Fighting Temptation

by S. M. Donaldson

  I grab someone else’s beer order. “I’m doing okay. I, uh, have an apartment. My dad got it for me.”

  He grabs the two beers off the counter. “I’m glad you’re doing okay. Glad you have a nice place to stay.” With that, he slams some money on the bar and walks off. I look over to see Lanie and Mack staring at me. Lanie laughs.

  “Um, so who was Mr. All American? You looked about as comfortable as a hooker in church.”

  I just nod, trying not to cry. “I need a break for a few minutes. I need to go use the restroom.”

  Mack looks at me. “It’s okay; we’ve got it for a few minutes.” I run down the hall to the bathroom. I make it just in time to throw up. After flushing the toilet, I sit down and cry into my hands for a few minutes. I knew it would be hard to run into him, but not this hard. He acted so distant, so angry when he slammed the money down on the bar. I rub my eyes. Stop this, Daria. You know he’s better off without you. I nod to my own thoughts. After washing up and trying to appear normal, I take a deep breath and open the door, walking straight into Cade.

  “Excuse me, I should’ve been watching where I was going.” He puts his hands on my shoulders and I feel like electricity is running through my body. “I should’ve paid a little better attention myself. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I really have to get back to work.”

  He smiles. “Well, it shouldn’t be busy too much longer. The fight just ended.”

  “I have a bunch of cleanup to do. I’ll see you around.” I pretty much run back to the bar. Lanie has my purse in her hand. “Here, go home. Get some rest. Eat some ice cream, have a drink, whatever it is you do. Come back with a fresh brain tomorrow night.”

  I just nod. “Thanks.” I walk into my apartment. I haven’t gone through any of the boxes yet. I just can’t. Something pulls me to that room to open those boxes now, though. I open the top one and there’s a framed picture that used to sit on my nightstand of Cade and me. It was taken at a little club we would go to just off campus. He’s in a tight black shirt and I’m wearing a white pull-over blouse. His arms are wrapped around me and he’s whispering something naughty, I’m sure, into my ear. Looking at the picture and smiling about the good times, I realize the shirt I’m wearing is the one I was wearing the night we were attacked.

  I drop the picture back in the box and go back out to my couch, where I’ve become very comfortable. I take a couple of shots of Jack and take my medicine. I finally doze off to sleep.

  Cade and I were coming into the house.

  “Cade, can we please talk for a minute?”

  “Oh, now, you wanna talk?” I nodded, but all of a sudden, I felt a sharp pain in the back of my head. I grabbed my head and fell to the floor. A couple of minutes later I came to. Cade was fighting two guys, and someone pulled me to my feet.

  “Stand up, you stupid cunt.” “Who are you? What do you want?”

  “Well, Ms. Daria Broxton, we are here to finish a job.” I shook my head. “No, you have the wrong Daria.” He punched me in the face. Cade tried to get to me. That was when I heard the gunshot.

  I sit straight up on the couch, panting and sweating. It’s always the same dream. Cade gets shot, but each time, it’s in a worse place or I can’t help him. The cops never show up in my dream. Even though I know, in reality, they did, thanks to nosy Mr. Jenkins next door. He called 911 when he heard all the commotion. They got there just as Cade got shot. Thank God.

  I get up from the couch and fix myself a glass of milk. I’ve got the baby shower tomorrow and I know I’m going to be around a lot of people. Cade’s mom, Lydia, will be there. I’m not sure if I’m ready to face her. She probably hates me. I would hate anyone who got my son shot. I finish my milk and attempt to go back to sleep. At least it’s a baby shower, so it’ll be all women.

  Chapter 6

  Cade

  Seeing Daria last night had more of an effect on me than I thought it would. I never thought I’d run into her there, though. She looked skinny and sad. I wonder if she’s going to be at this baby shower today. She didn’t act like anyone knew she was in town yet.

  I really wish my heart would just let me move on. But something about her… I just can’t. I want to hold her; I want to protect her, but she just won’t let me in.

  The day after we were attacked, I found out she’d had a breakdown. They’d moved her to a mental facility at the hospital. I wanted to see her. I wanted to talk to her, to tell her I still loved her. By the time I got released myself, however, she was gone. I know Anna texted her on occasion, but no one actually knew where she was. It was as if she’d dropped off the face of the earth.

  I pull into Gabby’s driveway. The house she and Linc bought is perfect for a new little family. I can’t help but feel somewhat jealous. I’d always hoped that my and Gabby’s kids would grow up next door to one another and be as close in age as we were.

  I walk into the front door and see a bunch of the guys from the team in the kitchen gathered around the food. Gabby squeals when she sees me, even though she just saw me yesterday when I was moving my things.

  “Cade!” She wraps her arms around me.

  “Hey Gab.” I kiss her on top of the head. “You look pretty today.” She smiles. “Thank you.” Ges turing to the kitchen, she says, “The guys are in there, eating everything in sight. Thanks for coming today. I know baby showers aren’t usually a guy thing. But if they thought I was going to sit around with a bunch of chicks and old ladies opening gifts and sticking bows on my head, they’re crazy. If they come near me with a damn measuring tape to measure my belly, I’m going to shoot someone.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” She shakes her head. “Girl stuff. People get crazy at these damn things. How are things going living with my sister and Russ?”

  I shrug. “They’re good. I mean I’ve lived with them before.”

  “I know.” Suddenly, she looks like she’s going to cry.

  “What’s wrong, Gab?”

  She wipes the corner of her eye. “Daria’s here. But she looks so empty and lonely.” I turn to see Daria coming across the living room. She’s wearing a little strapless sundress with cowboy boots. Her collarbones stick out; she looks so frail.

  I can tell she doesn’t want to come over here where I am. I mean hell, she practically sprinted away from me in the hall last night. After some coaxing from Anna, though, they slowly make their way over to us.

  Anna smiles. “Guys, look who just came in.”

  Gabby hugs the life out of Daria. “Oh my gosh, I’ve missed you so much.” All three of them wipe their faces.

  Daria smiles; it’s a real smile. Not fake like the one she tried to put on last night for me.

  Anna looks at her. “So… tell us about your new place.”

  Daria almost looks nervous. “It’s a nice three bedroom apartment.”

  Anna pushes. “Three bedrooms. Wow. Are you moving a family of immigrants in with you?” Daria shakes her head. “No. I mean, my dad bought it for me, supposedly with my money. I don’t really want it. I haven’t even unpacked really.”

  I look at the girls. "Well, as much as I like being surrounded by three awesome women, I think I’m going to take my man card and go where the guys are. I need to grunt and scratch my balls or something.”

  The girls all laugh. I can tell Daria’s was a little stiff and forced, but hey it was still a laugh.

  I walk over to Russ and Linc. “Hey, guys. Sorry; I was delayed by the estrogen in the room.”

  Russ laughs. “I heard that you guys are going to be brother and sisters for real.”

  “I don’t think our parents are there yet, but I mean, really, it’s not like we aren’t already.”

  Linc laughs. “I’m just glad you were the one to walk in on that.” I shove him. “Asshole. I’m not. I still can’t believe they just came out and told Gabby and Anna how I found them.”

  “Dude, I don’t know what I would do if I’d walked in on my parents. Mu
ch less my mom and the neighbor.” I shake my head. “Can we not talk about this anymore? I’m still trying to un-see all of that. I may have to seek counseling.”

  Putting his arm around me, Linc says, “Come on, man. Let’s go get a beer.” No sooner than we walk outside on the patio with them and open a beer. As soon as we settle outside, Anna yells out the back door for us to come in; Gabby’s opening gifts. We drag ourselves back inside and sit down. The guys all got Linc gag gifts. Some of the gifts were really funny. Someone gave him a “Daddy Diaper Changing Kit” It had long rubber gloves, safety goggles, a poncho, a biohazard sticker, a clothes pin for his nose. Some of the guys got him ear plugs, a couple of the guys got him liquor, and when no one was really looking one of the guys handed him a new spank mag. we decorated diapers. That was actually fun leaving notes for the new parents to think of funny stuff when they are up in the middle of the night changing a screaming kid.

  I never realized how much shit you need for a baby. There’s diapers, wipes, all these little gadgets, binky’s and boppy’s most of this shit I really have no clue what it is. I also don’t think Gabby will have to wash this babies clothes because I’m pretty sure she can throw each outfit away once he wears it. Gabby looks so content, so happy. I look at Daria, who’s sitting in a chair close to the corner. It breaks my heart to see this vibrant person so broken.

  My mom comes and sits beside me. She looks over at me with a soft smile. “So, I see Daria is here.”

  “Yeah. She is.” My mom knows me all too well. I’ve never been able to hide anything from her. “Baby, are you gonna be okay with her being around?”

  “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” She shakes her head. “Honey, I may be older than you, but I know you are still in love with that girl. I really think she’s still in love with you, too.”

  “Mom, lay off about it. We tried; it didn’t work. Besides, when I saw her at her job the other night, she all but ran away from me.”

  “Cade, she looks lonely and sad. Going through all she has can’t be easy for her. Now, I’ll admit you getting shot was at the top of my nightmare list, but you still had family and friends to go through it with. She probably can’t say the same. Look at her; she’s a shell of who she used to be.”

  “I know, Mom, and it breaks me. It does. But I can’t be with someone who can’t be honest with me. Plus, like I said, she all but ran off from me last night.”

  She stands up. “All I’m saying is she could probably use a friend. Also, she’s too skinny; I’m going to fix her a plate and make her eat.”

  My mom e walks over to the table, fixing a plate of food. I watch her walk over to Daria and sit down. She motions for her to eat. Daria smiles and takes the plate as my mom brushes Daria’s hair with her hand. Then my mother pulls Daria into a motherly hug. I see my mom talking with her. Daria just keeps smiling and nodding. All the time my mom is coaxing her to eat. They point and ooh and ah over some of the gifts.

  A little while later, I see Daria sneak out back. I’m going to talk to her. We need to break this tension between us. I can’t live like this. We have to be able to coexist in the same group of people.

  I step out back and see her sitting on the glider. “Can I sit with you?”

  She jumps. “Shit, Cade, you scared me. Yes, you can have a seat.”

  I take a seat on the glider. “So I’m sorry if last night was awkward.”

  She shrugs. “It’s okay. I just have to get used to being around so many people.”

  “I missed you. Not just the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. I missed you as my friend.”

  She nods and I can see the tears burning her eyes. “Yeah, me too.”

  I grab her hand and feel her tremble. “Can we be friends?”

  “I’d like that.”

  “Daria?”

  She looks up at me with her big hazel eyes. “Yeah?”

  “Where did you go? After the hospital, I mean.”

  She swallows. “Um, my dad put me in a mountain cabin. I was there for almost six months.”

  “Who was there with you?” “Just me.”

  This is killing me; she was there all alone for six months. My mom was right; I was the lucky one.

  “Who took care of you? Did you not have contact with anyone?” “Well, my therapist and I Skyped once a week. My parents would come by every other week or so to restock my supplies. I would text Anna every so often.” She drops her head a little. “I didn’t want to cause anyone more hurt than I already had. Also, anyone else knowing where I was could only put them in danger. I just couldn’t do that.”

  In that moment, I see that look in her eyes. That look of pure innocence that I love. I hold the gaze on her eyes until we hear the backdoor open.

  Anna steps out. “Hey, what are you guys doing? Come in, we are wrapping it up.”

  I throw a look back at Anna. “We’re coming, short stuff.”

  I stand up and hold out my hand for Daria. “So Daria, can we be friends?”

  She nods. “I’d like that.”

  Chapter 7

  Daria

  As we walk back inside, I see that the only people left are Anna, Russ, Linc, Gabby, and their parents. Sans Gabby’s mom. Lydia and Richard look very chummy; I feel like I’ve missed something there. After leaving the guys to clean everything up, the girls put the baby stuff away. I finally bite the bullet and ask Gabby, “Hey, this may seem like a strange question, but are your dad and Lydia seeing each other?”

  They both start laughing. Gabby looks at me. “Sorry, it’s just – well, it’s something we’re still getting used to.”

  “Oh, okay. I know it’s probably kind of weird.” Anna laughs. “Not as weird for us as it is for Cade.”

  Gabby pops her in the arm. “Ugh, I can’t hear all of this again.”

  I look at them, confused. “What? I feel so lost.” “Let’s just say Cade was the first one to find out about them. He, um, found them in a very compromising position on the kitchen floor.”

  I burst out laughing, trying to catch my breath. “Okay, now I have to hear the whole story.” They sit down and tell me about Cade walking in on their parents, about him falling over a chair. It all sounds very hysterical. “So are you guys all okay with them dating?”

  Gabby shrugs. “Sure. I mean we’ve always been like family anyway.”

  “Well, it seems like they’re happy together.”

  Anna smiles. “Yeah. Dad seems happier than he’s been in years.” A couple of hours later, we’ve put everything away. We walk into the living room as Linc looks over at us. “Hey, we were thinking about throwing some burgers on the grill. You up for that and some beer, Daria?

  “Yeah, sounds good.”

  Gabby nods. “Let’s go sit out back while the guys grill. You can drink a beer for me.”

  I laugh. “Okay.”

  “I’ve never been much of a beer drinker, but being pregnant during the summer, I’ve been craving one.”

  “I’ll take one for the team.”

  We walk outside and the guys start talking about the upcoming season. I dawns on me that I have no idea what they are naming the baby. With all of the boy stuff, I’m guessing it’s a boy, but that’s all I know. I sit down on the glider next to Gabby. “So no one has told me what you are naming this little boy?”

  Anna starts laughing. “They can’t decide.”

  Linc looks over at me. “I think we should name him Otis J.” Gabby looks at him with a glare, cutting him off. “I don’t care if the guy is some famous football player and that they would have the same initials. I am not naming my kid Ottis James, John or whatever.”

  Linc looks at her. “Oh and Preston Woods is so much better. I don’t want my kid named after some character in one of your mommy porn books.”

  Gabby stands up. “Hey, Abbi Glines is a great writer. She writes greats stories, not just mommy porn.” Russ shakes his head. “Why don’t you guys come up with something completely original or after relatives? Not stars or fict
ional people.”

  “I think Russ is right. Are there any other names you like?”

  Gabby sits back down. “I don’t know.” Cade sits down in the chair beside her. “Okay, how about this. We all come up with a guy name, we put them in the hat, and draw out two.”

  I look at Cade. “That is a horrible idea.” Gabby shakes her head. “I agree; that’s horrible. It would be my luck you and Russ would put in names like Jack Mehoff as a name. I’ll think of something. But I do agree with Russ that maybe we need to research some family names or something.”

  Linc nods. “Sounds good to me.”

  Russ picks something up off the patio table. “Dude, Linc… you guys should keep this kinky shit in your room.”

  Gabby looks up. “What are you talking about?”

  Russ holds up a box. “Nipple butter.” Gabby starts laughing. “Russ, you are like twelve ? That fell out of one of the gift bags. That’s for after I have the baby and the milk comes in my nipples”

  She’s cut off by Russ and Cade. “I don’t ever want to hear a sentence with ‘my nipples’ come out of your mouth around me again,” Cade says.

  Russ raises his hand. “I second that motion.”

  She throws a pillow at Russ. “Fucking perv.”

  “So how much longer do you have?” “About four weeks or so.” “Wow.” I think about the life I’m never going to have. I’ll never have that house, with the picket fence, two kids and dogs. I’d be too scared someone would come in and shoot us all in our sleep at some point.

  I look around at how happy everyone is. I really wish I was part of this again. It’s just not safe for me to be. I love them; I miss them and I want to watch over them. I just can’t get past the fact that I am a danger to them. They could all be hurt because of me and now they have a new life to think about.

  I stand up. “Well, guys, I had a really nice time today, but I need to get home and do some laundry and stuff for work tomorrow.”

  Russ looks up. “Where are you working?”