The Scars I Bare

by J. L. Berg

  Taking out the peanut butter sandwich Lizzie had insisted on making me and a bag of chips, I sat back in the comfy old leather chair and pulled out the black-and-white composition notebook I’d borrowed from Dean the other day.

  Since beginning the first one many months ago, I hadn’t been able to stop. I felt like I was getting to know the man I loved all over again.

  His hopes, his fears, and everything in between.

  He’d warned me, there would be parts about me, and he’d joked they might be embarrassing, but I couldn’t disagree more. Realizing someone had seen me as something special and worthy of love during a time of my life when I felt anything but, it was comforting, especially knowing everything I knew now.

  That I’d eventually find my way back to him.

  And something so amazing would blossom from it.

  Sometimes, reading his entries was difficult. Especially the early days when he’d grieved and lashed out in pain and anger. Even the later years were hard, knowing he was surrounded by so much love but felt so alone at the same time.

  This notebook was by far my favorite. Every entry was like a single ray of sunshine from the heavens. He spoke of perseverance and even his renewed faith. He wrote of Lizzie and me and how much we meant to him. He even wrote of Blake and how, at night, he prayed for the man he could not forgive. He prayed Blake would find peace with himself, for the sake of Lizzie.

  I prayed for that, too.

  We hadn’t seen Blake since the accident that nearly took both men from my life. But he wrote a lot. Mostly to Lizzie, which was exactly how it should be. He was taking his time in rehab, and yes, it was the kind with the fancy cucumber water and the beautiful beachfront location. I wouldn’t expect any less for Blake.

  But he was healing.

  Like I’d said before, I couldn’t forget, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever forgive. But, for Lizzie, I prayed. I prayed he would become the man she deserved.

  I’d nearly reached the most current entry in Dean’s journal when I heard Mrs. Joyner’s voice in the hallway.

  “I saw Dean on my way here,” she said, “with those lovely children he’s teaching, all jumping into the bay!” she exclaimed. “I do say, Dean does look handsome without that thing on his arm. So muscular.”

  She rounded the corner and caught sight of me trying to shove the last bite of my sandwich in my face. “Don’t you agree, Cora?” she asked.

  “Sorry, what?” I managed to say, peanut butter sticking to the roof of my mouth.

  Jake, standing behind her, chuckled.

  “The prosthesis,” she said. “I think he looks better without it.”

  I nodded. “I’ve always thought so. But he’s being fitted for another one soon. His original got lost in the boating accident. He said he hastily removed it, knowing it would impair his swimming even more. But the new one he’s getting is a vast improvement. Has a few attachments. Lizzie picked it out,” I explained with a contented smile on my face. “But in the meantime, he’s getting used to being comfortable in his own skin. Finally.”

  The conversation seemed to be over Mrs. Joyner’s head, so I offered to take her payment instead. While I waited for her debit card to run, surprised the old woman even knew what that was, I caught her leaning over, reading Dean’s notebook I’d left open.

  Figures.

  “Oh, that’s lovely,” she said. “Mr. Joyner used to write me love letters, too. Although never so long, it required an entire notebook.”

  I curiously tilted my head as I snapped the receipt from the machine, handing it over to her to sign.

  “This isn’t a love letter, Mrs. Joyner. It’s Dean’s journal. He’s just letting me read it.”

  “Oh,” she said, her bottom lip protruding slightly as she leaned over once more after she signed her slip. She pointed to the last entry before grabbing her purse to leave. “Then, why is he speaking to you?”

  I grabbed the notebook with both hands, falling back into the chair.

  Recovery Journal: Day 1,342

  Today will be my final entry.

  You see, I don’t need you anymore.

  For far too long, I buried myself in my words, in my pain and anger, and I forgot how to live. I was roaming around, searching for nothing yet wanting everything, but giving nothing in return.

  I was my own worst nightmare.

  But all that is behind me now.

  This recovery journal—this long, endless journal—was supposed to be a means to an end. A way for me to heal, but instead, it became a prison, a place for me to dwell in my misery.

  Until she came along.

  Until you came along.

  My heart began to beat rapidly in my chest.

  Cora, you’ve shown me what being brave looks like.

  You remind me what trust can feel like again, both inside and out.

  Despite three years of telling myself that it was just a silly crush, you in fact stole my heart in that hospital room with your infectious laugh and damn near perfect smile.

  When I came back home, everyone thought I was looking for something—a new purpose, a new direction, or perhaps a whole new life.

  They were wrong. I was trying to find my way back to you.

  The nurse who’d, unbeknownst to her, taken a poor fisherman’s heart with her all those years ago.

  You wondered why you had chosen Ocracoke.

  It was me. Me and that stubborn heart of mine calling you home.

  Like a lighthouse beacon.

  And now that you’re here, I never intend on letting you go.

  I no longer need a journal because I have you. You heal my wounds, fade my scars, and ease my pain.

  And, if you’ll allow me, I have a very important question to ask you.

  Meet me at the marina at sunset.

  My hands were shaking as I read the entry/letter over once more.

  “Jake!” I hollered. “I know you’re lurking around in the hallway. Get in here.”

  “I never lurk,” he said, stepping into the now-empty lobby.

  “Do you know anything about this?” I said, holding up the notebook toward him.

  “Oh, uh…that? Maybe. I was told, if that ever appeared before me, to tell you to go see Molly. Immediately.”

  “Molly? Why?”

  “Because Dean figured you might not want to be in scrubs for this specific occasion.”

  I gulped. “And what occasion might this be?”

  He smiled a wicked, evil grin. “Oh, well, you see, that part was told to me right here, in the office. And you know what a stickler I am about patient-doctor confidentiality.”

  I wasn’t proud of it, but I might have thrown a stapler at his head.

  Dean

  “Think your mom will forgive me for letting you skip your lesson with the tutor today?” I asked Lizzie as we headed back to my house after another successful lesson with my spring-break kids.

  They’d been instructed to go have a fun day out on the water with their families and report back the next morning, giving me plenty of time to pull off this proposal.

  Hopefully.

  “After tonight?” She giggled. “I don’t think she’ll mind at all. Besides, you do take me to the mainland three times a week for all those special classes.”

  I smiled back at her, pulling into my driveway. “That is a pleasure, believe me. Besides, if it means you can stay in school here, on the island, while still growing that gigantic brain of yours, it’s a win for all of us.”

  “Why?” she asked, big enough now that she could undo her own car seat.

  “Because, one day, I’m quite certain that amazing mind of yours is going to do amazing things. Such amazing things that the whole world will benefit.”

  “You think so?” she asked as we both got out of the car and headed into the house.

  “I know so.”

  I opened the door as Lizzie raced past me in search of snacks.

  Nothing much had changed on the inside. A few of Lizzi
e’s toys were scattered on the floor, and there was the sweater Cora had brought over, but for the most part, it remained the same. I’d spent six months trying to convince Cora to move in with me. And, for six months, she’d been denying my request.

  I thought she needed to prove to herself that she could make it on her own.

  I hoped, for her sake and mine, she’d gotten that notion out of her system, because as far as I could tell, she could do anything if she put her mind to it.

  And, starting tonight, I had plans of changing her place of residence. Permanently.

  “So, do you have it?” Lizzie asked, her mouth full of cheese.

  “Yes, no thanks to you. I thought you were supposed to warn me when she got close to the end of that notebook. You’re lucky I was on top of things!”

  She kind of shrugged as she stuffed more of a cheese stick into her mouth. God, how much food could she cram into that tiny mouth?

  “She reads sometimes at night. How was I supposed to know?”

  “I thought you were a night owl!” I laughed.

  “I am, but obviously, not when she is. I can’t be sneaking on the computer when she’s looking!”

  I shook my head as I headed up the stairs. She followed close behind.

  “You know she’s aware of your sneaky behavior?” I asked.

  “Yes.”

  “So, why do you guys do it? She goes to sleep, and you wait around until she does. Why not just use the computer while she’s awake and save yourself the trouble?”

  “Because then, who would talk about it later?”

  I blew out a breath as I dug through my closet. “You’re going to be a difficult teenager, aren’t you? Ah, here it is. Your pappy sent most of it with his blessing. After a search on the internet made my head nearly spin clear off, I let him take charge. So, I really have no idea what’s inside. Want to help me out?”

  She didn’t waste any time and dived right in. “Oh my gosh,” she said, pulling out a hat. Or at least, I thought it was a hat. Maybe it was technically a bandana. “This is excellent.”

  Stuff started flying in the air. A lot of black stuff.

  “Why does this guy wear so much black?”

  “Didn’t you watch the movie?”

  Several other things flew out, including a sword. And a mask.

  “Oh Jesus,” I cursed. “This was a really stupid idea. I’m going to look like an idiot. Why’d I decide to do this?”

  Her head popped up, and she grinned before she stepped forward and wrapped her tiny arms around my waist. “Because you’re the best, Dean. That’s why.”

  “Okay,” I agreed. “But couldn’t I dress up like Thor instead?”

  She stepped back and gave me a once-over. She shook her head. “Nope. Definitely not.”

  “Ouch. Okay, black mask it is.”

  Cora

  I spent all afternoon getting ready.

  For what? I wasn’t sure.

  A question.

  A possibility.

  A lifetime.

  By the time I arrived at the marina, the sun behind me casting long rays of light over the water, I felt like I’d been waiting for this moment for an eternity.

  Rather than a handful of months.

  Dean had come roaring into my life at a time when I thought I needed no one but myself and the love of my child. He’d been persistent in his friendship, showing me that, while life didn’t require a village to survive, it was a hell of a lot better with one.

  And thank God I’d found mine.

  This quirky little island of the sea.

  And the man who loved it.

  Walking down to the marina where Sutherland Fishing Company was located, I did a quick check of my hair as it blew in the breeze. Molly had helped me somewhat tame it, creating a French braid along the top that resembled a headband. I didn’t know how she had done it, but it was breathtaking.

  She was going to be a wonderful mother to the little girl growing in her belly, and I couldn’t wait to see her and Jake become parents in a couple short months.

  It was Lizzie I caught sight of first, standing outside the office door, looking very pretty in a summer dress I’d bought for her just recently when the temperatures began to rise.

  “I should have known you had something to do with this,” I said, bending down to place a single finger on her nose.

  She giggled, giving me a big hug. “I’m supposed to escort you to the boat,” she said.

  “Oh, well then, I’d better not keep you from your job.”

  She held out her arm, looking very official. I took it, and we took off down the dock toward several of the Sutherland vessels. At first, I had no idea which one we were headed for, but the closer we got, the easier it was to pick out.

  “Do you see it?” Lizzie asked. “Dean and I did the flowers. We’d collected them from neighbors and some of the shops nearby. They were all really excited when they found out what we were going to use them for.”

  “I do,” I said, tears stinging my eyes. “It’s beautiful.”

  Every rail of the boat was covered in flowers, wrapped in greenery and every spring bloom that blossomed all over the island.

  “Don’t cry yet, Mommy,” Lizzie said.

  “Okay.” I laughed. “I’ll try not to.”

  As we stepped onto the boat, the flowers only continued, creating a path to the stern.

  To Dean.

  “Oh my gosh,” I said, getting my first look at him.

  Dressed in all black, including long black boots, he wore a black bandana over his head and—holy hell—a mask.

  “It’s too much,” he said as I stepped forward.

  “I can’t believe—”

  “It’s the bandana, right? I went too far with the bandana?” He reached up to touch it.

  “Just shut up right now. I’m living out a fantasy, okay?”

  A sly grin spread across his face. “Okay.”

  “You dressed up like the Dread Pirate Roberts for me?” I said, taking his hand. “That’s, like, the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.”

  “I know. It’s incredibly weird, and I’m not sure I get it. But, for you, if you wanted me to, I’d dress up like a dozen of these guys. Although I draw the line at hobbits. Their feet are really fucking creepy.”

  She laughed. “What about Marvel? Oh, or DC Comics? There’s a Comic-Con in Texas that my dad is trying to get us to go to. We could go as Daredevil and Elektra. I could wear one of those tight black cat suits?”

  His eyes traveled the length of my body before he shook his head. “You’re distracting me.”

  I smiled, still focused on all his piratey goodness. “Yeah, well, you’re distracting me. Is this rented, or what’s the deal? Can we take this home later?”

  “Can a guy propose?”

  Lizzie laughed loudly.

  I pressed my lips together, kissing his cheek. “Sorry. I’ll behave.”

  “That’ll be the day.” A small smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Lizzie, you want to help me out with this part?”

  She nodded wildly, coming up next to him, and together, as if they’d practiced it, they each went down on one knee. He carefully pulled the black mask from his face. My hands went to my mouth as butterflies filled my stomach. I had known this moment was coming. But, now that it was here, I didn’t know if I could calmly make it through, watching him look up at me with those determined, soulful eyes.

  “Cora Carpenter, you are the other half of my soul. I was nothing but a broken man, but with you and Lizzie in my life, I now know what it feels like to be whole again. That is why I can’t go another day without asking you one very important question.”

  He turned to Lizzie, who was beaming.

  “Will you be the Buttercup to his Westley?” she asked her mother.

  I laughed, but before I could answer, he continued, “Will you be the Leia to my Han?”

  “The River to his Doctor?” Lizzie said.

 
“The Hermione to my Ron?” He grinned, giving me a wink. “The Ginny to my Harry?”

  “The Arwen to his Aragorn?”

  “And, finally,” he said, motioning to Lizzie, who pulled an already open ring box from behind her back, “the Cora to my Dean? Because, after all, there is no greater love story than the one we make ourselves.”

  There, inside, was a gorgeous vintage gold band with a simple brilliant stone in the center.

  “It’s my mother’s,” he said. “And she gives it to you with her blessing. If you’ll have it. Will you marry me, Cora?”

  “Yes,” I said, tears pouring down my cheeks.

  He placed the ring on my finger and lifted me in the air—one-handed, of course.

  “I think it’s time to set sail, don’t you, Captain?” Dean turned to Lizzie, who was busy jumping up and down.

  She stopped short and shouted, “Yes, sir!”

  “Where are we going?” I asked.

  “I do believe you asked for a tour around the island.”

  I smiled, remembering my request made in the hospital many months ago. “Yes, I seem to remember I asked for something else, too.”

  “Ah, yes,” he said as I walked up behind him, never growing tired of the sight of him manning a boat. “Everything, was it?”

  “Mmm, yes, please.”

  He turned around and gave me a wink. “As you wish.”

  With the sun setting behind us and the future so bright ahead, I knew this was our forever. Our scars couldn’t hold us back anymore.

  Not when we had each other.

  And a world of possibilities waiting for us.

  A lie is told for many reasons.

  To protect.

  To cause harm.

  To garner something in return.

  But in the end, a lie has one purpose.

  To deceive.

  Aiden Fisher had finally conquered the art industry, making a name for himself as a world-class sculptor. Nothing could stop him. Nothing but a single afternoon with his doctor, delivering devastating news. Trying to escape his fate, he decides to hide out in a small inn off the coast of North Carolina.