Liquid Redemption (Liquid Regret Book 4)

by MJ Carnal

  “You don’t have to say anything. It’s the truth and you should be told that every day. I know you have Lorenzo and he’s a great guy. I’d never step on his toes and for as much as I joke, I’ll never cross that line with you. You’re important to me and I wouldn’t want to hurt you again.”

  She shakes her head back and forth. “I’m not with Lorenzo. Not anymore. And remember what you told me. Never say never.”

  She stands up and walks out of the room, leaving me staring and confused. Keeping her out of my bed is going to be hard enough for me. If she’s willing, I’m fucked.

  I’m sweaty and exhausted when I climb back on the bus after our show. San Francisco was alive and my adrenaline is popping. This is when I need a woman. I need the touch and the anchor to reality. I need the release to come down from the high.

  I crawl into a top bunk to get a little sleep. It will be almost sunrise when we hit LA and I want to spend a few hours at home enjoying being there and not just sleeping. I close my eyes and listen to the hum of the engine. Our last show is in Honolulu and it’s such a hardship to have to go there. I can feel myself smile. My life has changed so much.

  I can hear the rest of the band getting on the bus. I’m shocked that we can be in such close quarters and not kill each other. These men are my brothers. I never had that growing up. Their wives and girlfriends are just as much a part of our little family as they are. We’ve been through so much but I wouldn’t trade a second of it.

  “Can you scoot over at all?” Katrina’s voice startles me from my near sleep.

  “Crawl over me. It’s small up here and I don’t want you to fall out of bed when you’re asleep.” My voice is a whisper.

  As soon as she climbs onto the bunk, I know it’s a mistake. She crawls over me, her body rubbing against mine. I’m a live wire. I breathe a little deeper to control myself. She curls into my side, her honey scent filling my nose. Her hand rubs my chest like she has the other nights but tonight, it’s different. I’m desperate for human contact. I can feel my body tense.

  “What’s wrong?” I open my eyes and she’s staring up at me. Her brown eyes are the color of milk chocolate and her lips are pink. She’s so beautiful.

  “It’s nothing.” I puff a burst of air out of my lungs. “I’m just amped from the stage. It was a great show.”

  “That’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

  I groan. “These are the nights I call upon my harem, as you like to call them.”

  She’s quiet for a minute, her eyes searching mine. She scoots her body up so her face is closer to mine. “Use me. I’m right here.”

  “Kat,” I push her hair behind her ears. “I can’t use you. I care about you. You should never be used.”

  “Then kiss me because you care about me.” She leans forward, her mouth only about an inch from mine. I want to devour her. I want to own her. I want so much. It’s a war between my heart and my head.

  “We shouldn’t,” she puts her hand over my mouth to stop me.

  “Chance, I’m going to kiss you now.”

  Her lips touch mine and my world as I know it crumbles. Everything I ever knew is a lie. No kiss has ever been this good. Her lips move against mine in a sensual dance. Our tongues caress, our breathing labors, our hands hold each other like there’s no tomorrow. Her scent surrounds me; her silky hair falls around us. I know when this is over, nothing in my life will ever be the same.

  “Chance,” she softly moans against my lips. I know this can’t go any further, especially here on the bus with the rest of the band just outside the curtain. But what I wouldn’t give to bury myself in her and never come up for air.

  Chapter 16

  I don’t know what’s come over me but the draw to him is so intense. Watching him on stage tonight was powerful. His eyes found mine a few times every song and each time they did, a part of me needed him even more. I know we shouldn’t do this but feeling him shaking underneath me, I can’t help myself.

  I run my hand across his chest and down to his abs. He tangles his hands in my hair and tightens his grip. I know I should stop even though part of me wants to see how far I can push him. I haven’t stopped thinking about him since the night of his fever. The minute I realized who he was, I wanted to pull him close and never let go.

  “Wait,” he’s out of breath and his eyes are hooded. “We have to stop.”

  “I don’t want to stop.” My voice surprises me. It’s hoarse and sultry.

  He leans up on his elbows to distance himself a little. “If this ever happens between us, it can’t be on the tour bus. You aren’t like the other women.”

  I don’t know what to say to that. It’s certainly not a declaration of love but it makes me feel invincible. I lean into him and put my head on his chest. I feel safe with him. It’s such a stark contrast to the way I felt a few weeks ago.

  “Look at me,” he lifts my chin so I can meet his eyes. “I’ve spent my whole life comparing every woman to you. I’m not about to use you just to feel better. Not you, Kat.”

  “I understand,” I smile at him.

  “Are we ok?” When I nod, he lies back down and pats his chest. I take my favorite spot and settle in for a few hours.

  I wake to the first rays of the sun streaming in the bus windows. I’m warm tucked between the wall and Chance’s strong chest. I watch him sleep. He’s so at peace when he’s sleeping. His dark hair is disheveled and his jaw is relaxed. I know if he opens his eyes, the bright green will be shocking, just like it is every time he looks at me.

  “We’ve got Town Cars lined up to pick you guys up. Try to get some rest and I’ll see you at eight tonight. Don’t miss this flight, Max. I can’t get you guys in until tomorrow night if you miss it. I’m more worried about Damien. Once he gets home, he won’t want to leave.” Joshua chuckles and I hear him slap Max on the back. “See you soon.”

  Chance groans. “Are we home?”

  I giggle at his scowl. “Aren’t you the one who said you couldn’t wait to get home?”

  “Not when I have to leave twelve hours later. It’s like a tease.” He opens one eye and looks at me. “I hate a tease.”

  “I’m sure you do.” I laugh and stretch. “Let’s go. The sooner you’re off this bus, the sooner you’re standing in your house.”

  He takes my hand. “Want to come with me?”

  I shake my head. “I need to go home, do some laundry, and Ray would kill me if I didn’t come home. We’re going shopping to find a bathing suit for the trip.”

  “You don’t need a suit, Princess. You’d be doing the world a favor if you didn’t wear one.” I slap him on the chest and he smiles. “Bathing suits are overrated.”

  I hop down off the bunk and Joshua gives me a confused look and shakes his head. “Not what you think, Seymour. Not at all.”

  Chance reaches his arm out under the curtain and gives him his middle finger. Joshua starts laughing. It’s a great sound. I don’t hear it very often. He’s so stoic. I’d love to see what would happen if Ray got her claws in him. She’s had a crush on him for a year.

  “Didn’t you hate him a week ago?” Is Joshua challenging me? His smile shows he’s being playful but his eyes tell me I should answer.

  “Who says I don’t still hate him?” I smile when Chance laughs. “Are you coming down from there sometime today?”

  “Can’t right now.”

  “Why?” When Chance groans, I know the answer. My face heats. “Never mind. Please don’t answer that.”

  “Seymour, what time do I need to be at the airport?” I can hear him moving around and part of me is sad that the tour bus portion of my assignment with them is over.

  “Eight. Do you want a car?”

  He hops down off the bunk and throws his backpack on. “I’ll drive. Want me to pick up D on the way? He won’t want to come.”

  I giggle. Joshua just said the same thing to Max. I love how well they know each other. Being someone who doesn’t have any family, it’s so
heartwarming to see the bond they all have. I consider Ray and Lorenzo family but it’s not the same. These men are a huge, extended, and pretty functional family. Being part of it for the last few weeks has been incredible. I have no doubt that they would all be there for me, not questions asked. That’s a huge deal to a foster kid.

  “Ready?” He smiles his million-dollar smile at me.

  “I’m heading her direction. I’ll take her.” Joshua grabs his bag and throws it over his shoulder.

  Chance shrugs at me. I want to scream at him to protest. I want to spend every possible minute with him. It scares me that I feel this way. It annoys me he doesn’t. Instead of saying anything, I follow him off the bus and head toward Joshua’s awaiting car.

  The driver opens the back door for me. I smile at him before getting in. I slide across the plush leather seat and sigh. It’s been a whirlwind on the road. I wouldn’t trade a single second of it. I’ve written the best articles of my life, They’ve been picked up by the New York, Boston and Chicago papers. I’ve had an interview in a national magazine and have even been asked to do a talk show. I’ve gotten tons of followers on social media, despite not spending much time there.

  My life and career are taking off, just as I expected they would with an assignment this huge. But, part of me dreads the day this ends. One more week and I’m on my own. I can’t even imagine sitting in a press conference anymore. I’ve enjoyed the one on one so much. I’m ready to focus on more important subjects and not just be a part of press gossip.

  The knock on the window scares me and I jump. He smiles at me through the glass and I roll my window down.

  “Hey, you dropped this.” He holds out his hand revealing a perfectly round rock.

  I laugh as I take it from him. “Chance, what’s with the rocks?”

  He winks at me. “See you at the airport.”

  Chapter 17

  “Cool if I sit here?” Rachel points to the seat next to me.

  “Have at it.” I take her hand and help her step over me. When she sits, she leans into me and kisses me on the cheek.

  “Max tells me things have changed. You’ve gone from fighters to lovers?” She smiles at me, her whole face lit up and happy.

  “Max is full of shit,” I chuckle. “No loving, just sleeping. I totally understand why that’s not believable based on my track record. But, it’s the truth, Doc.”

  “I believe you. She’s probably the first woman you’ve really cared about.” She pulls her legs under her and covers up with a blanket. “Want to talk about it yet?”

  “Are you sitting next to me as the hot doctor or the caring friend?”

  “Which one do you want me to be?” I love Rachel. She’s so open to being whatever we need her to be. I don’t even remember a time when she wasn’t a part of our family.

  “I always want the hot doc. But I will settle for friend today.” It will do me some good to talk to someone. “I’m scared shitless, Rach. I was eleven when I met her. I had to grow up so fast so I wasn’t your typical kid. She was a game changer for me. I’d been alone for so long and here was this gorgeous girl who was just as alone as I was.”

  “How did you meet her?”

  Rachel doesn’t know much about my past. Most of our sessions were spent with me trying to charm her so I didn’t have to answer her questions. “I was a foster kid. I’d been moved around a lot and ended up in this piece of shit place. She showed up completely devastated after losing her parents. She was the most beautiful and broken kid I’d ever seen walk through the door.”

  “Exactly what you needed at the time you needed her. There’s no way you wouldn’t have developed a strong bond.” She nods her head at me.

  “It was so much more than that, though. She was my first kiss and the first person I ever physically wanted. When I touched her, something happened to me. All these years, I’ve wondered where she ended up and I’ve wrestled with my guilt of leaving her alone.”

  I clutch the armrests as the plane starts to taxi. My heart races and my breathing becomes shallow. Rachel reaches over and holds my hand. She’s always been a comfort when we’re traveling. She doesn’t ask why I’m fucked up, she just lets me be fucked up and helps me deal with it.

  “Breathe,” she whispers. I shake my head and take a deep breath. “Why do you feel guilty about leaving her? Is there any way that could have been different?”

  “I was in her bed. It was a cold night and the heat was broken. I snuck into her room to hold her. I’d done it so many times and never thought we’d get caught. But we did. One minute I was holding her and felt on top of the world, the next, I was packing my bag in the dark and being dragged out of the house. I never got to see her to say goodbye. I left her in that cold house all alone.”

  “Chance, you were eleven. There is no way you could have changed anything about what happened. You wouldn’t have stayed together even if that night hadn’t happened. Foster kids don’t stay together. It’s just the reality of the system.” She squeezes my hand. “So, how do you feel now?”

  “Guilty I didn’t recognize her right away. She meant so much to me then and twenty years later, she’s a stranger yelling at me for being a womanizer.” I close my eyes and lean back in my seat. “Guilty I didn’t know her the moment I looked into her eyes.”

  Rachel leans her head into my shoulder. “Here’s my take on this whole thing. You are carrying around way too much guilt for things you can’t possibly change. I know you, Chance. You have slept with hundreds of women in your lifetime. Not once have you felt guilty about knowing you won’t be calling them or knowing that you’re using them.”

  “Jesus, Rach. I should have asked to have the hot doc talk to me. She’s not allowed to judge me. I get I’m an asshole. Let’s not remind me.”

  She laughs at me. “Not what I’m saying at all. What I’m trying to say is that you don’t feel any connection to those women but Katrina, she’s a whole different story. You feel guilty you couldn’t protect her as a child and that you didn’t recognize her twenty years later. You let her sleep in your bed but you don’t have sex with her. You share a connection none of us can even comprehend. And, you watch each other. Even now, you’re totally aware of where she’s sitting and who she’s sitting with.”

  “So?” I’m confused. Who cares if I know she’s sitting in the back of the jet next to Max and she’s laughed really hard a few times? Who cares if I know she’s in a black tank top and a pair of ripped jeans? Who cares if I felt a little more complete the second she stepped onto the charter jet?

  “She’s special. Whether you admit that or not is none of my business. I will say I love seeing you more relaxed. Well, aside from the take off. You really need to be medicated when you’re traveling.” She closes her eyes and relaxes further into me.

  I wonder if Max and Katrina are sitting like this. I wonder if he can smell her honey scent and can feel the silk of her hair as it brushes against his arm. I wonder if she feels safe when she closes her eyes sitting next to him.

  “I admit it. I’m not sure I’ll do anything about it but I definitely admit it.” I yawn and settle in for the long flight over to the island.

  The sand is hot under my feet and I can feel the sun baking into my shoulders. It’s heaven. I’m such a beach bum and I have missed feeling the freedom of the ocean. I run my hand over the fiberglass longboard and look out at the waves. It’s the perfect day to surf.

  I woke up early and headed to Manini Beach. The wind coming in from the east made the perfect groundswells and I can’t wait to get out there. Max and Harley have joined me but have spent their time chatting with the locals. Last time I took Max out, he kept dropping in on my waves so I’m happy to see him ignoring the surf.

  I zip up my wetsuit the rest of the way and head out. The minute I hit the water, I’m home. The water has always been my sanctuary. Any time I needed to get away as a kid, I headed to the beach. There were so many nights that I slept in the sand just to avoid going h
ome.

  My board planes across the water as I paddle out. Cutting through the waves is like second nature for me. The rush of adrenaline hits when I spot the perfect wave. I paddle like hell and when I feel its momentum hit me, I’m up. I dip one rail of my board into the wave and ride down the curl. In this minute, I don’t have a care in the world.

  I dive into the surf and feel the rush of the water around me. When I surface, I notice Harley paddling toward me. I straddle my board to sit and wait. The rest of the guys have shown up to spend the day on the beach. I notice Katrina right away. Not sleeping in her room last night felt strange but it was so late when we arrived, it made more sense to get some rest.

  “Race you out back,” Harley paddles by me full speed.

  “Son of a bitch.” I dive onto my board and race him out beyond the break. Everything else is forgotten, for now; life is about surfing.

  Chapter 18

  “He’s so sexy. Look at the way that wetsuit sucks onto his whole body. I wish I was that wetsuit.” The blond at the Tiki hut sips her smoothie and stares out at the ocean. “I’d suck his whole body.”

  “Dream on,” her friend says. “He’s got women everywhere. You don’t want to just be part of the lineup.”

  “I’d like to be the starting lineup.” The blond flips her hair over her shoulders. “No harm in getting mounted on vacation.”

  I stare at her. She’s tan and toned with big, blue eyes. She looks like every other hot blond I’ve seen him pick up. All she’ll have to do is walk up and offer and he’ll jump. She’s perfect. The problem is, now that I know who he is, I want to piss on him and mark my territory. She looks at me and her eyes get as big as saucers.