Help Me, Hold Me: Full Heart Ranch Series #5

by Barbara Gee

  Callie’s mouth went dry and her hands tightened. It was all she could do to not take one more baby step and eliminate those pesky inches that separated them. She wanted to feel him pressed up against her. She wanted to kiss him. In the worst way.

  “Um, we should probably get back,” she said tersely, stepping quickly away from him before she could act on the nearly overwhelming urge. She busied herself with zipping up her jacket, taking much longer than necessary.

  When she finished, she looked up at him at little nervously, still not quite trusting herself.

  He held out his hand. “Relax, Callie,” he said softly. “You don’t have to worry about me jumping you. We’ll take this as slow as you want.”

  Apparently, he’d misread the problem. She took his hand and they began walking back toward the house. After a moment she confessed.

  “I’m not worried about you jumping me,” she blurted out before she lost her nerve.

  “You sure?”

  “I’m sure.” She swallowed hard. “Actually, you were in danger of it happening the other way around.”

  When he realized what she meant, he chuckled. “I wouldn’t call that danger, Callie Green.” He tugged her closer, then let go of her hand and slid his own up under her hair to curve loosely around the back of her neck. “Just so you know, you have permission to jump me any time,” he said softly, his lips close to her ear.

  Her body trembled slightly, a reaction to both his words and the feel of his warm hand on her neck. Then she decided it might be a good idea to confess something else.

  “And just so you know, I can’t, um, hook up with you or whatever.”

  He was silent for a moment. “Hooking up means different things to different people,” he finally said. “What does it mean for you? No sex?”

  She nodded. “Full disclosure, Vince,” she said bravely, keeping her eyes on the ground in front of them. “My husband will be my first. I made that decision a long time ago and I won’t change my mind. Not even for you.”

  Only a few seconds passed before he responded, but it felt much longer to Callie.

  “I admire your decision,” he said finally. “I know it can’t have been easy for you.”

  “But are you okay with it?” she asked, trying to keep the worry from her voice. “I know it’s not the norm.”

  His hand tightened a little around her nape and he drew her closer, so her shoulder was against his side as they walked. Without thinking, she put her arm around his waist, and there they were, walking like a real couple.

  Holy cow. They were a couple. It was going to take a while for that to sink in.

  “It doesn’t change anything for me,” he said, answering her question and bringing her back to the conversation. He paused. “But now I have to ask—does it bother you that I didn’t make the same choice?”

  Callie didn’t take the question lightly, but since it was something she’d already given some thought to, based on what she knew about his past, the answer came quickly. “If I had reason to dwell on it, it might bother me,” she told him truthfully. “I mean, naturally I don’t want to hear about your exes or anything, but like I’ve said before, I’m not typically one to get caught up in the past. It’s not like you can change it anyway.”

  “Mmm. I’ll admit there are definitely things I’d change if I could,” he told her, “but I’ve learned from my mistakes, if that helps.”

  “I’m not going to hound you about your mistakes, Vince. It’s not like I haven’t made a pile of them myself. The future is the only thing we can change though, you know? So that’s what we need to focus on.”

  “Yet another thing I like about you,” he said. He was quiet for a dozen or so steps. “Full disclosure of my own, Callie. I haven’t had sex since the events of last summer. I know a year might not sound all that impressive, but at least it’s proof I’m serious about my commitment. And I hope it makes me seem less….I don’t know….used, or something.”

  She was surprised, happy, and grateful for his honestly. “It is impressive, Vince,” she said sincerely. “Especially considering the temptations I’m sure you faced during that year.” She tightened her hold on his lean waist, feeling hard muscle through his sweatshirt and silently acknowledging she’d never truly faced temptation herself.

  That was going to change, though, no question about it. Vince was temptation in its strongest form. She was beyond thankful to know they were on the same page, but they’d still have to be careful.

  They walked for a while in silence, both of them lost in thought. Callie loved feeling the warmth of his arm through her light jacket and shirt, and at one point the gentle tug of his fingers threading through her hair. She’d never felt this way. Never known she could. It was crazy scary, but also pretty wonderful.

  She hoped there would soon come a time when she could drop the scary and just wallow in the wonderful.

  “Callie?” His low voice interrupted her thoughts. “Can I ask how long the doctors think Jeremiah will be with us? I know it’s hard to talk about, but I’d like to know what to expect.”

  He had every right to ask, and Callie realized she actually wanted to talk to him about it.

  “His last appointment was almost two weeks ago, and the doctor said then his best guess would be two months, max.” Her voice wavered because speaking the words made it seem too real, but she kept going. “He said we could expect a steady decline, with less mobility and more pain. He recommended I go ahead and meet with the local home health agency to arrange for hospice care, for when I can’t take care of him by myself anymore. Because Grandpa’s determined to stay at home. He doesn’t ever want to go back to the hospital.”

  “I assume he’s taking something for the pain now? He doesn’t seem to be too uncomfortable.”

  “He is on pain meds, and the dose can be increased if he needs it. He promised to let me know when he needs more.”

  “So has there been a decline since that appointment, or is he holding his own?”

  Callie shrugged. “He has good days and bad days. You were lucky to catch him on a couple of the best ones he’s had in a while. I’m glad for that. It was nice for him to have someone new to talk to, and to show his horses off to.”

  “He’s been talkative, that’s for sure. I think he has a lot on his mind. I guess that’s normal for someone who doesn’t know how much time he has left.”

  Callie blinked against the sting of tears. “It’s so hard for me to know how to pray,” she finally said, her voice strained. She hadn’t talked to anyone about this, but it had been bothering her for a while now. “I don’t want him to get to the point where he’s in constant pain and bed-ridden, and totally dependent on care-givers. That would be worse than death for him. But if I want him to be spared that then I have to be willing to let him go soon, and I’m just not there yet. I know I’ve had months to prepare myself, but I still need him, you know?”

  “Yeah. I know.”

  “That’s why I don’t know how to pray. I want him here, but I know that’s selfish if it means he’s going to suffer.”

  He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, rubbing her upper arm. “It’s okay to hang on for a while yet, Callie. He’s not quite ready to go, either.”

  She looked up at him curiously, sensing there was more than he was saying. “Did he tell you that?”

  He nodded. “More or less. He talked about some decisions he’s still trying to make.”

  She groaned. “I hate that. I wish he could just relax. There’s nothing he needs to be worrying about at this point other than trying to keep up his strength.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right,” Vince said after a brief pause. “I’ll try talking to him about it.”

  “You can come for dinner tomorrow, if you want. Maybe having another person at the table will help Grandpa eat more. Then you guys can chat until he heads to his room for the night.”

  “I’d like that. What time?”

  “Six thirty.” She smi
led, her melancholy eased by the happiness Vince brought her, and how kind he was to Jeremiah. “I have to say, Vince, you’re already showing signs of being a great boyf—” she broke off and ducked her head, unable to stifle a sudden giggle. “Oh my word, I can’t even say it.”

  “Say what? Boyfriend?” He chuckled softly. “Why is that so hard?”

  She laughed again. “It just is. The other boyfriends I’ve had were boys. You’re…..not. Plus, we haven’t even known each other a week. It sounds kind of pretentious.”

  “You think? It sounds pretty darn good to me.” He hooked his arm comfortably over her shoulder. “How long has it been since you had one?”

  “My sophomore year of college, so, four years.”

  “Does he live around here?”

  “No. He’s from Bismarck. He was two years ahead of me in school, and I haven’t seen him since he graduated.”

  “How long were you together?”

  “Just for the school year. He was a good guy. It was nice to have someone to do things with, and always have a date when I needed one, but it wasn’t a forever type of thing. I think we always knew it would end when he graduated.”

  “So you were both just, like, ‘hey, it’s been great, have a good life’?”

  “Yeah, basically. When we first started dating I thought it might develop into more, but as it turned out, we were always more friends than anything else.”

  He grunted. “I can’t imagine walking away from you that easily, but I’m glad neither of you were hurt.”

  “What about you? Have you been hurt?”

  “Hmm. Not really, I guess.”

  She looked up at him curiously. “You realize that requires an explanation, right?”

  “Nah, you’ll think I’m whining.”

  She laughed. “Vince Abbot, King of the Ice, doesn’t whine.”

  “No, but Vince Abbot, the man, might not be quite as invincible as Vince Abbot, King of the Ice.”

  “Oh yeah? Well now I really need an explanation.”

  “It’s not a big deal,” he said with a shrug. “I’ve never been in love, so I haven’t been hurt by any woman in particular. But sometimes—I don’t know. I guess it’s not exactly pleasant knowing all the women I’ve dated were only interested in me because I play hockey and have a big bank account. To tell you the truth, you and I have talked more in a few days than any other girl I’ve dated. Ever. I would’ve never shared what I went through last year with any of them.”

  Callie stayed silent while she thought about that, surprised it hadn’t occurred to her before that all was not what it seemed in his world. To those on the outside looking in, guys like Vince appeared to have it made—plenty of money, a moderate amount of fame, and girls lined up around the block. She hadn’t realized until now it could also be a very lonely life.

  “It’s not like I was innocent myself,” Vince went on. “Once I learned how the game was played, I used them as much as they used me—which isn’t something I’m proud of. I didn’t acknowledge how dehumanizing the whole cycle was until I started spending time with Boone and Jax, and some of the other guys on the Wild team. That changed a lot of things for me.”

  As a Wild fan, Callie had always been glad he’d come to their team. Now, hearing how it had affected him personally, she was doubly glad, and she told him so.

  “So you don’t only care about my game and my bank account?” he asked, raising his hand to tousle her hair playfully.

  “I don’t care at all about your bank account. But the hockey?” She grinned up at him. “Not gonna lie. I could watch you on the ice all day.”

  He put his free hand over his heart and sighed dramatically. “I’m crushed. Used again.”

  She laughed. “Don’t worry. I love watching you play, but I’d like you no matter what you did. I’d tell you to quit and move to Barlow so I could prove it, but I can’t do that to my beloved team. They need number twenty-one on the ice.”

  He chuckled as they rounded a bend in the lane and the house came into view.

  “Back to the boyfriend thing,” he said. “Seriously, Callie, if you don’t want to put a label on us yet, I can live with that. I know this has all been fast and unexpected.” His hand settled on her waist. “But as they say, when it’s right, it’s right. As far as I’m concerned, there’s no use wasting time.”

  “Especially when you don’t have much of it,” she murmured, leaning into him. “I already hate the thought of you leaving.”

  “It’ll come way too soon, but we don’t have to have it all figured out before I go. We just need to build on what we’re feeling now, and be open to the possibilities.”

  She sighed, wishing the future was more clear-cut. “I’m going to have to stifle my habit of over-thinking things.”

  He stopped walking and drew her around to face him. They were close enough to the house to be partially illuminated by the pole light in the front yard. Callie looked up at him, wondering if a more handsome man had ever existed.

  “Promise to keep talking to me, okay? Especially when you’re having doubts. We have to communicate. That’s the only way this is gonna work.” She nodded and his eyes softened. “I know there are a lot of unknowns, but I’m all in, Callie. Don’t doubt that.”

  There was sincerity and determination in his steady gaze, and she hoped he saw the same in hers. She did want to move forward with him, and she wanted him to know she was committed.

  “I want this,” she said softly, putting her hands on his waist because it was too hard to stand so close and not touch him. “But I’ll admit I’m half-way scared I’m going to wake up and find this whole evening was just a really good dream.”

  “Oh yeah?” Vince’s eyes glittered as his lips curved into an easy smile. “Well it just so happens I might know a way to make it feel a little more real.”

  His gaze dropped to her mouth as he spoke and Callie felt her heart suddenly start to pound so hard, she was pretty sure he could hear it in the silence of the night. She swallowed, feeling like she should have a witty comeback at the ready, but words were beyond her at that moment. Completely and totally beyond her. All she could do was feel. Anticipate.

  He raised a hand to her neck, his thumb under her chin, tilting her face up to his. “If you don’t want this, you have about two seconds to tell me so,” he murmured.

  She didn’t say a word. Didn’t even move.

  He slowly lowered his head and that first sweet touch of his warm, firm lips against hers was hands down the best, most memorable physical contact Callie had ever experienced. Her hands moved up to his chest and fisted handfuls of his sweatshirt while her stomach clenched and her eyelids slid closed in delight.

  He brushed his lips slowly back and forth against hers, his touch light but sensual. She had to force herself to breathe because her body seemed to have forgotten that was an involuntary reflex. Vince brought his hands up and cupped her head, tilting it to just the right angle as he increased the pressure, slowly but surely laying claim to her mouth. He was branding her with his skillful kiss, making her his, and she welcomed it.

  She pressed closer, still clutching his shirt. He sucked gently at her full bottom lip, then slowly drew back, raising his head just enough to look into her eyes.

  “I’ve heard it could be like this,” he almost whispered. “But it never has been before.”

  Callie slid her arms around his neck, rising onto her tip-toes. “Again,” she begged, because she hadn’t had anywhere near enough.

  He obliged, his big hand cradling the back of her head as he dropped his mouth back down to hers. This time he took it deeper, his tongue tangling with hers as he ran his other hand down her back, drawing her closer. For a long mind-numbing minute, Callie was completely lost in the amazing kiss. Nothing had ever compared to it. Not even close.

  She pushed her fingers into his soft, thick hair, gradually becoming aware that she now knew what it was like to crave a man with every molecule of her being. And, also
confirming her earlier suspicion that temptation would take on a whole new meaning with Vince Abbot.

  That thought led her to reluctantly pull away, breaking the kiss and then immediately missing the contact. She exhaled shakily and stared up at him, her hands sliding down to rest again on his chest.

  “Wow,” she whispered, hardly able to believe she’d just been kissed—and kissed so very well—by none other than Vince Abbot. She managed a weak smile. “I think you might be a very dangerous man, Vince.”

  He tucked her hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering on her neck before trailing over her shoulder blade and on down to her waist.

  “As first kisses go, Callie,” he said, his voice on the gravelly side, “that was epic.”

  She raised her brows teasingly. “Only epic? I was thinking more like earth-shattering.”

  His low groan of agreement made her shiver. “That works, too. Epically earth-shattering.” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. “D’you think there’s any chance the second round will be as good as the first?”

  She grinned and quickly backed up a step. “I think there’s a pretty good chance, but we’d better not put it to the test just yet.” She pressed her lips together, wanting to hold onto the incredible feel and taste of him. She gave him a shy smile. “I think I need some time to process everything. You blew my mind a little bit with that.”

  He accepted her hesitation, as she’d known he would. She trusted him completely—it was her own heated reaction that had her rattled.

  He grabbed her hand and started toward the house. “So…..now that we’ve kissed, will it be any easier for you to call me your boyfriend?”

  There was a smile in his voice and Callie giggled, appreciating his attempt to keep things light so she didn’t go too far inside her own head.

  She threaded her fingers through his and leaned her head against his arm. “If it keeps all the other girls away from you, I’ll call you boyfriend all day long.”

  “Good. Just don’t get carried away and start posting selfies of us together. Not unless you want the Minneapolis-St. Paul sports and entertainment press to know we’re an item. I mean, it’s fine with me if they find out. I’m just trying to protect you in case you want to stay below the radar for a while.”