A Cry For Hope (ARC)

by Beth Rinyu

  “I know,” she replied just as we were turning into the driveway. I dug into my purse, and handed her a pack of gum and a tube of lip gloss. “You need to have fresh breath and kissable lips at all times,” I teased.

  She took off her seat belt and laughed. She kissed me on the cheek and hugged me. “Thank you for always being my cool Aunt Hopie. I’m so happy to be a mini-you.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “My dad always calls me ‘Mini Hope’. He says I look and act just like you when you were my age. I just hope that I grow up to be just like you.”

  “Aww, thank you so much, sweetie. That means so much to me.” I looked out the window and waved to the man riding around on the lawnmower.

  “Oh, that’s Austin’s dad,” Alexa said.

  I nodded, feeling a little better knowing that there would be some adult supervision. “Well, you have a great time and don’t do too much smooching!”

  She got out of the car and stuck her head in door. “I’ll see ya’, Aunt Hopie! I love you!”

  “I love you, too. Have fun!”

  I watched her walk up the driveway. A teenage boy, fitting the description of Austin, came out of the garage with a basketball in his hand and the two of them immediately began to shoot hoops. I sat in the car and watched them briefly. Oh, Alexa, enjoy this time in your life and remember every single second of it.

  I sent Patty a text letting her know that I had dropped Alexa off and that I wouldn’t be coming back due to a “stomachache”. She replied back with a sad face. I felt kind of bad about lying, but I knew that this was Nick’s last chance to try and work things out with Angie. I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that for him. I went up to my room and threw Nick’s gift on my bed. I stood in the middle of my bedroom, not knowing what to do. Six o’clock was just a little too early to go to bed so I went back downstairs, poured myself a glass of wine, and curled up on the couch.

  I was about an hour into my ‘80’s teen movie when I heard my mother coming through the door. “Hey, did Patty and Bobby give you a ride home?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I just came home really quick to grab some clothes. I have to pick up Alexa and stay overnight with her.”

  “Why? What’s going on?” I asked, hitting the pause button on the remote.

  “Oh, Patty’s dad was up on a ladder cleaning out the gutters and fell off. They think that he broke his leg. She and Bobby are driving up there to see what’s going on because the doctor is saying something about doing emergency surgery.”

  “Oh no! I hope everything is okay. Why doesn’t Alexa just sleep over here?”

  “That’s what I said but, apparently, she already invited her friend Tammy to sleep over so I just told Patty I would stay there.” My mother rolled her eyes and waved her hand in the air. “Teenagers, you gotta love ‘em!” I looked at her and smiled. “How’s your stomach?”

  “Huh?” I replied, almost forgetting about my little white lie. “Oh, it feels much better,” I said.

  She ran upstairs and packed her overnight bag. “I’m going to go right to the bakery tomorrow. Carol’s opening so I don’t have to rush,” she said as she came back down the stairs.

  “I can open, too, if you need me.”

  “It’s your birthday! I’m not going to make you work! Besides, she’ll be fine. Sunday mornings usually aren’t that bad.”

  My eyes widened. Was she serious? Sunday was one of the busiest mornings of the week. “Mom, it just another day! I really don’t mind working; in fact, it will help take my mind off of things.”

  “Well, if you want to, that would be great; if not, don’t sweat it.”

  “I will be there bright and early.”

  “Thank you, sweetie. You’re not going to be afraid here, sleeping alone?” she teased.

  “Oh, I think I can handle it,” I laughed.

  She leaned down to where I was sitting on the couch and kissed me on the cheek. “I’ll see ya’ in the morning.”

  “See ya’!”

  She was almost to the front door when she turned around. “Oh, how did Nick like the scrapbook?”

  Ouch, I almost forgot about that. “I never got a chance to give it to him.”

  “Oh, why not?”

  “Well, his fiancé showed up and I don’t think that she liked me very much so I thought it would be best… well, you know.”

  “Got ya’. But she needs to understand that you and Nick are just friends.”

  I waved my hand as if it wasn’t that big a deal, hoping that I was making myself look believable. “If worse comes to worse, I’ll just mail it to him.”

  She shrugged her shoulders and nodded. “Yeah, I guess. Good night, honey. I’m putting the deadbolt on.”

  “Okay,” I shook my head and laughed. I un-paused my movie and took another sip of wine. White Zinfandel in my glass, big hair on my television, and an ache in my heart -- the perfect way to spend a Saturday night.

  I was just about to head up to bed when my cell phone began to ring. I was so happy when I saw that it was Nick calling. “Hey, you! How’d everything go?”

  “Are you home?” I immediately sensed despair in voice.

  “Yeah. Is everything okay?” I asked.

  “Can you just meet me somewhere?”

  “Come over. My mom’s not here. She’s spending that night at Bobby’s.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you in a few.” My stomach dropped when I hung up the phone. I knew something bad had happened just by the sound of his voice. I was hoping that I wasn’t the cause of it.

  I opened the door as Nick walked up the driveway. I could see the pain in his eyes right away. “Nick, what's the matter?” I asked.

  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a beautiful princess cut diamond ring. “It's officially over.”

  “What happened?” I closed the door behind him and led him over to the couch. I sat down next to him and watched as he looked down at the ring and ran his thumb over the diamond, then hurled it across the room.

  “She fuckin’ cheated on me!”

  “Oh no! How do you know?”

  “She was starting to grill me about you, making accusations, trying to get me to say that I slept with you.”

  I shook my head in confusion. “Why?”

  “So she wouldn't feel as guilty about telling me that she cheated on me. She said it was a one night thing. I fuckin’ hate her Hope.” The pain in his voice was breaking my heart.

  I pulled him close, allowing him to bury his face in my shoulder. His whole body was shaking. “My life is so fucked up. I've got nothing.”

  “Nick, don’t say that. You’ve got a lot. You’ve got a great job, a great family, and you got me!” I tried my best to make him smile. He didn't respond. I hugged him tighter. “Everything is going to be okay. I know that nothing I say right now is going to make you feel better about the situation because I know from experience that it hurts like hell, but I promise you that it will get better.”

  I kissed him on the top of his head and he finally spoke, “Thank you, Hope. I really love you.”

  “I love you, too,” I whispered. I wished that there was something that I could say or do to make him feel better, then I remembered his present. “Hey, I made something for you.” I stood up and pulled him from the couch.

  He followed me up the stairs into my bedroom and took a seat on the bed. I took a seat next to him and placed the scrapbook on his lap. A very welcoming smile stretched across his face once he opened it and scoured through the pictures. I waited until he got to the last page, which was the prom picture of Billy and me, and waited for his reaction. I watched as some of the pain from just a few moments ago left his face. He shook his head and laughed. “Hope, this is really great! I love it!”

  “Well, I couldn’t have you forgetting about me while you’re gone. I’m going to miss my buddy,” I said, trying to sound a little less serious than I was actually feeling.
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br />   “I’m going to miss you, too, Hope -- a lot. I would never forget about you. You helped me so much and I’m so thankful to you for that.”

  I waved my hand in the air and smiled. “I didn’t do anything. You helped yourself.”

  “No, Hope, you really did,” he said, sounding much more serious. “I seriously felt like I didn’t want to live anymore before I met up with you again. So thank you for coming back into my life when I needed you the most. I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have you to talk to tonight.” I leaned my head into his shoulder. “You are the strongest person I know and I just hope that your husband realizes what he has in you.”

  “Thank you. I don’t know what I’m going to do without you,” I whispered, unable to fight the tears that were building up in my eyes.

  He hugged me tightly and pushed my hair from my face. Staring into my tear-filled eyes, he gently grazed his lips on mine. He stared at me intently before his lips meant mine once more, this time with much more intensity. My tongue eagerly collided with his as he ran his hands through my hair.

  He took my face in his hands, looking at me for approval. “I need you, Nick, and I think you need me in the same way. So just for tonight, please, let’s be here for each other.”

  He lifted his t-shirt over his head and closed his eyes as I traced my fingers along the huge scar that ran from his shoulder to his chest. My heart ached, wondering how that had happened to him. I stood up and removed my shorts and shirt. He stared at me in just my bra and underwear for a moment, tracing his finger down my neck. He pulled me back down onto the bed and unhooked my bra, throwing it on the floor. My body quivered as he trailed his tongue down to my breast, and I moved my hands up and down his bare muscular back. We lay down on my bed and he kissed me once again. I could feel the emotions coursing through our lips. His fingertips traced the waistband of my underwear before he removed them. He gazed at my naked body and I had never felt more at ease with myself than I had at that moment. “You are so beautiful, Hope. Everything about you is so fuckin’ beautiful.”

  I pulled him closer and kissed him again. Everything inside of me needed him tonight. I needed to feel worthy again, and I wanted Nick to feel the same way. And just like our first kiss, I wasn’t nervous; instead, I was excited. I wanted to experience something so beautiful with someone that I cared for so deeply.

  He removed his pants and boxers, and I pulled him closer, welcoming him to enter me. I let out a cry of pleasure when I finally felt the fullness of him inside of me. He tilted my chin up so I was looking into his eyes. “I want you to know that you deserve to feel good. You deserve to be happy and I want you to enjoy every single second of this.”

  As he began to move, I lifted my hips, meeting him with each thrust. It was so surreal being with Nick in this way. I had never imagined that this would be happening. Nothing about it felt wrong and everything about it felt so right. He was so caring and gentle. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to enjoy it as my hands explored every inch of his body. It felt so strange to be making love to another man, but everything inside of me trusted him in every way. Just feeling his muscular arms around me made me feel safe. He wrapped my leg around his waist, taking himself deeper inside of me. I was getting so much joy out of seeing the look on his face and knowing that I was making him feel just as good as he was making me feel. My emotions were on overload and my body was oversensitive to the pleasure that Nick was bestowing upon it.

  I pulled him closer when all of my feelings came to the surface. He took my face in his hands as I screamed his name and my body melted around him. He kissed me with a sense of urgency and continued to move faster and harder before burying his face into my hair and letting out a pleasurable groan as he found his own release. He stared down at me, while trying to catch his breath. “Thank you,” he whispered. The tears began to fill my eyes as I hugged him tightly. He turned on his side and pulled me closer, and I broke down in his arms. He gently pushed my hair from my face. “Don’t, Hope. Don’t ever regret this. Promise me.”

  I shook my head. “I won’t, not ever.”

  He kissed me on my forehead and I closed my tear-filled eyes as we silently lay in each other’s arms.

  “I have to get going. I still have to finish packing. I want to leave by five tomorrow morning.”

  “Okay,” I whispered. I sat up on my elbow, feeling the need to express my greatest fear to him. “Nick, I don’t want this to change our friendship. I mean… I don’t want things to be weird between us now because of this.”

  He caressed my face and shook his head. “You will always be my best buddy,” he said, leaning over and kissing me on the cheek.

  “You promise?” I whispered.

  “Yeah, I do,” he replied.

  We both got up and dressed. He grabbed his scrapbook and we headed downstairs. I walked over to the spot that he had thrown the ring and picked it up.

  “I don’t want it,” he snapped as I tried handing it to him.

  “Nick, you’re just really angry now. Take it. Even if you don’t give it back to her, you paid a lot of money for this.”

  He shook his head, refusing to take it from me. “I don’t want anything that reminds me of her.”

  I placed my hand on his shoulder. “I will hold on to it for you and when you’re ready to take it back, you just let me know. Okay?” He didn’t respond. I could see the torment building in his eyes once again. I rubbed my hand up and down his arm and stared at him, waiting for a response. He finally gave me a half-hearted nod.

  I felt myself becoming emotional once we reached the front door. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me on the forehead. “Have a great birthday tomorrow. I wish I could be here to help you celebrate.”

  “Yeah, me, too.”

  “Just be happy, Hope.”

  I nodded. “I’m going to try.” He smiled and wiped the tears that were streaming down my face. “Have a safe trip back and please be careful, Nick.”

  “I will.” He leaned down and kissed me on the cheek before pulling me close and hugging me tightly. “I love you, buddy.”

  “I love you, too… always.” I whispered back. I didn’t want to leave his arms, but I knew that I had to. He flashed me his dimples one last time before heading out the door. I stood in the doorway, already feeling completely empty as I watched him drive away.

  I awoke the next morning with the sunlight streaming through my blinds. It was my thirty-fourth birthday and besides feeling a little depressed over being another year older, I was feeling even more down, knowing that Nick wouldn’t be here to spend it with me. My heart ached even more, thinking about the two other people that I had normally spent my birthday with that wouldn’t be around, either. My mind began to wander as I lay there, trying to muster up the energy to get up and shower. I sighed just thinking about last night. I was having such mixed emotions over the whole thing, but it happened and there was nothing that I could do to turn back the hands of time. Even if I could, I wasn’t quite sure if I would change it. It was perfect. Nick and I were there for each other, allowing us to temporarily forget our problems. I stretched before finally getting out of bed.

  I took a quick shower and blew dry my hair just enough to throw it up in a messy bun. I quickly dressed with just enough time to spare for a cup of coffee. I was just getting ready to take my first sip when I heard a knock on the door. I looked at the clock and wondered who would be visiting this early in the morning. I shook my head, knowing exactly who it was. My mother must have had to stop home for something. She was constantly grabbing her other set of keys without the house key on it. I grabbed my cup of coffee and flung the door open. My stomach dropped to my knees and tears rushed to my eyes when I saw Jamie standing there. He was dressed in jeans and a black polo shirt, painfully reminding me of just how handsome he was. He was holding a present in his hand, and excitement and guilt flowed through my veins. I opened up the screen door and let him in.
“I-I thought you were in San Diego.” My voice was cracking with such emotion that I didn’t even recognize it.

  “I had to come back a couple of days ago to finalize a case here. I’m headed to the airport in a few hours to go back. I just wanted to stop by and wish you a happy birthday.” His gaze was intense as he looked me over from head to toe. Part of me wondered if he had sensed that I had changed, that I was no longer his faithful wife.

  I cleared my throat and tried to pull it together. “Did you want some coffee?” I asked.

  He shook his head. “No, thanks.”

  “Do you have time to come in and sit down, or did you have to get going?” I asked.

  “No, I’ve got a few minutes.”

  I led him into the living room and we took a seat on the couch.

  He handed me the gift that he was holding. It was wrapped beautifully in purple paper -- my favorite color. I bit my lip and nodded, trying my hardest not to cry in front of him. I missed him so much, I loved him so much -- and I cheated on him. I was feeling lower than low.

  “Open it,” he smiled.

  I slowly took off the paper and lifted the lid on the box. I gasped and was no longer able to control my tears when I saw the beautiful shadow box collage frame of photo’s filled with Charlie. They were pictures of him that I had never seen before that I recognized immediately as professional shots. “Where…where did these pictures of him come from?” I asked, holding back my sobs.

  He looked away like he was trying to gather the strength to speak. “I had them taken of him a week before he -.” I watched as he swallowed the lump in his throat. “I was going to surprise you. I finally picked them up yesterday.”

  “They are absolutely beautiful.” I couldn’t take my eyes off of them. My Charlie, looking so handsome, dressed casually in a white button down shirt and khaki shorts. He was posing by the water, then by the rocks, but my favorite was a raw shot that captured Charlie’s personality to a tee. He was sitting in the sand digging away like he was deep in thought. So many times I would watch him on the beach digging in the sand like he was on a mission. This photo conveyed that memory perfectly. This was who Charlie was.