by Minot, Diana
“Sounds like a lot of people are planning to go to that same bar in Lakeview we went to during orientation. You guys all want to do that?” Elise asked. Everyone nodded.
“I can’t stay too long, though,” Whitney said. “I booked a flight back to Texas for 7 p.m. tonight, and, of course, I still have to pack.”
“Why in the world would you do that to yourself?” Elise asked.
“It was a lot cheaper. The flights start getting more expensive every day closer you get to Christmas,” Whitney said with a shrug, and resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Elise probably did not bother to even look at the price difference on flights when she booked tickets home.
“Okay, well come out at least for a little bit! We have to have at least one celebratory drink together!” Elise said.
“Of course! Let me go home and pack, and I’ll just stop by on my way to the airport. I’m only taking a small carry-on, so I’ll just drag it to the bar with me.”
As Whitney started shutting down her laptop and putting away her things, she could not resist stealing a quick glance in Ben’s direction. As usual, Kate was leaning over the desk at him. Ben did not pay much attention to Kate’s overt flirtations, but that never seemed to deter Kate. Whitney turned away and pushed Ben and Kate out of her mind. Today was a day to celebrate, not wallow in self-pity. She had completed the first leg of her journey toward a law degree and a better life.
A few hours later, Whitney stepped into the familiar Lakeview bar, pulling her wheeled carry-on behind her. She spotted Elise and Jamie and made her way over to them. Elise squealed when she saw Whitney and gave her a big hug, spilling a little bit of the beer she was holding in the process.
“We’re halfway done with our first year!” Elise said, and then did a little dance, spilling more beer.
“Ha, looks like you’ve had a few already,” Whitney said. Jamie gave Whitney a hug as well, just as Lincoln and Alex arrived back from the bar with drinks in hand.
“Lincoln, you look so much more relaxed!” Whitney said.
Lincoln shrugged. “It is whatever it is, now. I did the best I could possibly do, and it’s time to enjoy the holidays!”
“How long before you have to head to the airport?” Alex asked Whitney.
“I have an hour,” Whitney said, and Elise made a pouty face.
“Only an hour? That’s not long enough to properly celebrate!”
“I know, but at least I can have one toast with you guys. Let me go grab a drink.” Whitney headed to the bar. It was crowded with law students, many of them already well on their way to being drunk. Whitney smiled. She had not been out drinking for almost a month, and it was somehow strangely comforting to see the familiar sight of rowdy, buzzed law students. The fact that she felt that way probably showed bigger issues overall with the profession of law, but she decided not to worry about that right now. She got a few hugs from students she recognized as she edged up to the bar. Everyone was in a good mood, and relieved to be done with their first set of finals.
Whitney flagged down a bartender and ordered a beer. While she was waiting for him to pour it, she turned to find Ben standing next to her. At first Whitney thought he had not seen her and would try to leave as soon as he realized she was standing right there, but he looked right at her and smiled awkwardly.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” Whitney said, her tone wary.
“Look, I’m sorry I kind of disappeared and left you hanging. I just…have been going through a lot and I didn’t handle it well. You didn’t deserve that.”
“Okay,” Whitney said. She was not quite sure what to say in this situation, and it did not help things that her heart was pounding with excitement at being in such close proximity to Ben. His eyes were tired, but his face looked as handsome as ever. He was wearing a navy fitted Henley shirt, and the color made his blue eyes pop. Whitney had forgotten how gorgeous he was up close.
“I hope you can forgive me, and we can still be friends. I miss you, and I don’t want things to be awkward between us. I miss hanging out with you. And with the group.”
Whitney was disappointed that he had added the part about the group. It made it seem less like he missed her specifically, and more like avoiding her was inconvenient because it meant he had to avoid their mutual group of friends as well. Still, this apology was better than nothing. Whitney had been doing her best for the last several weeks to push down every thought of him that popped up in her brain. His standing in front of her now made her realize she had missed him much more than she allowed herself to admit.
Whitney put on a brave smile and decided that, at this point, some contact was better than none. “Of course we can still be friends! In fact, I’m about to go toast the end of our first semester with the group. Why don’t you grab a drink and come join us.”
Ben gave her a grateful smile and flagged down the bartender to order a beer. A few minutes later, they walked back to the rest of the group. Elise raised an eyebrow when she saw Whitney and Ben together, but even in her tipsy state she had enough sense not to say anything right then. Alex gave Whitney a questioning look, but also said nothing. Whitney was sure that both of them would be texting her later, demanding to know why she and Ben were suddenly speaking again.
“Ben, good to see you! Where have you been, man?” Lincoln asked, oblivious to the fact that there had been tension between Whitney and Ben for the last several weeks. Lincoln may have been a genius when it came to the law, but his emotional intelligence seemed a little bit below par at times. What else could be expected, though, from someone who had spent the majority of the semester with his head stuck in a casebook?
“Um, I’ve been around. Just busy with studying and stuff,” Ben said.
Before there was any chance of things getting awkward, Jamie jumped in and raised her glass to start the toast. “Congratulations, guys, we did it!”
They all clinked their glasses and shouted, “Cheers!” Whitney looked at her new friends and felt an immense sense of relief. The first semester was the hardest part. Next semester would bring its own challenges, but at least she had some great friends, and a better idea of what to expect.
Whitney listened to her friends talking and laughing for the next forty-five minutes. She did not say much, and tried to steal furtive glances at Ben. At one point, Alex poked her in the ribs, and Whitney knew he had caught her. She just stuck her tongue out at him. She was not going to apologize for the way she felt about Ben. She hoped next semester would bring a chance for her and Ben to cautiously resume their relationship.
When it was time for her to leave for the airport, she said goodbye to everyone and promised to stay in touch over winter break. She wished she could stay longer, but she could not afford to miss her flight. Everyone gave her a hug goodbye, and when it was Ben’s turn they looked at each other awkwardly for a moment before he reached in and gave her a quick hug. Whitney’s heart ached with the familiar feeling of his arms around her, and she had to force herself to leave to catch the train to the airport. She boarded her flight for Texas and closed her eyes as the plane backed away from the gate, smiling as she replayed Ben’s apology over and over in her mind. Law school would be better next semester. The worst was over.
Chapter Seventeen
The relative warmth of Texas was a welcome change for Whitney. Although Dallas was still cold in the winter, it was nothing like Chicago. And with no snow on the ground to worry about, Whitney could enjoy wearing shoes that were not snow boots.
Whitney’s parents picked her up at the airport, and peppered her with questions the whole forty-five minute drive back to their house. Whitney was tired, but she did her best to sound upbeat and give answers that showed law school had been a good decision. She knew her parents were trying to find a reason to claim that her choice to go to law school had been a mistake. She was not going to give them that satisfaction.
When they arrived, Whitney went to bed and fell asleep almost as soon as her head
hit the pillow. She did not wake up until 9 a.m. the next morning, which felt wonderful after all of the recent mornings that she had risen early to study. She got out of bed, showered, and put on comfortable jeans and a fitted t-shirt. Then she headed out to meet Rachel for an early lunch.
Rachel wrapped Whitney in a big bear hug as soon as Whitney arrived at the restaurant. Whitney returned the hug and sat down with a huge smile on her face. It was so good to see her best friend’s familiar face. There had been some tense texts over the last few months, and Whitney had worried that things might be strained when she saw Rachel. Those worries had been for nothing.
As Whitney scanned the menu, Rachel launched into a long summary of what Whitney had missed while she had been in Chicago. Whitney laughed at the juicy gossip about their mutual acquaintances. She had already heard some of it through calls or texts with Rachel, but there was nothing quite like Rachel’s animated, firsthand accounts of scandalous events.
“Oh, and Ethan proposed to that crazy girl he’s been dating. At a Cowboys game no less. He made a big deal out of it and got the local news to cover the story. Their first date was a Cowboys game or something, so it was ‘just perfect.’”
Whitney froze. Ethan was her ex-boyfriend. The one who had dumped her after eighteen months of dating because he found someone new. “Well, their first date was before Ethan and I actually broke up, so of course it was just perfect.” Whitney did not even try to keep the bitter edge out of her voice.
“Whoa, are you still hung up about that?”
“Well, I just think it’s shitty that he wasted a year and a half of my life acting like he was into me, and then ran off with that bimbo.”
“It was shitty of him. But look how much better off you are than him now! You’re going to law school, Whitney. You’re going to be a lawyer! He’s going to be stuck working low level management jobs his whole life, trying to scrape together enough money to pay for the kids Ms. Bimbo has with him.”
“I guess.” Whitney stared intently at the list of chicken entrées on her menu. Rachel reached across the table and pushed the menu down so she could see Whitney’s face.
“You guess?”
“At least he has someone. I’m still alone.”
“Oh, god, Whitney. Are we on that again? I thought you had vowed to be an independent woman who did not need a man to be happy.”
“Yeah, well, I tried. I can’t. I suck at life.” Whitney picked her menu back up and moved on to studying the steak section.
“Okay, fine. You don’t want to be alone. Fair enough. But are you really going to tell me that out of all the guys at law school, you can’t find a single one worth pursuing other than Ben?”
Whitney sighed and put her menu down. “You don’t get it, Rach. They’re all way out of my league. Expensive undergraduate degrees and perfect pedigrees and the latest and greatest of everything money can buy.”
“No, you’re right. I don’t get it. I don’t get how a smart, beautiful woman like you feels that someone else is better than her just because of his bank account.”
“It’s just hard not to feel out of place. But…I think I still have a shot with Ben,” Whitney said, watching Rachel’s expression carefully. She had predicted Rachel was not going to be thrilled about this, and she was right. Rachel’s eyes narrowed but she did not say anything, waiting for Whitney to continue.
“A bunch of my friends went out for drinks yesterday to celebrate the end of the semester. Ben was there, and he apologized to me for disappearing. He said he had a lot going on, so he was feeling overwhelmed. He told me he missed hanging out with me and hoped we could still be friends.”
“And you’re going to let him get away with trying to sleep with you one day and dropping off the face of the earth the next?”
“We weren’t even officially a couple yet!”
“No? So you weren’t a couple but he would have been okay with sleeping with you. And this is the guy you think is law school’s finest.”
“Oh, don’t be so traditional, Rachel. Everyone has casual sex these days.”
“Not me,” Rachel insisted.
“Fine. Everyone but you.”
“Look, I’m just saying, there’s something fishy about this guy. He acts all into you and then disappears for no reason. Then he offers an apology out of nowhere. At the very least, it seems like he’s not someone who knows what he wants.”
“I know it sounds weird, but I promise you if you met him you would understand. He’s smart, funny, gorgeous, and easy to be around. He’s an amazing person. I don’t know why you can’t just be happy for me.” Whitney crossed her arms. She knew she sounded whiny, but for the last year and a half, Rachel had rained on her parade every time she mentioned being interested in a guy.
Rachel sighed. “I just think you need to think about what you want. If you really want to be with someone, then great. But don’t settle for Ben just because he’s cute and available and you’re afraid of being alone.”
Whitney still said nothing, but her expression softened. Rachel was only trying to look out for her.
“What happened to that girl I knew who would rant that society’s unwritten rule about needing a man before thirty was ludicrous and kept women down?” Rachel asked.
“That girl is almost twenty-seven. It’s easy to say you don’t need someone when you’re twenty-two. When you start closing in on thirty, it does start to get a little bit scary. You realize that the pool of good, available men is dwindling rapidly at about the same time that you realize your childbearing years are not going to last forever.”
“I know it’s hard to be alone. But it’s even harder to realize you’ve wasted time with the wrong person. You should know that, after Ethan,” Rachel said. Whitney cringed at the mention of her ex-boyfriend.
“So he actually proposed to her at a football game?”
“Yup.”
Whitney rolled her eyes. “I would have hated that.”
“See! Good thing you dodged that bullet!”
The girls laughed, and the conversation circled back into juicy gossip territory. Whitney relaxed. It was good to be home and having lunch with her best friend. Things with Ben were still unclear, but had taken a step in a positive direction. Texas was a chance to regroup for next semester.
On Christmas morning, Whitney woke up to the smell of blueberry pancakes wafting into her room. Her mother made homemade pancakes for breakfast every Christmas, and the familiar smell always brought up an array of Christmas morning memories. Even though her parents did not agree with her on many things, Christmas was always a chance to find common ground and enjoy being a family. Whitney smiled and rolled over to grab her phone and check the time. 9:26. She was definitely taking advantage of time off to catch up on sleep.
She had a text from Alex, and unlocked her phone to read it. Hey, Kid. Merry Christmas. I know it will be hard to top your amazing Thanksgiving, but try to have a good holiday! Whitney laughed and texted back. I’ll do my best. Try not to miss me too much. She then texted Elise, Jamie, and Lincoln to wish them a Merry Christmas. She was not sure whether Elise would get the text, because she was traveling to Aruba with her family for Christmas, but at least she tried. Within minutes, however, she had received a text back from Elise. Merry Christmas, Beautiful! Miss you! Xoxoxo! Whitney smiled. You could feel Elise’s exuberance even through a text message. And, of course, Whitney should have realized that Elise would have an international data plan on her phone.
Whitney got up and brushed her teeth, then started brushing her hair and putting it up in a ponytail. She would shower and change out of her PJs later. Right now, it was time to get downstairs and inhale some of those blueberry pancakes. As she headed out of her room, she picked up her phone and paused, agonizing over whether she should text Ben. She did not want to scare him off, but she also did not want him to think she was still avoiding him. He had said they were friends, right? And there was nothing wrong with texting a friend to say Merry Ch
ristmas. Whitney shot off a quick text before she could change her mind, then left her phone on the dresser before heading downstairs. She knew if she took it with her she would be tempted to check it every few seconds.
Whitney hugged her parents and wished them a Merry Christmas, then helped them finish getting breakfast on the table. After they ate, they moved to the living room to exchange presents. Over the last few years, they had settled into a standard routine of gifts to exchange. Whitney would get her mom a gift basket from a bath and body store, and her dad, an avid reader, would receive a book. Whitney’s parents would give her a book, as well, along with an article of clothing—usually a new blouse. Whitney was surprised, then, when she entered the living room and saw a large box under the tree.
“What is that?” Whitney asked.
“It’s for you,” her dad said. “Open it!”
Whitney walked cautiously over to the package as if it might spontaneously spring open. Should she have gotten her parents something different, too? No one gave her any hint that their gift exchange might be different this year. She slowly tore open the package to find a box printed with the words “Rolling Utility Cart” in large letters. Whitney looked at her parents, slightly confused.
“It’s a utility cart. It rolls. And folds!” her mom said. Whitney was still confused.
“It’s kind of like a mini-shopping cart,” her dad explained. “You can take it on the bus, so when you go to the grocery store you have an easier way to lug your groceries home. Your mom found it at Target after you told her you were having trouble carrying groceries home.”
Whitney opened the top flap of the box and looked in at the cart. It was the perfect size to take to the store and lug onto the bus with her. “That’s brilliant!” she said. “Thank you so much! I don’t even remember telling you guys about the perils of grocery shopping in the city, but it’s tough.”
“Well, you definitely complained enough about it for your mom to remember!” her dad said, and laughed.
Whitney gave both of her parents a hug. “Thank you! This means a lot to me. It’s perfect. Getting groceries will be so much easier!” Whitney was genuinely touched. Her parents had been outright opposed to her moving to Chicago and going to law school, and this was the first time they had done anything that could be viewed as supportive of her new life there. Even though they could not afford to help her with tuition, or buy her the outrageously priced study guides Elise was always toting around, this gesture was their way of making her time in law school a little bit easier.
