To Protect Her Son

by Stella MacLean

  “Let’s go inside,” he said, smoothing her hair from her tearstained face.

  Once inside, Nate and Sherri hugged each other—a hug Nate desperately needed at the moment. Sherri put a pot of coffee on, and poured each of them a cup. Without saying much they sat at the kitchen table, nobody touching their coffee.

  “We’d better talk about this before the boys come back,” Nate said, glancing from his sister to his cousin. “They don’t need to hear the news all over again.”

  They reviewed what the doctor had told Anna, the concern being how Anna would manage to continue in her job at the town hall, and what she and the boys would face in the months ahead as they began to experience the impact of this diagnosis.

  “I have to call Neill. He’s been in the OR all afternoon, but I’m sure he’ll be able to help us,” Sherri said.

  Anna reached across the table and took Sherri’s hand. “Thank you for that.”

  They were still staring at their coffee cups when the doorbell rang.

  “I’ll get it,” Nate said, already out of his chair and headed for the door.

  “It’s probably the boys back from their pizza outing,” Anna said, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

  Nate opened the door. “Gayle.” His breath came in a short gasp. “What are you doing here?”

  She held a casserole dish out to him. “I was at the clinic today...thought you might need something to eat.”

  “Yes. Yes.” He reached for the casserole carrier. “Thank you.”

  He stood awkwardly staring down at her, wishing he could think of something to get her to stay. But his thoughts were all tangled up with Anna. “Wait a minute while I put this in the kitchen.”

  He strode to the kitchen, the casserole in his hands.

  “Who sent us this?” Anna asked as he slid the dish onto the granite counter next to the table.

  “It’s Gayle.”

  Anna got up quickly from her chair. “Did she leave? I can’t imagine that. She was so kind to me today. She brought the boys home from school.”

  “I know,” he said, and without another word he headed back to the front door. In the background he could hear Anna ask Sherri if he was all right, that it wasn’t like her brother to leave someone standing at the door.

  He was definitely not all right on a variety of fronts, one of them being the woman waiting at the door. “I’m so sorry. You must think I’m a little crazy abandoning you like this.”

  “You have reason to be a little crazy. And you didn’t leave me—I could have walked in behind you. I didn’t because I don’t want to impose at a time like this.”

  “You’re not imposing, really.”

  Her worried expression was unmistakable. “You look completely exhausted, and I know Anna’s tired.”

  “Everyone is,” he said, a thought rising quickly in his mind. “But I would really like a chance to talk to you.”

  * * *

  GAYLE STEPPED BACK OUTSIDE, clutching her purse close as she did so. “Is this about Adam?”

  Was he really thinking about her problems with Adam in the middle of Anna’s worst nightmare? What was wrong with this man? She looked him over carefully. There were blue bowls of fatigue under his eyes. His hair was unkempt, his clothes wrinkled. “You came straight here from your seminar, didn’t you?”

  He scrubbed his face with the palms of his hands. “I did.”

  She couldn’t get over how lost he looked, how totally vulnerable... “You haven’t been sleeping well, have you?”

  He gave her a half smile. “It’s that obvious, is it?”

  “It’s that obvious,” she affirmed, nodding. “I have an idea. Would you like to come over to my house later? I’m a good listener, and it might help you adjust to all this.”

  His surprised glance caught her off guard. “Adam is studying with one of his classmates, and he won’t be home for another hour or so. And unless you’re needed here, it might be easier for you if you talked to someone who’s not a family member.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yes. You need a chance to absorb the shock of all this. Anna will need you more in the coming months.”

  He cocked his hands on his hips. His jaw worked. He seemed to be making up his mind about something. “I’d like that one hell of a lot. Do you want to come in?”

  A part of her would love to be included, to be part of a real family. The other part of her knew that Anna needed her brother right now. Gayle wouldn’t impose. She would wait until Anna had had time to get used to the idea that she had Parkinson’s, and then she’d invite her to dinner and a chance to talk. “No. But the casserole goes in a three-hundred-and-fifty-degree oven for forty minutes.”

  “Thanks for that,” he said, making her feel good about her gesture.

  “Meet me at my house when you’re ready,” she said, offering him a smile of encouragement.

  “I will.”

  She heard the front door close as she went down the walkway to her car, her feelings a jumbled mass of contradictions. She liked this man very much, but she didn’t like how he’d made her feel the other day. He was kind to her in so many ways, and yet he could be stern and difficult.

  Welcome to the world of men.

  She drove home slowly, wishing that she had gone in for a few minutes, if only to say hello to Anna and Sherri. Yet that old sense of not belonging had made her reject Nate’s invitation without thinking. At least she was aware of how she behaved, and with recognition came the chance to change her response...next time, maybe.

  She had just pulled into her driveway when she saw Nate’s car drive up to the curb. She hadn’t expected to see him for at least a couple of hours. Was he as anxious to see her as she was to see him?

  Secretly pleased at the thought, she called to him when he got out of the car. “You must know a shortcut to my house.”

  “Yeah, I do,” he said as he walked slowly up her driveway, leaning on his cane more than usual. His eyes were assessing her in a frankly appreciative way.

  Wow!

  No man had looked at her that way in a very long time. She shouldn’t feel so happy when her friend had experienced such a frightening diagnosis, but something in the way he moved toward her made her feel so lighthearted she wanted to sing.

  How corny was that?

  They went into the house together. She offered coffee, which he refused, and they settled down on the sofa in the living room. She hadn’t sat this close to a man she really liked in a long time, and it made her feel so very happy. He seemed more at ease with her than he had in weeks, and she liked the idea that they might soon be more than friends. In fact, under different circumstances she’d be fantasizing about their next kiss.

  “This is just what I need,” he said, resting his arm on the back of the sofa, his hand inches from her shoulder. “It’s been a long day for all of us.”

  He seemed almost lost, his expression sad. She wanted to move closer to him, to offer comfort. “Want to talk about it?”

  His glance was speculative. “Yeah, I do. I’m not much of a talker when it comes to myself.”

  “I gathered that,” she said wryly.

  He gave her that appreciative glance again, making her toes curl in her shoes. “The cop in me, I suppose.”

  She watched with concern when his hand moved from the back of the sofa to his face. He rubbed his cheek vigorously without saying a word.

  “I want to help. What can I do?”

  His hand returned to the back of the sofa, his fingers playing with the ribbed binding along the top edge. “Anna and I have always been close. Kevin was the brother I never had. Silas and Jeremy are more like my sons than my nephews. I couldn’t love them more than I do right this minute.”

  The anguish in his eyes had he
r scrambling for words of consolation. “You’re very close.”

  “That would be an understatement.”

  She wanted to touch his fingers, his cheek, any part of him that would make the connection to him that she was feeling right now complete. “She’ll be okay, won’t she? I mean, she will have a lot to deal with in the coming years, but she has family and friends and good medical care.”

  “I don’t know. I just don’t know. She’s strong. She’s always been strong, but everyone has a breaking point. Kevin is gone, and she loved him so much. She has to face raising her boys alone while learning to cope with a serious illness. And God knows how long she’ll be able to work. I’m seriously worried about her finances, especially once she needs more expensive care. I went through something similar, but my costs were covered. I’ll have to look into her insurance for her and see what she has. Her house will have to be fitted out for wheelchair ramps. She’ll need aids to do even the normal things around the house...”

  Unable to bear the desperate look in his eyes, she clutched his hand in hers, her fingers automatically rubbing the back. “Don’t do that to yourself.”

  His eyes locked on hers, and it was as if she were looking into his soul. The pain and agony she saw there closed her throat.

  He clung to her hand. “You’re right. I’m usually much better at controlling my feelings, but this is my sister...”

  His look begged her to understand, to help him. She’d never seen a man so vulnerable. It was as if his vulnerability was a precious gift he offered her. As unfamiliar as this was to her, she felt they were both embarking on a new phase of their relationship. She was not just Adam’s mother, but a woman who would be his friend and supporter. The bond between them offered a shield from the outside world.

  In that split second of connection, she knew without reservation that she cared a great deal for Nate. Was it love? She wasn’t sure.

  “I understand,” she murmured, her hand reaching to touch his cheek. “I understand.”

  He pulled her into his arms and buried his face in her shoulder.

  * * *

  WITH DERRICK LITTLE’S HELP, Adam had managed to finish his science essay. It had been a tough go, but he was feeling pretty accomplished when he came cruising up his street on his bicycle. He braked hard when he spotted Nate’s car in front of his house. Holy crap! Nate didn’t like to be kept waiting. Oddly enough, one of the things he liked most about Nate was that he didn’t take any guff from him or any of his friends.

  But wait a minute. He didn’t have an appointment with Nate until tomorrow after school. He walked his bike up the driveway and locked it to the drain spout. He didn’t understand what his mom saw in this old house, but probably its biggest attraction was that she hadn’t had to pay for it. Neither he nor his mom had ever inherited anything before, and he kind of liked the idea that he was in a house now. Back in Anaheim they’d only lived in apartments, something he’d never questioned until he had his own room and his own bathroom in this rambling old place they now called home.

  He lifted his backpack off his shoulders as he went in the back door, wondering what Nate was doing here with his mother. “I’m home,” he said, on the really weird chance that the two of them were up to something they wouldn’t want him to see. He had never imagined his mother alone with a man. Yet he knew she was lonely. How would he feel if she started dating someone? Probably okay... He remembered the night at the restaurant and the dessert thing. He was pretty sure if he hadn’t kept pushing them, he wouldn’t have had dessert. He was glad he had, though. The chocolate cake had been awesome.

  His mom was going to be part of Nate’s cousin’s wedding party. Maybe that was why he was at their house. Thinking about the wedding reminded him that he’d get a chance to spend time around Morgan without his other classmates seeing him. They’d gotten together to study after school a few days ago, and she was fun to be around. She’d even laughed at his jokes. But best of all, when he’d asked her about the dance, she’d said her dad was dropping her off, and he could come with her if he wanted to. He’d walk into the dance with her and let his friends think it was a real date. Good enough for him—at least for now.

  When he reached the living room he stopped. Nate was looking as though he’d fallen off a skateboard and hit his head. His mom had tears in her eyes.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, expecting to be shooed away up to his room while they continued their conversation.

  “Adam, come and sit with us,” his mother said, pointing to the armchair next to the sofa. “We’ve got some news.”

  He sat down on the chair she offered, sitting on the very edge just in case he needed to escape to his room.

  “Anna was at the clinic today, and she has Parkinson’s,” his mother said, her voice shaking a little. The way his mother was acting frightened Adam.

  “What does that mean?” He glanced from his mother to Nate.

  Nate leaned forward, his palms resting on his thighs. “It means that Jeremy and Silas are worried about their mom.”

  He knew Jeremy from school. He hadn’t made the basketball team either, but he was too short to play, in Adam’s opinion. “I’m really sorry to hear about Jeremy’s mom. He’s in my class. Maybe I could spend time with him. I mean, we could hang out together if Jeremy wanted.” Some of the guys he played pool with wouldn’t want him hanging out with a nerdy kid like Jeremy, but he didn’t care. He’d do anything to gain Nate’s respect.

  “That would be great, Adam,” Nate said. “I’m sure he’d appreciate you being there for him.”

  Adam recognized the gratitude in Nate’s eyes, and felt good. Real good. For a change, he kind of liked being the one to help out, not the one who needed help. “You can count on me.”

  His mother got up and came over, putting her arms around his neck and embarrassing him totally. But he really didn’t mind, because she seemed so much happier since they’d moved here, and tonight she was especially pleased with him...and happy. He liked his mom to be happy.

  “Adam, I’m so proud of you. You’ll make a difference in Jeremy’s life.”

  He pulled back and smiled up at her. “That’s cool, Mom, but I got to get up to my room and finish my homework.” He didn’t really, but he wasn’t very comfortable with all this hugging.

  He had only made it to the landing on the stairs when he heard his mom and Nate talking in quiet tones. Could his mom be attracted to Nate? She hadn’t had a boyfriend for as long as he could remember, and he secretly believed that his mom still loved his dad, even though he was dead.

  He had to admit that it was a little strange, the whole love thing. He sighed as he went to his room.

  * * *

  OVER THE NEXT two weeks, Adam spent time with Jeremy, and was surprised to find he really enjoyed his company. They talked about Jeremy’s dad a lot, making Adam wish he could talk about his dad and what he was like. He’d spent last evening in his room looking for the trawler accident his father was involved in, but couldn’t find it anywhere on the internet. As for the name Harry Sawyer, there were only two others, and they were both young men who lived in New York. He wasn’t very good at searching the internet. He would ask Jeremy how to do a better search when he saw him in class tomorrow. His friend knew all about the internet.

  As he went into the house after a long day at school, made longer by a surprise math test, Adam found his mother in the kitchen starting dinner.

  “You’d better get a move on. Nate is due here to pick you up in about an hour.”

  He’d forgotten all about that. “Yeah, we’re going to the fisherman’s museum on the road to Henderson’s Wharf,” he said, wishing he didn’t have to go. Having Jeremy as a friend made him want to talk to his mom about his dad. She hadn’t told him very much, but he planned to change that. Tonight would be a good time to start. They might even b
e able to do some research together on the internet.

  “How are you and Jeremy making out? Do you see much of him in school?”

  “Yeah. Mom, he talks about his dad a lot. And I was wondering if you could tell me a little more about Dad. Or about the trawler accident.”

  She glanced quickly at him. “Your dad’s body was never found. I didn’t go up to Alaska because I couldn’t afford it. Your dad didn’t leave much behind when he went out on the boats.”

  “Mom, what would I do if anything happened to you? Where would I look for my family? You told me that Dad didn’t have any brothers or sisters, but he must have had cousins or some relatives.”

  She hadn’t told her son much of anything, not even Harry’s last name. She had allowed Adam to assume that she’d kept her married name when she hadn’t. Now it seemed to have been a serious mistake on her part, one she couldn’t correct without serious repercussions. “Why are you bringing this up now?”

  “I don’t know. It’s just that I listen to Jeremy talk about his family and how close they are. He told me what it was like when his dad died overseas and how lonesome he was. He said that Nate was really good to him. I’d like to have some family. Any family.” He looked at her, and suddenly, for no reason, he felt so angry he could hardly breathe.

  “Adam, let’s talk about this later. Right now you have to get ready to go with Nate...”

  Adam banged his fist on the table, making his mom jump in surprise, but he couldn’t seem to care. “Mom. I want to know about my dad. You must have something of his you saved for me. I want to feel better about myself, and knowing more about my dad would make me feel better,” he pleaded.

  His mother stared him straight in the eye. “I will not have you banging your fists on the table, and I don’t have anything of your father’s to give you.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  The doorbell interrupted their argument. “I’ll get it,” Adam grouched as he went to answer it. He was really glad to see Nate standing there. “You gotta help me with Mom.”