Relative Happiness

by Lesley Crewe

  “I’ll go.” She left the study and rounded the corner just in time to see Kate unwrap a scarf from her neck and unzip her boots. An attractive woman stood behind her, doing the same thing.

  This must be her. Kate told Lexie she had a new girlfriend.

  “Lexie.” Kate ran and hugged her.

  “Hi there, Brat.” Lexie kissed her on both cheeks. “You look wonderful.”

  She did too. She had a pixie cut, her shiny brown hair spiked out every which way. It suited her small face. Kate had huge dimples that made her appear happy all the time. She looked so young. No wonder “Brat” still fit.

  Kate turned. “This my friend and colleague, Daphne St. James.”

  Lexie shook her hand. “It’s so nice to meet you Daphne. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  Daphne gave her a relieved smile.

  One down, thought Lexie. The whole tribe to go.

  When Kate was eleven, Lexie ran into her room for something and caught Kate kissing her best friend. She almost had a heart attack. So did her sister. Kate stammered something, but Lexie didn’t stick around to hear it. Instead, she went to her room and shut herself in the closet. She sat and thought about what she’d seen. It never occurred to her that girls could like girls. She felt afraid. It was a big unknown. Her little sister knew something she didn’t. She felt stupid and left out and wondered what their mother would say if she found out. From that moment on, she decided to be Kate’s champion. Kate was involved in something that would send their mother through the roof and that satisfied Lexie to no end.

  She was shallow enough to admit she wanted to see her mother react to Daphne. Adrian whispered in her ear. “Does your Mom know about her?”

  Lexie spied her mother coming from the kitchen. “She does now.”

  “Katie, darling,” her mother sang. She stretched her arms outward and Kate walked into them.

  “Hi Mama. You’re looking well.”

  “I should, my sweet. I work hard enough at it.” Her eyes fell on Daphne.

  “Mom, this is my friend Daphne St. James.”

  “Welcome Daphne, it’s so nice to meet you. We don’t see enough of Kate’s friends. Please, come in and make yourself at home.”

  She shook Daphne’s hand, and steered her towards the living room.

  So far, so good. Surely to God, her mother knew what was going on. She was a damn fine actor, if nothing else. Lexie saw her sister relax a little. It was hard on her. Her sisters knew she was gay, but no one said it out loud at home. One of these days, Kate would come out with it and actually tell her mother. But that was her business.

  Dad entered the living room and was his usual charming self. She introduced him to Adrian.

  “Nice to meet you, Adrian.”

  Adrian shook his hand. “Sir.”

  “Lexie tells me you’re from Johannesburg?”

  “Yes, sir. That’s right. Although I haven’t lived there in a long time.”

  “Adrian worked in refugee camps in Tanzania,” she said, as if she’d done it herself.

  Her father was impressed. She could tell.

  “That had to be quite an experience.”

  Lexie looked back at Adrian and suddenly knew she should have kept her mouth shut. It was none of her business to blab what he did. Maybe he didn’t want anyone to know.

  “What was your area of expertise?”

  “I was hired to help with translations. I know a little Swahili and Kirundi.”

  “Fascinating. I imagine a person gets burnt out very quickly in a situation like that,” Dad said. “It can’t be easy trying to help so many people, under such conditions.”

  Adrian tensed. Lexie could see he didn’t want to talk about it any more.

  He finally said, “Yes.”

  “How long were you there?”

  “Too long.” He turned to her. “I couldn’t get another club soda, could I?”

  “Of course.” She went to get it and heard him say, “Excuse me, sir.” He came with her, as if to escape her father’s questions. She could have kicked herself. Only a few days before, a television commercial about sponsoring children in Africa had come on. She told Adrian she had a foster child in India. “She sends me drawings, bless her heart.” He walked out of the room and went upstairs without a word. She remembered thinking he must have had a terrible time at that camp.

  And then she goes and brings it up again. She vowed to keep her mouth shut from now on.

  Gabby and Richard were in a rented Lexus. He’d flown in from Chicago and met Gabby at the Halifax airport, and they’d driven up to Cape Breton the night before. Richard insisted he wanted a night with her first, before the family get-together. He managed to keep her in bed for most of the day too and now they were late. She checked her watch every five minutes.

  Richard, who was talking into his cell phone, watched her check her watch yet again.

  “Why are you so nervous?”

  “You don’t know my mother. She’ll have gone all out for this occasion and I don’t want to keep her waiting.”

  Richard tsked and went back to his conversation. Gabby folded her arms and looked out the car window. When Richard finally said goodbye to his client, he snapped the phone shut and threw it in the glove compartment. His hand lingered on her silk stockings. He stroked her thigh with his finger.

  “How long do we have to stay?”

  “It’s a dinner party.”

  “I want it to be over soon.”

  “Richard…”

  “I want you back in that hotel room. Wear the red corset and those stilettos. Pretend like you missed me.”

  Gabby sighed.

  It became a cocktail party. Everyone stood and chatted. Beth and her husband Rory enjoyed Adrian’s company. “I might have been mistaken about him,” she told Lexie as she passed around the canapés. “The girls love his stories about elephants and tigers.”

  The doorbell sounded once more. Michaela rushed to the door first. She peeked through the side window. “Mommy! It’s Auntie Gabby and Prince Eric!”

  Lexie knew right away what she meant. She hadn’t watched The Little Mermaid with her four thousand times for nothing.

  Gabby reached for her godchild the minute she opened the door.

  “Come here you little monkey,” she laughed. Gabby always laughed. It was the first thing everyone noticed about her. Almost the first thing.

  After she covered the poor child with lipstick kisses, she stood and faced them.

  “Everyone. This is Richard Becker. Richard, this is my family.”

  “My God,” Beth whispered to her. “He does look like Prince Eric.”

  Naturally, Lexie never had boyfriends who looked like Ken dolls. She attracted needy types. In university, these pathetic losers hung off her. “Lexie feed me. Mom didn’t send my allowance.” Or, “Lexie, if you do a wash, take mine. Our clothes can be dirty together.”

  They thought they were hilarious. But none of them compared to the jerk that cornered her every Saturday night when he was sloshed.

  “You look like you need sex, Lex. How about it? You’ve got incredible jugs. How about I relieve your suffering? What do you say?”

  She put up with these idiots her whole life. They thought she was their mother. They ran to her to complain about their horrible girlfriends. They’d snuggle up, and put their heads in her lap.

  “You’re so great Lex, thanks for listening.”

  Yeah sure.

  One guy was cute. He made her laugh.

  “Rub my back Lex.” She would. One night he turned over and looked at her.

  “You have the most beautiful brown eyes, Lexie.”

  Her heart skipped a beat. “No, I don’t.”

  “Yes, you do.”

  He touched her face with the back of his hand. “And the most beautiful skin.”

  “No, I don’t,” she whispered.

  “Why don’t you see it, Sunshine?”

  “No one’s ever said it before.”<
br />
  “That doesn’t make it not true. You need to believe it.” He reached for her. That was her first time. He left school shortly after that.

  If she was so wonderful, why did he leave? She remembered she cried for a week.

  Gabby came over to her and gave her a hug. “So. What do you think?”

  “He’s definitely hunky.”

  Gabby smiled at Richard. Lexie loved it when she smiled. Her sister opened her satin clutch and took out her gold lighter and cigarette case. Beth grabbed the baby. “Don’t smoke in front of the kids. You know better.”

  She put them back. “Sorry.”

  Lexie smirked. She knew Beth wasn’t annoyed about the smoke. She was annoyed Gabby looked so damn good. Her hair was like a copper halo. No one in the family knew where she got it.

  She wore a stovepipe black skirt, high heels and a very expensive white silk blouse turned up at the collar. How did she do that? Anyone else would get make-up on it. A pearl necklace was at her throat. She reminded Lexie of a forties film star.

  She looked around as their dad poured a drink for Richard. Lexie saw her stop. Her eyes got big and she stayed very still. She didn’t know what she was looking at.

  Gabby said softly, “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend, Lexie?”

  Oh, brother. Here comes the charm. Luckily Adrian will see right through her. She turned to him but something was wrong because he didn’t crack wise or pull a face. He just stood there and stared at Gabby. Lexie was fed up. This always happened. She was tired of the little games Gabby played on men. She had no business doing it to Adrian.

  She turned back to give Gabby a look that said knock it off, but she didn’t. She didn’t recognize the woman who made men dance like puppets on a string. That woman was gone. There was only a girl, and she looked frightened.

  “Gabby,” Richard said from across the room, “why don’t you show your mother the pictures we took in Los Angeles?”

  Had he seen it? Had she?

  “I’ll get dessert,” Lexie said to no one in particular. Not that anyone noticed or heard her. It was like old home week.

  Mom’s dinner was a roaring success. Kate was content because Mom pretended she didn’t know anything about Daphne. Rory and Richard got along like a house on fire and gave Dad advice about the stock market. The girls were as good as gold at their card table, playing with old Barbie dolls her mother was clever enough to have kept. The only ones who didn’t talk were Adrian and Gabby. Every time Lexie looked at them, they were not looking at each other.

  Beth followed her out into the kitchen with a stack of dishes. She filled the kettle and turned to back against the counter.

  “How does she do it, Lex?”

  Lexie knew what she meant, but she was cranky so she pretended she didn’t.

  “How does who do what?”

  “I wonder how it feels to have every man in the room want you.”

  Lexie started to cut the meringue and put it on plates. “Oh shut up. You know how it feels. You’re no shrinking violet. That’s my department.”

  Beth reached into her sweater pocket and pulled out a cigarette. She looked at Lexie.“Don’t tell. Rory will kill me.” She lit it. “I have one a week.”

  “I’m not telling.” Lexie held out her hand and Beth gave it to her. She took a long drag and handed it back.

  Their mother flew through the door and clapped her hands. “Chop, chop girls, let’s get dessert on the table.” She rushed to grab dessert forks out of the silverware chest that sat on the counter. When they were kids, the girls fought over who would put the cutlery back in the velvet slots.

  “Beth, put that horrid thing out. I’m surprised at you. Lexie, your young man doesn’t appear to be very talkative. I thought you said he was an actor. Are you sure he’s not a mime?” She smiled at her own joke.

  “Mother, for the last time, Adrian is not my young man. He’s my stupid lodger. He’s my miserable, crappy twit of a lodger. He’s my rent money. Nothing else.”

  Lexie looked up. Beth and Mom stared at her. During her outburst, she’d hacked the meringue with a little too much force.

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with you girls. Gabby seems strange as well. Are you all on your periods or something?”

  Lexie didn’t point out that she was fifteen years away from menopause. Mom liked to pretend her girls were pimply teenagers. That way she was young forever.

  Mom reached into the fridge for the cream. “What do you think of Richard?”

  “He looks like a Dick to me.”

  Her mother gave her a look.

  “Sorry.”

  “He seems nice,” Beth said. “I wonder how long he’ll last?”

  Mom filled the sugar bowl and sighed, “I do wish your sister would settle down. She’d make the most beautiful bride.”

  Beth said ever so casually, “What do you think of Daphne, Mom?”

  Their mom kept her head turned away.

  “I think she’s a lovely woman. I can see why Kate likes her so much.”

  She carried a tray full of teacups back into the dining room. Beth and Lexie looked at each other.

  “She’s pretending.”

  “I’m not so sure,” Beth said. “Do you really think she’d be so calm if she knew?”

  Adrian was quiet on the drive home. It got on her nerves.

  She gripped the steering wheel. “So, what did you think of the entire family?”

  “Everyone was lovely.”

  That’s all he said. She hated when he was quiet.

  “I told you my sisters were good looking.”

  She waited for him to say “not as good-looking as you.”

  “Yes, they are. They’re lovely.” He stared out the side window. That was twice he used the word lovely. Lexie kept her mouth shut the rest of the way home.

  They walked in the house. Adrian went to bed, after thanking her for a lovely evening.

  Gabby called the next day. Twice in the same week was unusual. She sounded chipper.

  “Hi Lex.”

  “Hi.”

  “What are you doing?”

  “Talking to you.”

  “What’s on for tonight? Do you and Adrian have plans?”

  Lexie knew the magic name would crop up.

  “No.”

  “Right, right. Tell me. Exactly what is this relationship of yours with Adrian?”

  “He’s my roommate.”

  “Is that it?”

  “Look, why do you ask me stupid questions? Don’t you have anything better to do, like spend time with Dick?”

  “His name is Richard.”

  “Richard then. Isn’t he the one you’re in love with this week?”

  Gabby hung up. That was twice now.

  “Hello?”

  “Adrian?”

  “Yes.”

  “It’s Gabby.”

  He knew it was as soon as she said hello.

  “Gabby. It’s lovely to hear your voice.”

  “Is it?”

  There was a long pause.

  “Yes.”

  “Will you meet me?”

  “Where?”

  She gave him the address.

  “I’ll be there.”

  “I’ll be waiting.”

  She opened the door and held her breath. He closed the door, stood and looked at her. He put out his hand. She took it. He put out his other hand. She took that. He pulled her slowly towards him. He pulled her until she stood toe to toe with him, their hands entwined down by their sides.

  He touched her cheek with his own, tenderly. He moved his head slightly up and down and then back and forth. Just like that. They stood just like that for an endless moment.

  His mouth was open. He brushed his lips on her face with the slightest touch, over and over until he reached her lips. When that happened, they forgot everything.

  At rehearsal Adrian missed four cues. Donalda was annoyed. “What’s going on with him?”

&nb
sp; “Take a pill for God’s sake. He’s fine. Anyone can forget a line.”

  Donalda put her hands on her hips. “He forgot his character’s name.”

  “It’s true, Lexie,” Susie nodded. “He seems different. Not his usual happy self.”

  “Adrian might pretend to be happy in front of you but he’s often quiet by himself. He doesn’t feel the need to run off at the mouth, like some.” Lexie looked at Donalda.

  “I’d be in a foul mood too, if I had to live with you.”

  “Oh shut up, the both of you,” Susan pleaded. “You drive me crazy.”

  Lexie went to her mom’s a few days later to copy out her recipe for chocolate cake.

  Her mom peeled carrots by the sink. “Lexie, have you spoken to your sister recently?”

  She grabbed a carrot and took a bite. “Which one? Why don’t you ever say their name? I have three of them. I can’t read your mind.”

  “You got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning. That’s not peeled by the way.”

  She shrugged.

  Her mother looked at her. “Are you okay, honey? You seem kind of down.”

  She pouted. “I don’t know.”

  “Someone needs a hug.” Her mom reached over and gave her a big one. It felt good.

  “I’m all right. Which sister?”

  “Gabby.”

  Of course. “Yeah. She called the other day and hung up on me.”

  Mom talked to the carrots. “She hung up on you? Why did she do that? Did you say something to her?”

  “Yes, I did. She bugged me about Adrian.” She leaned over her mother. “Pass me that glass…stupid carrot.”

  She did. “Who’s Adrian?”

  Lexie coughed. “Mother. You only met him the other night.”

  “Oh, your weird friend, yes, of course.”

  She pushed the water button on the fridge and filled her glass. “He’s not weird, Mom.”

  “I’m sure he isn’t, dear, but he wasn’t very animated.”

  She drank her water. “No, I guess not. He wasn’t his usual self. We probably scared him to death.”

  “No doubt. Only, I was supposed to pick Gabby up for lunch yesterday. She had three days off, but she wasn’t at Karen’s. She never called to cancel.” Her mother stopped peeling and looked out the window. “I don’t know. It isn’t like her, not to let me know.”