Mind the Gap (In Too Deep)

by Casey McMillin

  "No, it's fine, we're good on time. The owner knows we're out here. We were just having a little band meeting before we go on stage." My mom just squinted into the shadows at the guys she'd just learned were my band mates. "Thanks for coming guys," I said, hoping to distract them. "Where's Paul?" My little brother was nineteen, but still lived at home.

  "He stayed at home," my dad said. "Your mom and I wanted a date." He smiled at her and offered his arm, and she accepted. They headed for the front door of the venue wishing me luck from over their shoulders.

  All of a sudden, I was more nervous than I'd ever been in my whole life. Performing in front of strangers is much easier than performing for family because when you perform in front of family, you worry about their total experience—not only just what they think about your performance, but also things you can't control. I was worried that someone in the audience would say something rude about me or the music and my mom would overhear. I knew that was crazy, so I took a few deep breaths and decided to have fun. If I couldn't have fun, then what was I doing there, right? "Let's do it boys," I said as I made my way to the back door.

  I spotted my mom and dad right when we came up on the stage. They were settled at one of the high tables built for two that were scattered along the outside edges of the bar. My mom and dad had both heard me sing, obviously. I'd been doing it all my life. They hadn't until now, however, heard me play guitar, much less with a band backing me up. Trevor was also there with a group of our friends. It took me a couple of songs to get over the packed crowd and into the music, but once I did I hit a stride, I felt really good with how we sounded.

  During several songs, I'd seen my mom and/or Trevor holding up their phones to video, and I was looking forward to checking them out later to see what I could do differently next time. Not that I was worried about our mistakes, really. I had a freaking blast on that stage. The crowd was into it and the way they responded to the music made me feel the oddest sense of euphoria. It was good old fashioned fun to perform in front of hundreds of people, and I looked forward to continuing the trend (if I could) after moving to L.A.

  My parents left during the set break. They were planning on staying in a hotel on the outskirts of the city since it was a five-hour drive to our home in Oregon. They went on and on about how much they loved it, and how proud they were of me. I was excited to have their approval, even though their lack of it wouldn't have stopped me from pressing forward. My mom did have one critique. She was concerned about the name Bellyflops ending with the word "flop". She didn't want us to accidently curse ourselves. I assured her that the Bellyflops would be a short-lived project anyway since I was moving to L.A. soon. "You're just so far from a 'flop', Brit," she'd said, "so don't call your next band that." I agreed, and she was content not to mention it again.

  Before they took off, my mom told me she'd have to get my little brother to email me the videos she took of the show since she didn't know how to work her phone. I told her if she could understand how to take the video, she could grasp sending an email, but she didn't want to hear anything about that. "Paul will do it, no problem," she'd said. I probably could have used her phone to mail them to myself, but I didn't want to get into all that when we only had a few minutes between sets. I hugged them both and thanked them for coming, and they set off into the sunset.

  We finished strong. I felt at least as good about the second set as I did the first. The bar manager offered us a regular gig, and we accepted. We figured it was best not to mention my plans to move until the time came. The members of the band knew about it, of course, but there was no reason we shouldn't have a little fun in the meantime. The only problem was, the more and more positive feedback we got, the harder and harder it would be to break up the band. We told the manager we'd play every third Saturday, and he acted like he was excited to have us.

  I'd gone from practicing guitar with YouTube in my living room to packing the house at Digg's once a month. It was almost as surreal as Collin's Wheaties box.

  ****

  The next morning at eleven, a text came, waking me up.

  Rachel: "We're at the hospital! Gretchen had her baby!"

  There was a photo of a precious, wrinkly newborn attached to the text. I took a few minutes to wake up before I responded.

  Me: "OMG that's the cutest thing I've ever seen. It's a boy, right?"

  Rachel: "Yep! His name is Luke James and he's perfect. Gretchen's doing great, although we haven't seen her. She had to have a C-section."

  Me: "Sorry about surgery, but happy to hear all is well. Please give Gretchen and Joel hugs for me. Also, give me the name of the hospital, and I'll send some flowers."

  Rachel: "We're at Sacred Heart, but we don't know a room number yet. Stuck in waiting room. ;)"

  Me: "I'll forward you a video of a song from last night's show to help you with the wait."

  Rachel: "Haha, sounds great! Sorry I forgot to ask how the show went. I forgot you had that last night."

  Me: "No worries. It went great. My parents came."

  Rachel: "You're kidding! What'd they think?"

  Me: "They loved it. Trevor got a shot of the audience in the song I'm sending, so see if you can pick them out."

  Rachel: "Oh, how fun, a challenge."

  My next text was just a video.

  It was at least ten minutes before she text me back.

  Rachel: "We're passing it around the waiting room. Everyone loves it. You have fans in L.A already."

  Me: "Aww, that's so sweet, thanks girlie. I had so much fun."

  Rachel: "Josh said he's gonna be first in line when you play a concert down here."

  I knew she must have been joking because, for one thing, Josh would never say something like that at all, let alone about me. I knew something was fishy about the whole thing, but it didn't stop the wave of giddy excitement I felt at the thought of Josh at one of my gigs. I wondered if he was actually there, or if she was just pushing my buttons since he and I had our differences.

  Me: "Is Josh really right there?"

  Rachel: "I just let him read that text, and he smiled."

  Me: "OMG Rachel, you did not."

  Rachel: "What's wrong with that?"

  Me: "I don’t know, it's embarrassing. Doesn't matter, though. Tell everybody I said hi & congratulations."

  Rachel: "Sorry, didn't mean to embarrass you. :-/ Everyone really did love the song... including Josh."

  Me: "Thanks girlie! Talk to you soon."

  Chapter 10

  Josh

  "Brit sent me this video of her band playing last night," Rachel said as we sat in the quiet waiting room at Sacred Heart Hospital. "You guys have to listen to this." Collin put her earbuds in his ear and stared at the screen for three full minutes before looking up.

  "That's awesome," Collin said, handing her phone back to her.

  "You should see it," she said, holding her hand out.

  Her comment was clearly directed to Emily who was sitting on the other side of me, but I reached out like I thought she'd been talking to me, grabbed the phone, and put the earbuds in my ear. Rachel didn't have the heart to protest, and neither did Emily. I sat back, looked at the screen, and pressed play.

  For the next three and a half minutes, I was totally focused on the screen of Rachel's phone. I turned the volume up loud and let the sound of her vulnerable, raspy voice hypnotize me just like it had the first time I heard it. I didn't recognize the song they were playing, but that didn't matter. I still felt the craziest sense of comfort and familiarity when I listened to her sing. Something about that voice just called to me in a way that no other sound ever had. I knew good and well that I couldn't sit there and watch it again without being totally obvious, so I handed the phone back to Rachel. I did, however, manage to forward the text to myself without anyone noticing. I could feel my hand shaking slightly when Rachel took the phone from me. She was a notorious matchmaker, and I felt like I was being transparent, so I said something to try and thro
w her off. "Pretty good for a bunch of tree huggers."

  Did I feel good about myself for saying it? No. But it was better than having her figure out how fast my heart was beating at the sound of that girl's voice. Then it dawned on me that Rachel would be able to see she'd sent me that video. I felt the blood drain from my face as I realized I had to get her phone back from her. When I handed it back to her a few seconds ago, she looked down at it and began pressing buttons. What if she'd already seen it? Shit. I had to think of something quick. I went over a few different options in my mind before deciding to send her a text.

  Me: "Why you sending me this crap?"

  Seconds later, Rachel's head popped up and she regarded me with a wary expression before looking back down at her screen. My phone shook and glanced down to read her response.

  Rachel: "Whaaa?"

  Me: "You sent me the video of that song."

  Rachel stared at her phone, lifted her eyebrows, and then started tapping out another text.

  Rachel: "I guess I did that by accident, but if you hand me your phone, I'll show you how to delete it."

  She looked at me with a smirk and held her hand out.

  The blood rushed from my face again.

  "I already deleted it," I said out loud.

  Rachel didn't mind stirring the pot when it came to trying to make a love connection, but she was ultimately non-confrontational, and didn't ask me for my phone to check my story. She smiled and rolled her eyes then went right back to pushing buttons on her phone.

  I wondered if she was texting Brit.

  Then, as if I'd just wondered it out loud, Rachel came over to me and flashed her phone so I could see the screen. The name at the top read Brit, and she'd set the screen so that I could see the last text said, "Is Josh really right there?" I looked at Rachel, confused. She didn't say anything else, just sat back in her waiting room chair and stared at her phone again.

  We all got to visit with Gretchen and Joel briefly and see the baby. He was wrapped up in one of those thin baby blankets, and although he had on a little hat, you could see he had black hair just like his dad. Gretchen had a long labor followed by surgery, so we were basically just in and out.

  I went to bed that night thinking about why Brit was asking about me. Her voice singing the song I hadn't deleted from my phone was the last thing I heard before my head hit the pillow.

  ****

  My new job had been keeping me extremely busy, and before I knew it, we were well into fall. It was Halloween weekend, and we had a lot going on. October 31st fell on a Friday, and Gretchen and Joel were planning a big costume party. Their baby was over two months now, and Gretchen's mom was staying with him in the nursery where they'd be safe from the noise. It was a grown up party, but the invitation clearly stated that it would be held from 7 to 10 with everyone gone by 10PM, and not a minute later. It also said that any stragglers would be blindfolded thrown into a fiery volcano. It wasn't just because Gretchen wanted to get back to her baby at a decent hour, but also because they had a big day the next day.

  Saturday November 1st was the grand opening of Mama Tonia's—the best place in L.A. for a plate of home-cooked food. I'd been lucky enough to sample the menu during the past few months, and although the restaurant was a good thirty minutes from my house, I'd still be going there on a regular basis.

  Collin and Rachel picked me up at six o'clock on Halloween night. We had plans to hang out with Emily and Ethan before walking over to Joel and Gretchen's. Emily was still living in their guesthouse even though Ethan moved in with her not long after the Olympics were over. Ethan had plans to buy a house in L.A., but for now he was comfortable at Emily's place and everyone was fine with him being there.

  We walked into the guesthouse and started checking out each other's costumes. Most of the people I was hanging out with were married or in relationships, and so the girls had hooked them up with something to wear to the costume party. Collin and Rachel were a king and queen with crowns and capes and scepters and the whole nine yards. Collin would have never bought himself a velvet cape, but next to Rachel in her queen's dress, he looked natural in it. Ethan was a giant cigarette, and Emily a giant disco ball. I knew right away that they were dressed as smoke and mirrors and Emily got mad at me for solving the riddle so quickly.

  I didn't have a girl to tell me what to wear, so I picked up a hockey mask and a fake bloody knife. I already had the dirty Carhartt jacket and black pants that would complete the look. I knew it was unoriginal, but I figured every Halloween party needed a Jason or two.

  "You know if you don't wear the mask, you'll just look like a creep who showed up in your dirty work clothes," Emily said.

  "I figured that one out by myself," I said. "But I'm not gonna put on a mask till I go to the party, so you'll have to be satisfied with my dirty work clothes for now."

  "Aw, come on," Ethan teased, "you mean you're not comfortable wearing a hockey mask?"

  "Well, I'm not comfortable inside a disco ball either," Emily defended. "Lots of people will be uncomfortable tonight, but you have to push through the pain."

  "Speaking of pain," Rachel said, cutting in, "does Brit need me to help her get zipped up? She text me and said her outfit was a little snug."

  "Gretchen and them helped her," Emily said. "She came by here a minute ago, and she looks adorable."

  I wasn't really following what they were saying about her outfit because I was in utterly shocked to hear that Brit was there in the first place. I should have known she'd be there for the restaurant opening the next day, but I hadn't heard anyone mention it, so it was the farthest thing from my mind.

  "Josh." Rachel snapped her hand in front of me to get my attention. "You okay?"

  "Yeah," I answered without skipping a beat. "I was just thinking about what we could do after Gretchen closes up shop tonight."

  "They rented a party bus for everyone who wants to stay out," Ethan said. "They didn't want anyone drinking and driving."

  I didn't even engage in the conversation. I was still distracted from getting the news about Brit being there. I didn't really care what would happen after the party, I'd only said that so I wasn't so obvious. All I could think about was how the next hour or so would go. I hadn't seen Brit since the night in Portland, and I figured there was a good chance it'd be tense as usual between us. As the conversation carried on around me, I absentmindedly took guesses at what Brit's costume would be. I also wondered if she'd have the skinny jeans guy with her.

  "I wonder why Brit hasn't come back yet," Emily said. "She knew you guys would be here and she said she'd be right back."

  "She text me a minute ago saying she saw us pull up," Rachel said, "but she was helping Gretchen finish getting ready."

  Emily laughed. "I saw their costumes the other day. They're gonna be so classic."

  "I haven't seen the costumes, but she told me they were going to be Sandy and Danny from Grease," Rachel said.

  Gretchen AKA Sandy greeted us when we walked into her house. It was dark-ish in there, all decorated with glowsticks and black lights. Gretchen had a big family, and they all beat us there, so it already felt like a party when arrived, even though we were five minutes early. There was a spread of finger foods attended by servers in skeleton bodysuits. The decorations were all really cool looking, and I couldn't wait to see all the costumes that would turn up. Joel came up and put his arm around Gretchen who kissed him on the cheek just like Sandy would have done.

  "I'm glad you're Sandy in black," Rachel said.

  "Yeah, I thought about Sandy in the yellow dress, or cheerleader Sandy, but I think black's a given on Halloween."

  "Totally," Rachel said, "You guys look amazing." She reached out to hug them.

  "You do too, all of you!" Gretchen said. She looked around, taking in our costumes.

  "That you Josh?" she asked, squinting as if it might help her see through my mask.

  "I killed Josh," I said in the scariest voice I could do. It was prett
y creepy. I had a really deep voice to begin with, and I made it sound creepy. My little comment had the girls squealing and covering their ears. I hadn't expected that kind of reaction. "Jesus," I laughed, plucking the mask from my face and settling it on top of my head, "I thought I was supposed to be scary."

  "Not that scary," Gretchen said. "We're lightweights." She pointed at my mask. "But you need to put your mask on because my brother Garret wore his real-life cop uniform, and he's locking up anyone who gets out of character."

  "Where's he locking them?" I asked, pulling my mask back into position on my face. "In Halloween jail?"

  "Yeah," Gretchen said with a serious expression. She gestured toward the other side of the living room, and I looked across the huge, open space. It was dark, but I could clearly see the cage on the far wall. It was a big box of bars and bones like something you'd see on Pirates of the Caribbean.

  "You guys talking about Garret's jail?" a voice said. I knew it was Brit's voice. There was no way you could mistake that voice. I hesitated to turn and look at her even though she couldn't see my face behind the mask.

  "Oh my God. You're so beautiful!" I heard Rachel squeal as we all turned to look at Brit. I was so thankful my face couldn't be seen because it's possible my jaw literally fell open. She was wearing a white dress that fit tight around the top, but had a huge skirt that went all the way to the floor. I had no idea who she was supposed to be, but she looked like some storybook princess or something.

  "The most gorgeous Cinderella I've ever seen," Rachel said, unintentionally answering my question. The sleeveless dress sparkled like a million diamonds, and Brit was wearing long white gloves, and carrying an eye mask on a stick. Up until then, she'd been holding the mask up to her face, but she dropped it to look at all of us.

  "This bodice is so tight, she said, her eyes stopping on Rachel. She made a super silly face, complete with crossed eyes. "If I pass out at some point, just unzip me and let me get some oxygen."

  "Where in the world did you get such a dress?" Rachel asked. "I might want to try it on just because it's that beautiful."