Before There Was You

by Denise A. Agnew

  The cops talked a considerable time with Lana, and the others had pushed back their chairs and stood up from the table. Aaron stepped outside the room and answered his phone.

  “Mom,” Aaron said into the cell.

  “Aaron?” Her voice trembled. “We just saw the news and heard the name of the building. They said there’s been a shooting. Are you all right?”

  “Yes. I’m sorry. I should’ve called, but they interviewed everyone over and over to get the details.”

  “What happened?”

  “One of the women in the therapy group committed suicide in front of us.”

  Mom gasped. “Oh, my God. How horrible. Oh, Aaron…”

  His mother had to be remembering Fillman’s suicide. “We’ll be all right. I’m going to make sure Lana Burns is okay, and she gets home safely. I’ll talk to you tomorrow morning, okay?”

  “All right, sweetie. Call us if you need anything. We’re here for you.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  As he slipped the phone back in his pocket, Addy and the others started to leave the room and walked up to him.

  “We’re just discussing when to restart the group.” Addy looked worn out and used up, sadness in her eyes. “I’m suggesting everyone have at least one week away from group therapy. In the meantime, I’ll try to find another place for us to meet. I’m not sure this is a healthy area for us right now.”

  “Sounds like a good plan,” Richard said. “I don’t think I could stand being in that room again.”

  Richard and Elliot wore defeated expressions, the stress of the night obviously piling up. Magnus’s eyes always seemed to be full of tears—even Aaron felt sorry for the bastard. The men agreed with Addy’s plan and left.

  “Are you two holding up all right?” Addy asked.

  Lana gave her a weak smile, which faded almost immediately. “Yes. At least I am. This has to be harder on you, Aaron.”

  Was it? Aaron didn’t know what he felt other than sheer relief Lana had come through this safely. “It isn’t. I’ve seen more carnage than both of you put together, probably.”

  “But it was a suicide, Aaron,” Addy said.

  He knew what she meant. “Difference is I don’t feel responsible for this one.”

  Addy nodded. “Good. Come on. Let’s all go home. Both of you contact me if you need anything, all right? I’ll e-mail everyone with a new meeting address.”

  After they agreed, Lana and Aaron followed Addy into the parking lot. Police were still working the area. Lana slipped her hand into his, and his skin tingled. After Addy got in her car and left, Aaron turned to Lana. His fingers tangled in her hair as he brushed it back from her face.

  “We’re alive.” Lana’s voice was so soft.

  He leaned in close, so close he could kiss her. He cupped her face between his palms. She was so damned delicate and fragile under his touch. If anything had happened to her tonight…fuck. He couldn’t bear the thought. An ache started inside him that demanded to be filled, both mentally and physically. He craved holding her.

  “You all right?” he asked.

  She clasped his wrists. “I’m so tired.”

  “Let’s get you home. I’ll follow you.”

  “No.”

  His eyebrows went up. “What?”

  Her fingers tightened on his wrists. “I mean…stay with me tonight. I don’t think I could sleep in the apartment alone. I know she’s dead, but I just keep seeing that gun.”

  Aaron drew her into his arms, holding her close and tight like he had earlier. He didn’t know what to think. He hadn’t let his emotions overwhelm him the last few hours as they’d suffered through the interviews. Now that he stood alone with her, police lights flashing across them and a warm breeze brushing their skin, he wanted to yank her into his arms and never let go. Emotions roiled until he couldn’t hold some of them back. Anger. Regret. Profound relief.

  Before he could confess a damned thing, she said, “I was so scared. I thought I’d choke on the fear.”

  He pressed a swift, soft kiss to her lips. “I know. Me too.” When her eyebrows rose in doubt, he continued with, “Yeah. I know. Big bad marine. But we get scared too. Any marine that tells you he doesn’t is full of shit.”

  He didn’t say what he really wanted to. I thought the crazy bitch would shoot you, and I’d never get to tell you I’m falling for you hard and fast. That’s what scared the ever lovin’ shit outta me.

  He released her slowly. “Do you want me to drive you?”

  “No.” Her smile looked genuine this time. “No, I’ll be fine. You drive your car. I’m pretty calm now.”

  “I’ll see you there.”

  He didn’t linger, eager to be with her. As they drove out of the parking lot, her in the lead, his mind went too many places. She might feel calm and collected, but he didn’t. He clenched his hands on the steering wheel as the tension tightened in his neck and radiated down his back. He felt the need to jog, to run until his muscles remembered he wasn’t in a war. That he didn’t need to escape. To flee. Or to fight. Driving down the highway, Aaron realized the jumpiness and the too-aware feeling he’d experienced since he’d witnessed Fillman’s death had returned.

  Disappointment flooded him. I’m not the man I was, damn it. He hated the feeling, yet he recognized something he hadn’t before. This will pass. Just take deep breaths. As he forced one deep breath and then another into his lungs, relief eased into his body. Deep breathing hadn’t worked for him before. This time, thank God, it was different. He knew what to say to himself, and he didn’t need this bullshit anymore. Lana needed him, and he wouldn’t screw things up by acting like a crazy son of a bitch because of bad memories. Plus, there’s nothing he wanted more than to soothe her, to bring her whatever comfort he could.

  Tension eased in his neck and back by small degrees with each breath, but he knew it would take more for him to recognize emotionally what he knew intellectually. He wasn’t in a war zone, and Lana was safe. That’s all that mattered.

  Urgency pushed him to keep up with Lana. It seemed to take forever to reach her apartment. Once at her apartment, he left his car and they walked hand in hand to her door. Lana kept a tight hold on his hand until she had to open her apartment, but even then her grip on the keys fumbled. It took two tries, but she got the door open, and he saw the strain on her pretty face.

  She led the way inside. “God, I’m so beat.”

  He closed the door and locked it. “Why don’t you go to bed and get some sleep? I’ll sack out on the couch. Maybe watch some TV.”

  He wanted to hold her all night, but he wouldn’t push that on her.

  Her stomach growled loud enough even he could hear it.

  She laughed. “I think food is in order first. I’m starving.”

  “Good sign.”

  “It is?”

  “Yep. If you can eat, it means you’re doing fairly well. I’ve known a lot of skinny marines because they couldn’t eat enough to keep up with the work they were doing and because the stress wore out their appetites.”

  She managed another smile, this one sparkling in her eyes. “Sounds like a diet marines should share with the general public.”

  Silence gathered around them while they quickly fixed eggs and toast. True to her word, she was starving. He was, too, and they settled at her dining table.

  Her quietness bothered him, and he glanced up from his almost empty plate. “I know this is a stupid question, but are you all right?”

  Her gaze lifted to his. “I’m not sure.” She pushed her plate away as well and settled back into her chair with her arms crossed. Puzzlement crossed her face as she stared at the table. “I’m not sure what I feel. I didn’t see her after she…I refused to look, to see that.”

  “I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see it, either.” When she didn’t respond, he said, “It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about this now.”

  She stood with her plate, and on automatic pilot, he did too. They
put away their dishes, and when she closed the dishwasher, she turned toward him. He looked into her eyes, trying to sense what she needed and wanted.

  He couldn’t take it anymore. “Come here, darlin’.”

  She willingly went into his arms, and he drew her into a tight embrace. Jesus, she felt good. She snuggled into him, and every inch of her sweet body molded along his until he couldn’t help but respond. He tilted her face up.

  “What do you need, Lana?” he asked.

  “Sit with me on the couch. Just sit with me. I want to watch some brainless television so I don’t think about what just happened to us.”

  So they got comfortable and took off their shoes. She settled on the couch with his arms around her. They found a sitcom they both liked, and although they didn’t laugh, they discovered healing sleep.

  Chapter 17

  Lana awakened in a position she didn’t remember getting into. Aaron’s hard, muscular body warmed her from behind, her head cushioned on his bicep, while another arm circled her waist. She breathed in deeply. Aaron. The comfort of his familiar embrace, the scent of his masculine spice, all of it drew her into a deep sense of relief. How long had she slept? She opened one eye and saw the answer on the DVR under the television. Midnight. One lamp across the room remained on low dimmer. God, she was so comfortable. Felt so safe. She sighed in enjoyment.

  He shifted and his arm tightened around her. Suddenly she was twice as aware of his coiled strength behind her, the broadness of his chest, the solid power in his long legs. He completely surrounded her with protection, and it acted as a spur to everything feminine inside her. Not only did his strength turn her on, so did the gentleness of his embrace. She tilted her head back slightly, and she heard him draw in a breath. As she moved, his hand slipped under her shirt and palmed her belly. Surprised by the hot stirring of need that grew, she wriggled back a little. He brushed a kiss against her neck, and she shivered with delight. Oh, yes.

  His palm moved again, his big hand smoothing back and forth over her skin with hot attention. She quivered again and moved against him, unable to keep still under his assault. With slow, attentive movements, he caressed her. Down her hip to her thigh, back up to her waist. Over her shoulder, down her forearm, and to her hands. She felt his cock harden against her hips. The knowledge she excited him this way empowered Lana. She wanted more. So much more of this man.

  When she pushed back against him, he made a sound in his throat between a growl and a moan. “God, you’re sexy.”

  Flattery was going to get him everywhere tonight. “Why thank you, kind sir.”

  “It’s true.” He kissed her neck and eased aside her top to nuzzle her shoulder. “I thought I was going to lose you.” His voice faltered a little, like a man unsure and maybe a bit afraid. He drew her even closer to him while his lips tormented a little spot between her shoulder and neck. “It scared the hell out of me. I never want to feel like that again.”

  His admission fired her up, driving her crazy with a need to fall into the sweet abyss and know his touch everywhere. Right here. Right now. His breathing had already quickened. She heard a telltale hitch in his breath whenever she undulated against him. Tears trickled down her face as she savored the utter amazement and happiness of being with him. Relief and discovery set her on fire, swamped her with sweet desire and longing.

  She reached back to touch his thigh, to bring him closer to her aching core. “I thought so too…that she was going to shoot you. I thought I’d die right there and then if anything happened to you, Aaron.”

  She rolled over on her back to see him, but they didn’t have much room on the couch. In the soft lamp glow she could see his rugged face, and she touched his bristly jawline. His eyes held turbulence, but one born of sexual heat. He wanted her, no doubt of it. The idea didn’t frighten her. She craved it with a soul-deep ache. But this gentle, strong man wouldn’t push her. As he’d said, she would have to ask him to make love to her when she was ready. Damn if she wasn’t ready. Her hand smoothed over his incredible muscles, his biceps and forearm. Just the sight and feel of all his maleness made her hot.

  “Aaron,” she said softly. “Kiss me.”

  “Anything you want.” He smiled. “Just tell me.”

  “Kiss me and touch me. Everywhere. I want you.”

  His smile widened, and then it escaped as a raw animal hunger eased over his face. “God yes.”

  She drew him down, and he kissed her slowly. A sweet, tender brush of lips against lips made her crazy. She wanted wild. Uninhibited. She fumbled with his T-shirt and encountered a six pack beneath. Her belly fluttered. Yes. Yes. She caressed him, and he shivered as a low moan left his throat. He kissed her this way and that, soft and deep, varying his technique until she went dizzy. Deepening his kiss, he tasted her, and when his tongue met hers, she couldn’t stop the groan leaving her throat.

  She responded as if it had been an age since a man had kissed her. She poured her emotions into the kiss, to the way she touched him and responded. Aaron swept his caresses over her, each place he found set alight by his fire. She arched and moved in his arms, unable to remain still under the sensual assault. He slipped open the front opening on her bra and cool air flowed over her skin. He cupped her left breast, and she couldn’t help the indrawn breath as he weighed her, tested her roundness. As his big palm cupped and stroked, he leaned forward and licked her nipple. She gasped. And there he feasted, moving from breast to breast with tender strokes and licks. Over and over he tasted her with unrelenting attention. It drove her mad as he flicked with his tongue, drew on her with strong sucking. One moment his mouth covered her nipple, the next his fingers plucked and stroked. A relentless ache and moist heat between her legs told her she couldn’t wait much longer.

  When he looked at her a moment later, she knew what she wanted. She eased out of his arms and off the couch. He lay like a big, tousled lion, the sleepy, sexy look in his eyes sending off sparklers of arousal deep within her.

  She held out her hand. “Come with me.”

  He smiled and slid his hand into hers as he got off the couch. “Anywhere you want to go, I’m there.”

  She could tell he meant it. Aaron MacPherson had shown her through word and deed he could be trusted. Any way. Any time.

  She led him back to her bedroom, any apprehension she might have expected totally missing. Thrilled, she walked faster, and when they entered the bedroom, all bets were off. The night light in the bathroom threw only a little illumination into the room, so she released him long enough to snap on the bedside lamp. Not too bright, not too dark. He stood tall and strong, his body hers for the taking. The very idea turned her on so much, she lifted the hem of his T-shirt and urged him to draw it over his head. He complied, whipping the garment off and dropping it onto the floor.

  It wasn’t as if she hadn’t seen him like this before, but she savored the sight of his delicious body. What seemed like yards of perfect muscles graced his torso from shoulders, biceps, forearms, an incredible chest, and that yummy six pack. A sprinkling of dark hair fanned over his pecs and down the middle of his stomach into his waistband. Her gaze snagged on the obvious erection straining his jeans.

  “Wow,” she said without thought as she managed to lift her gaze to the middle of his chest. “You’re uh…even more ripped than I thought you were. Before, it was almost dark.”

  He gave her a lopsided grin. “Like what you see?”

  She reached out but stopped part way, hit by shyness. “Oh, yes.”

  “Touch me.” His voice rumbled low, a soft demand.

  She closed her eyes, feeling hot skin over steel. She leaned her head against his shoulder, and his hands came up to hold her. Kissing his skin, she inched her way across his body. Every kiss sent a flare straight to her loins and spread upward, tingling in her nipples. He held the back of her head and then kneaded her neck, his touch always a caress. All that power and strength, yet so tender. Tears came to her eyes again, but she smiled as she ki
ssed him. After tracing what seemed like every inch of him, she reached for his jeans and fumbled with the button.

  “I’ve got it,” he said.

  She stepped back to watch the show. She enjoyed the play of his muscles as he moved, the way he unbuttoned and drew down the zipper. Slow. Slow. As he eased his jeans down and then kicked them aside, he got rid of his white athletic socks too. He stood in plain black briefs, the evidence of his need long and thick against the cotton. Her face burned. Her body followed with a flash of heat.

  “What do you want, sweet Lana?” he asked, arms at his side, gorgeously muscled legs slightly apart.

  The man was an Adonis, hers for the taking. “You.”

  Eagerness erased any shyness; his total acceptance and desire to please her outweighed everything. She slipped her T-shirt and open bra off, and made short work of the rest of her clothes. As she eased her panties off, he removed his briefs. They stood before each other, naked in more than one way. Revealed and vulnerable. As far as she was concerned, he was perfection. His erection stood thick and long, and her mouth watered at the sight. She wanted him with an ache that pounded relentlessly.

  “Jesus,” he said, his gaze like fire, hot with admiration. “You’re so beautiful, Lana.”

  She smiled. “Keep talking like that, marine.”

  “Anything you want. Any time.”

  She sat on the bed and then scooted across it. She held out her hand and he came to her. As they embraced on the bed, she thought she’d die if she couldn’t have him soon. They fell into a ravenous kiss, and she loved the excitement popping inside her as his hard, naked body caressed her everywhere, each movement driving her libido higher and higher. His fingers slipped between her legs and encountered her slick, hot folds.

  She gasped at the exquisite touch. “Feels so good.”

  She threw her head back and arched as he caressed her folds with featherlight touches.

  “Sweetheart,” he said, regret heavy in his voice. “I uh…don’t have any protection with me. I didn’t plan on this happening tonight. But I can still make you feel good.”