Songbird Caged

by Lisa Edward

  I wanted him. God, how I wanted him—just a couple of inches higher.

  “Babe,” he breathed.

  I opened my eyes. He was studying my face, his hands in fists clutching the quilt at either side of my hips.

  “Tell me what you want. What do you want me to do?” His breathing had quickened. I could feel it on my thighs. I could see it through the rise and fall of his shoulders, his tattooed wings moving with every heated breath. “I’ll do whatever you want me to do.”

  He nuzzled a fraction higher. I opened my mouth to stop him, but no words would come out. The only sound was a desperate whimper.

  He looked up at me from under hooded lids. “I know, it’s too soon, and I don’t want to push you,” he said, managing to string together the words that I couldn’t.

  He took a deep breath to calm himself, and sat back up straight. “So, the reason why I’m here. I’ve been thinking about what might make you feel better, and the answer is simple. Music.”

  I held up my plaster cast, reminding him that I was still incapacitated for another week. He held up his two good hands, and waved them at me.

  “That’s where I come in. I can play for you while you sing. I don’t know why we didn’t think of this before.”

  He sat back on his haunches, looking very pleased with himself.

  I shook my head. “I don’t feel like singing tonight.”

  “Too bad. I told Marcus I’d get you to Songbirds tonight, so you can either get yourself dressed—” He gave me a wink. “—or I’d be happy to do it for you.”

  Cole knew all my songs, but I was apprehensive to sing for some reason. After some sad puppy-dog eyes, and the threat of tears, Cole agreed to do the first set on his own.

  “I knew you would try to get out of it,” he told me cockily. “That’s why I’ve got a set of my own to do.” He kissed my cheek softly. “These songs are for you.”

  He played and sang his own selection of songs that were more suited to a guy singing, every song having a message that he wanted to send me, and I loved every one of them.

  He sang ‘Never Say Never’ by The Fray, The Beatles song ‘Something’, ‘Message To My Girl’ by Split Enz ‘Whataya Want From Me’ by P!NK, and a stack of others.

  The crowd loved him. I loved him. He was brilliant, and with every song he sang my spirit lifted a little, until I was actually smiling again.

  Finally, when I couldn’t stall any longer, I went over and sat on a stool that had been positioned beside the piano.

  As soon as I started to sing, I started to feel better. I sang my usual songs, including Riley’s song, ‘A Thousand Years’, and to finish up, we sang a duet of ‘Beneath Your Beautiful’.

  Cole dropped me back at his apartment, then nervously asked if he could come up. The way he asked was like we were on a date, and it made my stomach do back flips wondering what he had in mind. But it was his apartment, so I let him take my hand and lead me to the elevator.

  “I want to move back in,” he said as soon as the elevator doors had closed behind us.

  “Of course, we’ve already discussed it. I’ll move out, and you can move in, no problem.”

  “No,” he said turning to face me. “I want to move in with you. You don’t know how long it will be until Riley is found, it could be months.” He looked at me from under his lashes. “Or never.”

  I instantly stiffened. I didn’t want to go down that track, not yet. It was too soon.

  “I’m just saying,” he continued quickly. “When he comes home, you can move back to your place, but until then …” He straightened, and looked me square in the eye. “… I want you to stay with me.”

  I went to protest, but he held up his hand to play his trump card. “Besides, the police are still no closer to finding Patrick. The last time I spoke to them, they suggested if we wanted to find him we should hire a private investigator.”

  We stepped out of the elevator, and into the foyer of the apartment that had become my home.

  “Do you want me to hire an investigator, Tara? The military don’t know where he is either, so we don’t have any leads.”

  I shook my head. “No, don’t worry about it. He’s probably long gone by now.”

  “You don’t know that, so you can’t afford to get careless.”

  “Fine, I’ll stay here,” I said resignedly. “But we’re sleeping in separate rooms.”

  He took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly before reaching into his back pocket. “One more thing. This came for you today.”

  Looking down at the handwritten envelope, I started shaking. The script was unmistakable; it was from Riley.

  A flood of emotions came pouring out, and I had to sit down before my legs buckled and I dropped to the floor. Cole went to the kitchen to make coffee, and give me some space as I shakily tore the envelope open.

  My beautiful Tara,

  You can’t imagine how amazing it was to see you and speak to you for your birthday today. I knew I missed you, but I never realised just how much until I saw your face, and heard your voice, for the first time in what felt like forever. Your photos don’t do you justice, babe. Even battered and bruised, you are still the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on. It really brought home to me just how much I love you, and can’t wait to be with you. I know I was disappointed that you don’t want to get married straight away, and I’m sorry if I made you feel bad, or if you felt pressured. I just can’t wait to start our life together, and if that means living together first is the way we have to do it, then bring it on! I would live anywhere and do anything to be with you. You mean more to me than anything else in this world.

  I didn’t mention to you when we were talking because I didn’t want to worry you, but there are some things I need to say. This mission we are going on in the morning is really dangerous, babe, and I’m scared shitless. Of course, I can’t let on to the guys. I’m supposed to be their leader, and I have to pretend it’s a walk in the park, but in all honesty, I’ve never been more scared. I wish I could tell you what we are doing, and I don’t know if these letters get censored, so all I can say is we have to go deep into enemy territory and infiltrate one of their camps where a hostage is being held. He’s a pretty important guy, which I guess is why they are willing to risk six guys to save one. I really hope we make it out in one piece, and if I get to see you and hold you again, believe me, I’ll never let you go. But there’s a chance I won’t.

  So here’s what I need to tell you.

  If for any reason I don’t make it home in one piece, I want you to move on. I want you to be happy, and build a life for yourself, and have all the things you have ever dreamed of having. I know you won’t want to at first, and will feel like you are somehow betraying me, but you won’t be. I know you will always love me, just as I will love you until the day I die, but you are too special to spend your life alone. I know it’s probably hard to read, God knows it’s hard for me to write, because the thought of you with someone else tears me up. But if I’m not here, you deserve to have the life I wish we could have had together.

  I will always be with you, babe, watching over you and taking care of you, and as long as you are happy, that’s all I can ask for. It’s all I have ever wanted.

  So please, remember this: if one day you meet someone, as possibly my last wish for you—be happy, and live a life full of love and laughter.

  All my love always,

  Your Riley xxxx

  I read the letter again, then leaned back into the couch and closed my eyes. I hadn’t realised Riley had been so scared about what lay ahead, and I wished he had told me how he was feeling. I wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it, but at least I would have known, and maybe offered him some reassuring words.

  But it was the last paragraph that was tearing at my heart.

  Even as he was preparing to face dangers that I couldn’t begin to imagine, he was thinking of me and my happiness.

  After all the guilt I had been f
eeling over Cole and our growing relationship, how could one man love me so much that, even though he was thousands of miles away, he somehow knew exactly what I needed him to say?

  I would wait for Riley as promised, regardless of the outcome of his mission.

  I CLAPPED my hands with delight, finally able to use my left hand again after the longest six weeks of my life. It felt a bit weaker than usual, and I would need to do exercises, but the X-rays showed that the bone in my wrist had healed perfectly. At last, I could put the traumatic incident with Patrick behind me.

  Looking down at my left wrist, I peeled back the gauze that was covering my latest ink. After leaving the hospital, I had asked Cole to drive me over to see his mate, Lou, the tattoo artist. I needed more ink, and the guys ribbed me mercilessly when I once again turned sheet-white at the sight of the needle. But I didn’t care.

  I needed strength.

  Strength to get through my heart breaking for Kelli, and the loss of Cooper. Strength to push through the anguish, and guilt of Riley being missing. Strength to resist Cole for at least a little while longer, until I could fulfil my promise to Riley.

  I needed Strength. In the same beautiful script that declared Faith on my right wrist.

  Cole had moved back in with the promise to not push or hassle me in any way, and, being true to his word, he was a perfect gentleman. That’s not to say I didn’t catch him on occasion watching me when he thought I wasn’t looking. His gaze was so intense at times I swear I felt his eyes burning into the back of my head. But I ignored it, and he pretended to be looking anywhere but at me whenever I turned around.

  Cole insisted I stay in his room in his bed, while he slept in the spare room that was supposed to be mine. I couldn’t figure out why on the first night, until the following morning when he came in and curled up beside me on top of the covers, before turning on the morning news.

  I peeked at him through half closed eyes. “It’s too early,” I complained.

  “Sorry,” he replied, fluffing his pillow until it was just to his liking. “There’s no television in the spare room, and I like to watch the news in bed in the morning.”

  He stretched his arm out. “You can snuggle if you want.”

  Groaning, I pulled the covers over my head, and he rewarded me with one of his deep, throaty laughs.

  “Have it your way,” he said settling in, totally captivated as a super-skinny blonde pointed out the areas that she thought would get the most rain.

  I was just trying to get back to sleep, when I heard the reporter mention a special bulletin about troops in Afghanistan. Flinging the covers off my head, I sat up so I could give the story my full attention.

  Cole slid his arm back out, and I lay down on his bare chest, never taking my eyes off the television. The images were heartbreaking, the story gruesome, as they showed the conditions that the soldiers had to survive under. I could feel my eyes welling up, and quickly swiped the tears away to clear my vision.

  Riley had been living like that. No wonder he had spent his spare time daydreaming about coming home and getting married. It had given him something to look forward to, to take himself out of the hell he was living in every day.

  It was one month today since Riley had Skyped me. One month, and he had said that he could be home in as little as a month, which meant he could have been coming home today. He could have been coming home if everything had gone to plan, but tragically, it hadn’t. Instead of the six guys from his Special Forces Unit coming home to their families and loved ones, three were dead, and the other three were missing.

  There was that obscure word again. Missing.

  I moved away from Cole and propped myself up on my own pillow. Even though Cole and I were just friends, I couldn’t cuddle up to him and be thinking about Riley at the same time. It just did my head in.

  The reporter was in a camp in the middle of nowhere. In the background I could see soldiers moving around, going about their daily lives. I strained, trying to spot Riley, although I knew in my heart he wouldn’t be there. Still they may have filmed this report months ago, back when Riley was still alive.

  I internally slapped myself. How could I already be thinking the worst? There was no proof that he was dead, or even injured in the accident, so I needed to remain positive.

  Missing was much better than dead. At least there was still hope for Riley to come home. But with missing there was no finality, no closure—was that a good thing or a bad thing? Of that I was still unsure.

  I went upstairs to Reds, and was pleasantly surprised to see that the floors had been laid and the painters were giving the walls a second coat.

  The project had stalled for a while, but after allowing myself a couple of weeks to come to terms with Riley being missing, I had thrown myself back into Reds with the enthusiasm it deserved.

  We were ready to organise the kitchen, so I called Lincoln and left a message asking him to let me know when he could come over. I wanted him to feel included and have a say in the layout, hopefully he had already researched appliances and would have a good idea of what he wanted.

  Everything was back on track, a revised track, but still on track. As long as there were no more unexpected hitches we should be ready to open in three months, right around Christmas time.

  Cole crept in with two steaming cups of coffee in hand. “Good morning, sleepyhead,” he said gently, so as not to wake me with a start.

  I half opened my eyes and smiled, taking in a messy-haired, shirtless Cole. He had his CK boxers on that he liked to sleep in when he was with me, and nothing else. The sight was enough to fully wake me, both in mind and body.

  He made himself comfortable on the other side of the bed, and flicked on the television. It had become our morning ritual for Cole to wake me with coffee and a snuggle as we watched the events of the world and planned our day. The only difference now was that he climbed under the quilt, and cuddled me a little bit tighter. But still, there was no inappropriate touching, no pressure; just two friends enjoying each other’s company.

  “So, big night tonight,” he commented as he took a sip from his cup.

  Frowning, I tried to think why tonight would be a big night. It was Saturday, which meant he would be playing at Songbirds and I would be watching, in between running around and tending bar.

  I raised my head from his smooth, warm chest so I could see his face. “What’s so big about tonight? Are you planning on having your one thousandth shag or something?”

  He chuckled. “God, you’re hopeless. For someone who’s supposed to be so organised, you forget things all the time.”

  I raised my eyebrows at him, unamused. “So, what have I forgotten then, Mr Smarty-Pants?”

  “The fundraiser at my parents’ house. Remember? You said you would come with me.”

  Oh shit! I had completely forgotten. He had asked me nearly two months ago, and then not mentioned it again since.

  “A lot has happened since then,” I replied sadly. “Maybe it wasn’t high on my list of things to think about.”

  Cole wrapped his big safe arms around me and squeezed, resting his chin on my head for a moment before kissing me lightly on the hair.

  “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” He ran his fingers through my hair. “Do you still want to come? I’ll understand if you don’t.”

  I was just about to accept the free pass he was giving me, when he not so subtly added that he could always take Prue instead.

  He waited expectantly, knowing that there was no way I would let Prue get her claws into him.

  Raising my head again, I looked at his smug grin.

  “Thanks, babe, I’m so glad you understand. Maybe you should go with Prue.”

  The smug grin turned to confusion. “What? No, I don’t want to go with her. Please come with me. We don’t have to stay all night, just make an appearance, and then sneak out.”

  It was my turn to chuckle. “Of course I’ll come with you, but you have to promise not to leave m
e alone with those people.”

  He squeezed me again, and planted a big kiss on my forehead. “I won’t leave your side all night.”

  I called Jason, and left a message for him to call me back urgently. If I was going to look halfway decent for the ball, I needed his help.

  I was just about to jump in the shower—there was suddenly a lot to do today—when my phone started ringing. I knew instantly from the individual ring tone that it was Jason returning my cry for help.

  I called out to Cole, asking him to answer it, and let Jason know what was going on.

  Cole came in a few minutes later. “He said no problem, he’ll be over at five pm. How did you know it was Jason calling back?” Cole asked curiously.

  I stuck my head out from under the water for a moment to lather my hair. “It’s his ringtone. All my friends have their own ringtones so I know who’s calling,” I replied before sticking my head back under to rinse off the shampoo.

  “What’s my ringtone?” Cole asked with a smile in his voice.

  I knew what it was, of course, but didn’t want to answer. “What? Sorry, can’t hear you,” I called to him.

  “Never mind.” I heard him say, and leave the bathroom.

  I smiled, happy that he wasn’t going to pursue it. Cole’s ring tone was LMFAO’s ‘Sexy and I Know It’. I’d set it up as a joke when we had first become friends, and had never gotten around to changing it. Still, it was kind of fitting.

  I stepped out of the shower to find Cole leaning up against the basin, holding two phones in his hands.

  “Hmm, let’s see what my ringtone is shall we?”

  Oh, crap! He would either laugh at it and see the funny side, or find it extremely offensive.

  “You don’t need to do that,” I said, lunging forward and trying to grab my phone out of this hand.

  He pulled him arm away. “From your reaction, I think I do.”

  He pressed speed dial one on his phone, which made me smile, then held my phone out to me. “It’s for you.”

  A deep voice singing about being sexy started playing.