Identity Crisis

by Rochelle Paige

  My eyes popped open at the snap in his voice. The look on his face was one I’d dreamed of seeing directed my way—one I’d written about but never actually seen. His eyes were like blue flames as his lust blazed from them. His cheekbones were tinted red and his nostrils flared. His hungry look was raw and animalist—lust in its purest form.

  My life was spinning out of control and there was only one thing I knew for sure right now. I wanted him. No, it was more than just wanting—I needed him. He made me feel safe. Wanted. Needed. “You want me.”

  “Not like this,” he answered with a strangled laugh. “Later on, when you know what you’re doing, if you still want this—”

  I pressed a finger against his firm lips, stopping him from saying anything else. “I know exactly what I’m doing and who I’m doing it with, Blaine.”

  He dropped his head, resting it against my forehead as he held my gaze. “I don’t want you to hate me later,” he murmured against my lips.

  Sliding my hands up his chest, I felt the beating of his heart and knew he wanted this just as much as I did. If I hadn’t been falling for him before now, this would have made me start. He was so damn noble. I parted my legs, wrapping them around his hips until he was nestled between my thighs. His cock rested against my pussy, only the damp material of my panties and his jeans between us.

  “I won’t,” I promised. “I could never hate you.”

  “Delia,” he sighed, his breath caressing my lips before his mouth captured mine. His tongue swept inside, stroking mine. Slanting his head, he took the kiss deeper, growling into my mouth and sucking my tongue.

  When his cock nudged at my entrance, I felt like I might die if he didn’t take me right then. “Please.”

  My pleading finally seemed to break Blaine’s control. Unzipping and shoving his jeans down, his cock sprang free. He held still for one moment, his eyes locked with mine before he pushed my panties to the side and thrust his hips forward, sliding his cock deep into me.

  “So good,” he moaned, his voice raspy with need. “I knew once I got into your pussy I was never going to want to leave again.”

  “Then don’t,” I whispered.

  “Be careful what you offer me, Delia. I might take you up on it,” he warned.

  He began to move inside me, slowly pumping his hips, his cock nudging my cervix before pulling out again. This was unlike anything I had ever felt before. His eyes held mine, boring deep into my soul. I felt stripped bare, but I wasn’t alone. It was shining from his eyes—Blaine was feeling as much as I was.

  “More,” I groaned against his lips.

  Blaine reached down and pulled my thighs wider so his cock could go even deeper. I wrapped my legs higher around his waist, needing him to keep thrusting. “Fuck yeah, sweetheart. Let me give you more.”

  As we moved together, the tension inside me built higher. Blaine powered into me, harder and deeper. Stroking over that spot inside me with each thrust, driving me wild.

  “Blaine!” I screamed as my pussy clenched around his cock, my orgasm exploding inside me.

  My body shuddering beneath his, Blaine thrust deep a few more times before following me into his own orgasm—his hot come spurting inside me. “Fuck, baby,” he hissed. “I took you bare.”

  My heart was already beating wildly, my chest heaving as I tried to drag air into my lungs. I wiggled in his arms, shifting my hips, and he slid out of me. “I’m on the pill,” I blurted. “And I’m clean. It’s been longer than I care to admit since I slept with someone.”

  “I’m clean, too. They tested me when I was in the hospital after my last mission.”

  “How long ago was that?” I cringed a little at my own question. Blaine was hot enough to draw female attention wherever he went. Plus he was a former Navy SEAL. When I’d been researching them for a book idea, I learned being a SEAL was like catnip to women. I had no doubt women threw themselves at Blaine. And often.

  “Since I was tested? Fifteen months ago.”

  My shocked eyes jerked up to stare at him. “Really?”

  “I was on a mission for a few months before then, so it’s been closer to a year and a half for me.”

  His answer astounded me. I found it hard to believe he’d abstained for almost as long I had. “You were in the hospital?”

  “Knee replacement.” He cocked his left leg up and ran his knee along the outside of my thigh. “Took a bullet to the knee. Shattered it beyond recognition.”

  I leaned to the side to look down at his leg, tracing a finger along the scar. “Was that why you left the Navy?”

  “Yeah, they gave me a medical separation. The joint replacement made me unfit for duty.” I could hear the pain in his voice.

  “Was it a difficult recovery?”

  He tucked my head against his chest, his voice a deep rumble as I listened to him talk. “It wasn’t easy, but I was lucky. Brody’s brother made sure I had the best medical care available. He flew a world-renowned orthopedic surgeon overseas and made sure he was granted privileges at the naval hospital so he’d be available for any surgeries Brody or I needed. Then, when we got stateside, he arranged for around the clock care: physical therapists, a nurse, and occupational therapist. He even hired a personal trainer. Plus I had access to a swimming pool and hot tub. It was better than the best rehab facility the military would have been able to provide.”

  “How long did it take?”

  “A few months before I was walking comfortably without assistance, but it still isn’t back to normal. The doctor said it can take up to two years until the scar tissue heals and I’m able to build my muscles back up. I’ll never be in the same shape again, though.”

  “I like the shape you’re in now,” I whispered, running my hand down his chest.

  “Not as much as I like your shape.” He thrust his hips upwards, still rock hard. “How’s your arm holding up?

  “Good,” I breathed.

  “The bruises?”

  I swiveled my hips. “What bruises?”

  “Sounds like now is as good a time as any to show you more of my skills.”

  ****

  Sex with Blaine was better than any sleeping pill. It put me right back to sleep and I woke up smiling. My arm felt better, too. He might have been right about rest being the best medicine. Although, the sex probably helped also.

  I was lying on his broad chest, my ear resting against it while I listened to his heartbeat.

  One, one thousand.

  Two, one thousand.

  Three, one thousand.

  I counted each thump in his chest. It was steady and slow, under sixty beats per minute. I could almost believe it was a machine except it had been beating wildly when I landed against his chest after our second round of sex.

  “I can hear you thinking.” His voice was husky, a hoarse rumble.

  “I thought your best friend was the one with a keen sense of hearing?”

  He tilted my head until I was staring into his eyes. “It’s a skill that seems to only work with you.”

  I blushed as I remembered how our earlier talk of his skills had ended up with him buried deep inside me. “Lucky me.”

  “I think I’m the lucky one.”

  “How’s that?” I was lying in bed with a man who was sexy as hell and he’d just dedicated himself to making me come. I had no doubt who the lucky one was—and it wasn’t him.

  “I found you.”

  His words were simple, but they sent butterflies soaring in my stomach. I cupped his jaw, enjoying the feel of his hot skin under my hand. “I’m so glad you did.”

  “So fucking sexy,” he murmured before dropping a quick kiss on my lips. “Which is why it pains me to say we need to get up.”

  “I have a better idea,” I whispered against his mouth. “How about we stay in bed and I show you some of my skills?”

  “I’d love to take you up on that offer, but Brody is going to be back any minute and I don’t think you want him to find us still in be
d.” His smirk was knowing...and sexy.

  “We’d have more time if you asked him to stop and buy me some more button-down shirts,” I huffed.

  His finger traced my bottom lip. “You’ve even got a sexy pout.”

  “I’m not pouting,” I denied, knowing darn well I really was.

  “If any man is going to buy clothes to cover up that hot little body of yours, it’s going to be me.” His voice was a growl. “You can wear one of my sweatshirts if your arm hurts too much to put on something of yours. Mine is bigger and should be easier to maneuver.”

  “Sounds good to me. I need to take another shower, too.” After two rounds of sex, I definitely needed to clean up.

  “Let me take a look at your stitches. It’s been just long enough that you might be able to get them wet in the shower as long as you dry them completely off when you get out.”

  Blaine led me into the bathroom and I flipped the lid down on the toilet seat so I could sit. I held my arm out and he gently lifted the tape from my skin and peeled away the gauze. Twisting my arm so I could see the damage, I was surprised by how good it looked. “It’s better than I thought it would be.”

  “Yeah, the wound is healing nicely,” he agreed. “You should be fine to shower without covering it up. Just don’t put your arm directly under the stream of water and pat it dry as soon as you get out.”

  “Will do.” My tone was sassy, and I followed up my reply with a quick salute.

  “Admit it,” he growled. “You like it when I’m bossy.”

  “Maybe I do in bed, but we’re not in bed right now, so march yourself out of here sailor. I’d like to get cleaned up before Brody gets back. I’m sure I missed a ton while I was sleeping and you’re going to fill me in as soon as I’m done in here.”

  I wagged my finger at him and he nipped at the tip. “Yes, ma’am.”

  Chapter 13

  Blaine

  Walking away from Delia when I knew she was about to be naked and wet in the shower was one of the hardest things I’d done in a long time. I’d just taken her twice, but I was still sporting a hard-on from the vision in my brain of water sluicing down her bare skin. Getting it up had never been a problem for me, but she made me feel like a teenager again—only with the hardest hard-on I could ever remember having.

  Control. In the teams, I was the guy known for always having it. When I needed it now, control was nowhere in sight. I knew Delia was to blame. She had the ability to make it slip from my hands in the blink of an eye. With her, I had very little self-control—pretty much none if I was perfectly honest with myself—and it scared the shit out of me.

  “Sleeping beauty still in bed?” Brody asked as he walked in the door.

  “In the shower,” I bit out, pissed he came back early when I knew she had wanted to be done before he returned. Even more so because I damn well knew he was thinking the same thing I had been, even though he had to use his imagination to picture her naked while I knew exactly what she looked like.

  When his eyes cut to the bedroom door, I wanted to punch him in the face. “I’m surprised you managed to pull yourself away from her.”

  I wasn’t about to admit how hard it had been to leave Delia. “I knew I needed to be out here when you got back, so here I am.”

  “Right.” His answer was a long drawl, which clearly said he knew I was bullshitting him, but he wasn’t going to call me out on it—at least, not directly.

  “Since when have you ever known me not to do what needed to be done?”

  His gaze flicked back to the closed door again. “Since never, but this situation is different than the ops we were sent out to complete.”

  “What we’re doing might not be sanctioned by anyone, but it’s a mission just the same,” I argued.

  “You aren’t exactly acting mission ready, Blaine. You positive you want to pursue this?”

  “I can’t let this go, Hack,” I growled in frustration. “Serena meant something to me.”

  “I get where you’re coming from. She’s the first girl you put your dick into.”

  “Fuck you,” I cursed, not appreciating his choice of words. “We grew up together. Our moms are friends. There’s more to this than the fact that I had sex with her way back when.”

  “But have you really thought about what you’re doing here? What you’re risking?” he asked.

  “She might not be one of my men, but it feels like I’m leaving her behind if I don’t do something about what happened to her.”

  “Serena’s already dead, Blaine,” he reminded me. “Are you willing to risk Delia over this? Because I see it when you look at her.”

  “See what?”

  “You’re different with her. Softer. Hell, you bend for her like I’ve never seen you do with anyone else. You told me yourself, you didn’t want her to go with you to Serena’s office but you let her because she asked. You hated the idea of pretending to be cops when we went to the hotel until she was on board with it. You were always the guy who never bends. Hell, you’re the one who drilled the only people we’re supposed to be lenient with into my head,” he muttered.

  “Pets and babies,” I finished

  “We both know she’s neither of those,” he continued. “She’s very much a woman. And I’m telling you now, Serena might have been your first, but you look at Delia like you want her to be your last.”

  “I’ve only known her for a couple days,” I mumbled, even though I knew it wasn’t much of a defense.

  “Are you lying to me or yourself? You and I both know relationships aren’t measured by how long you’ve known the other person. How many days did it take for us to become best friends?” he argued.

  “That’s not a fair comparison,” I argued. “It’s not like you and I met under normal circumstances.”

  “The same could be said for how you met Delia,” he persisted. “Maybe it’s not as extreme as hell week was, but the way you two met was still intense. Don’t even try to sit there and tell me you don’t know her.”

  “Fine,” I admitted. “She’s different. Amazing even.”

  “And that’s exactly why you need to get her out of here. I get why you didn’t let her go to the police at first, but using her as bait is a bad idea. There are too many ways it can go sideways. If you’re lucky, she’ll just end up pissed at you. But if things go to hell, she could be dead...or worse.”

  “Bait?” Delia repeated.

  When I turned, I found her standing in the doorway. Brody and I had been so focused on our conversation, I hadn’t heard her footsteps in the hallway. I wasn’t sure how much she had overheard, but I figured it was enough based on how her arms were wrapped protectively around her stomach, tears streaming unchecked down her cheeks. Her eyes were filled with hurt and betrayal, and it was my fault. I had caused that look. There was no doubt in my mind.

  I took a step toward her, but stopped when she shrunk away from me. Brody moved toward her, placing a blanket around her shoulders and leading her to the couch. It took all my control not to rip her away from him. She needed help and it killed me to know she wasn’t willing to accept it from me right now. I needed to keep myself locked down and under control. I had to try to handle the situation like I had all the missions I’d been on: with the same cool, calm, and collected outlook I was famous for having. The only problem was there wasn’t anything cool about the way Delia made me feel.

  “I’m going to hit the shower, give you guys some privacy to talk this out.”

  My gut clenched when Delia’s hand whipped out to grab Brody’s arm. “Don’t go. Not yet.”

  He sat down next to her and flung his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his side. “There’s a reason Blaine is called Saint. He’s a good guy. I knew it when I met him and he proved it time and time again over the years, right up to the day he risked his life to save mine and didn’t even get pissed when his time in the SEALs ended early because his knee was shot to hell carrying my ass outta the line of fire.”

>   Delia’s startled eyes flicked to me and moved quickly back to her lap. “He didn’t mention that part of the story when he told me why he left the Navy.”

  “He wouldn’t. Blaine’s not the kind of guy to trade against the things he’s done for his country or the people he cares about. He’d protect them with his life, doing it gladly and quietly without expecting anything in return,” he explained, his voice gentling as he continued. “Like I know he would for you.”

  She jerked a little as he finished. “You really think so?”

  “I know it for a fact.”

  I waited as Delia considered what Brody had told her, hoping she’d give me a chance to explain. It felt like my entire future hung in the balance. I knew I was getting ahead of myself, but I could too easily imagine having her by my side every day. In my bed each night. I didn’t want to lose my chance with her because of a decision I’d made before I knew what she could come to mean to me. One which all my training told me was the right choice to make at the time. A decision I couldn’t possibly regret. If I hadn’t made it, I never would have had the chance to get to know Delia.

  “Then I guess maybe I should hear him out.” Her voice was soft and her cheeks wet, but the tears had stopped falling.

  Brody squeezed her shoulders before standing and moving away from the couch. As he walked past me, he practically shoved me toward the spot he’d just vacated. “Take as long as you guys need.”

  I waited until the bedroom door closed behind him to sit down next to Delia. Taking her hands in mine, I placed a kiss on her palm before she jerked them away. When I heard the shower turn on, I knew it was safe to talk without Brody listening in. “I’m not sure how much you heard, but I swear I can explain.”

  Her arms were crossed in front of her body, fingers gripping the blanket tightly. “I walked in as Brody was telling you how bad of an idea it is to use me as bait because it might end up getting me killed.”

  “I wouldn’t risk you like that,” I swore.

  “Can you sit there, look me in the eye, and tell me you weren’t going to use me as bait?” The pain in her eyes was clear as day and it had nothing to do with her arm. What she’d overheard had obviously hit her hard. I needed to explain this so she understood how things had changed and when.