The Pilot's Promise

by Pam Mantovani

  “You miss her. It’s in your voice whenever you talk about her.”

  Did she honestly believe he couldn't hear the loneliness in her voice whenever she asked about his family? “I'm happy for Anna. She and Quinn are good together.” He took a long swallow of warming beer. “But, yes, I guess I do miss her.” He waited for a beat. “Did you have no one when you were younger, Hailey?”

  “My mother had a cousin a few years younger. I stayed with her when I was little.”

  “Define little.”

  “When I was too young to take care of myself.”

  “And when were you old enough?”

  “I don’t remember the first time she explained that she would be gone and she’d hired a sitter to stay with me.” Hailey lifted a hand and pressed it to her temple, as if his questions were giving her a headache. It also reminded him once again of how lucky he and Anna had been to always have his mother to count on. “I guess I was ten.”

  “Ten years old.” He had to suck in a deep breath through clenched teeth. When he’d been ten the biggest problem he faced was mastering long division. “How long was she gone?”

  “A week I think.”

  “You think.”

  “Look, Andrew, this is what I’ve tried explaining to you. I wasn’t raised the way you were. Yes, my mother made sure there was someone at our place to take care of me. She really had little choice and the sitters did their job because she paid them. You were lucky to have your mother. Even if she’d had a career, I’d bet she would’ve made time for you and your sister.” She closed her eyes. “I really have no business becoming a mother.”

  He swung his legs around so he could face her. The pool water lapped cold water over his bare feet. Or was it his blood that ran cold? “What does that mean?”

  She shifted so her feet were also covered by lapping water. He saw misery, and what’s more, fear shinning in her gaze. “I don’t know how to be a mother. By her own admission, my mother wasn’t prepared to have a child. I think it’s obvious she had little interest in learning how beyond taking care of the necessities.”

  He considered all the arguments he could name. The fact that she had so much love locked inside of her. The fact that, in his experience and observation, few people knew the first thing about being a parent until they became one. The fact that she was the brightest person he knew and he didn’t doubt, for a single second, that she would research and study how to handle any and all situations.

  The fact that she didn’t have to be alone.

  “When you look at it that way, what makes you think I could be a father?” She blinked, obviously stunned by his question. He shrugged. “My father was gone more than he was home. So, like you I have little to no basis for how to be a parent.”

  “That’s the most skewed logic I’ve ever heard. Your father and my mother are two different people. There’s no comparison.”

  “Exactly.” He leaned over and kissed her, found it damned hard to stop when her lips warmed, softened, responded. “I may not have met your mother, but I can promise you’re nothing like her.”

  Chapter 5

  After a shower, where the memory of that poolside kiss played over and over in her mind, Hailey tried to clear her thoughts by breaking off the stems of the mushrooms she planned to stuff for a pre-dinner appetizer. She also didn’t want to think too much about Andrew’s assurance, his promise that she was nothing like her mother. And yet she couldn’t stop the notion – because she wanted so badly to trust him.

  She really wanted to hate him for making her wish and tempting her to believe.

  How could he claim that she was nothing like her mother? As he’d said, he’d never met Petty Officer First Class Lisa King.

  One of Hailey’s earliest memories was of her mother, in a white uniform, as she walked out the door. She’d lost count over the years of how many times she’d watched that same event play out. Hell, lately, since her mother had been stationed at the Norfolk Naval Station in Virginia, it was Hailey more often than not who walked away. On the rare times the two women bothered to spend time together.

  She poured olive oil in a heated pan, along with the minced stems and garlic. Once done to her liking, she set them aside to cool and began slicing the long tube of baguette bread for bruschetta.

  Unlike that memory of her mother, Hailey couldn’t pinpoint when she’d begun to cook. At first, due to age, interest and limited ability to shop for the right ingredients, she’d kept to simple recipes. When her various babysitters realized the kitchen was one task they hadn’t needed to take on, they’d been happy to sample and offer comments. Curiosity, and an innate need to compete, eventually compelled her to learn more complex dishes. She wouldn’t say cooking relaxed her, but it filled the time.

  She hadn’t seen Andrew in forty-three minutes.

  It should have felt strange to be in his sister’s house, making herself at home in the kitchen. Not knowing where he was, if he was even still around. For all she knew he could have left while she’d been in the shower. But she didn’t think so.

  She didn’t feel alone.

  The biggest problem is she wasn’t sure she wanted to be alone. For someone who’d learned to be independent, preferred it she corrected, it was a startling admission to realize she wanted his company. The stickiest point was deciding whether or not she wanted it for simply tonight or for longer.

  “Wow.” As if she’d conjured him, Andrew stood in the doorway. “This looks intense.”

  Hailey took a glance around the kitchen, managed to hold back a wince. It occurred to her they hadn’t had enough time together for her to cook for him before tonight.

  “If by intense you mean messy, yes. Don’t worry, I’ll clean up.”

  “By intense I mean it smells delicious.” He crossed the room, and his nimble fingers plucked up a slice of cheese before she could stop him.

  “Stop it,” she ordered. “You’re messing with my system and throwing off my proportions.”

  “You’re a geek even when you cook.”

  “Watch it buster or I won’t share.”

  “I’m not worried. You’re not the type to be selfish.”

  “Goes to show what you know,” she murmured while layering cheese on bread slices.

  He leaned forward, enough so that Hailey had to fight to hold still. His face was so close, his eyes dark and intent on hers. It would take only the smallest of moves for her lips to press against his.

  “I know you’ve never been selfish with me,” he said in the soft, seductive whisper that reminded her of everything they’d shared in bed.

  If only it was as simple as the physical attraction. Hailey knew it was more. For her anyway.

  She turned away from Andrew before he could see the words – the emotion – in her eyes. The words that weighted heavy in her heart and couldn’t roll off her tongue.

  She loved him.

  This was the real reason why she’d come to tell him about the baby. This was the reason why she couldn’t, wouldn’t, consider a future with him. Because she loved him she couldn’t risk disappointing him. Because she loved him, she couldn’t take the risk of being left behind when he could no longer accept that disappointment.

  She couldn’t let one person have that kind of power over her. Not anymore. Not now that she was an adult and in charge of her own comings and goings.

  “Hey,” he said in that caring tone of voice that had her heart tripping over the words she kept locked inside. “You okay?”

  “I need to check on this mix. If it gets too cool, it’ll be hard to stuff the mushrooms.”

  “I can’t do much to help with the cooking.” She swallowed hard when she felt the heat of his body as he sidled up beside her. “But I can start on the clean-up.”

  It felt domestic, the kind of split duties they might share if they were truly a couple. Somehow she was able to ignore her fears and reservations and relax, to enjoy the experience. To enjoy the man. They chatted easily while the
y completed the preparations, as they ate the meal.

  “Have you tossed a baseball before?” Andrew asked her as he scraped his plate of the last remaining bite. Of his third helping. She knew it was foolish, but she felt inordinately proud that he’d enjoyed the meal so much.

  “I’ll have you know I started in left field both my junior and senior year of high school.” She shrugged when he stared at her. “I wanted a sports letter on my transcript for the Academy.”

  “Did you play there also?”

  "Nope. I focused on my studies. I'm surprised your brother-in-law doesn't have a pitching cage in the backyard."

  “I haven’t been able to spend a great deal of time with Quinn, but he’s told me his step-father was relentless and demanding, to the point where Quinn had pretty much no life outside of baseball. He doesn’t want to do the same with whatever children he and Anna have.”

  “Another case of the child not being the same kind of parent as the one they had?”

  He covered her hand with his bigger one. “Hailey, you don’t give yourself enough credit.” Then, as if sensing he was pushing too hard, he grinned. “Anyone who can learn to cook like this is capable of anything she puts her mind to.”

  “Well, right now, while you do the dishes, I’m putting my mind to a long, relaxing bubble bath.” Then she surprised them both by leaning over and giving him a lingering kiss. “I’ll see you later.”

  Only, he hadn’t seen her.

  When Hailey first left the room Andrew had only sat at the table. After all, it would have been too difficult to walk when he’d been hard as a rock after that tantalizing taste of her mouth wiping the flavors of the meal out of his mind. When he’d managed to get his body under control, he’d tried to divert his thoughts by doing the dishes. Only, naturally, with his hands sunk in dishwater, he’d thought of her, pictured her. Naked and wet. So, once he finished the dishes he’d gone outside and swam laps until he’d practically had to crawl up the slope to collapse in the lounge chair.

  He'd waited, assuming she'd come outside looking for him when she finished her bath. He'd been torn in two, wanting to see her and yet dreading the thought of being near her without having the freedom of caressing what he wanted. He wondered how much of the story he'd told her influenced her disappearance. He wanted to believe, as she'd said, that she didn't blame him, that she understood youthful selfishness had played a part in his behavior.

  Finally, he’d gone into the house, pausing outside the bedroom where she was staying and seeing no sliver of light under the door. He’d been disappointed at having no excuse to knock on her door, to maybe find a way for them to be together. It seemed to him where Hailey was concerned, he was forever waiting. He’d not made a move when they first met, he’d taken a backseat when he thought she and Joe were involved. Even their first night together, it had been she who’d made the first move.

  He actually reached for the doorknob, only to stop when he admitted he was being greedy. From the little he knew, a woman often spent the first few months of pregnancy tired to the point of exhaustion. He would find a way tomorrow to work toward them being together. After his own shower, he crawled into bed and, using the military training that enabled him to drop off when possible, fell asleep.

  It wasn't so much sound but a sensation that woke him. Alert, again thanks to that military training, he watched as a figure carefully closed the door. He didn't need the moonlight slashing across the end of the bed to identify the person.

  "Hailey?" He sat up, the sheet pooling in his lap. "Are you lost?" he asked, but the humor he'd tried for dried up as she stepped into the faint moonlight slashing across the room. His mouth went dry, his heart stopped and then raced in his chest.

  She was naked.

  He stared, not sure if he was dreaming or not. Only, he felt the mattress give under her slight weight as she joined him in bed, felt the warmth of her hand as it slid over his bare chest and pushed him a little so he lowered to his back. Her skin was chilled against his as she stretched out on top of him. He thought, for the briefest of seconds, he could be happy with only this. Then her lips touched his and he felt as well as heard the words as they melted into his heart.

  “I’m exactly where I want to be.”

  It was so like their first time. Andrew recalled going to see her, concerned about her. He’d been ready to tell her that he wanted more than friendship. Then, she’d reached for him, pressed against him, kissed him. And there had been no need for words.

  It was no less true now.

  His hands skimmed down her spine and she arched, pressing closer against him. A low moan of pleasure rumbled in her throat. He loved how responsive she was. Her mouth became more avid, as she’d done their first time. He used lips, tongue and teeth to slow her, to savor rather than devour. There would be time for that later. As gently as possible, he twisted, pinning her under him.

  His hands continued to skim, to drive both of them crazy with lazy caresses, with long, luxurious strokes. He loved the feel of her, skin to skin, the way she moved under and with him. He discovered a new fullness in her breasts, along with, if her gasp was any indication, a new sensitivity. He exploited it, suckling and lathing with his tongue while she twisted beneath him. During those weeks together in Guam, she'd been a quiet lover, using her body to convey appreciation or pleasure for what he gave her, what he offered. What she gave, offered, in return. Now, there were moans that whispered in the air, across their skin. Silenced only by their kisses.

  They rolled over the bed, enjoying the width that gave them room to indulge any and all manner of enticement. She was hot and wet when he slipped a finger, then two, inside of her. Stroking, with his thumb finding her sweet spot, he felt her body explode with release.

  Then, with a quickness that surprised him, she rolled so she straddled him. She leaned over, used the tip of her tongue to trace from throat to groin. God help him, she took her time, teasing his flat nipples until they ached, outlining his ribs, dipping into his navel. She didn’t stop, continuing down so she could trail the tip of her tongue along his length before taking him into her mouth. And his control nearly snapped.

  But he wanted more. Wanted to give her yet more.

  He cupped his hands under her arms, pulled her up the length of him. She stared at him, her eyes dark in the moonlight. Unable to resist, his hands rose and tangled in her hair. She looked glorious to him, poised above him, so open and willing.

  For how long?

  He didn’t want the thought, couldn’t stop it. Refused to voice it.

  She held his heart in her hands, in ways that nothing and no one ever had. As nothing and no one would ever again.

  He levered up so he could find her mouth with his, so he could skate his hands up and down her spine, around to cup her breasts. She swiveled a little and, with a sigh, she pressed her forehead against his, closed her eyes a moment. Her arms wrapped around his back, holding on. In that single moment of stillness he vowed to find a way to keep her in his life.

  When she rotated her hips, he slipped inside of her.

  “Look at me,” he demanded, his hands curling hard on her hips. The moonlight slashed across her face, letting him look deep into her eyes. Of course, there was a flicker of defiance, the sheer will she'd had to call on too many times in her lonely childhood. But Andrew thought, believed, he also saw a glimmer of hope.

  The small spark of love.

  “This matters,” he said, leaning forward, keeping his gaze locked on hers as he kissed her.

  “This matters. You matter. Always,” he promised before, with a thrust of his hips, he sent them flying.

  Her heart still drummed. Some of it, sure, was from the incredible pleasure, the intimacy, she’d just shared with Andrew.

  But the bulk of it was due to the promise in his words.

  You matter. Always.

  She couldn’t afford to believe, for a fraction of a second, that the words meant more than an impulse promise born out of p
assion and desire.

  It hadn’t been impulse that had brought her to his bed tonight. It had never been impulse with Andrew. Immediate yes, but she wasn’t the kind of person to act without thinking. Even that night in Guam, she’d already given considerable thought to being with him before he showed up unexpectedly at her door. Tonight, she’d thought and thought while in the bubble bath. No matter how many logical arguments she came up with she always ended at the same conclusion.

  She wanted to be with Andrew.

  So now she lay snuggled up beside him, content for the moment to soak in the warmth and luxury of being held. If only their lives, and their relationship, could be so easy and uncomplicated.

  “If I’d known this is what you had planned,” Andrew said. “I’d have told you to skip dinner and head straight for the bath.” He angled so he could smile down at her. “I couldn’t sleep for picturing you naked in the tub.” His hand stroked down her arm. “I like having you here, naked, much better.”

  “I decided we have so little time so why waste a night?”

  She’d learned long ago that the only person she could count on was herself. Even the caregivers her mother had paid for had rarely shown any real interest in her. Her father, even after learning of her birth, had made no effort to be with her. Too many times she’d stood on the preverbal sidelines envying classmates enjoy their families even as she worked to maintain her independence.

  Not wanting him to say anything that would threaten the wall she was trying desperately to keep erected around her heart she rolled, bringing him with her so she could feel the entire length of him. Her hands ran up and down his spine, cupped his very fine butt.

  “I also think we shouldn’t waste any time tonight.”

  “I should let you rest.” He lowered his head, kissed her. “Later,” he decided as her hands continued to stroke and entice.