Falling for Ava

by Pamela Ann

  I was biting my lip when he looked away, glancing at his watch. “You have about six hours until I come back for you. Will that suffice?”

  Nodding, I lowered my lashes, thinking this was how things were going to be between us. “Yeah, I suppose it will.”

  “We’ll go for dinner somewhere to celebrate the occasion, then we can head straight to my house afterwards,” he blandly informed me, like he was telling me about the weather forecast.

  “Lovely. I look forward to it.” This situation was far from lovely, but what was done couldn’t be undone; as a result, it was best I think positive thoughts for the months to come before the baby was born.

  When we got back to The Savoy, he offered to take me upstairs; however, I insisted I was fine and could manage on my own. Reiss didn’t argue with me. I was almost positive he had the same feeling as me, like he couldn’t get away fast enough so he could breathe. It wasn’t necessarily similar to choking, more being claustrophobic, as if I was trapped and the walls were closing in on me, limiting my breathing room, intimidating me to break. Hopefully, I wouldn’t come to a point where I couldn’t fight it off.

  Back in the safe confines of my room, I looked around, silently saying goodbye to my surroundings. I didn’t have many items to bring with me since I was still practically living out of my suitcase. Although, Ashton had told me he was going to have all of my personal effects sent to me once I had a permanent address.

  As I slowly gathered my belongings, my mind meandered towards tonight and what might happen. If he and I were a normal couple, I’d be giddy with excitement, and we’d probably be in bed by now, rutting out our passion for one another.

  Pushing the sadness away as I took out the jewelry container I had in my purse, I slowly opened it, pulling out the only thing that was left of the past—a reminder that he truly had once loved me with his whole heart.

  The modest ring with its speck of a diamond made me tear into a spiraling sob that couldn’t be pacified any longer. I didn’t stop until I had nothing left to draw out, drained and dried out.

  Just as my miserably state had begun to lessen, my phone rang, as if the devil had summoned the person responsible for my sorrow. Well, as it turned out, I had no reason to worry at all as to how the wedding night was going to progress since Reiss would be held up for quite some time at work and wouldn’t be able to take me to dinner.

  “It’s an emergency meeting I can’t cancel. Will you be okay if I just send my driver to come for you and take you to the house?” He sounded as if there were a lot of things on his mind. He seemed distracted as I heard the shuffling sounds of paper.

  “Yeah, that would be great. You needn’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” I tried to sound as convincing as I could, hoping he wouldn’t detect in my voice that I had spent a long time howling and bawling my eyes out until they were bloodshot and dry.

  Ten hours into the marriage, and I could already foresee how it was going to work. Sighing off my rejected feelings, I vowed to find my footing again and have a social life that didn’t revolve around waiting for Reiss. Maybe I could busy myself by meeting new friends and taking part in hobbies that wouldn’t be too taxing to my present state.

  Out of sight, out of mind. Perhaps I should take on the philosophy. It might cure me of this Lovesick Only for a Besotted Moron Syndrome.

  Checking out of the hotel almost made me feel a little sad. Possibly it was because I wasn’t sure how things were run in his household, but the daunting feeling that lingered couldn’t be shaken off. Subsequently, I braced myself for the next chapter of my life.

  His driver came and deposited me at his three-story home in Belgravia. It was a little overwhelming since I hadn’t truly seen this side of Reiss—the wealthy side. True, his office building, his car, and the way he dressed portrayed him as a polished, rich, successful business man, yet seeing his home, the personal effects inside it, made it blatantly obvious that he had come a very long way from the man I had known. If his impressive original collection of Renaissance and Neo-Renaissance paintings were something to go by, my mother would’ve probably worshipped at his feet if she didn’t know his real identity. My mother respected people through the size of their bank accounts, which would’ve grandly placed her new son-in-law as a gem in her lovely, superficial eyes.

  I was proud of him and what he had achieved. I doubted a lot of people had the capability or the capacity to become this powerful. It was humbling to see him thriving; however, I couldn’t help the fact that I wished he’d be the same guy inside. Clearly, to a certain extent, power and an unlimited source of cash had delivered some sort of impact on him.

  His home had a black and white marbled entryway that led to two stairways. The living room had an edgy contemporary style to it with two, white sectionals facing each other and a massive, black lacquered coffee table in the middle. The décor was minimal, yet the effect made one feel like they’d dirty their surrounding if they dared to sneeze. It wasn’t necessarily homey, but judging by his personality, I was convinced this made him feel quite at home.

  There were two staff employed in his household who lived here. A butler named Alistair and a cook named Bronte. Both were polite but imposed a cool reservation, possibly because they had no idea where in God’s name I had come from or what relation I had to Reiss. I was positive he wasn’t the kind to air his dirty laundry with his own staff.

  My quick exploration halted when Alistair prompted me that he’d show me to my room. Quietly following in his wake, I was informed by him that Mr. Chambers occupied the entire third floor, and I would be in one of the guest bedrooms, which were located on the second.

  After Alistair led me into the bedroom, I declined his offer to have Bronte come up and help me unpack. Since I only had a luggage and a half, there was no need for her, because I had a lot of time on my hand, anyway.

  Without unpacking, I placed my phone and my purse on the table beside the bed before I sighed and took off my shoes and slid down my trousers. Dressed with my top and underwear on, I slid inside the comforts of my new bed. My back had been giving me a lot of stress lately, and after the wedding this morning and the emotional upheaval that I battled with myself over each time Reiss was around, I was more than ready to sleep the night away. The bed felt like a dream, and it didn’t even take me a full five minutes until I was in a deep slumber.

  Chapter 25

  Ava

  Something alerted my senses, causing me to slowly drift out of my sleep. It was as if something was pulling me out of my subconscious, gradually making me highly aware of my surroundings. It was the sound, the smell, and the primal instinct that told you there was another person in the room with you. Though my lids protested opening, they somehow made it halfway, allowing me to groggily scout the room, wondering what had woken me.

  The first thing I noticed was my left hand, splayed across the bed with the ring Reiss had given me a little over a week ago, sparkling brightly at me. I was a married, unmarried woman. The thought bubbled out of nowhere, making me release a crucially melancholy sigh.

  “Already regret marrying me, huh?” The question made me look across the bed, meeting his critical stare as he sat on the opposite side of the bed, possibly gazing at me sleeping.

  Slowly pushing my body to do a half sitting position, I made a face, hoping to make light of the situation. “I’ll let you know once I do, but so far, it’s been okay. Nothing monumental or anything of the sort.”

  He looked relaxed with his dress shirt un-tucked and a few buttons undone, mesmerizing emerald eyes, and a face that made women go gaga for. I couldn’t help but eye him with gusto.

  “How was the meeting? Did it turn out the way you wanted it to?”

  “Yes and no,” he responded with a serene look on his face, glancing at me with a look I couldn’t decipher. “I apologize for not taking you out. I know the situation isn’t the most ideal, but I hope you and I will have an amicable relationship, especially in the upcoming month
s.”

  Sigh. Why did he have to ruin the spell I was in? I knew it was an illusion, but I wanted a few moments more without being reminded of what had brought me here in the first place.

  “I know, Reiss. I promise I won’t come in between you and your life. I mean that. You won’t even know I’m around. It’s best that I start having my own life here again. So, if you’re worried about any of that, you shouldn’t.”

  “I hope this newfound drive to start having social life doesn’t include boyfriends.”

  His comment took me aback. “Boyfriends?”

  “Men you go out with and share everything with without the intimacy—a clause that was clearly stated in our pre-nuptial agreement.”

  The bastard had woke me up for this? If he had dealt with such a rough day, he could very well find someone else to work out his stress from all of his work baggage.

  “I read it, Reiss, but nowhere did I read in there that I couldn’t have male friends! Besides, even if I did become friends with other males later down the road, what is it to you, anyway? It’s not as if I would be shagging and flaunting them before you.” He was pressing on something I hadn’t even thought of, which only infuriated me some more. How dare he throw stipulations when he himself had someone on the side?

  “Don’t play with fire, Ava, or you might not like the consequences.” His warning tone put me over the edge of madness.

  I growled, wanting to slap him as I slid off the bed and rounded it to reach him, ready to bring down all the pent up anger and wrath I’d been harboring since we had met again.

  “I have been bloody patient with you. Every time you’ve done something deplorable, I always try to tell myself that it was your right to treat me like I’m nothing but dirt on your heel because I caused you pain in the past. But you’ve taken everything out of me. I’ve exhausted all my patience in trying to tolerate your beastly behavior!” My shrill voice echoed in the room while Reiss gave me a stony look that said he was beyond insulted I was lashing out on him. Well, this whole pity-party was over. I was done making excuses for his measly treatment of me. “You’ve done nothing—not a damn bloody thing—to ease your horrid attitude towards me. If it makes you feel all-bloody-fucking-powerful, well, go right ahead. I’ll just fucking pretend that you don’t exist since most of the time you do the same to me. Your unfounded and biased opinion about having male friends is ludicrous. Why deny me another man’s company when you yourself don’t make that sacrifice to show me the same kind of respect? Why should I bother? Why should I care about what you think?”

  “The thought is not unfounded since you have my child growing inside you! What is it with you, Ava? Why make such an easy request sound like it’s a life sentence?” He flashed his anger at me, his eyes darkening as he slowly got up from the bed, all six-foot-three of him looming above me, hovering in an intimidating matter. “Are you so deprived of male attention you don’t care what others think of you? Is this what you did when poor, dearest Ashton didn’t shower you with attention—throw a bloody tantrum, maybe tease and shag another man to make him come to his senses and beg of your return? You had better listen well, love: I’m not going to tolerate seeing you slutting your way around while you’re pregnant with my child. The moment you cross this fine line, Ava, I’ll hire security to detail your every move.”

  I wasn’t sure what prompted me, but my palm made its way towards his face, slapping against his cheek at such a speedy rate he barely blinked from the impact. “I hate you. I really fucking hate you!”

  His hand massaged the injured cheek, his nose flaring as he glared down at me. “Good. The feeling’s mutual, princess.”

  Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones taking over me, but I felt possessed by something far greater than I could control. My train of thought was hazy as my senses fully focused on the anger that pounded in my veins, boiling in blood. Every agonized thought I had for him was channeled into more anger with every single breath I took.

  “My mother was right; you can never dress a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I cannot believe I spent a bloody decade crying for you. I should’ve listened to them, then I wouldn’t be here, stuck with you.”

  He sneered, looking disgusted with me. “You’re becoming a real piece of work, Ava. I say give it a year or two, and you’ll be well on your way to becoming just like your mother.”

  Ouch.

  I opened my mouth to say something, but I had nothing for rebuttal. He was comparing me to a woman I loathed more than anything, and for him to do that was something I couldn’t fathom. Then, out of nowhere, I felt like I had committed the biggest mistake of all by holding on to a sliver of hope that he’d possibly come around—not soon, but someday. It wasn’t going to be, especially not when he saw me as my mother. Maybe being around him wasn’t all that healthy any more.

  “I … I want an annulment,” I blurted out, shaky and breathless.

  “No,” he gritted out, his jaws locking.

  “Fine. Then we’ll get a divorce.”

  His hands cupped the sides of my arms, almost shaking me to come to my senses as he pushed me backwards. “I. Said. No.”

  I was a fool, a fool in love. And I had let that steer me towards something that could very well eviscerate me completely, threatening to dissolve my own sanity. My identity.

  “Fine. I’ll just go ahead and leave then.” I tried to use all my might to push him off, but he remained unmoved, as if all of my effort hadn’t even made a dent. “Let me go.”

  He wouldn’t budge. “Well, tough, you’re not going anywhere! You’re staying here, in my home, with me.”

  God, how I wanted to hurt him, make him feel just a bit of what I was going through, although even if I did, it wouldn’t change a thing. It would only serve in hurting me even more.

  “I can’t be here, Reiss. I think we both know that.” Shaking my head, I felt worn and exhausted. “We’ve barely been married for a day, and we’re at each other’s throats. It makes my marriage to Ashton look like a walk in the park.”

  “How dare you mention his name at a time like this! That man did nothing but steal you away because he felt threatened by me. He has done nothing except harm, and here you are, praising the man I wanted to kill with my bare hands.”

  We were back in the past again. He spoke as if it had only happened yesterday. Had his anger warped his mind to hold onto such a grudge that wasn’t relevant any longer? Did his vindictiveness stretch that far?

  I could feel the sharp burn behind my eyes, threatening tears as I took the risk in glancing at him. His expression, though still angry, caught me off guard when I found him staring at my lips. Then, when he dipped his head to kiss me, I moved my head to the side, not wanting to continue the hell that would come after he had his way with me.

  “Please, don’t—don’t insult me like this.”

  His lips kissed my cheek, trailing across to my ear while the tip of his nose inhaled my scent. “I hate you … but I hate myself more for wanting you. When you’re not around, things are back to normal. But, whenever you are, I just have this consuming need to kiss you and fuck you until sunrise.”

  I couldn’t take hearing him say it out loud, especially not when I was feeling at my lowest. I was far too vulnerable to fake my way out of this rut.

  “Then let me go. It will make things easier for us.”

  “That’s the thing—I can’t do that, either. I like the fact that I can see you whenever I want to. I like knowing that you’re sound asleep under my roof or if you’re eating well. I like having you here.”

  “Stop—” I nervously heaved when his hand cupped my breast while his mouth busied itself with my neck, arousing me to submit to him.

  “You want this as much as I do. Why deny us the pleasure when it’s clear you and I can’t get enough of each other?”

  “If things were just that simple, I’d probably let you have your way. But it isn’t with me, Reiss. I don’t know if you’re acting blind, but I’m sure you alrea
dy know I’m in love with you, so it’s not that simple for me.”

  He was breathing raggedly, and his hand had stilled against my breast as I waited for his response.

  Tears prickled again as the seconds flew by, and I wondered what kind of damage I had caused this time.

  “I want you, and I have accepted the fact that I always will. But that’s all I can give you, Ava. And even if I tried to love you, my entire existence revolts at the thought of what loving you might cause me this time.”

  I sniffed, holding back a sob. “I’m sorry. I know there’s no possibility of it, but I still had to say it.”

  “I’m sorry, too, for not being the man for you. Ten years ago, I would’ve moved mountains to have you and your heart. I was so crazy for you I was willing to look like a complete idiot as long as I had you with me, in my arms, loving you each day. But that was years ago, Ava. You can’t keep living in the past. I don’t want to hurt you, but sometimes, I can’t control this bitterness that resurfaces each time I see you. And, yet, my body desires you like you’re its drug. Sex with you is like nothing I have experienced before. I thought how good it was with you was all in my imagination all these years, but after that night in your room, I knew I wasn’t imagining it anymore.” His body pressed against mine as he whispered into my ear, making me all the more confused about my feelings for him.

  “Fucking you scares the living hell out of me because it is only you who has the power to unman me. It’s a battle between wanting to experience Heaven and what kind of Hell could come out of it. This is what I experience every time I look at you. So, if I’m acting hostile, you know I’m fighting the need to ravish you on sight.”

  Licking my lips, I couldn’t help getting aroused at the thought of him struggling with his attraction to me. “How are you fighting this battle now? Are you winning or losing?” Sex was such a powerful tool that women could use to their advantage. Knowing this made me feel as if I had something to hold against him, though to what extent? How could I gain a foothold without compromising too much?