Tainted Love

by Michelle Betham

  “You mentioned a nephew…?”

  “Danny Olsson. Alex’s son. That’s how I think of him, as family. He thinks of me as his aunt, Sam as his uncle, that’s just the way it is. The way it’s always been.”

  “Do you still have family in Sweden?”

  I nod. “Yes, we do. Our parents all still live over there, and we go back as often as we can, Alex wants Danny to see where he grew up, know something of his family’s heritage. He’s even trying to teach him the language, but, you know, that one’s a work in progress.”

  “You’re still fluent in Swedish?”

  I nod again, smiling slightly. “We – Alex and me – were both brought up speaking English and Swedish, but when we started university here in the UK, we used to talk to each other in Swedish all the time, when we didn’t want anyone else to hear what we were saying. It was like our own secret code. We still do it, sometimes, just to wind people up. And, you know, it can prove really useful in IKEA, of course.”

  He laughs, and I realise how comfortable I am in this man’s company. I’m talking to him about my personal life, my family, my childhood. And I barely know the man, other than the fact we’re work colleagues.

  “So, have you got any brothers and sisters…? Oh, God, Joss, I’m sorry. I’m asking way too many questions…”

  “It’s fine.” I smile at him, because he isn’t doing anything wrong. He isn’t prying, all he’s doing is trying to find out more about me. And that really is okay. I just wish I knew more about him. But he’s giving off signals that are telling me he isn’t ready to open up just yet. For whatever reason. “Both Alex and I are only children. I think that’s why we’re so close… Anyway, I should be going. It’s getting late, and we’ve all got school in the morning. Not to mention the fact Sam’ll be wondering where I am.”

  He stands up too, follows me out into the hallway. “I really enjoyed myself tonight, Joss. Thank you.”

  I smile, yeah, it might be late but he’s still making me want to smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

  “Yes... Yes, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I step out into the cool night air, pulling my jacket around myself, taking my phone out of my pocket. A missed text from Sam. And then I notice the time, it’s really late now. I shouldn’t have stayed out so long. But Connor Sloane made me want to smile.

  Connor Sloane.

  He made me want to smile…

  16

  Alex

  “Late night?”

  Joss throws me a look as she flings herself down onto the couch at the back of the staff room, swinging her legs up onto the table in front of her. “Later than it should’ve been. Do I look like crap?”

  I shake my head, sliding my hands into my pockets as I lean back against the counter. She never looks like crap. She never looks anything less than beautiful.

  “You’re just being nice ‘cause you’re my best friend.”

  I’m not being nice, I’m being truthful. “Maybe.”

  She turns her head to look at me, the corner of her mouth inching up into a slight smile. “Is Danny okay?”

  “Why wouldn’t he be?”

  She shrugs and turns her head away from me, throwing it back against the couch, closing her eyes. “It’s a tough time for them at the minute, that’s all. Exam pressure, all of us on their backs constantly, nagging at them to revise. Savvi seems to be dealing with it, I just wondered if Danny was doing okay, that’s all.”

  “He’s doing fine, as far as I can tell.”

  “Has he heard anything from his mum at all?”

  “Why are we talking about Kelli, Joss?”

  She opens her eyes, pulls herself up off the couch and she comes over to me, folding her arms, tilting her head to one side as she looks at me. “I just thought she might actually want to wish him luck. It’s a big year for him.” She drops her gaze, breathes in deep, she knows this is a conversation I don’t want to get into. “Alex, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I know he’s better off without her…”

  “We both are.”

  She reaches out and touches my arm, rubbing it gently, and she smiles. Her whole face lights up when she smiles. “I know.”

  She flicks on the kettle, slides some bread into the toaster, and I watch her closely. There’s something about her today, her body language – there’s something on her mind, I can tell. I know her too well.

  “Is everything all right, Joss?”

  She leaves a long pause before she answers me, which is enough to let me know she’s definitely got something on her mind. “I had dinner with Connor last night.”

  “To talk about the Deputy Head position?”

  Rhetorical question, obviously. And she nods, stirring her tea, her eyes down, watching as the spoon circles the mug.

  “And…?”

  She turns around and leans back against the counter beside me. “Nothing, it was just dinner, but…”

  “But, what?”

  She’s staring out of the window now, her head turned away from me. “Do you know how long I’ve been here, Alex? In this school?”

  “Of course I do. You’ve been here as long as me… Joss, what’s the matter?”

  She looks back at me, and she smiles, but it’s a weaker smile. Her face doesn’t light up so much this time. “Nothing’s the matter, it’s just… you’re here. I met Sam here, my nephew and Goddaughter are here, they’re students at this school. My whole life is here, wrapped up in Millers Bridge.”

  I frown, because I’ve never heard her talk like this before. “When did all of that become a problem?” Because it never used to be. She always loved the fact that this school felt like a second family, a little community; a safe place.

  She sighs, and I watch her shoulders sag, it’s like she’s suddenly carrying the weight of the world on them. “It isn’t. It isn’t a problem…” She shakes her head, as though she’s trying to clear her mind of everything she’s just said, like she’s trying to erase it. Forget she ever had those thoughts. “I don’t know. I’m just being stupid. Ignore me.”

  I don’t want to ignore her. I’ve never wanted to ignore her. She’s my best friend, I care about her. I worry about her. I love her. We were brought together for a reason, Joss and me, I truly believe that.

  “You sure you’re all right?”

  She turns to me and smiles again, and even though it’s a wider smile this time, it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

  “I’m fine. Just having one of those days.”

  She leans in to me, kissing my cheek, and I rest a hand on her hip, keeping her close to me.

  “I’d better go see Connor. Paperwork to sort out and all that.”

  She steps back from me; my hand falls away from her and I watch as she gathers up her things and walks out of the staff room. I watch her, and I’m worried now, something didn’t feel quite right there. I’m worried, because I care about her. I love her, she’s my best friend. My beautiful best friend…

  17

  Summer

  “Shit!”

  The sound of china shattering as it crashes onto the wooden floorboards fills my ears and I sigh heavily, crouching down to pick up the remnants of the mug I’ve just dropped. I’m all over the place today, my head’s spinning, and I’m frustrated because today of all days I need to be focused. In control. Book launches are usually something I can do with my eyes shut, this isn’t the first book I’ve had published. It’s my sixth. So, launching a new book isn’t usually something that makes me nervous or anxious, not to this extent. That isn’t the reason I’m like this today.

  The phone rings and I pull myself to my feet, carefully dodging the shards of china littering the floor as I grab my phone from the dining table in the centre of the kitchen.

  It’s my agent. She’s just arrived in Newcastle, travelled up from London on an early train. She wants to meet me for lunch, in the hotel where my book launch party is being held tonight, a hotel down on the Quayside. My publishers have thrown a bi
t of money at this book, they think it’s going to be another big seller. Pre-orders alone have already seen it hit a number of bestsellers lists, so they have high hopes for it. That’s why I need to get my head together before tonight.

  I quickly make arrangements to meet up with Candice in a couple of hours. There’s something I need to do first, before I even begin to think about launch parties and keeping my agent happy.

  Ending the call, I put the phone back down, but just as I start to walk away from the table it rings again, and in my hurry to go back and answer it I accidently step on a small shard of broken china, crying out in shock as it embeds itself into the sole of my bare foot.

  This time it’s Savvi calling me, even though I’m almost positive she should be in class at this time. She wants to know if she can bring a friend to the party tonight. I tell her she can, but only one. It’s an invite-only party, the number of people attending has already been finalised.

  With Savvi happy that she’ll have someone to hang out with tonight, I finally sit down, carefully pulling the piece of broken china from my foot. It was only a small piece, not enough to cause any major bleeding, but I’m probably going to need to put a plaster on it. There’s a tiny speck of blood there. But for a few seconds I stay seated, take a minute or two to try and regain that focus I need, I can’t afford to let anything throw me, not today.

  Leaning forward I clasp my hands together and drop my head, breathing in deep, exhaling slowly. I can usually deal with anything. I just don’t know how I’m going to deal with this…

  18

  Connor

  She sits down on the couch in the corner of my office, crossing her legs and clasping her hands around her knees. I wanted her to stay a little longer last night. I wanted to hear more about her, I felt like we were really beginning to make a connection, and I’m hoping that, maybe, we can have dinner again one night. I’ll find some reason to make it work-related, I just felt that we hadn’t done talking.

  “Connor, I – I want to apologise, for last night.”

  I lean back against my desk and fold my arms, frowning as I look at her. “What have you got to apologise for?”

  “Oversharing?”

  She smiles, and I laugh quietly. “There’s no harm in us becoming friends, Joss. As well as work colleagues.”

  She looks at me, her eyes narrowing slightly, but the smile remains. “I don’t think you’re used to becoming friends, with your work colleagues, I mean.”

  I briefly drop my gaze, because she’s right. I’ve always kept myself to myself, distanced myself from work gatherings as much as I could, abstained from tagging along on nights out, parties, anything that meant I got too close. I don’t like getting close, it can be dangerous. I know that only too well.

  I raise my head and throw her a smile. But I don’t say anything. She knows she was right. She seems to know me, and I don’t know quite how I feel about that, not yet.

  “Anyway…”

  I try to bring the conversation back around to work, it’s the reason she’s here in my office this morning. She’s just days away from becoming my new Deputy Head, we need to talk a few things over.

  “We need to discuss my impending new post, right?”

  I look up, my eyes meeting hers. “Yes. We do… When’s your next class?”

  “Third period.”

  “Then there’s no real rush. I’ll go get us some coffee.”

  She stands up and comes over to me, and as she moves closer I smell her perfume – a light, slightly sweet scent, different to the perfume she wore last night. Last night it was darker, had a hint of incense, it was intoxicating.

  “Black. No sugar.”

  “I know how you take your coffee, Joss.”

  She smiles, a wide, beautiful smile that lights up her cornflower-blue eyes.

  “I can see it now. The Scandinavian in you…”

  I can’t believe I just said that. I was thinking it, thinking how blue her eyes were, the colour of her hair, of course she’s Scandinavian. It’s so obvious, now. But I hadn’t meant to say anything out loud. Thankfully, she’s still smiling.

  “Well, I’ve never been a fan of pickled herring, even when I lived over there, but, you know…” She shrugs, and she leaves it there, she doesn’t finish the sentence.

  “I’m sorry, I just – I’m sorry.”

  She sits back down, and I sit beside her, watching as she crosses her legs again, clasps her hands back around her knees. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Connor.”

  Her smile once more reaches those bright blue eyes, and I feel like I’ve known this woman for years, there’s a connection there that I can’t explain. I feel comfortable in her company, she doesn’t make me want to back off, walk away, shut myself off from the world.

  Her eyes are still fixed on mine, and for a second all I can hear is my heart beating and the faint hum of chatter in the background coming from the outer office. But I need to snap myself back to reality now. I need to pull myself together.

  “How about that coffee, huh?”

  I stand up, she does too, and she places a hand on my arm, her eyes looking up into mine. “I’ll go get them. I know how you take yours, too. Remember?”

  I watch her leave the office. Hear her laughter outside as she chats to Maggie and whoever else is out there.

  Joss Coburn.

  Beautiful.

  Smart.

  Married…

  19

  Sam

  “Jesus, Savvi, what the hell are you doing creeping up on me like that? You’re not even supposed to be back here. Staff only. You can read that sign, right?”

  Her expression tells me she’s slightly stung by my unexpectedly harsh tone there, but I was trying to find a few quiet minutes to call her mother. I wanted some peace, this day is fucking killing me. Year Nine biology was a complete pain in the arse, every one of the fuckers was acting up, and Year Eleven football practice saw the school team’s star player twist his ankle trying a dodgy and unnecessary tackle that’s now put him out of action right when we need him for the regional schools’ tournament. And then there’s Joss. She’s been a bit distant today, been like that since we got up. Didn’t say more than two words to me in the car on the way here this morning. I’m beginning to wonder if she suspects something about Summer and me, that’s why I need to talk to Summer. Before the book launch tonight. I need to be sure she hasn’t said anything, done anything to make Joss suspicious in any way. So, to say I’m slightly pissed off right now would be an understatement.

  “Sorry. I just came to see if you were all right.”

  “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  I’m not about to explain to a teenager the reasons why I’m on edge. It’s got fuck all to do with her.

  She shrugs, dropping her gaze, and I feel guilty now. None of this is her fault. She’d be one of the people who got hurt the most, if my affair with her mother came out, so I should cut her some slack.

  “Listen, Savvi, I’m the one who should be sorry. I’m just having one of those days, that’s all.”

  She looks at me, a half-smile on her pretty face. She has very little of Summer in her, she’s too much like Stefan, all Norwegian blondeness and ice-blue eyes. Jesus. I’m practically the only non-Scandinavian person in this frigging family. Me, and Summer, because her and Savvi are almost like family to us. Maybe that’s what pushed us together – the non-Scandinavian bond. Christ, I’m really scraping the barrel for excuses now.

  “Danny said he heard you yelling at your Year Nine biology class this morning.”

  “Did he now.”

  “I told him, you don’t yell. You’re not that kind of teacher.”

  I throw her a sideways look as she sits down on the wall beside me. “What kind of teacher am I, then?”

  She smiles, a bigger smile this time. “One of the best.”

  I smile too, it’s always nice to hear that, even if I’m not sure she means it.

  “Anyway, you
need to get out of here. Staff only, remember?” I jerk my head back in the direction of the sign on the wall over my shoulder, the one next to the cigarette bin. That’s why this particular piece of school grounds is for staff only, no-one wants to set a bad example to the students by allowing them to see staff members smoking. Which is ridiculous in my opinion. Half of them have seen staff members off their heads drunk most weekends in the pubs and clubs in town, so seeing them sucking on a cigarette is nothing.

  Savvi stands up and turns to face me, folding her arms across her chest. “Can I ask you something, Mr Coburn?”

  “Ask away.”

  She wrinkles up her nose, as though she’s thinking about something. And then she shakes her head.

  “Doesn’t matter. I’d better be getting back to the sixth form block.”

  “Is everything okay, Sav?”

  “Everything’s fine. I’ll see you tonight, at Mum’s party, yeah?”

  “Yeah. Yeah, you will.”

  I watch her walk away, not quite sure what that was all about. But she’s a teenager. We’re not supposed to understand them, are we?

  I pull my phone back out of my pocket and try to call Summer again. But again, it goes straight to voicemail. I shouldn’t be surprised, really, it’s a busy day for her. But I don’t think I’m going to be able to settle until we’ve spoken, preferably before this party tonight. And I have no idea why I’m suddenly so paranoid now when I’ve been sleeping with her behind Joss’s back for months, but for some reason I am. The guilt’s starting to get to me. I need to end it now, I’ve already made that decision. I made it last night, as I lay in bed waiting for Joss to come home. I need to end things with Summer, before they get out of hand. Before anyone gets hurt.