Balder

by Camille Oster

  Maybe he could even find some way to bring life to Hel's body. Could there be some magic in the world that could restore her? The Norns would know, but they were tricky creatures and he could well be giving up this life he had just been given back. It was something he kept in the back of his mind, and perhaps he would return here if he found nothing else.

  Chapter 6

  THE RAGGED AND TORN edges of the Bifrost was heartbreaking to see. It was the first real proof that the world Balder had known was gone. The bridge that led between Asgard and Midgard was no more. He knew this, but it was different to see it. It bit into his heart.

  "Have you been to Asgard?" he asked Vali.

  "Yes. There is nothing there but char."

  Urging his horse forward, they approached a river and the horse plunged in. Balder felt as if he wasn't ready to leave, but Vali was not lingering. Perhaps he didn't like seeing the destruction either.

  Travel to Asgard would be difficult without the Bifrost. If it could be rebuilt, he didn't know. How had it been built in the first place? There was no wisdom to be had about such things.

  From the water, they emerged in a green land. Lush grass and a gentle breeze. Compared to the barren and destroyed lands they'd ridden through, this was abundant. Birds chirped from the trees and the sun shone.

  He could see why Vali wanted to be here. His woman was here, while Balder's was in Helheim, which looked nothing like Midgard now did.

  There was no one around as they rode slowly through the countryside. Balder could tell Vali was eager to return. Finally in the distance, they saw a hill, upon which Vali had built his hall. Cottages surrounded it, and growing fields beyond that.

  "You have built yourself a comfortable life here," Balder said.

  "As much as I can."

  "The humans seek your guidance."

  "I don't quite know what they seek. Protection perhaps."

  "Is there anything threatening them?"

  "Only wolves and bears now. Beyond that, it is a slow and sedate life."

  Balder watched the wheat fields swaying in the wind as they rode past. This was not a place that suited Hel. It would be death stalking a place that was all about life.

  His heart clenched thinking about her, and the discomfort he tried to quell surged. Closing his eyes, he imagined being in her arms, feeling her body beneath him. This had to be done quickly, because he needed to return. As interesting as it was to see the world beyond what he had known for countless centuries, he needed to return to the small, cramped space that existed between him and her. It wasn't cramped in actuality; it just felt like it with the pressing shadows and biting winds.

  Midgard was so different. This was open and gentle, ready to support and nurture. Children ran in the distance. It had been a long time since he'd seen children and the reminder of his own bit into his heart. Forseti, lost like everyone else. It had been a long time since the boy had come into his mind. These things faded. Forseti—and Nanna. It had been a long time since she had been in his mind, but she slipped away like she was claimed by the shadows. There was only Hel.

  The village had lively streets, stretching between cottages, barns and outhouses. Animals lived below and the family above. There were children wherever the eye turned—happy and healthy, growing strong and tall.

  "It is a handsome village," Balder stated. Hel had told him the humans were depleted, but they looked like they were thriving, but that was because Vali had slain the Draugr that preyed on them. Discomfort tickled along the edges of his consciousness, but returned to come into the light. There was so much that was just outside the life, but he was used to that. It was where he lived, a place of shadows and secrets.

  A wall surrounded the outside of the village, which kept the wilderness from the town during the nights. From the sounds of it, there was no other threat.

  Vali's hall was built with stone and timber and as they approached the entrance, a woman appeared, her gown flowing. Long, blond hair, tied back with a ribbon. Balder could see why Vali had fallen in love with her. Her bright eyes sparkled with mirth and happiness as she embraced Vali.

  His brother turned to him and introduced his woman. Lily, her name was and she embraced him too, which surprised him. It felt wrong. It wasn't Hel, but some stranger. Discomfort clawed inside him like an angry cat, but he didn't let it dictate to him.

  "Welcome," she said with a broad smile. "We are so pleased you are returned. Vali has searched and prepared for this for so long. And he has met with success." Proud eyes turned back upon her lover. "Come, we will feast. You must be hungry."

  "Yes," Vali said.

  Lily turned, her gown swaying about her as she walked.

  "She is with child," Balder said. He always knew when things were growing—felt it like a comfortable tingle. It had been such a long time since he'd felt the like, but it sparkled like gold in this town, and it sparkled around Lily.

  "Yes," Vali confirmed.

  "Congratulations, brother. Our family will grow. Hopefully the first of many."

  A look of concern was in the depth of Vali's eyes. Human women were not as strong as goddesses, they did not take pregnancy as well, often succumbing in the process. Vali was concerned about losing her. It was that little cruelty that came with human women, you could lose them in the process of building the family. The same concerns had been his at one time.

  The table was laden with fruit and meat. It was a heartening sight and it tasted much better than Hel's table. This food tasted of sunshine and abundance. Not magic.

  "How must we honor our father?" Balder said.

  "I don't know," Vali said.

  "We must do something—soon."

  "You are in a hurry?" Vali asked.

  "I must return. I must return soon." The sooner the better. The discomfort at being gone cut into every joy.

  "Why would you wish to return to such a dark and dreary place?"

  "Because she is there. I love her."

  "What of your wife, Nanna?"

  The name was like a spear in his head, recalling long lost emotion, but it seeped away. Nothing remained of her in his mind—her face, the sound of her voice. Even the memories of her were faded and blurry. She was simply a blurry figure which said or did very little.

  "Where is she?" Vali asked.

  "I don't know. She's gone." He tried to remember her, but he couldn't. He tried to remember the last time he'd seen her, but he couldn't. The memories were too faded.

  "She went with you to Helheim. You sailed on your ship together."

  Balder blinked. As he had been dead, it wasn't surprising he remembered nothing. He'd woken in Helheim, woken to Hel's unearthly beauty. At first, he had been unhappy, but it had melted away. He did not recall Nanna waking. No, that wasn't right. There was a memory of her trying to talk to him, but he had been too distracted by Hel. Nanna held no light to Hel's compelling beauty.

  Perhaps he should be ashamed of it, but he wasn't. Nanna had faded away, and she certainly wasn't in Helheim now. "I don't know where she is," he said.

  Taking a piece of fruit, she melted from his mind again as he bit into the pear and let the juices flow into his mouth. How he wished he could share this experience with Hel.

  "You would like Hel," he said after a while. "She is magnificent. Both light and dark. She is everything."

  Vali bit his lips together, but didn't say anything. "I am sure she is, brother," Vali finally said.

  But she wasn't life and that tore at Balder's heart. Her belly would never swell with child the way Lily's did. His offspring wouldn't be a part of this new cycle. Vali was the founder of this cycle and everything that was to come.

  "This is a handsome hall," he said, shaking off the morose thoughts that had infected him.

  "The first one was made of ice," Lily said. "It was beautiful."

  "But too cold for a human," Vali said, turning his eyes to his woman. Unknown things passed between them. Vali loved this woman. "It was where I slumber
ed. One of Freya's halls, I think. I don't know for sure."

  "How did you come to be there?"

  "I don't know. I don't recall."

  "Frozen in a block of ice. I thought he was dead, but he woke when I thawed the ice."

  "I almost killed her."

  Balder watched as they recounted their initial meeting.

  "Grief overcame me for a while. Lily rescued me."

  Smiling at the soft thought, Balder watched them. This brother of his had a soft heart beneath a hard exterior. He would make a good founder of this cycle, a father of many children to come.

  Chapter 7

  SOFT FURS LINED BALDER'S bed, underneath with soft wool blankets. It was a comfortable room with a view over the town below. From there, Balder could watch the children play and the men working in the fields, pulling oxen and sheering crops. The stores were building handsomely, preparing for the cooler weather of winter, when the land rested.

  As lovely and comforting as the sight was, Balder didn't feel comfortable. It annoyed him how Vali would not decide what they should do to pay tribute to their father. He dragged his feet, and each day, Balder's longing grew stronger.

  Dressing, he sought Vali in the main hall, looking over plans for some bridge the humans wanted to build somewhere away from the village, that would access new lands for cultivation as the village grew in size.

  Before his death, Balder had always wanted to live a slow and steady life like this. He could very happily have lived as the head and leader of a human village, but it wasn't done. Asgard was where the gods belonged, but there was no Asgard now. There were no rules now.

  "I must return, brother," Balder said. "You must give me one of your horses."

  "I cannot," Vali said, sitting down.

  Anger seeped into Balder. His brother refused to help him return. "Am I your prisoner?"

  "I believe you are not acting of your own accord. You are compelled."

  "Nonsense. You have no basis for saying such things."

  "I know much of the man you were before your death. You would cherish a place like this. You who helped the humans more than most gods that ever lived."

  "It is not my place now."

  "And neither is Helheim. The golden god, Odin's favorite son, does not belong in Helheim."

  Gritting his teeth together, Balder tried to control his temper. "You do not know me, brother. And it is time I return. When you decide what tribute we must create, I will return. Until such time, I must return." To Hel. Want for her itched along every inch of his skin. It had been too long since he'd breathed in her scent, felt her under his hands.

  "Your obsession with her isn't natural. It is magic that steers your mind."

  "Not true." Even as he said it, he knew that there was something correct about what Vali was saying, but he didn't want to believe it. Hel loved him and he loved her, and that was all there was to it. That was how he wanted it. What did it matter if thoughts of his wife and child melted in his head like snow in the fire? Even if she did use magic on him, he didn't object.

  "How do you know what is real?"

  "What I feel is real."

  "But it may not be. You might be pledging your life and your body to a woman you can't stand. Believe me, she is not pleasant either to look upon or to be around. She is cruel and careless."

  "Do not say such things, brother," Balder threatened.

  "Then prove your feelings are true. Break the enchantment and show your true feelings. How can anyone, including you, be assured of your true heart while her enchantment lasts? Prove the truth of your words."

  How dare he challenge him like this? Doubt him? It was an insult. "You doubt my word?"

  "I doubt the control you have over your words."

  With deepest indignity, Balder strode out of the hall into the sunshine outside. Anger clenched every part of his body. How dare Vali challenge him?

  Striding through town, the curious glances from the people followed him, until he reached the end of the town and stood at the start of the fields. For a moment, he wondered if he should steal one of the farming horses and ride it back to Helheim.

  The sunshine really was glorious. It warmed and soothed and for a moment, he let the anger seep away. He knew his mind was not his own. She interfered with his thoughts. But the love he felt for her would withstand that. That interference wasn't needed, and he would love her as much without it. It was her insecurity that made her put magic in his wine—fear that he would not love her of his own accord.

  Perhaps on some level, he feared it too, and that worried him beyond anything else. That clawing discomfort when she wasn't there, or right now, when he was away from her. The sheer relief when they were united again. That could all be false. He didn't know.

  On some level, he understood why Vali questioned their love. It would not be proven to anyone, including themselves as long as her enchantments were in place. She would never truly trust his love as long as the enchantments were acting on him.

  It still strived against everything in him to change things, but he saw the necessity of it. They would never be truly real, truly settled, until there was only honest truth between them.

  Still, it took him hours to return to Vali's hall, where Vali still sat at his table.

  "Perhaps you are right," Balder admitted when he returned. "I must prove that my love is real by breaking this enchantment. How can we do so?"

  Vali didn't speak for a moment. "Well, the Well or Urd would wipe away any enchantment, but you could come out as white as Hofbrun."

  "I do not wish to be white." In truth, he had at one time or another been accused of being proud of his features—his golden hair and skin. Many had said he was the handsomest of all the gods. Being utterly white would not appeal to him at all. "I would prefer some other way."

  "What else do we know that can break enchantments?"

  "Hel can."

  "Hel is hardly going to help you break her enchantments on you."

  "If I appeal to her, she will want to know my love is real."

  "She will fear it is not," Vali said. "Some other way is better, so you can judge without her influencing the enchantments on you. Hel could simply put new enchantments on you and you would be none the wiser. No, we need something like Kvasir's Mead." The mead of truths and poets. It could well wipe away any false truths. Odin had gone through a great deal to steal that mead.

  "We do not know where Odin kept it."

  "We know where very little is kept these days without searching for it. But there is someone who has watched where everything is hidden."

  "The eagle," Balder said. "But what reason has he to help us?"

  "Only his own reasons," Vali said. "We must speak to him and for him to see our quest as necessary."

  "Eagle rarely helps."

  "Then we will make him see reason."

  Balder wasn't convinced, but he was willing to give it a try. Or rather, there was no harm in trying. It felt like a step closer to returning to his love. "Then we will ride," Balder said.

  Standing, Vali went to speak to Lily. They were to return to Yggdrasil once more and Balder would prove his love.

  Following Vali to the stable, a horse was miraculously ready—after Vali had said there was no horse for him. It seemed Vali only provided when he wanted to.

  With a low growl, Balder regarded the beast. It was red with black legs. A very average horse. Not like his own horse, that had succumbed a long time ago. This average steed would have to do. If it was sufficiently strong to survive remained to be seen.

  They rode out of the town and along to the river they had emerged from some days back. Icy water rushed over them as they traveled to emerge at the footing of the lost Bifrost. Again sadness hit him at the sight of it. It was hard to travel to Asgard now, their horses unable to do so. Thor’s chariot could, but they didn’t need it for this.

  Vali had Thor's hammer at his side in case they needed to fight. It was never assured there would not be a fi
ght whenever dealing with any of the creatures of Yggdrasil.

  "Ratatosk," Vali called and they both looked up into the dark sky. Stars filled their eyes as they watched for movement.

  The squirrel arrived with a gush of wind.

  "Oh, and now there are two. Brothers reunited. I heard you had been down to Helheim, young Vali," the squirrel said, staring down at them from above. "And now you call me. I wonder what for."

  "We need to have words with Eagle," Balder said.

  "Beautiful Balder. How everyone cried when you died. Now you are restored, pried out of Hel's cold, dead hands."

  "She is neither cold nor dead," Balder said, jumping to her defense when she really was both.

  The lilting sound from the creature was laughing.

  "I have spent much time in Helheim, Squirrel," Balder said. "And much time with Nidhogg. The things he said. Eagle would be beside himself."

  The squirrel shifted sharply. If there was anything this creature traded in, it was gossip between the age-old foes of the Eagle and Nidhogg.

  "Such insults, I blushed for days."

  Ratatosk shifted again, but he didn't leave. "Tell me."

  "I cannot. For Eagle’s ears only."

  "Eagle will not come," Ratatosk said. "Vedrfolnir might, though."

  The hawk that dwelled with Eagle. From what Balder knew, it carried messages for the Eagle, who was large and cumbersome, and rarely wished to move unless it was attacking Nidhogg.

  They were going to stir the old rivalry and there would likely be another attack between the enemies. For a moment, Balder wondered if this was a good idea, but they attacked each other on a regular basis. Their pride and anger blinded them to many things.

  Chapter 8

  WITH SHARP STEPS, HEL paced back and forth. Shadows fled as she approached, slinking out of her way. Her mood was foul. That Balder had the strength to leave annoyed her. His want to be with her should have been stronger.

  With a huff, she turned around. "Leave it!" she yelled at Ganglati, who was trying to clear the table at glacial speed. Bowing, the man backed away, again moving annoyingly slow. Everything and everyone annoyed her. Today, she couldn't stand any of the people here. Why had she been burdened with having to deal with the most drab and empty creatures in the whole world? She deserved better.