Eternal Brand

by Sami Lee

  “I didn’t think you wanted me around, Em. You didn’t fight for me to stay.”

  “I didn’t fight for you?”

  Of all the nerve. After everything she’d been through trying to get the three of them together, being the only one believing it could happen, Jet was accusing her of not fighting? That just took the cake.

  “You want a fight?” Emily narrowed her eyes. “I’ll give you a fight, buster.”

  Jet only had a split second to react before Emily landed her fist in his stomach. All those years brawling with Hope when they were younger had to come in handy sometime. Jet groaned as the punch winded him. Filled with fury, Emily brushed past him and ran up the front stairs.

  “Why me?” Jet called after her. “Brand’s the one who broke your heart.”

  Emily’s only answer was the slam of the screen door as it closed behind her. She couldn’t believe it. They were here like she’d so badly wanted them to be. They were finally here and she was losing her shit.

  She couldn’t stop to analyze why. Barely a second after she’d escaped inside, the door opened again and Jet stepped over the threshold. He advanced on her, his eyes gleaming. “You’re angry with me.”

  “No shit, Sherlock!”

  “You’re angry with me, not just Brand.”

  “Give the man a cigar.”

  “You’re crazy furious because you missed me when I left.” He had the nerve to smile. “Only love can make a person act as nutty as you are.”

  “You’re calling me nutty? If you’re here to try and win me back, that’s hardly a good starting point.”

  Jet’s smile persisted as he took another step closer to her. “You really love me, don’t you?”

  “You have developed an unbelievably annoying habit of stating the obvious, Jet. I told you that already.”

  “Not in so many words. And then you just let me walk out and I thought… Ah, Em.”

  To Emily’s unending shock, Jet pulled her up against him and kissed her. His mouth moved over hers, thrilling and passionate, and she felt herself responding before she even comprehended what he was doing. How could he be kissing her when she’d just been yelling at him? How could she be melting like overwarm ice cream when she was mad at him?

  Crazy mad, like Jet had said. The kind of mad that came from a place of fear. She was scared to death to open herself to the possibility of all three of them again because it had hurt so much when it fell apart before. She was susceptible to their unique charms, and she wanted them both. But how could she trust that it would stick this time? Brand was still a mess and Jet was still…

  Jet was still kissing her and she couldn’t think sensibly while he was. She wrenched out of his embrace and backed away. “No no no. You’re confusing me.”

  “I don’t mean to. It’s just I’m crazy in love with you too, Em.”

  His words were achingly sweet, his expression so sincere that it weakened Emily’s resolve. She turned from him, only to be confronted by the sight of Brand standing in the doorway.

  She hadn’t noticed outside that his hair had grown, just enough to have lost its severe look. The light brown strands looked soft. He was clean-shaven and neat, but in his eyes she saw a tumult of regret and sorrow.

  Emily’s chest ached. But she had to hold on to her ire somehow. They both owed her more than a quick apology. “You hurt me.”

  “I know.” Guilt flashed over his face. “I’d give anything to change it.”

  “You can’t.” Emily rubbed the heel of her hand over her chest, over the spot where the pain had been lodged all week. “It’s not enough for you to come back and say you’re sorry. You say you want another chance, but—wait. It was Jet who said you both wanted another chance. You, as usual, hardly said anything. How do I know what you want?”

  “I want you.” His answer was unequivocal. “And Jet. I want all three of us together again, and this time I won’t run from it.”

  “How do I know?”

  “I could give you my word, but I can see that wouldn’t mean much right now.” He walked farther into the room, his steps quiet and careful, his eyes locked on hers. “I could ask you to marry me, but half of my heart will always belong to Jet and if they won’t let me marry both of you, I can’t choose just one. I could promise that I’m going to go into therapy to work through some of my shit, but you won’t believe that until you see it happen so I guess I’m going to have to show you that in time.”

  Emily’s head spun both from his mention of therapy and his reference to marriage. She rejoiced at the knowledge that he would pledge his life to her legally if he could, but it was his admission that he might need professional help that meant the most. That was a big thing for a macho guy like Brand to accept.

  Brand came to stand before her, and his closeness made her knees tremble. “I guess all I can do for now is say you can ask me anything you want to know and I swear to tell the truth.”

  Emily remembered him saying much the same thing to her as they’d stood in her kitchen, fighting over the fact he’d kissed Jet. He’d promised to answer her questions, but she’d sensed his fear, his readiness to hedge. She didn’t sense that now. There was a calmness in him that hadn’t been there before.

  He lowered himself to the sofa, perching on the edge of it and linking his hands together between his splayed knees. There was tension in his shoulders, but as he raised his eyes to hers once more, the shutters she was so used to seeing were gone.

  “Ask me anything. I need your trust back, Em. I need you to believe in me because it’s the only way I can start believing in myself.”

  Oh, Brand. She saw that he meant every word. He needed her that badly and was ready to open up to her about everything.

  It was what she’d claimed to want for so long, but now that he was willing to do it, Emily was terrified. Brand’s past, his emotions, his true self, seemed like a dark and desolate chasm that only the bravest would walk into. What if his stories broke her heart?

  Emily, you coward. This is why you never pushed him. Not out of respect for his privacy but because you were afraid.

  All her anger was gone, leaving nothing but shame and a renewed determination. She had to walk this journey with Brand. She needed to be strong for him. Her voice wasn’t strong, but she pushed the first question out of her dry throat. “Where did you go?”

  “I just drove, as far away as I could. I ended up in a town called Kelly. I met a Vietnam vet who made me realize I was wasting my life running from things.”

  “Things?”

  “Like you. And Jet. And the possibility of a future.”

  Emily swallowed, but her throat remained clogged. “Why didn’t you call me?”

  “I didn’t have my phone on. I didn’t get your message for six days. Then at the same time I got a message from Jet’s mother.” Brand glanced at Jet, who was standing just behind her. “I went there first.”

  It shouldn’t have stung to think he went to Jet first. Jet was his oldest friend. But Emily couldn’t help the way she blanched.

  Jet saw it and came to put his arm around her. Brand reached for her hand and held it tight in his. “Jet tricked me into going there, and he did it for you, Em. He was trying to make me see what a mistake I was making by leaving you. He did fight for you, Em. He was going to give me up for you.”

  Emily craned her neck so she could see Jet’s face. The tender look in his eyes confirmed what Brand had said. “You would have done that?”

  He touched her cheek. “Yeah. Brand needs you, hon. You’re the best part of him. But now I’m here I know I’d have as much trouble giving you up as I would Brand. I love you too much.”

  Warmth filled her, so much warmth. Her insides turned to goo and her muscles seemed to melt. She sagged against Jet and his arms tightened around her.

  She turned back to Brand, kept holding h
is hand. She was afraid to ask, but she had to. “Brand, what are your dreams about?”

  “Everything,” he said. He spoke in a rush, as though pushing the words out quickly would make them less horrifying. “I dream about the war a lot, friends I made that were killed, but the images get mixed up with ones from my childhood. My dad was not a nice guy. A pimp and a drug dealer who used his fists a lot. I dream about him sometimes. I dream about my mother more. She died when I was ten. I was the one who found her. Heroine overdose.”

  Dear God. Emily wanted to tell him to stop, that he didn’t have to tell her this after all. But the thought that he’d been living with it all this time, while he’d protected her from the ugliness of it, humbled her. She couldn’t speak. And now that he had started talking, Brand didn’t seem able to stop.

  “I can never forget the way her eyes looked. She may not have been much, but she was all I had. Then she was gone and I had to go live with my dad. That was worse. A least with my mum… The drugs were a problem and sometimes she had to pay for them by…sleeping with men, but I worked around it, I helped her. In my dreams I remember how bad it felt to lose her. The worst ones were always about her, until this last week when I started dreaming about you.”

  Brand looked up and the desolation in his eyes stole Emily’s breath. “I can’t sleep without you, Em. I can’t sleep without you beside me where I know you’re safe.”

  Her heart turned over. “Oh, Brand.”

  Brand moved her hand until it rested against his cheek. “Ask me why I was such a bastard that last night.”

  A sob rose in her throat. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It does. I could never really believe that you loved me, no matter how many times you said it. I don’t take love as a right, the way most people do. Jet made me see that I did have your love, made me see that he loved me too and the honest truth is, it was too much. I could handle you because I had ways of keeping you at arm’s length.”

  She’d always known it was true, and it hurt less than she would have thought to hear him admit it. What mattered was he wasn’t keeping her at arm’s length now. He was staring up at her with all his truths shining clearly in his eyes, and Emily’s heart cracked in a way that enabled it to expand and love him more than she ever had before.

  “I knew Jet wouldn’t accept that. He never had. That’s why I kept leaving him.” Brand glanced at Jet and that faint smile briefly tilted his lips. Then he returned his gaze to Emily. “The idea of you both loving me… I knew I couldn’t measure up. I wasn’t the good guy you both thought I was. I had to show you I wasn’t good.”

  “I didn’t believe it.” Emily sank to her knees and wedged into the V of Brand’s open thighs. She put both her hands on his face so he couldn’t look away from her. “I never thought you were a bad person.”

  Brand put his hands on her waist, holding her tight. “God, Em, it hurts when you look at me like that. You make me want so hard to be the man you think I am. I’m going to try. I swear to you I’m going to try.”

  “You already are that man,” Jet said. He sat on the couch beside Brand and draped an arm over his back, ran his hand over his short hair. “You’re the man we love. Two people as smart as Em and I can’t be wrong. Right, Em?”

  Jet was resting his chin on Brand’s shoulder, looking at her with questioning eyes. He was asking if she was up for this, if she could forgive Brand his mistakes, deal with the ghosts of his past, love him unreservedly even though the road ahead was certain to have more rough patches. It would take Brand time to heal, to truly understand how completely they loved him. He’d probably mess up again—they all would—and their relationship was certain to raise eyebrows.

  None of that mattered. Emily could handle anything as long as they were all together. “You truly want to stay? Both of you?”

  “If you’ll have us,” Brand said.

  The catch of uncertainty in Brand’s voice told Emily he was going to need so much love in the weeks and months ahead. Luckily, between her and Jet they weren’t likely to run out. Emily smoothed a hand over Brand’s forehead, his hair. She encountered Jet’s hand, and he grabbed hers, linking their fingers in a gesture of solidarity.

  “I’ll have you. I want nothing more.”

  “Are you sure? After what I told you, you must realize I’m kinda screwed up.”

  Emily smiled at Brand. “I love you. I’ll love you always, no matter how screwed up you are. I just want you with me. Missing you hurts too much.”

  Brand ran his knuckles over her cheek. His remorse was genuine and obvious. “I’m sorry. I love you, sweetheart. I promise I’ll never run from you again. If I have a problem, I’ll stay and sort it out.”

  “You’d better,” Emily said. Then she tilted her face and kissed him.

  At first he didn’t move, as though afraid to trust what she was offering him. Sending her tongue out to glide over his lower lip made him groan and catch her up against him. His embrace was fierce, his mouth possessive as it claimed hers. Emily kept hold of Jet’s hand as she pressed herself to Brand and kissed him for all she was worth.

  “God, Em.” Brand eventually pulled back enough to breathe, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself planting kisses all over her face. “Thank you. Thank you for loving me.”

  “Thank me by staying. Just stay.”

  “I will.” He held her face and looked into her eyes, showing her his determination. “For as long as you want me to.”

  “I’ll want you forever, marriage certificate or no marriage certificate. Think you can handle that?”

  His smile warmed her to her toes. “I want to make a life here with you and Jet. A real life.”

  “I want that too.” Emily tore her gaze away from Brand’s to catch Jet’s eye. He was watching them with a satisfied smile. “What about you, Mr. Wanderlust? Is this all sounding too permanent for you?”

  “I traveled a lot because it was easier than staying in one place when I didn’t have the person I loved with me.” Brand craned his neck until he saw Jet’s face. “In my own way, I was running too. But now I’m right where I want to be. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Jet leaned forward until his lips met Brand’s. Brand reached up and hooked his hand around Jet’s neck, bringing him forward for a deep and passionate kiss. Emily watched them, her happiness expanding at the open display of love between the two men. Her two men.

  Suddenly overjoyed, Emily threw her arms around them both. Chuckling softly, Brand pulled her into the kiss until she was being kissed on the mouth, the cheeks, her closed eyelids. Two sets of lips lavished attention upon her while she giggled and sighed with sheer pleasure.

  When Jet’s lips transferred to her throat, Emily gasped and pulled away. “Oh, yuk, I’m all dirty.”

  “I’ve always liked you that way.”

  Emily looked at him in mock reproach. “Even so, I think I need a shower.”

  “No.” The demanding growl in Brand’s voice sent a thrill through her. “Making love to you is not going to wait that long. We need you, sweetheart. Let us show you how much.”

  Refusing an offer like that was simply not an option. Emily sighed and hooked her arms around Brand’s neck, holding on tight as he lifted her. She locked her knees around his waist as he carried her effortlessly into the bedroom.

  Once there he set her on her feet and kissed her, his lips and tongue working a slow seduction on her mouth. Emily melted against him, arousal filling her. Then Jet came to stand behind her and started kissing her cheek. His body was lean and strong at her back, Brand’s solid and powerful at her front. She’d missed this feeling of overwhelming heat, of being enveloped by them.

  Emily was breathless when Brand released her mouth, but she barely had time to recover before Jet kissed her too. His fingers splayed softly on her throat, that light pressure enough to hold her in place as she dropped her head on hi
s shoulder and let him devour her mouth. He was more impatient than Brand today, and his urgency fired her own. She loved the differences between them, loved how she could never quite anticipate what combination of passion and sweetness she could expect from each man.

  As Jet’s tongue was delving deeper and deeper into her mouth, Brand’s touch skimmed over her hips and waist, moving higher until he was softly cupping her breasts through her tank top. Emily gasped, her nipples sharpening the instant Brand smoothed his thumbs over them. She arched in encouragement, and he molded her flesh in his palms.

  So soft, so gentle. It made Emily’s chest grow tight and her body tremble with impatience. Some of that impatience crept into Brand’s voice, belying the tender touches. “Jet, I need you to undress her.”

  Damp heat swiftly filled Emily’s panties. Jet broke the kiss so he could grasp the hem of her shirt and drag it over her head. Then he undid her bra and drew the straps down her arms.

  The bed creaked. Emily saw that Brand had sat down to watch Jet take off her clothes. She thought he must simply be enjoying the reveal as he had so often before, because he liked watching her and Jet together. But the tense set of his jaw and the way his hands fisted on his denim clad thighs told a different story.

  He was as desperate to touch her as Jet, but he was holding back. Perhaps he was recalling the last time they’d been together and how roughly he’d taken her. Emily’s chest filled with forgiveness and love. She swayed on her feet as Jet started working her jeans down, and she clutched at Brand’s shoulders for balance.

  The pose brought her breasts close to his face, and he stared at them with a ravenous hunger that made her pulse leap. “Yes, Brand. Please.”

  With a groan he lifted his hands to her breasts, holding them in place for his lips and tongue. He feasted on her breasts, sucking on the engorged tips while Jet kneeled behind her. He’d gotten rid of her jeans and was now pulling her panties to the side, exposing her folds. She was so wet already that his finger slid into her pussy easily.