Shallow

by Yessi Smith

It was different being in his arms. Not bad or uncomfortable, but a type of ease and comfort that melted into my skin. He swayed us back and forth, his hands light on my waist. Since we were the same height with my heels on, I tucked my chin onto his shoulder.

  I kissed his cheek when the song ended. “Thanks for the dance,” I said.

  His dimples popped out with his grin.

  The next song was faster, had a fun beat. The guys circled around us to dance, while Roderick gripped my waist from behind.

  The night was ablaze with laughter and dancing. It was perfect. The perfect night. A memory that would stay with me forever.

  Although I had my own sleeping bag, it was much cozier to sleep with Roderick. Not that sleeping on the hard cave’s ground was cozy.

  I didn’t know how Roderick had slept in this cave at all. He’d done it, though, and never once complained.

  When his fingers touched my face and spread into my hair, I closed my eyes. His lips caressed my cheek, moved to my nose, before they started to massage my lips. I ran my tongue over his lips and when he parted, he took me in. It was slow, as if he were exploring my soul.

  “I can hear you guys kissing!” Danny shouted.

  Ari and Seth laughed.

  I groaned.

  “You’re gonna be hearing a lot of that in San Diego,” Roderick said.

  “So get used to it,” I added.

  He kissed me again. Long fingers pushed beneath my shirt. I stuttered out a breath when he trailed a feather light touch from my stomach to my chest. Pushing down my bra, he rubbed a thumb over my breast. I moaned into his mouth and felt him smile against our kiss.

  A few feet to the side of us, music started to play. It wasn’t a song I recognized, but something with just instruments playing in a cheesy melody. Something that sounded a lot like what I imagined music in porn sounded like.

  Digging my face against Roderick’s neck, I laughed. The laughter got louder until we were all cracking up.

  “I can’t stand you,” I told Danny. “Seriously, you’re like this parasite that refuses to leave me alone.”

  “I’m not the one making babies while people around you try to sleep.”

  My cheeks heated. “We’re not making babies.”

  “Well then you should be. I mean, you have to start soon if you want ten kids, three dogs, eight seahorses, and a llama.”

  “Oh.” I scoffed. “You’re passing our future to Roderick?”

  “Damn right,” he replied. “I hate seahorses. Freaky little animals.”

  “But you’re okay with the three slobbery dogs?” Seth asked.

  “I mean I don’t want them,” Danny clarified. “It was a sacrifice I was willing to make for Brin, but then she threw in seahorses and that’s it. I’m out. She’s all Roderick’s.”

  “Okay,” Ari said. “When we get married, I won’t ask for seahorses.”

  I bit my bottom lip, snuggled closer to Roderick as joy slammed through my veins. It was like a warm blanket, secure and protective.

  “I’d get a seahorse for you,” Danny replied. “I’d never look at it and would probably slip poison in its tank, but I’d get one for you.”

  Ari laughed. When it fell silent, the sound of kissing sounded in the air.

  “Ohmygosh!” I yelled. “Can you guys not kiss while I’m trying to sleep?”

  A pillow hit my side. I grabbed it, put it under the pillow I was already using.

  A few beats later, Danny asked, “Can I have my pillow back?”

  “Nope,” I sing-songed.

  Roderick pulled the pillow out from beneath me. “He’ll probably end up in our bag if you don’t give it back to him.” He tossed the pillow back to Danny.

  “He’s right,” Danny agreed on a laugh.

  “When we get married,” Roderick whispered, his breath falling on my lips, “I’ll give you anything you want.”

  “You,” I replied. “I only want you.”

  The people I loved surrounded me, joy followed. I found happiness in them. Found love in them. The love I felt was different for each of them, but just as potent. Together and apart, we’d been through a lot, but this moment – our moment – outweighed all the bad. Outshined the dark. Proved that love was greater than anything else.

  That love always won.

  Three years later

  “What the hell is that?” Danny looked at the large dog I led into our shared apartment.

  “A big slobbery dog,” Brinley replied. “The first of the seven you and Roderick promised me.”

  She was big, at least seventy pounds, and she was only six months old. From what the shelter worker told us, she’d get a lot bigger.

  “Holy crap.” Seth walked into our living room, folding thick arms over his wide chest. It reminded me that the boy who was once picked on could now fend for himself thanks to friends who’d given him the tools and confidence to learn how to fight, which then grew to a love for working out. “Did you guys buy a small horse?”

  Turned out college wasn’t for Seth, not like it was for Danny, Brinley, Ari and me. Instead, he’d started an online store to sell the furniture and other things he created with wood. It did so well, he was thinking about expanding to have an actual, physical store. The first place he was looking at real estate was in San Diego.

  Brinley, Danny, and I loved it out here, and had decided we didn’t want to move back to our sleepy little beach town. We visited often since Brinley’s dad insisted we stay at her old house for a long weekend every three months. Sometimes Danny came with us, but most of the time he stayed away. When he did come, we’d all go to the diner where Nicole worked full time. She wound up moving back home and doing online courses after getting pregnant with Jacob’s baby. A baby he never saw or cared for. But Nicole’s baby was loved beyond measure by her mom, her grandparents, Danny, and Brinley, who would never abandon Nicole the way she once left Brinley.

  After graduating from college, Ari planned on moving here too. It would be the five us again. Friends that had turned into a family that reminded me I would never again be alone.

  Life wasn’t perfect though. Rosie’s brain continued to deteriorate and no matter what tests the doctors ran, there was no real explanation behind it. It just was. Despite the struggles, Rosie and Phil had become my family. A family I’m sure my parents had set in my path when they realized my aunt would never be what I needed. Hell, it only took three months living in San Diego for her to stop returning my calls and texts.

  I missed her, but I also didn’t.

  “She’s a puppy,” Brinley replied.

  “A puppy?” Danny pet the dog’s large head, and when she shoved her nose between his legs he screamed. “She’s a man eater!”

  When I unhooked the dog’s leash, she sniffed the floor for a few seconds before she ambled away, turning straight into Danny’s room.

  His mouth fell open as he pointed toward his room.

  “You should probably check on her,” Brinley said with a smirk. “I’d hate if she chewed on one of your shoes.”

  He took off after her.

  “I think this is going to be fun,” I told Brinley.

  She giggled, wrapping her arms around my waist and kissing my chest. Still after three and a half years together, the feel of her against me filled me with love and hope. And her kisses… they grounded me with a home I never thought I’d have.

  “What’s her name?” Seth asked.

  “Leia!” Danny shouted from his room.

  “I second that choice,” I said.

  Brinley arched a brow at Seth. “What do you think?”

  “I vote for Leia too.”

  “You hear that?” Danny asked, still in his room. “You’re name’s Leia.”

  I laughed. For all the fuss he’d made about not wanting a dog over the years, he sure had warmed up to her quickly.

  Brinley sat on our couch and I followed her. When I put an arm around her shoulders, she nestled into my side.

  “Di
d you find anything that would work for your store?” I asked.

  With a grin, Seth joined us on the couch. “There’s this place a few blocks from the beach that gets pretty good traffic. Not a lot, but it’s not bad. The place itself is big with two stories. I was thinking the upstairs could be my workshop and keep the store downstairs.” His voice vibrated with excitement. “There’s a section I want to frame your poems, try to sell them too along with the book you guys wrote together.”

  I drew myself closer to Brinley, keeping my fingers trailing over her arm.

  It’d taken a little over a year to get the collection of poems we’d wanted together. And when we pitched our book to agents we’d gotten six rejection letters before one finally took a chance on us. To our surprise and joy, the book did well. So well, our readers wanted more. Not just more poetry, but more of us. Our story.

  Brinley’s social media was the first to blow up, which made sense since she was the more active and engaging one. Me? I just posted pictures of my girl with poems as captions, just as she’d done so many years ago. When she fought for me, for us.

  So much had changed since then. So much had stayed the same. One of the many truths that remained was the way we fought desperately together, every single day.

  “It’s not just the store that I love though,” Seth continued. “Behind the store is a three-bedroom house. It’s kind of a fixer upper, but it has so much potential.” His eyes danced, the passion he had for creating and fixing things evident in his expression. “And the backyard is huge, big enough for ten Great Danes to run around. And there’s a pool.”

  “A pool?” Danny asked. “I’m so in!”

  “Why don’t you come over here and talk to us like a normal person?” Brinley asked. “Instead of shouting across the apartment.”

  “I can’t move!” he yelled back. “Leia has me pinned to my bed.”

  I shook my head on a chuckle.

  “What do you think?” Seth asked.

  “I think it’s fantastic,” Brinley said. “The store, the house, everything. And I think I’ll be spending every chance I get in your new pool.”

  “I think I’m ready to move in yesterday,” Danny said.

  He strolled into the room with Leia walking beside him and sat with us.

  “Are you gonna get it?” I asked.

  “I think so,” Seth answered. “Yeah.” He nodded. “I’m gonna put an offer on it tomorrow.” He reached for his phone. “Or tonight. I’ll email the realtor.” He hesitated, peered back at the three of us. “If I get it, you know you guys don’t have to look for another apartment when your lease is up in two months. I think it’d be pretty cool to have you guys as roommates.”

  “Seriously?” Brinley asked, hopping up and down on the couch next me. “Yeah! I mean… but wait, Seth.” She hesitated. “We can’t just move in with you.”

  “Why not?” Danny and Seth both asked.

  “Because.” She waved her hands in the air. “It’s your place. You’d be buying it, not renting.”

  “And whatever apartment you rent, would be owned by someone. What’s the difference?”

  “Think about the pool, Brin,” I said, thinking about her in a tiny bikini. Thinking about living in a houseful of two of my best friends and my girl.

  Eventually, Brinley and I would have our own place, but for now, I loved living with her and Danny. Loved the noise they brought with them. Adding Seth to our crazy little world would be even better.

  “Think about all the movie nights and weekend barbecues we would have,” I added.

  “It does sound really awesome,” she agreed. “You really want to do this, Seth? Live with all of us?”

  “Yeah,” Seth answered. “When I saw it, I thought of you guys, and could see us in there. And then, you know, when I’m ready to settle down with my future hot bikini model girlfriend, I’ll kick you guys out.”

  Brinley giggled. It was a pretty melody that I’d never grow tired of listening to. Of trying to bring out.

  “How thick are the walls?” Danny asked, sending Brinley and me an accusatory glance.

  “Yeah,” Brinley piped in. “I swear if I have to keep hearing Danny and Ari in their bedroom whenever Ari comes to visit, I’m gonna cut my ears off.”

  Danny gave her a wink. “Just returning the favor.”

  Brinley pushed up her middle finger while I kissed her shoulder.

  “If the walls need more insulation, I can do that.” Seth laughed.

  “So it’s settled?” I asked.

  “And then there were four,” Danny sang.

  “There’s five of us,” Brinley corrected him. “Oooh, I’m gonna tell Ari you forgot about him.”

  Danny stood up with a pillow in his hand that he smooshed into Brinley’s face. She screamed. Leia barked.

  “This is what you’re getting into,” I warned Seth.

  He nodded. “The house would be pretty boring without you guys.”

  He was right.

  My life was loud, full of motion and chaos. Full of words my girl and I shared with the world. Full of friends and the woman I loved.

  My life? It was pretty damn good.

  Always I have to thank God first. Without you, none of this would be possible. Thank you for giving me peace when I need it the most, for whispering in my ear to try one more time, for giving me a life I love with people who make the hard times worth going through.

  Derrick, Dustin, and Chase – this book consumed me, took me away from time I normally spent with you. Thank you for giving me the time I needed, for being patient with me. I promise I’ll make it up to you with all the movie nights you want. I love you guys with every part of who I am, even when you annoy the crap out of me.

  Marisol and Kiara – I finally wrote a book you can read. If you hate it, don’t tell me lol

  Alyssa and Caitlin – in a couple of years you can pretend to love this book too.

  Jill Sava – omg, right? I was about 99.9% sure you were going to call it quits and smack me upside the head. But damn, you did it! You created a cover that is beautiful beyond words.

  Mady Valle – you’re an AH but I love you anyway. Every best friend is written because of you.

  Denise Sedlacek – thank you doesn’t feel like enough. Thank you for believing in me, making me believe in myself. Thank you for reading my crazy stress-filled messages and calming me down. You’re an incredible woman and an even better friend.

  Tessie Afzal – having you on my side is one of the greatest gifts. I can’t wait to squeeze you when you make it from the other side of the moon.

  Lee Casey – I’m not sure I can ever write a book without you by my side. Which pretty much means you’re stuck with me forever.

  Talon Smith – you were the boost I needed to go through with publishing Shallow. Would you judge me if I told you your messages made me cry lots and lots of happy tears?

  Eli Peters – your input was invaluable, your suggestions spot on. I couldn’t have done it without you.

  Jen Van Wyk – as always, you made my baby shine. If I ever try to write a book without you, I give you full permission to beat me with a baseball bat. Also, I’m sorry for naming the twins after your kids lol

  Megan Luker – the love you brought while working on Shallow is humbling. I’m so grateful to have you on my team and as a friend. Thank you for seeing the magic behind the mess.

  Ella Maise – thank you for not once shooing me away when I continuously messaged you with all my crazy anxiety. You’re a true gem and I’m grateful to have you as a friend.

  Kasey Metzger – you are sunshine. I love your heart, your personality, and you.

  Mary Johnson – every girl needs a Mary in their life. Not you specifically because I refuse to share you with anyone but Lee.

  Shannon Harrell – giiiirrrrl, you are my most favorite f(h)airy godmother! Thank you a thousand times over for everything you do for me. I especially love talking sharks with you haha

  DND authors
– never have I met a group of authors so willing to help, support and encourage one another. I’m proud to be part of a group of women who are truly amazing. Every day, I learn from you. Every day, I’m grateful for you.

  My reader group – I’ve made some incredible friends in this group. I love going into Yessi’s Sadistic Sweethearts and talking with you guys. Thank you for accepting me in all my weird awkwardness.

  Bloggers – where do I even start? I hope you realize how special each and every one of you are. Your selflessness in promoting authors and our work is awe-inspiring. Not a single one of us would get very far in chasing our dreams without your help. There aren’t enough words in the English language to accurately say how thankful I am for you but I hope this will do.

  Readers – if one day I show up on your doorstep to give you a hug, please don’t call the cops on me. I’m so grateful for you, for giving my books a chance, for your messages that seem to lift me up when I need it the most. You’re the reason I’m living my dream. I can only hope my words make you proud, bring you a sense of belonging, let you know you matter. And if you ever need a reminder of how incredible I think you are, message me. I’ll fangirl so hard on you, I’ll probably embarrass us both.

  Yessi Smith is a South Florida girl living in Texas with her husband and two sons.

  She has a Bachelor’s degree in Business Management and a Master’s in Human Resource Management and has held several jobs, from picking up dog poop to upper management positions. And now she hopes to leave the business world behind so she can live full time in a world that does not exist until she places her fingers on a keyboard and brings them to fruition.

  If you'd like to hang out with Yessi, join her in her reader group on Facebook

  All of her books are available for free on Amazon with your Kindle Unlimited subscription