break your heart and then he finally went to sleep.” Tommy gives me a sideways glance. “I kicked his ass as soon as he got out of bed the next morning.”

  I sit there completely dumbfounded, not capable of doing anything but nodding.

  “So you see, Katie, with Parker it really has always been about you. I don’t know where you two stand, but if this doesn’t make sense, I don’t know what does.”

  The next day I’m just walking Onyx into the barn when I hear the familiar rumble of Parker’s Mustang. I stop walking to smile and wave at him and he steps out, tossing a cigarette onto the ground before running towards me. “Hey,” he says breathlessly. “You all done?”

  “Just finishing up. Wanna help me get her settled in?”

  He nods and slides his hand into mine. I smile as we lead Onyx into the barn together. Parker helps me take her saddle off and he brushes her coat while I braid her mane. “She looks so good, kiddo,” Parker says as we get her into her stall. I pour some fresh water and Parker throws in some hay.

  “Yeah, she’s doing great.”

  “You should ride competitively again.”

  I think back to all the good times I had riding as a kid. At times, in the riding ring had been the only place I felt confident, showing off my skills along with the horses. It made sense. “I just might have to do that.”

  “Well the fair is coming up…”

  I consider this. I had shown my horses at the end of fall fair more times than I could count and it seemed like a great idea. “Yeah, that sounds great.” We walk together, hand in hand, out of the barn. “So what are you doing here so early?”

  “Well, Tommy took my chores for me tonight.” I look up at him suspiciously. “So I thought I could take you out.”

  “Like on a date?” Saying those words, it strikes me that this will technically be the first time Parker McKenzie has actually taken me out. Everything between us in the past was so secretive, and it feels weird thinking that we no longer have a reason to hide.

  Parker stops me in my tracks, his hands gently on my shoulders while he looks at me with complete and utter adoration. And in that moment I have no doubt that Parker loves me.

  “Exactly like a date.”

  “What do you have in mind?” I ask.

  He laughs and opens the ’Stang door. “Get in the car, and stop being so damn nosey.”

  We ride in his car, singing stupidly to every song that comes on the radio. It feels good to be alive again, to be smiling, laughing, feeling. Despite the hurt in my heart, which will always be there, I find myself actually breathing and it feels good. But my heart stops when we pull down an all to familiar road, and I have to fight the urge to smack Parker.

  “The lake?” I ask, fighting back the tears that are threatening to ruin my good mood.

  Parker takes my hand and kisses it. “Yes, kiddo, the lake.” We roll to a stop, the lake finally coming into view. It looks beautiful—the sun going down behind the horizon, the sky painted a gorgeous combination of orange, red, and blue. But that’s not a good enough reason to be here and I pull away from him. He flinches at my anger. Without another word, he steps out of the car, making his way to the passenger side where he opens my door and crouches down.

  “Listen to me,” he says. “I brought you here because we need to replace the bad memories with good ones.” When he looks at me there’s something unreadable in his eyes, almost as if he’s worried about my reaction. “Do you trust me Katie?” He holds his hand out for me. A deep hidden part of me, the insecure part, doesn’t want to trust him, but I do. Good Lord I do.

  I tentatively put my hand in his and he smiles one of his megawatt smiles before leading me out of the car.

  We walk silently down the beach and I keep glancing back until the car is finally out of sight. We’ve never been to this part of the beach before because we always just stayed up on the public part—the place where all the horny teenagers park and make out.

  As we turn around a little cove area, I spot where we are going and I see what Parker has planned. There on the beach is an inflatable pool, filled with blankets and pillows. I instantly smile.

  “I thought we could stargaze a bit.” He smirks before kissing me on the cheek.

  Tears prick my eyes. It’s perfect. Parker is perfect. But I still feel guilt, like I don’t deserve a happy ending. No matter what there will always be shame and being here, moving on, it feels like a betrayal.

  But I can’t afford to think like that, I have to focus on the positives. This is our chance to make things right. To fix our past mistakes and be together, like I know we’re supposed to be.

  We lie side by side in the most comfortable place I think I’ve even been. It gets darker with each passing second and the stars start to shine above us. Parker pulls me into his nook, and I breathe him in. “I like this nook business,” he says his lips pressed to my head. We both sit in silence looking up at the great big sky.

  “Do you think they’re watching me?” I ask without really thinking. It’s not fair of me to bring them up but I can’t help but wonder.

  “Yeah, I do,” he murmurs into my hair.

  “What do you think they’re thinking?”

  “Of us?”

  “Yeah.”

  Parker’s hand tips my chin up so that my eyes meet his. He smiles the sweetest smile known to mankind and I swear I see tears in his eyes. “I think they’re probably just happy that we found our way back to each other,” he whispers before gently touching his lips to mine. It’s quick and gentle, but full of love.

  He starts to pull away but I grab him by the back of his neck, allowing my lips to crash back onto his. The feel of his lips against mine is comforting, like home, and I find myself easily lost in him.

  The mood begins to overtake me and I push him onto his back, taking control for the first time in our history. The sudden confidence I feel is because of him, and I want to thank him. He lets out a low growl, seemingly approving of my newfound assertiveness. My breasts press against his chest and he sucks in air. Having such control over him is addicting.

  His hands make their way from my hips down until he squeezes my backside. I stop kissing, giving him a teasing “knock it off” look. We smile against each other’s mouths.

  “Sorry,” he shrugs, “I just can’t help myself. It’s so damn perky.”

  “You’re so wicked.”

  “Yeah, I am. Wickedly in love,” he stops to gently kiss my lips again, “with you.”

  Something about him muttering those words makes me go crazy. I shoot him my best devilish grin before hopping out of the pool.

  “What are you doing?” he asks. “Get back in here, you’re ruining our date.”

  I back away from him, slowly taking off my shirt while making sure to keep my eyes on his. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I feel like I’m actually in control. Yeah, things might have gone a
wry, but right now in this moment I feel alive. “I’m merely taking our date and making an improvement.”

  He props himself up on his elbows, his eyes hooded in ecstasy. Throwing caution to the wind, I bite my lip before unbuttoning my pants and kicking them off, leaving me standing in front of him in nothing but my underwear. “God,” he sighs before standing up and joining me under the moon on the sand. “You’re fuckin’ gorgeous.”

  He wraps his arm around my waist pulling me into him. His mouth is hot on my neck as his free hand runs over the skin on my stomach and I feel him drawing again.

  A heart.

  The instant his hand stops drawing and dips into my panties, I let out every ounce of air in my lungs. His touch is tender. I was so lost in the moment that I forgot what I was doing and although took every fiber of my being to make him stop, I put my hands on his chest and pushed him backward. “You made me lose track of what I was doing!” I pant.

  Parker takes the back of his hand and runs it across his bottom lip. I shiver. “And that’s a bad thing, how?”

  “Because I wanted to do this…”

  Spurred on by the love I feel for the man in front of me, I reach behind my back and unclasp my bra, slowly guiding it down my arms, letting it fall to the ground.

  “I remember this,” he says, a smile plastered on his face as he hurriedly sheds his own clothes.

  It had been the only time we’d been at the lake before that fateful day. We had come up here to go swimming in the blistering summer heat. The day turned to night and we decided to get adventurous and go skinny-dipping. I was mortified, but Parker lifted me up stark-naked and threw me in. It ended up being the best night of my life, hands down.

  Until now.

  I turn, looking at him over my shoulder as I walk toward the water. “Took you long enough.”

  “It’s not playing fair when you start taking your clothes off.” He fumbles and starts running to catch up with me. I scream with excitement as I take off running in front of him, diving head first into the water before I have the chance to chicken out. The chill of the water shocks me. I forgot that I didn’t have the warmth of the summer air this time around.

  I come up, gasping. “Sooo c-c-cold.” My teeth chatter and I see Parker standing on the edge of the beach, still wearing his boxer briefs, laughing harder than he should be.

  “You ass!” I scream, quickly wading back to him. Of course this does nothing and he continues to laugh as he turns to the pool, grabbing one of the blankets he brought.

  “Why didn’t you stop me?” I ask, somewhat angry as he wraps us up in a cocoon of blanket.

  He brushes some hair that had stuck to my face back behind my ear. “Because, I was enjoying seeing you live too much.”

  Breathless, I lean my hand into his touch. I’ll never get used to feeling him loving me. I’ll never take it for granted. I will cherish him, and these moments, forever, because I know better than anyone that our time can be cut short in an instant.

  We kiss again, but this time there is no question where it might go. We take a few steps before bumping into the pool edge, falling into a heap amongst the blankets and pillows. Parker leans down and trails kisses from my mouth to my stomach. He blows gently against my damp skin, covering every inch of my flesh in goose bumps.

  The reprieve doesn’t last and within seconds he is between my legs, the feel of him familiar and comfortable. The last time we were together it was passionate and full of desire. This time it’s different. This time it’s about the love between us.

  Parker looks at me with languid eyes, slowly guiding himself in and out. Wanting him to know how I’m feeling, how he’s making me feel, I snake my hands up his back, feeling his muscles ripple with each slow movement. Breathless, I lift my head from the pillow allowing my lips to graze his briefly. “I love you, Parker,” I whisper.

  He closes his eyes, propping himself up on his elbow, and his hand brushes my cheek before he opens them again. “Me too, kiddo. More than you’ll ever know.”

  Sat in that old rickety swing, the air smells chilly—like colder weather is on its way. The weather changed quickly, but we can’t complain since it had been such a beautiful summer. We were spoiled with higher than normal temperatures, but those have long since left. Despite the fact that I have a jacket on, my skin prickles with goose bumps as I watch Tommy and Pop working at lugging feed and hay.

  When I see Parker pull up the road I smile, knowing that we’re finally going to talk about the one thing that should’ve never been a secret. Zoe. My Zoe.

  Our Zoe.

  The car comes to a stop in front of the house and he gets out and tips his head in my direction before walking toward me. “Aren’t you cold?” he asks, grabbing the ropes and looking down at me.

  “Not now,” I tease, leaning up to give him a kiss.

  He puts his fingers to his lips, biting his lower one and groaning. “That’ll never get old,” he teases.

  Everything between us has fallen into place and when I put my arms tightly around his neck, he responds my wrapping himself around my waist. His body radiates heat and I laugh. “We’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for.”

  “Yeah, we do.”

  “Are you ready?” I ask, leading him by the hand towards the house.

  “Mmhmm.”

  He hums, I sense nervousness and once we’re in the entryway I spin around facing him.

  “This will be good. For both of us. Stevenson says it will help both of us heal. Me talking about her, you learning.” Parker nods and I take him into the family room where the empty spaces have been filled with the missing frames. Pictures of Michael and Zoe. Me and Michael. Zoe and I. They’re everywhere.

  Parker wanders up closer to an 8 x 10 of her, one of my favorite pictures of all time. She’s in the middle of a field, spinning around in her brand new dancing dress, full of joy and life. That’s the reason it’s one of my favorites—it captured everything about Zoe that I loved.

  “I don’t know how I didn’t see it,” he mumbles.

  I place my hand on his shoulder, only imagining how difficult it must be for him. Never knowing her, never having the chance to, must be destroying him. “I know it’s not enough, but I’m so sorry, Parker.”

  “What was she like?” he asks.

  “She was so unbelievably smart, it was almost scary at times. She’d correct Michael and I all the time, on everything. It was cute until it was annoying.”

  I stumble over my words, my emotions starting to rear their ugly head again. Parker rubs my arm, starting with my shoulder down to my wrist where he absently thumbs the bracelet. It’s uncanny how such a small gesture can give me strength but it does and I go on. “She gave me purpose again. For some reason, she brought the same joy to me that you always had. She calmed me, made me feel normal. And without her, I couldn’t breathe.” I pause, and let out a deep breath of air. “Her beauty matched her insides, but she was stubborn as hell.”

  “I wonder where she got that from.” Parker smirked, giving me a sideways glance.

  “Poor thing,” I scoff. “Both of her parents were asses.”

  He places both his hands on the sides of my face. “I’m so sorry, Katie.”

  “I’m the one who should be sorry.”

  “No, I made you feel like you had no other choice but to do what you did. You were looking out for yourself, by most importantly you were looking out for our daughter.“ He chokes on his last word. Closing his eyes he takes a deep breath, “What’s done is done, right? We can’t change the past, we can only move forward, focus on the positives—like you being here with me.”

  “I love you.”

  “Me too.”

  I stare down at those little pink lines, taunting me like they had done for the last few weeks. I took ten of them, hoping that one might say it wasn’t so, but they all kept telling me the same thing.

  I’m pregnant.

  And Parker doesn’t want me.

  Okay, I added
that last part, but it’s the truth. I stuff the stick into my duffel bag, throwing the last of my junk into it. It was time to close this shitty chapter of my life and move on. There was someone out there that would take care of me like Parker had. Someone who wouldn’t be scared to love me…

  I can’t stop crying.

  The irony of it all has pushed me over the edge. It’s come full circle and there’s nothing I can do to stop or change it. It is what it is.

  I’m slowly going insane. I know it. Stevenson has been watching me for a good 15 minutes. I started crying the minute I sat down for my scheduled session, and I can’t seem to stop.

  Thankfully, he hasn’t pressed me. He’s just been there, watching me, waiting for me to be ready to talk. There’s a lot I want to say, things that need to be said but I can’t seem to find the right words. Eventually, I just give up searching for the perfect way to say what I need to say so I go straight for the jugular.

  “I’m pregnant,” I manage to mutter between sobs before throwing my head back into my hands. The couch dips and I feel him sit down next to me. He wraps his arms around my shoulders, but it does nothing. It feels like hours pass, and maybe they do, but eventually I run out of tears. Wiping my face, I look up at the only man that knows all of my demons.

  I’m not ready. The thought of this being a possibility never crossed my mind. I’ve been so focused on what I lost that I haven’t thought about having children again. I’m scared on so many different levels that I don’t know which way is up. “What do I do?” I ask hopelessly, wringing my hands that were obviously full of tension.

  “It’s time you fix your mistakes, Katie.”

  The thought of people judging me makes me sick to my stomach. “Everyone will hate me.”

  “Do I hate you?” he asks.

  I ponder his question. I’ve never really thought about how people feel about me before. “I don’t know, do you?”

  “No. Not even a little bit.”

  I feel pressure on my chest. “I can’t do this.”