Falling for Ava

by Pamela Ann

  “Okay. Thank you, I suppose.” My finger toyed with the ends of the cushion. I felt at odds with myself because, each time I gazed at him, I couldn’t help wondering when he’d plan to stay the night again. Or the important details of his vanishing act, the aftermath of it, anyway. Those two questions were something I could not possibly say out loud without repercussions. Both posed the threat that he could very well walk out of here without saying another word, and I did not want that to happen since he had taken his jolly time to visit me this time.

  “Did Father tell you the timeframe of when the divorce will be finalized?”

  “He and his team are working on it. He hopes that the decree nisi will be made absolute by the courts in a matter of days as long as Ashton doesn’t oppose anything in the contract.”

  “In a matter of days?” Bloody Hell. I hadn’t seen that coming. When he had mentioned expediting the process the last time he had been here, I’d thought he meant weeks stretching to a few months. But in a matter of days? I was rendered speechless. Did he plan to marry the next day since he wanted me to be his dirty little secret? Fuck. I hadn’t thought that I’d be upset about it, but somehow I was. All those inner talks I had held with myself flew out the window the moment I realized I would be saying my vows much too soon. Could I mentally prepare myself in less than a week? In a few days perhaps?

  “When do you plan to marry?” I cautiously asked him while the profound distance between us felt palpable.

  “I applied for a special marriage license a few days ago, which should arrive in a day or two. Once your divorce is approved, we could get married as soon as arranged.” He pulled his phone from his breast pocket, his face expressionless when he said, “If your divorce is granted within five days, we could marry the day after.” He sounded monotonous, as though we weren’t talking about marriage at all. It was like a rehearsed speech, with no feelings involved.

  Pressing down the bubbling hysteria that was about to erupt, I shook my head, not agreeing with him. “If it’s granted within five days, we’ll marry on the third day after.” I was standing my ground because there were things that were important to me, and I needed to learn how to tamper those down before signing my life away to be his somewhat kept secret.

  “Very well. That’s not a tough request. I can easily accommodate that.”

  I’m sure you can, I quietly mocked as I plastered on a saccharine smile. “Thank you.”

  “And, as for the wedding, since we are pressed with time, do you have any reservations for it taking place at the registrar’s office in Westminster?”

  “No.” This was a business transaction, nothing more. He was treating it as such, and thus, any fanciful notion about fairytales was absolutely crushed. “The registrar’s office is perfectly fine. I mean, I had the grand wedding with Ashton with all the frills and grandiosity one could manage. Something simple would be more fitting the second time around.”

  “Yes, your wedding had all the trappings and embellishments. Your father didn’t spare any expense for his only daughter.” His comment weighed heavily with unmistakable sarcasm.

  What an odd thing to say, especially coming from him.

  Licking my lips, I frowned at him. “I suppose it was lavish compared to standard weddings, but it wasn’t—”

  “It was,” he immediately interrupted. “You know it was. You don’t have to be ashamed to admit that the wedding of the year wouldn’t be dubbed as such if it didn’t cost an obscene amount of money. The flowers were specifically flown in from South America, weren’t they?”

  “It was one of my mother’s ingenious ideas, as was the rest.” Sure, the wedding had been beyond costly, but my father had believed then that I was only going to marry once; therefore, he hadn’t imposed a budget. “The days leading up to the wedding were such a fiasco that I was almost willing to bet it’d be a complete disaster when the final day arrived,” I said out loud, my thoughts transporting me into the past. “Chaotic though it was, everything came out beautifully.”

  “As did you,” he coarsely said, sounding strained. “You looked just like I pictured you would—breathtakingly enchanting, as if you just stepped out of my dream and came to life.”

  Was that a compliment? Did he really used to dream of me that way … in a wedding dress? Yes. The old Reiss would have. It brought immeasurable sadness as I thought of the wasted love he had for me—his love that I could never get back.

  Pasting on brave smile, I played his compliment coolly, like it didn’t affect me greatly. “The society magazine photos surely didn’t capture anything breathtakingly enchanting, not as far as I can remember.”

  His eyes zeroed in on me, the emerald greens pulling me in. “Possibly, but I can’t attest to that since I never saw the magazine.”

  “Oh.” I was beyond confused. “We only released those photos for the feature, but I wasn’t aware that there were more floating around.”

  “Who said that I saw it from the media?”

  There was a long pause while I stared at him hard, brows furrowing, as if I was trying to solve the solution to world hunger. “But, if you didn’t, then …”

  The pin dropped.

  I vehemently shook my head, scoffing in protest. “You can’t possibly mean … it’s just not…”

  His face hardened, seeming carved of stone. “Is it really, Ava?”

  He was toying with my mind because he was twisted enough to like seeing me uncomfortable.

  “It’s just not, Reiss. I mean, I don’t see why?” I was almost screeching at him with my body sitting halfway off the sofa, clearly ready to argue with him.

  He gave me a lasting look, casually shrugging before his gaze dropped, perusing the table that sat between us. “I don’t know…” he murmured to himself before he raked a hand over his hair, looking more confused by the second. “Maybe because I wanted to really see it for myself. Maybe because I needed to hear you give your vows to be his wife. Maybe I needed another reason to stay away from you forever.” He seemed like his thoughts were far away, recalling that very day.

  “At first, I convinced myself I needed some type of closure from you since we parted in such an awful manner, and then I could leave in the middle of the ceremony. But, when I saw you emerge from the car … looking exactly as I had pictured you … I would constantly get these dreams of you walking down the altar towards me. Seeing you look that way, something violent happened inside me, and all I wanted was to stop you from marrying him.”

  Dear Heavens. How could I truly delude myself after hearing him say these things? I wanted to beg, yet again, for another try, but I was far too scared of being rejected once more.

  Swallowing the hard ball of hurt that felt like it was stuck in my throat, I was almost in tears as I asked him one vital question, “What stopped you?”

  “You were standing in the aisle, ready to walk down as they fixed your veiled train. Your hands were almost white as you gripped your bouquet. The choir started and everyone in your wedding entourage went about their positions, waiting for their time to march down the aisle. It was then that I saw you gaze towards the altar, seeking his eyes, as if you needed strength or maybe encouragement that he was madly in love with you. He nodded, smiling at you, and you smiled back as if everything had suddenly become okay. Any protests or notions I had then disappeared. So I left and never looked back.”

  But I didn’t even recall doing that. Maybe I had. All I could remember from then was how nervous I had been and how much I hadn’t wanted to be there. For weeks, I’d had nightmares that were so vivid they never failed to leave me in tears. It would always be Reiss, telling me to follow his heart, and I would eventually find mine. Funny how our subconscious were both giving us signs—omens—we did nothing about. Well, I did nothing.

  “Had you appeared to me then, I would have run away with you. I could’ve been with you, married to you instead of him.”

  “What happened was for the best, even though I didn’t think so then
. But, after a few months passed, I got over it. I got over you along with the pathetic love I had so proudly vowed never to take for granted. We were young and didn’t know better. I’m glad things turned out this way, anyhow. At least I found out that love could be found again with the right woman and not someone who’s barely more than a child and didn’t know what being selfless meant.”

  However, I wasn’t that naïve girl any longer. Couldn’t he see that? And what did he mean about finding love again…?

  “When you said you found love, are you speaking in a past tense or present tense?”

  “Present,” he uttered without hesitation.

  “Oh,” I whispered in a small voice, trying to hold it together. “So … is she around?” Were they even together? The web of confusion thickened.

  “Very much so, I’m afraid.”

  My nails dug into my palm, hoping I’d draw blood. I felt entirely numb from the crashing blow after blow he was stabbing me with. “Does she know about me and what you’re planning to do with me?”

  He sighed, giving me a stressed look before checking the time on his wrist. “If you really must know, she and I agreed that, when the time is right, we’ll be together. She understands where she stands with me, and that’s all that matters.”

  There it was, life telling me to royally fuck off. The harm had been done, and there was nothing that could be built from the ashes. I simply had to deal with my reality—that Reiss was another woman’s man, and he was making the ultimate sacrifice to appease my father for reasons I wasn’t so sure about. Whatever it was, he was willing to put his life on hold to do my father’s demands before he went back to her.

  “Had you told me in the very beginning, things would’ve been very different between us. But, from here on, I promise you that you can rest assured that I won’t do anything to jeopardize your relationship with her. Even after everything, I still want you to find happiness, and I mean that with everything I am.”

  I was his first love, but sadly, I wasn’t his last.

  Chapter 24

  Ava

  “Are you sure you don’t want your parents to attend?” Allie skeptically looked at me. “I know this isn’t the most ideal of situations, but it is your wedding day, in case that teeny bit escaped your notice.”

  “I’m very sure.” I was going to meet Reiss in a few hours’ time.

  When he had offered to pick me up or send his driver to take me to the location, I had declined his offer, saying I had Allie with me and she had her own means of transportation.

  We were in my bedroom, and I had just had the urgency to try on the outfit because my stomach had growled with such ferocity earlier that morning that I simply couldn’t resist indulging myself with a full English breakfast: half a cup of coffee, a bowl of fruit along with a bowl of freshly made cream, a pair of croissants, and a chocolate bar of my favorite Chunky KitKat.

  Relief spread through me when the buttons didn’t appear to be on the verge of popping off. The powder blue outfit paired with a cream lace camisole underneath made me look feminine, yet I still appeared business-like and reserved. Though, the suit never used to sit this way—skin-tight and snug.

  I supposed I could credit most of my recent weight gain to a sporadic burst of cravings. The cravings intensified if I didn’t tide them over with crackers or plain toast. My breasts appeared like they had doubled in size overnight. How was that even possible?

  I was frowning down at my cleavage when Allie started speaking again.

  “Don’t get me wrong, the suit looks fantastic on you, but … as your best friend, I feel obligated to warn you that this outfit will forever be in pictures. That, I believe, is history, love. And, if it were me, I’d make sure I looked more than stellar, not that you don’t, because you do. But, bloody fuck, a suit? It’s criminal, Ava! Even if it’s Chanel we’re crucifying here. If she were alive and standing here before you, she’d give you the same advice.” She definitely was mystified, staring at me as if I had committed the worst crime of the century. In her eyes, maybe I had.

  Weddings to her meant elaborate occasions, just like my marriage to Ashton. She even dared to point out that she did her investigation, and with Reiss’s monetary worth, he could very well buy his own country to dictate if he so wished it. She believed he was a blasted scrooge for not being willing to dish out a fortune on the wedding because I was already carrying his child. Her theories were so unhinged I simply had to roll my eyes.

  “Christ, Allie, did I not emphasize that this was all business? This union isn’t going to last. It’s only temporary. So, clearly, we both find it fitting that we do it in the simplest, quickest way possible without any hassle.”

  “Fine. As long as it suits you both, I suppose I can’t detest it as much,” she conceded, giving me a wry smile.

  I knew that truly bothered her, and I couldn’t love her more for showing concern. However, the days leading up to this particular one had truly opened my eyes as to what Reiss was going through—sacrificing his own happiness for the sake of his child. It was a noble thing to do; yet it merely proved to me that love wasn’t everything. There were instances that could jeopardize everything you had, placing you in limbo. Those sometimes important details could not be disregarded; they required selfless sacrifices that could be detrimental to the future of our loved ones.

  “Thank you for being here, Al,” I said as I wrapped my arms around her, feeling a little stronger that she hadn’t questioned my sanity as to why I’d go through such a farcical union. “This means everything to me.”

  “Oh, come off it, lady. You and I have been each other’s cheerleaders, even though we sometimes aren’t as confident with the other’s decisions. Regardless, we support each other, anyhow, because that’s what friends do. I’ll hold your hand even if you’re blindfolded and have no idea where this journey could lead you. Maybe following your heart this time around instead of using your brain might do you the world.”

  “It’s not like that,” I denied my feelings towards Reiss, hoping someday I’d truly believe it.

  She gave my cheek a peck before whispering into my ear, “Lie to me all you want, but promise me that you won’t deny your heart.”

  Who knew anymore…? My confidence in myself when it came to the very man had been rather difficult since I was fighting something that wanted to be unleashed. However, circumstances had shifted since then. I hadn’t considered—not even for a blinking second—that he could be in love with someone else. A blind spot was what people usually called it.

  *

  “You may kiss the bride,” the registrar announced in a booming manner. I almost felt like an utter fraud for getting married with such unconventional reasons.

  My guilty conscience gradually ebbed away when I met Reiss’s unreadable gaze before he softly planted a chaste kiss on my lips.

  “Congratulations, you two little buggers!” Allie delightfully announced, bursting in between us before she gave us a jolly good embrace. “Well, since I’m the closest thing to a sister this little nutter will ever have, welcome to the family, Reiss.” She placed a kiss on his cheek, somehow breaking the iceman-like demeanor he had surrounded himself with since we had arrived. “I mean that in the least temporary way, if you know what I mean.”

  My ears turned bright pink. “Allie!” Why would she dare embarrass me this way? I wanted to die on the spot.

  She simply brushed off my strong glares and fully focused on Reiss. “Seriously, I think you two are some sort of star-crossed lovers. It’s so bloody romantic.”

  “That’s enough, Allie. Please, I beg of you.” The things that were coming out of her mouth made me feel nauseous and beyond nervous. How could she even say that this was romantic? Why would she say such things after I told her this was purely business?

  She sighed, smiling at me and appearing as though she was about to cry.

  “Bloody hell, Allie. I’m going to murder you when I see you next.” I couldn’t even make myself
look at Reiss. I’d die if he found this amusing, and if he didn’t, I’d die twice as hard.

  Allie sniffed before she wrapped her arms around me. “I love you, Ava, and I’m proud of you for fighting for what you feel is right. I know I’ve always made fun of your choices, but I also failed to mention that I would never be as brave as you, risking everything because it’s the best thing for you.” Her arms squeezed me harder before whispering into my ear, “This is your chance to win him back. He loved you enough to propose to you once; you can make him fall for you again. Don’t lose hope, my love.” Releasing me lightly, she gave me a wink before leaving a kiss on Reiss’s cheek and waving goodbye since she had a business appointment she couldn’t get out of.

  After signing the remaining paperwork, Reiss and I left the city council, striding alongside each other as he reluctantly held my elbow, guiding me with him. Once we were outside, greeted by the mild cool air, he let out a long sigh.

  “Well, that was quick.”

  It was. I thought that was the speediest wedding ceremony I’d ever been to. I did not want to dwell on it much longer, though, because then I’d end up in a pity party for one.

  A few minutes later, we were both comfortably seated in the back of his car, and I was anticipating who would break the ice of silence between us. His distant demeanor wasn’t surprising, although I would’ve appreciated it if he made a little effort not to make things even more awkward.

  “I have to get back to work, but I’ll be over tonight to help you gather your things.”

  I frowned at him, confused. “Excuse me?”

  It was his turn to furrow his brows, his forehead creasing as he directed me. “I expect you to move into my home tonight. Why do you look as though this is the first time you’ve heard of it?” He sounded as if I had exasperated him, making me a tad bit edgy.

  “No. I had completely forgotten about it. I mean, I knew I was eventually going to move in with you, but it had escaped my notice that it would actually happen tonight.”