Balder

by Camille Oster

  "Come to bed, my love," she said, her breath, tickling along his skin. Pulling his hand, she drew him away from the window and toward the bed. "There is nothing out there for us to worry about, and if there is, we will see them coming. It is a minor threat, I swear. Nothing will come between us. I will look in the divining bowl later."

  As he came to her, she accepted him in her arms, and he felt the whole of her body to his. Tension dripped off him with his need to lay with her. With light kisses pressing to his chest, he closed his eyes. The blanket dropped away and he stood naked for her. She liked him naked, liked watching him. Said he had a light in him that shone even in the darkness.

  Sitting back, she drew herself up the bed and waited for him, her legs parting in welcome. Heat tensed every part of his body as he came to her.

  Chapter 4

  IN THE DIVINING BOWL, Hel saw a man—not a man, a god. She didn't know his name or who he was, but he had the bearing and inner light of a god—nothing like her Balder. This was a significant change. There was a god walking the world, and there hadn't been for a long time. Where had he come from? How was he here?

  Through the bowl, she could also see that he was with the humans. He was the reason the humans were venturing south, building their towns in fertile soils where the sun shone warmly. He was the reason the Draugrs were gone.

  More importantly, why had he been awoken? Searching, she could see no other gods walking the world. Asgard was still a charred and barren wasteland. The Bifrost was destroyed and all else was quiet.

  The larger question was what to do. One single god was having a substantial impact on the world, but not necessarily a bad one. He alone couldn't ride on Helheim, but that didn't mean he wasn’t a threat.

  The god had taken a human lover and he was happy with her. Through the bowl, she saw them kiss and he had built her a hall, surrounded by a human town. The god and the humans were together. That was unusual. Balder was the god who had been closest to the humans, but this man was building his hall in their midst. It only proved that her vision was correct and he was alone.

  For a moment, she wondered what to do with him. A god returning to the world was a big change and she wasn't sure she wanted it. This change would have waves that rippled through the whole of the world—it already had. But the humans were replenishing and it was because of this man.

  Still, there was an urge in her to kill him, to preserve the world exactly as it was. For a long time, she had been the only goddess of power in this world. This world had been hers, even if she hadn't done much with it. She had liked it that way, but now a new god was born—or restored. A frisson of discomfort ran through her. Change was change, and it brought either good or bad.

  Leaving the divining bowl, she returned to the main hall where Balder sat at the table. Ganglati served him, as ever, not in any hurry at all. Balder was used to showing patience when it came to the servants.

  "What did you see?" he asked, turning his blue eyes to her. His hair was like spun gold and his skin still having the sun-kissed tone he'd had the day he had been murdered. Unlike humans, he had never been drained of blood and lived like he had used to. The shoes kept him confined to Helheim, but he didn't need them. He wouldn't leave her.

  "A god walks in Midgard."

  Balder's eyebrows rose. "Who?"

  "I don't know," she said.

  "What does he look like?"

  Hel described him, but to Hel's relief, Balder didn't seem able to identify him. "He is making his place with the humans." Slowly he nodded.

  In a way, Balder seemed pleased. Knowing there was a god walking Midgard made him more at ease now that they had identified the threat they had perceived. Unfortunately, she was not as relieved. She didn't like this development. Balder would never agree to him being eliminated. It wasn't in his character. He was giving and accepting, and always expected the best outcome. The world simply didn't work that way—which was why he had ended up in Helheim in the first place. In a sense, she was glad, because of his murder by his brother Hoder, he was now here with her instead of dead along with all the others—except this god that now roamed Midgard.

  The hound barked and Hel froze. Someone was approaching her gate. The dog would not bark otherwise.

  "We have a visitor," Balder said with pleasure. "It has been a very long time since we've had a visitor."

  It had to be this god. There was no one else, unless one of the Norns would come to her gate, but they never left the Well or Urd. And it certainly wasn't Ratatosk, the squirrel that annoyed Nidhogg so much. But someone was at the door.

  "Go let them in," Hel ordered Ganglati. This god had come to present himself, it seemed. "We are to receive visitors."

  Moving from the table, she sat down on her throne and as expected, Balder sat in the chair next to her. They waited in tense anticipation, while Hel wondered how she would kill this god if she needed to. Balder, ever the optimist, expected nothing of the kind. He perceived threats, but never expected them.

  After a while, mostly due to Ganglati's laziness and incompetence, the god appeared. Blond hair in waves flowing past his shoulders. Not the sheer gold of Balder, but a handsome man. Thick and strong. He stopped and bowed.

  He wore armor of leather and at his side sat a hammer Hel knew well enough. So did Balder.

  "You have my brother's hammer, stranger," Balder stated.

  "Yes, brother, I have our brother Thor's hammer."

  There was silence for a while. Hel's insides cringed. This was not some remote god, this was a son of Odin.

  "Who are you?" Balder asked.

  "My name is Vali. Odin is my father."

  "I do not know you."

  She sensed both tension and curiosity in Balder.

  "I was born to avenge your death."

  Silence stretched for a while before Balder spoke. "Hoder. Did you avenge me? Did you kill your own brother?"

  "Yes, it was my destiny."

  Balder would not approve of this. Retribution was not in him, but Hel felt it justified. Retribution she understood well. It was critical and necessary.

  "Now I have come to restore you, my brother," the man said.

  Hel's insides clenched. "No!" she roared. "He belongs to me."

  The man, Vali, turned his attention to her and bowed.

  "I have come to ensure you keep to your word, Goddess Hel, and release my brother. Your word says that if nothing objects, he will be restored. There is nothing to object."

  "That is not what I said."

  "I apologize, Goddess. Your exact words were that if everything wished for him to be restored, he would be."

  "That was a long time ago."

  "But your word still stands, and there is no one who now doesn't want Balder to be restored."

  "I do not wish to be restored," Balder said.

  At this, Hel smiled. Balder didn't wish to be without her. Vali obviously hadn't anticipated that.

  Vali walked closer. "That be as it may. Once restored, you have the ability to do as you wish. But we do have things to do."

  "Such as?" Hel challenged.

  "To rebuild the world."

  "The world is doing fine without us, brother."

  "No, it was not. Midgard was overrun with creatures sucking the blood of any humans they could find. They hid in the snow. It was the reason they raised me, to help them against these creatures."

  "What creatures?" Balder asked.

  "Draugrs."

  "Someone raised Draugrs? Did you know of this, my love?" Balder asked, turning to her.

  With deep annoyance, Hel searched for an explanation, but didn't find one. She hadn't told him and he wouldn't like that. "I knew. I didn't want to worry you for there was nothing you could do. There was nothing I could do. I did not have a weapon such as Draupnir," she said, pointing to Thor’s hammer.

  "Then the humans are lucky they raised you," Balder said. "Quite a feat to destroy the Draugrs overrunning Midgard. It will be remembered by the poet
s, I'm sure."

  "Yes, the poets are remembering," Vali said with a smile. "And they will remember your return as well."

  "I do not wish to leave," Balder said with such firmness it pleased her.

  "There is your answer, Vali, son of Odin," she stated to the intruder.

  The man turned his attention to her. "But that is not your word. Balder must be restored. If he wishes to return, then he may do so. But first we must honor our dead."

  That would get Balder. He believed in such things. "I do not wish to leave you, my love," Balder said. "But I have duties to my father."

  "You would leave me alone?" she asked, feeling rejection biting into her. After all this time, how could he consider leaving her?

  "Once it is done, I will return to you."

  "No, I cannot be without you." Balder was wavering, so she continued. "Vali is here to do any honouring that must be done to your father."

  "But come see what I have built. Come meet my wife."

  "You have taken a wife?"

  "A human. Lily."

  "I will wilt if you leave me, my love," Hel said softly. If it wasn't for the hammer, she could smite this man, but the hammer made him stronger. This man was intent in his mission, that much was certain. And he had her at her word. It meant something, even to her. Her word had always been law, and it would cease to be if she broke it herself. Balder had to be restored, but he would come back. He would come to her. It was only hours he could manage to be without her. It was the need of centuries.

  "I will honor my father and I will return."

  It did hurt her that he would even consider it, but she also knew that his sense of duty was strong, stronger than anything he wanted. If she denied him this, the opportunity to honor his father, he would resent her. It would creep in. Resentment crept in and built over centuries and it would take work to cleanse him of it.

  Chapter 5

  DISPLEASURE MARRED HIS love's face as the shoes on his feet unclasped. She wasn't happy and it ripped his heart to see it. No, he couldn't go, he decided, but as he turned to this man, his brother, he knew he had to do his duty to his father.

  On one hand, he was very excited that a brother had appeared—one he didn't know about, who had been born after his death. Born to avenge him against another brother. Sadness filtered through, but it never fully took root. Why was that? Was it so long ago he felt nothing substantial about them? Even this man, this brother, he felt nothing for other than mere curiosity.

  Gods were returning to the world, to start a new cycle after all the destruction. He and Hel would be a part of that. This was the future for them. Obviously, he and Hel could not birth children, but this man, Vali, had taken a human wife. Most likely, there would be children to fill the world with gods again. It was very exciting.

  Walking over to Hel, he kissed her, feeling the familiar pleasure that surged through his mind. "I will return as fast as I can," he promised. "We will have a place in this new world."

  "We already have the new world," she said. She was angry. Every little nuance of her voice told him about how she felt, and this newcomer didn't please her. But she was wrong. This was the new beginning they had all been waiting for.

  Turning around sharply, he felt the also familiar tug of when she shifted away from him. Normally, it was the other way around, where she walked away from him, but this time, it was him that was leaving. He was walking out the Hel's gate and he would be restored.

  It didn't mean much to him, because he planned to be back as soon as he could. In the back of his mind, though, he knew this was happening because she had given her word a long time ago. Not long after he had died, his family had attempted to rescue him, but it had failed. His family was finally carrying through with their promise, in the guise of a brother he had never known. There was no one to object and Hel knew it. So now he walked a free man, but freedom meant very little to him. This is where he wanted to be, and where he would return.

  Unease filled him as he joined his brother on a white horse.

  "Take us home, Hofbrun," Vali said and Balder studied this man who was his brother. He was handsome and strong, and there were features of Odin in him. The grief for his father didn't really clench him either. Perhaps it was so long ago these old feelings could not compete with the love he felt for Hel, and the distress of having to leave her.

  Slowly the horse walked toward the gate and crossed its threshold. He felt no different although he knew he was fully alive now—in every part of the world. Hel had never drained him, had never done any of the things that would stop him from ever coming back alive. It was her gate that had brought the heartbeat back to his body and it pounded powerfully in his chest, but it ached to turn around and go back.

  For a moment, panic seared through him, but he was also so very curious about this new world. Humans were depleted Hel had said, Draugrs having been unleashed on them. This was disturbing. Hel had known, but she hadn't had the power to destroy them. Concern stirred in the back of his mind, but it refused to float to the surface.

  "Why do you have a white horse that is called brown?"

  "He used to be brown. Quelled his thirst in the Well of Urd."

  That did explain it. Most living creatures turned white consuming the waters of the well.

  Blackness and wind existed away from Hel's oasis. Balder had never seen this land. The wind howled and screamed, dust flew into his eyes until they wept. A far cry from the beauty of Asgard. At times his soul wept with longing for his old home and family. Neither were there anymore. Asgard was charred and barren, and his family were all lost—except now for this man. Would they be friends? Would they be brothers? Would Vali love Hel as much as he did? How could he not marvel at her magnificence?

  They arrived at the covered bridge with the icy waters as sharp as knives. Hel used this river to travel to Midgard to claim the dead. He had imagined it a million times, but now he actually saw it. Soon, he would see this with her; he would see everything with her—the new lands in Midgard, maybe new lands in… There was perhaps nowhere else to focus. Midgard had risen from the seas and was fertile again. Perhaps Midgard would be the future of the gods—and Helheim, of course.

  Sounds of despair floated up from the river as they crossed the bridge. There had used to be a guardian on this bridge, he knew, but they were gone now.

  Beyond the bridge, darkness pressed on them and they saw nothing. Even the stillness that ascended was disconcerting. Their voices drifted into the darkness and simply absorbed.

  "It will be some days’ ride," Vali said. "We will sleep at the Well of Urd tonight."

  These were places Balder had known about all his life, but had never seen. Now he would. Excitement filled him, but deeply within his chest, he ached for Hel, for being back in her bed and worshipping her body.

  The darkness stretched for countless hours, but Vali's steed was true in step. It led them forward and eventually, light was seen in the distance, growing brighter as they approached. The Well of Urd was beautiful. All things seemed to have its own light and every color in existence shone off the sparkling waters. Color undulated like winds in the sky around them, and across the surface of the water.

  A giant swan glid across the water. "Do you seek your fortune?" it asked.

  "No, friend," Vali said. "Simply a place to stay out of the darkness for a night."

  "Perhaps for the best," the swan said and drifted away, skirting sideways as a big drop of water fell from the sky. Vali took a step back as the wave washed up the shore.

  "The last time I saw those hags, they just about killed me,” Vali said.

  "Why did you seek them?"

  "I wanted to restore my family."

  "In a small way, you have achieved that, I suppose. One family member, at least."

  "One is better than none."

  "You have missed them."

  "Yes," Vali agreed. "It took me some time to think of you, and some more to ask living creatures great and small to agre
e to your restoration. Proved unnecessary as Hel didn't even ask them."

  "She knew the only person who objected is not there now."

  "No, Loki is dead and gone from this world. We are better off in a world without him."

  "There are no enemies in this world," Balder said brightly, but the expression Vali returned didn't match his.

  "Perhaps not, brother, but someone released the Draugr on Midgard, which decimated the humans. They were very close to perishing. I would say their survival is not yet assured."

  "But you will guard them," Balder said. "I was a friend to the humans when I lived."

  "I know," Vali stated. "Rest now. We have a hard day's ride tomorrow, through more desolate land."

  Vali walked away and started a fire by which to sleep. Balder stayed at the lake's edge, still marveling at the beauty before him. Everything shone and the trunk of the tree stretched up before him, further than his eyes could see. Yggdrasil, the tree of the world, to which all their realms were attached. The eagle at the top of the tree lived, as did Ratatosk the squirrel, the creature who traveled the length of the tree. Their ongoing battles and squabbles with Nidhogg he knew about.

  The creatures were all there, it was just the gods that needed to return, and now there were three. Vali, him and Hel.

  Turning back, he laid down by the fire and closed his eyes. Need for Hel bit through him. His hands ached for her, his body longed for her touch. Discomfort bit his heart as he now slept without her. Exactly what he must do to alleviate his guilt, he didn't yet know, but he wished for it to happen quickly, so he could return to Helheim, where he wanted to be.

  He couldn't rightly say he belonged there, because he was the son of Odin, and it was not the place for sons of Odin, but Asgard was gone, so perhaps there was no place for the sons of Odin. Vali was building a new place in Midgard with the humans. Maybe in this cycle, gods and humans would live together. Who was to say what this cycle would be? They had to create it from ashes. None of the old ways had to be held to.