A Heart of Shame

by Kristen Banet

  “Well, you should have said that earlier.” Sawyer snorted. “Why didn’t you?”

  “Because I’m uncomfortable with it,” Jasper whispered to her as they started moving towards the sheriff’s office. “But the greater good, right?”

  “Yeah, the greater good,” Sawyer agreed.

  “Don’t feel guilty for this, Sawyer,” Jasper sighed. “This is the job. We do what is necessary to catch the bad guys.”

  “Yup,” she said softly.

  “Are you armed?” He asked as the sheriff’s office came into view.

  “To the teeth,” she answered.

  “Good,” he said with a finality, letting her know it was time to be quiet. Fine with her. They needed to focus.

  They dodged cameras as Jasper pointed them out. Sawyer cloaked them when they needed to go through the front door. She didn’t want him phasing through one of the thick walls, so the thinner glass was their only option. She hated holding the cloak for them both to phase, her concentration split between the two bodies trying to go through an object and keeping the cloak active, but she managed.

  As they crept down the hall, Sawyer keeping the cloak well maintained as Jasper led them to Stevenson’s office. Elijah had told them which door was the correct one before Sawyer had gone to get ready.

  Jasper gave her a nod and she phased in first, ready to attack anyone who might be in the small office. She waved a hand back through the door when she cleared it, and Jasper walked in next, also phasing straight through.

  She dropped the cloak and sighed. There were no cameras in the office, so she could take a breather.

  “Look through everything,” Jasper mouthed at her. She nodded and started shuffling through papers.

  She didn’t like what she found in the bottom drawer of Stevenson’s desk.

  A list.

  She snapped her fingers to get Jasper’s attention, and he appeared at her side. She handed it to him and watched him pale in the dark room.

  It was a list of people.

  Four of the names were the victims of their killer.

  They weren’t marked out or anything, just there. She didn’t know what to think about it, but they were going to keep it.

  She watched Jasper fold it up and slide it into his pocket. He gave her a nod and went back to his own section while she kept looking through the bottom drawer.

  In the silence of the night, she heard it: the rumble of Stevenson’s pickup truck. She looked over to Jasper, who narrowed his eyes towards the parking lot. He had his phone out and looked like he was snapping a picture of something.

  “We need to go,” she mouthed at him. He just gave a curt nod and pointed at the window. She cloaked them and phased through the wall to the outside. She reached through the window and held him steady, so he could get through with the prosthetic. It was a pain, and she hoped his Source had more energy than hers because she was going to get too low doing both of them at once constantly.

  They went behind the building and waited for a moment, Sawyer keeping the cloaking over them. They heard the truck cut off as what sounded like other vehicles showed up.

  “Fuck,” Sawyer mumbled. Jasper just nodded.

  They took off, running for it. They didn’t bother going back to the pick-up location. They beelined for the motel without looking back. They had to loop around the sheriff’s office though, which slowed them down.

  Once they were far enough away, Sawyer dropped the cloak.

  “Why would they all be there in the middle of the night?” Sawyer hissed to herself. Jasper responded anyways.

  “I don’t know, but I don’t like it. Midnight gatherings at the sheriff’s office? A list with our victims on it?” Jasper groaned and shook his head. “At least I got his address, but we didn’t have time to clean up as well as I had hoped.”

  “It’s always the easy ones,” Sawyer said sounding as if she was speaking from experience.

  “What?” Jasper frowned at her as they kept walking back for the motel. He had his phone out and Sawyer assumed it to text Vincent.

  “It’s always the easy jobs that go so wrong,” Sawyer elaborated. “The ones that are standard, should go as planned. They have developed a habit of going wrong.”

  “Why do you say that?” Jasper asked, looking distracted as he typed on his phone.

  “It’s how this all started,” Sawyer muttered under her breath. One easy job, should have taken thirty minutes on the inside to do during the security guards’ smoke break.

  “When do you want to check out his house?” Jasper asked her, sliding his phone into his pocket.

  “Tomorrow, while he’s at work. If he has kids, they should be in school.” Sawyer sighed. “Another ten minutes of walking back to the motel?”

  “About that,” Jasper groaned. “It wasn’t a total bust, and we learned the sheriff is doing some weird things at night.”

  “Nope, not a total bust,” Sawyer agreed. She kept her eyes ahead of her. No reason to look behind them. There was no one out at this time and it was dark enough that she and Jasper would just blend into the rest of the night.

  Sawyer liked that, blending into this darkness, under the glow of the moon. It felt like home, and she even had a friend there with her. For the first time in a long time, Sawyer thought that maybe she wasn’t truly alone in the dark.

  “I want you to start dream walking during my nightmares,” Sawyer whispered. She watched Jasper stumble to a stop and look at her. “We stepped around the conversation a couple of times now, but yeah, you can do it.”

  And maybe she wouldn’t be so lonely in her dreams, just like she wasn’t in the dark Texas night with him.

  “I can do that,” Jasper whispered back finally.

  “Thank you,” she said quietly, snaking her arm into his. They had walked like this as kids. He might not remember, but she did. She’d enjoyed doing it in town.

  They walked in silence together, over the yellow grass and between houses.

  When they got back to the motel, Sawyer held Jasper from going to his own room for a moment.

  “When’s Vincent getting back?” she asked softly.

  “In another ten minutes or so,” Jasper responded, frowning towards her door. “Is Quinn in your room?”

  “Yeah,” Sawyer huffed. She had forgotten for a moment that Quinn had decided to stand guard over her, now. It had been an eventful day.

  “He hates hotels and stuff or even sleeping in a room,” Jasper mumbled, explaining it to her. “Why?”

  “He wants to protect me,” Sawyer said with a sigh. Seconds of silence later, and Sawyer heard it, the soft growl of one of the wolves. Quinn opened her door and poked his head out. She gave him a weary smile.

  “Are you going to come in and rest?” he asked in the hoarse voice that sent shivers down her spine.

  “Yeah, but I was thinking about waiting on Vincent to make sure he gets back as well,” she told him. Jasper chuckled softly.

  “We’re fine, Quinn,” Jasper told him with a smile. “Just had to cut the trip short because Stevenson showed up with friends. We didn’t stick around to find out why.”

  “Jasper can wait for Vincent,” Quinn growled softly. He kept those ice blues locked on her. “You need sleep.”

  Sawyer raised an eyebrow at him and turned to Jasper, who seemed unable to contain himself. He turned away, and she narrowed her eyes on his shaking shoulders. When he finally turned back, he was composed and steady.

  “Wait with us, Quinn,” Jasper told him. “I’m going to get Zander and Elijah. We need to have a meeting.”

  Quinn just stared at her, and Sawyer stared back. She ignored the shirtless chest, the dark tan caramel skin so like her own, and the rippling muscles Quinn kept in perfect condition.

  She was having a hard time ignoring it. Her eyes followed the thin trail of dark body hair he had from belly button to… his pants. That line ended at his pants.

  I need to stop being horny, Sawyer thought to herself.
She’d just gotten laid a few days ago, and it had led to a whole mess of problems, just like she thought it would. She didn’t need to get riled up for another round with any of them again.

  And Quinn? He barely liked her, most of the time. Sure, they were growing in their friendship, but she was not going to pull off getting into bed without being bitten. Some bites, she was more than okay with. The ones she could get from Quinn? Those were probably more dangerous than she cared for.

  “So, everything went to hell,” Elijah grumbled as he came out of his room. Sawyer snapped out of her fascination with Quinn’s chest and shrugged at Elijah. Shit, he was also shirtless.

  “Not really.” she sighed, ignoring his lack of clothing with a professional and bored act. She watched Jasper bring out Zander next. “Are we all just going to stand here and wait for Vincent?”

  “Why not?” Jasper asked with a small lift to his shoulder. He pulled out the list she’d given him and handed it to Elijah. “I’m thinking these are all Magi. Our four victims are on it.”

  “Shit,” Elijah mumbled, taking it from him. “I’ll give James a call or Vincent will to get verification on everyone here. We don’t need their Registrar entries, as far as we know, so it shouldn’t take too long.”

  “I thought as much,” Jasper said, leaning against the motel’s wall.

  “So, Sheriff has friends he likes to see in the middle of the night, the fishy bastard,” Zander growled out.

  “We’ll talk all about it when Vincent gets back,” Sawyer told him softly. “No reason to repeat this once for each of you.”

  Vincent did get back, and they all talked about what their next move would be. It hadn’t been much of a discussion in Sawyer’s opinion. Elijah sent a copy of the strange list to James, and that would take time for more information to come back. They had no idea when another one of those meetings would be, so they just had to wait and get lucky to see it again.

  But they had the sheriff’s address, and that was something they could do something with.

  “The school day here starts at eight a.m.,” Jasper told them from his computer. “We’ve seen the sheriff wandering the town quite early in the day. My guess would be, if he has kids, that he drops them off then gets to work.”

  “No wife?” Vincent asked from his spot, sitting on his desk. “And why is it so hard to find out anything about this damn man? We’ve never had a local law enforcement guy this secretive.”

  “Have we seen him with a wedding ring?” Jasper asked back.

  “No,” Sawyer and Elijah offered at the same time. She narrowed her eyes at him, and he chuckled.

  “I’m more interested in the ring he does wear. I’ve had James running it through our known symbols database. He hasn’t gotten a solid hit on it yet.”

  “Known symbols?” Sawyer frowned.

  “Non-Magi people use it for gang symbols and things of the like, but the IMPO? Anti-Magi symbols, cults, things of that nature. Similar reasons. People get that stuff inked onto them or wear it, and it’s impossible to remember them all. I gave James a quick sketch of the ring and sent it in already.” Elijah pulled out his own notepad, and Sawyer took it slowly. She flipped it open, curious to see it was actually a sketchbook. Elijah the artist? She eyed him before looking down to the sketch he was pointing at.

  It was perfect.

  She had known he had skills and tried to flip through the sketchbook to see more, but he snatched it away.

  “I wanted to see if you draw a bunch of naked men and women to appease those hot fantasies I know you have,” Sawyer teased. Elijah purred, leaning in close.

  “I don’t need to draw hot fantasies, I just need to ask you to fulfill them,” Elijah growled playfully at her. She would have in that moment. Like Quinn, he didn’t have enough clothing on. All of that was a problem, and there were other problems in the room.

  “Cute,” Sawyer huffed, rolling her eyes. “Maybe you should get on your knees to start begging.”

  “I don’t do anything on my knees but-”

  “Stop it, you two,” Vincent cut in, sounding patient and expectant. Sawyer winced and looked over to him. She shrugged at his bemused expression. He almost cracked a real smile.

  This was interesting. He was giving Zander’s hand a jealous glare just a few days ago. She looked over to Zander and Jasper, whispering about something in the corner. Neither of them seemed to care, either, and they had been all up in arms.

  Maybe Elijah just wasn’t a threat to… whatever these guys all seemed to think she had with them. Thoughts for another time, Sawyer decided. It was the middle of the night, and they had work to do tomorrow.

  “I’m going to bed,” she said quickly. “Unless we want to talk in more circles. We just don’t have enough information right now to come to any definitive answers, in my opinion.”

  “You’re right.” Vincent nodded at her. “You should all get some sleep. Tomorrow we break into the sheriff’s house.”

  Sawyer looked at Quinn, who just nodded to her. She stepped through the wall into her room and immediately dropped into bed.

  Quinn came in later, and, just like every other time, he laid on her bed and seemed to just wait.

  “Get some sleep, Quinn,” she ordered, her back to him. “No reason to stay up all night for me.”

  “I’ll sleep when my boys are rested and stay up for me,” Quinn responded quietly. She rolled over and looked at him, propping herself up on an elbow. Enough moonlight came through her window to illuminate him and the room well enough for her eyes to adjust.

  “Thank you for this,” she said, watching him carefully. He turned to her and she saw his nostrils flare. He leaned down towards her, and she held her breath as he got close enough for their noses to barely touch.

  “You have given me a gift, and I return it,” he growled. “You teach me, so I am not weak, therefore I shall protect you so that you are not. Pack mates, team mates. This is our duty to each other. To protect, teach, and cover each other’s weaknesses.”

  “Friends,” Sawyer added. “This is something friends do for each other.”

  “Are we friends?” he asked, and she saw confusion flash through his icy eyes. It reminded her that Quinn had originally not wanted her around.

  “I like to think we are,” she whispered.

  “Thank you,” Quinn mumbled to her. “I was… unkind to you when you arrived, on purpose. And yet, you decided to give me the gift of patience and courage, even when I felt this…” She heard and saw the confusion at the end.

  “Describe it,” Sawyer demanded. She wasn’t tired, the adrenaline from the mission still coursing through her veins, and she felt like Quinn needed to talk, now.

  “It hurt, it was embarrassing. It makes me feel like I’m being attacked,” Quinn told her, looking pained. “And I’ve felt it before but I… don’t know the word for it. And I don’t want to tell Elijah or the guys. They don’t seem to… know what it is. It makes me feel weak.”

  “I promise you, they know what it is.” Sawyer sighed. “And it’s called shame. You were ashamed of being less than the other guys. But you aren’t, Quinn. You aren’t less than anyone here. You’re different and that’s okay. That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

  “You continue to gift me with things, even ones I don’t understand,” Quinn mumbled. “Go to sleep, before I’m forever in your debt, friend.”

  “There’s no debt between friends, Quinn.” Sawyer chuckled, rolling back over. “Feel free to speak with me at any time. I’m always willing to listen.”

  “Good night, Sawyer, my friend,” Quinn whispered in her ear, just as her eyes became too heavy to stay open.

  The nightmare came fast and landed on her swiftly.

  She was killing someone. His name wasn’t something her memories could give her. He was dying already, her dagger deep in his chest. Blood poured out.

  A rush of dread bubbled up in her as she looked upon the blood pouring out of the wound. The body dropped. She h
ated this. She hated all of this. She only did it to protect him. She had to do it for him.

  And she became lucid.

  “Sawyer,” Jasper called out. “Let go of the hilt.”

  She did, the dagger she held dropping to the floor and disappearing. She looked to him, her heart twisting in pain and shame. He knew what she had been doing in this nightmare abyss her subconscious tortured her with.

  “Which one was this?” he asked, taking her hand and pulling her towards him. He wiped the blood off her hand.

  “This was kill number three,” she answered him.

  Something shifted again, and Sawyer felt another Source, another Magi in this dark domain of her nightmares.

  “Do you feel that?” Jasper asked softly. “I’m not the only one here…”

  She searched the darkness of her subconscious and found it. She roared at the black, shapeless form in the dark.

  “Wake up!” Jasper snapped. Then he was gone. Then the shape was gone.

  She was flying out her bed, Quinn beside her, the wolves growling.

  She grabbed a dagger before phasing through her door. Jasper was there on the outside, as well. Something must have woken the entire team up, the wolves or Jasper, because they were all out there, searching for the Source of another Magi.

  They searched the night. All of them, not bothering to get dressed, not bothering to worry about it.

  “Where are you?” Sawyer roared into the dark when they found nothing an hour later. Quinn pulled her towards the motel as she heard the wolves howl back in response to her question.

  “There’s a chance…” Jasper panted next to her at their doors, leaning on the wall. “That he’s dream walking from farther out.”

  “How?” Elijah snarled. “What would give this ass the ability to have such distance?”

  “Astral projection,” Vincent answered, leaning against his door. “But shit… when have we run into someone with that power before? We haven’t, I’m positive.”