“Why do you care? Who is she anyway? I’ve never seen her. Did you meet her at college?” I wish she had gone to my college. She’d be easier to find.
“No! It doesn’t matter how I know her.”
“Whatever. She handed me the money and told me to give it to you. I didn’t really care how she looked.” She rolled in my direction and grabbed me between the legs. “I can make you stop thinkin’ about her, you know.”
I grabbed her hand and moved it off of me. “That’s the thing. You really can’t.”
Ashley sat up and looked right at me. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“This thing between us isn’t goin’ to happen, Ash. You know it as much as I do. I’ve got too much shit goin’ on to rehash our fucked up relationship.”
“You really like her don’t you?” She hugged herself and looked down at her knees.
“I did. Not that it matters now. I’m sure she’s long gone by now. I fucked that up myself.”
Ash stood up and started pulling on her shorts. “I wish I could be what you want.”
I reached over to the bedside table and grabbed a cigarette. It was funny how I’d barely smoked when I was around Sky. She kept me happy enough and I never felt stressed. I lit it up and looked over at Ash. “Yeah, me too.”
We stared at each other for a second and I knew what was coming. Ashley had tears running down her cheeks as she walked up to my side of the bed. She lifted off my shirt and tossed it on the floor, then took off her shorts. “I may not be what you want, but I can be what you need.”
I took another drag of my cigarette and looked at her naked body. She moved slowly, climbing on top of me and straddling me. Then she grabbed my cigarette and took a drag before sitting it in the ashtray. “What are you doin’?”
She leaned down, close to my face. “I’m distractin’ you.”
Her lips brushed over mine. “I’m not in the mood.” I tried to move, but she reached down and grabbed my cock.
“You’re always in the mood, Ford. That’s one of the things I love about you.” She started stroking me and pressed her soft lips against mine again.
What was I supposed to do? I didn’t have a girlfriend and I was all fucked up in the head. If Ashley could ease my stress, and she was willing, I wasn’t turning her down.
There was only one problem, well two, if you count me being sexually exhausted.
Sky.
I couldn’t get the girl out of my mind.
I kept comparing the things that Ashley was doing to me, to how Sky had done it. I even closed my eyes and tried to imagine that Ashley was Sky. It was wrong in so many ways, but I couldn’t stop myself. I was desperate to feel her touch again.
I could see Ashley taking me into her mouth, but closed my eyes and imagined being in the shower with Sky. I could feel the water trickling down my body as she pleasured me in a way that Ashley never could.
Before I knew what was happening, I was finishing in her mouth. She got up and ran to the bathroom, to spit it out. I almost wanted to laugh, but felt too bad to add fuel to the fire. Then she came out of the bathroom like she was some queen. “Looks like I can still take your mind off of things.” She crawled into the bed next to me.
“Somethin’ like that.”
Ashley finally fell asleep a little while later, after going on and on about how she could suck my dick like a champ. Amazingly, I never laughed while she gloated.
Once I knew she was out, I got up and got dressed. There were things going on that I needed to know about. Besides, sleeping next to Ashley was out of the question. I’d already had enough fuck-ups for one day.
I took a deep breath before I opened the old farm door to my father’s place. Voices were loud enough that I could tell they were in the kitchen. I hadn’t seen my Uncle Hank since the funeral and wasn’t excited about seeing him here. He’d made it clear that I should have looked out for Harley, better than I had. In fact, he pretty much blamed everything on me being irresponsible. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t at the party or the one drinking and driving. All that mattered was that he needed someone to blame and I was the easiest mark.
Shayne was sitting in the recliner when I walked into the house. “I was wonderin’ if we’d see you tonight.”
I scratched my head and chuckled. “I was indisposed for a bit. Anything new I need to know about?”
“We’re takin’ her to rehab in the mornin’. It’s a facility about an hour from here. She’ll be under twenty-four-hour supervision the whole time. They’ll make sure she is comfortable when she goes through withdrawals. I hear the process is unbearable.”
“Yeah, I heard that too.” As much as I didn’t care about her getting clean, I worried about how this was affecting my dad.
“How’s the old man doin’?” He couldn’t have been well. As far as I knew, he hadn’t seen or heard from my mother in years. As sad as it was, he never gave up hope thinking she would come back to us one day. He used to say it to my sister all of the time. It was sad.
“I haven’t gone in there much. Dad’s been fillin’ him in on the program. He doesn’t want to make any decisions without your dad though, since they’re still legally married.”
“Yeah, right.”
He held up his hands. “It’s what the law says. If your dad decides he wants nothin’ to do with her, we can have my dad get a power of attorney.”
I just shook my head. “She’s got to want to do this herself. It ain’t somethin’ she can just stop doin’. People want to think they can make addicts change. It doesn’t work that way, cuz.”
“She says she wants her life back.” It annoyed me that he spoke to her about it. Why did they care so much for a woman that abandoned her family? She’d stolen from them and they still wanted to help her.
I walked into the kitchen but refused to look at my uncle. Not that it mattered once I saw my father sitting there in tears. Next to him was my mother, who I thought was passed out somewhere. I froze. The last time I saw him like this was at Harley’s funeral. Thinking about that day made me start shaking. I felt like the room was spinning and I leaned against the doorframe connecting the two rooms. I could hear them calling my name, but then everything got blurry and I fell to the floor.
Chapter 13
Skylar
By the time I arrived at my parent’s house it was the middle of the night. I’d already used my key and climbed the steps toward my room before seeing my father in his bathrobe. “Hey, pumpkin.”
I dropped my bags and threw my arms around him. Knowing that I was there and I was safe, I just let myself cry. I had my father with me, who loved me no matter what I’d gotten myself into. After he’d calmed me down, he made us some tea and we settled into the living room downstairs. We were in for a long night if he wanted explanations, and knowing my dad, that’s exactly what he wanted.
“I know I’ve disappointed you, dad.”
He sat in the recliner across from me, playing with his beard while he listened. “Sky, I don’t make your future. You do. If being at that school isn’t what you want, then we will send you somewhere else. Maybe you could come home and go to school here.”
I smiled, thinking of how he wanted me home.
After I graduated high school, my mother accepted a new position that required her to travel. She was gone at least three days out of the week. With me gone, the house was empty. My brother was grown and he had a family of his own.
“I may consider that. Mack won’t stop bugging me to give him another chance.”
“How do you feel about that? I have to tell you, pumpkin, he isn’t in my good graces. I hope you gave him a stiff kick in the balls for what he did to you.” He let out an air filled laugh. “He won’t be invited to Thanksgiving dinner, that’s for sure.”
“It feels good to be home.”
“So, does that mean you didn’t kick his ass?” He was trying to get me to smile.
“I had to leave campus. He followed me to the beac
h. It’s such a long story. You probably don’t want every detail.”
My dad leaned forward in his chair. “I have no place to go.”
I sighed and thought about the details that I should leave out of the story. He certainly didn’t need to know that I’d let a stranger fuck me in the ass. That wouldn’t go over too well. “I called Lacey and she said they were all at the beach. Mack kept calling me and sending me messages, so I thought it would be great to get away. I packed a bag and headed out, but halfway there the car broke down.”
“Why didn’t you call me?”
I held up my hands. “No cell service. I was literally in the middle of nowhere.”
“How did you get back?”
I shrugged. “I was rescued by a tall, dark stranger who not only fixed my car, but made me forget all about Mack.” I said it like a joke, but my father knew how to read me too well.
“Skylar, tell me you didn’t. He could have been a serial killer, for Christ sakes. I thought I taught you better.”
I held out my hands and motioned him to chill out. “Dad, calm down. I’m fine. It wasn’t like you are picturing. Ford was a nice guy. He let me stay at his place and promised to go to his father’s house on the same property. I wanted him to stay with me. He didn’t hurt me.” Except for the anal thing, that hurt bad, at first. I started smiling thinking about it and my father caught on.
“I am very confused. I thought you went to the beach.”
“I did. Ford took me, since my car was being worked on. He’s around my age and had friends there. When he dropped me off, Mack was there and they had an altercation. I’ll spare you the details, but I ended up leaving with Ford. We spent the next day together and it was amazing. He made me feel like no other guy ever has…”
My dad threw up his hands. “I really don’t want details. I know you’re an adult, but there are some things a dad doesn’t want to hear.”
“Dad, it wasn’t just the sex. I felt like he understood what I was going through. His sister died in a car crash last year. He’s so broken over it. I could see the pain in his eyes from the beginning.”
My father sat down his cup of tea and leaned in again. “So where is this Ford guy?”
I looked down at my cup. “He left. His ex-girlfriend showed up and I don’t even know what happened after that.”
“Jesus, I am more confused than you are. I have to ask. Are you more upset about your break-up with Mack, or this new guy Ford?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I felt like Ford made the pain go away. Being with him made me realize that I wasn’t happy with Mack. As much as I want that perfect relationship, Mack isn’t the guy for me. I have to believe that, somewhere out there, I can find happiness with a guy who gets me. Mack was only in the relationship for himself. He claims to love me and want a future, but I couldn’t even will myself to want that as I was leaving campus. I felt like I was trying to do the right thing and hold on to what we had, but my heart was elsewhere.”
“It was with this Ford guy?”
“Yeah, I guess it was.” I wiped my face and sat there quietly for a second. “Dad, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t stop thinking about Ford. As much as I wanted to continue seeing him, I know I can’t. When I went back to pick up my car, his ex was at his place. I think they’re back together. I have to admit that after two days, I felt jealous. Honestly, I could see Mack with someone right now and not give a crap, but seeing Ford’s ex open his door crushed me.”
“I think you need to purchase a chastity belt and shun all men for a while. Right now, I feel like I need to grab my shotgun and stand at the door to protect you.”
I fought back the tears. “I’d settle for you just sitting here listening to me. This was the only place I knew I could come and feel happy.”
I walked over and hugged my father. He stood up and kissed the top of my head when I wrapped my arms around him. “You are always welcome here, pumpkin. I won’t let anyone hurt my baby in this house.”
I was home. I could turn off my phone and ignore the world until I was ready to face it again. Mack wasn’t going to be able to harass me and Ford was going to become just a memory. He was right when he said that time would heal me. I just wasn’t sure how much time I needed to forget about the guy that turned my heart into Jell-O and rocked my soul.
Ford
It took me a few moments to regain my composure. I guess it was all too much to take in. Mourning my sister, meeting Sky, helping the mother that abandoned me and then seeing her sitting with my father had all taken a toll on me. Thankfully, the woman didn’t get up to help me, when I fell to my knees. I didn’t want her pity or anything she had to offer me. My life sucked as a direct result from her leaving us.
Shayne walked with me into the living room and we sat down on the couch. “You alright, man?”
I rubbed my face. “Yeah. It’s all fuckin’ too much.”
“Where’s Ash? Did you send her home?”
I turned and looked at him. “Why would you ask me that? She’s the least of my concerns.”
He held up his hands. “I’m askin’ because you shouldn’t be left alone. When’s the last time you ate somethin’?”
I shrugged, thinking of the last thing I really ate, it wasn’t food, that’s for sure. “I don’t remember.”
“I’ll make you a sandwich. Your ass needs to stay here until I get back. Don’t go walkin’ out to your apartment for more of that fine girlfriend. You look like Hell.”
I leaned back in the chair and closed my eyes. “She ain’t my girlfriend.”
“When I came up to get you earlier, she looked like she was. You’re a lucky guy. How many people do you know that can fuck two hot chicks in the same week? Ash is a keeper for puttin’ up with that.”
I shook my head. “We aren’t together! I drank a bottle of Jack when we got home. I don’t even remember bein’ with her, man. In some twisted way, she thinks it means we’re goin’ to get back together. I fucked up, but it meant nothin’. I’m done with that girl.”
Shayne laughed as he walked back into the kitchen. I opened the end table and found the pain pills that my dad had stashed. Alcoholics always had headache remedies so they could get by the next morning. I swallowed three pills without drinking anything. My head was pounding and I wanted to go back to bed until this was all over.
When Shayne came back into the room, he was carrying a sandwich wrapped in a paper towel. He took a bite out of it and then handed it to me. I shook my head and bit off the other end. “Thanks.”
He sat down across from me, pulled out a cigarette and lit it up. “Who was the chick?”
I shrugged while chewing. “I rescued her off the side of the road.”
“Dude, are you serious? She just slept with you? That’s fuckin’ awesome.”
I took a deep breath and sat my sandwich down. “It ain’t like that. You wouldn’t understand even if I tried to explain it. What happened between us was somethin’ we both needed.”
“So, you goin’ to see her again? Does she live around here?” I hated that he was all up in my business.
“What is with the twenty questions? Damn!”
He started laughing. “I haven’t seen you in forever and when I do, you’re shacked up in a shitty motel with some stranger. I think I have a right to be nosey.”
“She’s a nice girl, and it doesn’t even matter, I ain’t goin’ to ever see her again.”
“At least you have Ash to take your mind off of her.” He was still fishing for details and I hated his tone. It was like he knew some secret and wasn’t going to share it.
“Ash could never be Sky. Trust me, cuz, they are completely different women.”
He leaned in closer to me. “So, you have no way to get in touch with this girl?”
I shook my head.
“All you know is her first name?”
I nodded.
“Do you know where she lives?”
I smiled. “I know w
hat school she goes to.”
“You need to find her, man. That shit you’re feelin’ ain’t ever goin’ to go away until you do.”
“Even if I wanted to, I can’t drag her into this mess. Besides, I’m pretty sure she knows I slept with Ash. She showed up to get her keys and I was in the shower. It’s over. I’m probably the last person in the world she wants to see again. I can’t even blame her.” I was supposed to be making her forget about her ex. Instead, I was making it seem like all guys were complete assholes.
“It’s probably better that she doesn’t get to know you. It ain’t like you have anything to offer her.”
I tossed a pillow at his face and heard him laughing. “Suck my dick!”
He laughed some more. “I’m pretty sure your dick is out of commission at the moment.”
I took a sip of a fresh beer he’d brought in with my sandwich. “Ain’t that the truth.”
Sky made me feel alive and I had to thank her for that, even if she never wanted to see me again. I’d remember being with her until my dying day, just hoping that I could feel that way again.
Since seeing my parents made me uncomfortable, I headed back to my place. Ashley was cleaning up when I walked in. She had made the bed and I saw the dirty sheets in the corner. I guess she didn’t want anything reminding me of being with someone else. Little did she know that Sky was all I could think about.
For the moment, I didn’t care about my parents or even what Ashley wanted. All I could think about was hurting Sky. I felt terrible. It just didn’t make sense, since I’d promised her nothing. Still, hurting her was something that tore me apart. She needed to know that I never would have done that with a clear head. I wanted her to know that I wanted to stay in that room with her for as long as she would have let me.
I guess it was just the way things were meant to turn out. It wasn’t like I’d given her hope of us ever being anything else. Maybe her catching me was best for our situation, because thinking about telling her goodbye was unbearable. She deserved so much more than I’d ever be able to offer her.
With my mother coming back into the picture, there was no telling how my life was going to go. I sure as hell couldn’t sit back and watch my dad fall apart again. He needed to be looked out for just as much as she did. Seeing him loving her, after all that time, was hard to understand. I’d never felt that way about someone until Sky and I probably never would again. I just wish there was some way for her to know what she’d done to me, what she’d allowed me to feel again.
Repair Me Page 12
