Her Mother's Daughter

by Evie Grace

  ‘Only a governess could say that,’ he said. ‘The town has other attractions.’

  ‘It is most historic,’ Agnes argued.

  ‘We have been inside it before,’ Charlotte said.

  ‘There would be no harm in seeing it again, then we can take a walk across the Dane John and climb the monument to look at the view.’ She avoided any mention of the river.

  ‘I would much prefer to look at the shops,’ Elizabeth said mutinously. ‘Wouldn’t you, Charlotte?’

  ‘No, I don’t think so,’ Charlotte said.

  ‘You are so dull,’ Elizabeth exclaimed. ‘How can you be my sister?’

  ‘Let us not have any disagreements today,’ Agnes said.

  They disembarked in the centre of Canterbury and walked across the bridge. Felix and George picked up stones and competed to see who could throw them the furthest along the river. Agnes felt uncomfortable.

  ‘You are drawing attention to yourselves,’ she said.

  ‘We’re only larking around,’ Felix said, smiling, but she couldn’t help thinking that he was showing off his athletic prowess for her benefit.

  ‘Please think of your sisters.’

  ‘Of course. We apologise, Miss Linnet,’ George cut in. ‘Let’s move on.’

  They walked along Mercery Lane, mingling with a crowd of the military in their red coats, and a gaggle of ladies dressed in their finery and feathers. Agnes glanced at her charges, and her breast filled with pride. She hadn’t been born to be a governess, but she could teach. She was still convinced that she was destined for a better station in life, but for now she was content. She had done better than she’d expected after leaving Windmarsh.

  They moved on along the street where the upper storeys of the buildings leaned in towards each other, blocking out the sunshine, and all of a sudden, she caught sight of Oliver Cheevers. She was sure it was him.

  She tried to hurry the party along, but Miss Elizabeth was distracted by a display in the haberdasher’s, and within a heartbeat, Oliver was upon them.

  He hesitated and frowned, and just as she was about to breathe again at the thought he was going to move on without recognition or comment, he approached her.

  ‘Good afternoon, Miss Berry-Clay. How lovely to see you,’ he said with a genial smile. ‘You and your friends must come and take tea with us. You will be surprised to see how little Arthur has grown. Bert has turned into rather a cocky young man, and I worry about him, but—’

  ‘I’m sorry, sir,’ she said, trying to hide her trembling. ‘We have not met.’

  ‘Don’t be silly. It’s me, Oliver Cheevers from Willow Place.’

  She shook her head almost imperceptibly.

  ‘I apologise,’ he said, red-faced. ‘I am mistaken. You reminded me of a young lady with whom I was once briefly acquainted.’ He gave a bow. ‘Good day, madam.’

  ‘Good day, sir.’

  ‘What a fool!’ Felix exclaimed.

  ‘Idiot,’ George agreed.

  ‘He really seemed to think that he’d already made your acquaintance,’ Elizabeth said.

  ‘I can assure you that I have never set eyes on him before,’ Agnes said.

  ‘He looked like a ruffian,’ Felix said superciliously.

  Agnes wanted to defend him, to tell everyone that Oliver was a well-meaning and decent young man who worked for his living, cared for his grandfather and helped the poor. He didn’t spend his days riding and ordering his sisters about. But she daren’t expose her identity.

  She shivered as they walked on. She had been a whisker away from discovery.

  ‘Do you think you have an identical twin out there?’ Felix said.

  ‘Stop teasing our dear Miss Linnet,’ Elizabeth said kindly. ‘You heard what she said.’

  ‘That’s told you,’ George chuckled when Felix fell silent on the matter.

  They strolled around the cathedral precincts, deciding against going inside. George had a sister on each arm. Felix walked with Agnes, his hands behind his back, his shoulders slightly bowed as he made conversation. He talked some more about his studies in philosophy. He talked much about himself, she thought, slightly disappointed because they appeared to have little in common. She wished she could share some of her history to make the time pass more easily, but she didn’t dare.

  They continued towards the Dane John – Agnes steered them away from the slums down by the river. They joined the wealthy of Canterbury and the nannies pushing prams, promenading along the walkway on top of the grey stone walls. They walked up the mound, following the narrow path that spiralled its way up to the top. Agnes noticed how George took Elizabeth’s hand in pretence of helping her up the slope.

  She glanced towards Felix, who was scanning the view of the city in the afternoon sunshine. It was hot, she hadn’t eaten, and she felt a little faint, so she was relieved when they soon made their way back down again. As they returned through the gardens, they came across a woman dressed in rags with a snotty babe in her arms. She stepped across their path.

  ‘What is the meaning of this?’ Felix said.

  The infant started to bawl.

  ‘Please, sir, a shillin’ for the child,’ the woman begged.

  Felix stared at her. George and the young ladies stood watching.

  ‘A penny, then. A ha’penny will do. Anything. My husband has gorn.’

  Agnes couldn’t stop herself. She pulled out her reticule and took out a couple of coins, pressing them into the woman’s hand.

  ‘Thank you, miss,’ the woman said.

  ‘No, Miss Linnet. There’s no need for that.’ Felix moved up beside her. ‘She is a fraud, one of the many who haunts the streets, begging for a living.’

  ‘She is desperate. Can’t you see?’ Agnes said as the woman scurried away, baby on her hip.

  ‘She’s a professional. I’ve seen it before. You’ve been had.’

  ‘Master Faraday, I thought better of you.’

  ‘She’ll go round the corner, give the child back to its mother and spend your money on gin.’

  ‘I would rather judge her kindly.’ Her cheeks grew hot as she recalled the incident with Oliver and Bert when she had had to hand over the coins that Papa had given her as a punishment for releasing the golden linnet from her cage.

  ‘You are a philanthropist as well as a governess?’

  ‘I hate to see people suffer,’ she said simply. She thought of her true mother and how she might not be alive today if people like Papa hadn’t shown some generosity. Admittedly what he’d done for Agnes, lying about her beginnings, had been wrong, but he’d given her the chance of a good life and her true mother the means to support herself. ‘I did right by that poor woman.’

  ‘So you say, but I still maintain that she was undeserving of help. If she was truly destitute, she brought it on herself.’ He wrinkled his nose. ‘She was disgusting, dirty and of low morals.’

  ‘How can you deduce her morality from her appearance?’

  ‘Women like her are all the same,’ Felix said. ‘There’s nothing you can say that will change my mind. I recognise a whore when I see one.’

  ‘Master Faraday!’ she exclaimed. ‘I’m shocked by the way you speak. Think of your sisters.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I should have spoken with more delicacy, but I was only telling the truth.’

  ‘Then we must agree to disagree on this.’ She turned away abruptly, and rejoined the others. Felix had rather taken the shine off the day. She avoided speaking to him for the rest of the day and the journey back, and he barely looked at her.

  She had been surprised to discover his true feelings about the plight of the poor. Was his lack of compassion a result of ignorance or arrogance? She scolded herself for thinking badly of him when she had felt the same in the past. It had taken Oliver’s gentle admonition and explanation to open her eyes to the truth.

  When they returned home, Felix caught her on the landing as she passed by the drawing room to take her dinner tray back to the k
itchen. She hadn’t been invited to dine with the Faradays that evening.

  ‘Miss Linnet,’ he called, moving close to her.

  She held the tray between them like a barrier.

  ‘You aren’t still cross with me?’ he said.

  ‘A little, but I overreacted. Your attitude reminded me of how I used to be,’ she confessed.

  ‘I’m sorry for offending you earlier. You saw fit to give that money. It was your choice and I shouldn’t have contradicted you. You’re a kindly soul and I hold you in the greatest regard.’

  ‘Thank you,’ she said.

  ‘I was wondering if we can spend a little more time together.’

  ‘You gave me the impression the other day that you weren’t all that interested in the French language,’ she said lightly.

  ‘What you taught me the other day has completely fled my mind.’ The cutlery rattled on her tray as he continued, ‘I find your beauty, your perfume and your presence fascinating. In fact, I think I have fallen in love with you.’

  ‘Oh, Felix, no. Do not speak in this way. It is ungentlemanly.’

  ‘Why are you always finding fault?’ he said. ‘It gives me the impression that you have strong feelings for me in return.’

  She gazed at him. It was true. Her breast seethed with fondness and dislike in equal measure.

  ‘I regret to inform you that you’re wrong,’ she said.

  ‘You’re lying.’ He lowered his voice. ‘I’ve seen the way you look at me – your eyes caress my soul.’

  Had she really let her emotions show? Had she not managed to rein them in sufficiently? She didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t used to being pursued by young men.

  ‘For goodness’ sake. It cannot be.’ She recalled Nanny’s admonitions. ‘I can’t afford to risk losing my place and reputation by acting upon feelings.’

  ‘Oh, Miss Linnet. Allow me to call you Agnes.’

  Her heart began to melt, but she steeled herself. Her reputation was the most precious item that she possessed. No matter how strong the attraction, she would not take another step along that road.

  ‘You will continue to address me as Miss Linnet, and we will forget this conversation ever happened.’ She glanced towards the drawing room where Pell was silhouetted in the doorway. ‘Goodnight, Master Faraday.’ She could hardly bear to see his face, his expression dark with anger and hurt at her rejection. This time she felt that his mood was justified, although she reproved him for it.

  Once again, she passed a sleepless night. She tossed and turned as a pair of owls called to each other outside. She couldn’t stop thinking about Felix and the strength of his passions and opinions.

  Chapter Seventeen

  An Unlaced Boot

  Agnes found a letter that had been slipped under the schoolroom door the next morning.

  My dearest Agnes –

  I hope that by now we are on familiar enough terms for you to permit me to address you as such. Please excuse me for writing to you like this. I had to let you know how ashamed I am of how I behaved when I left you last evening. I was vexed by your insistence on doing the right thing, of maintaining your perfect innocence.

  Till we meet again, when I will throw myself down at your feet to beg your forgiveness.

  Her heart beat faster. He had explained his behaviour. He had been frustrated by her rejection. This had nothing to do with her lecturing him on his attitude to the poor in Canterbury and everything to do with how he felt about her. She was grateful, happy and excited all at the same time, her mind a heady swirl of anticipation and affection. Was it love?

  Tell me how I can win your heart.

  Felix

  She didn’t have to tell him anything – he had already won it.

  Agnes folded the note and tucked it away in her pocket. She looked out of the window across the park, catching sight of two riders and their horses galloping across the pasture. They were racing. She recognised Felix’s horse – the chestnut mare. He was leaning forwards in his saddle, urging her to extend her stride as she drew level with George, who was borrowing a grey. The horse went ahead by a nose. Felix raised his arm in triumph and they pulled the horses down to a walk, puffing and blowing as they returned across the park. The groom wouldn’t be happy, she thought – he didn’t like the horses being ridden hard.

  She chewed on her lip, wondering how she could keep her emotions in check. How did you maintain an air of composure when you were filled with uncertainty and hope? She had never felt like this before.

  ‘Miss Linnet, we are here,’ called Elizabeth. ‘Have you not noticed us? We have been at our desks for the past five minutes while you’ve been staring out of the window.’

  ‘I don’t know why when there is nothing to see,’ Charlotte joined in.

  ‘I’m sorry. I was preoccupied.’ She walked across to the cupboard and opened it. The papers and books fell out on to the floor. ‘Oh dear – it’s going to be one of those days.’ Charlotte stood up and helped her put everything away.

  ‘Perhaps we should forget about lessons, then,’ Elizabeth said. ‘George says he and Felix are going on a railway trip today. I should love to go with them.’

  ‘On another occasion,’ Agnes said.

  ‘Oh, but they won’t be here for ever,’ Elizabeth said. ‘We should entertain them.’

  ‘They are entertaining us with their antics. We do not need to return the favour. I for one will be relieved when they embark on their travels.’

  ‘Oh, Miss Linnet. How can you say that? I will be heartbroken,’ Elizabeth cried.

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous. This attachment that you feel for Master Moldbury is puppy love, that’s all.’

  She didn’t mean it. Her heart wrenched at the thought of her admirer’s absence. Did she dare hope that he would write to her?

  ‘What do you know about love?’ Elizabeth said.

  ‘Very little, to tell you the truth, but I do know that you are far too young to be setting your sights on someone.’

  ‘But George sings and plays the piano very well, don’t you think? He has a beautiful voice, and his eyes …’

  ‘You are sounding like a character from Charlotte’s novels,’ Agnes scolded. ‘Now, pick up your pens.’ She handed out some paper. ‘I would like you to write a summary of what we learned about Canterbury Cathedral when we visited yesterday. I hope you committed some of your observations to memory.’

  ‘No, that is too hard. I cannot do it,’ Elizabeth said.

  ‘You will sit here until you complete the task to my satisfaction.’ Agnes was stern with them. ‘The sooner it is done, the sooner we can go out for a walk.’

  Elizabeth’s pen fair flew across the page, and from then on, the hours passed quickly.

  When they were out walking, they inevitably ran into the young gentlemen, and as usual, Felix dropped back to walk beside Agnes. After Evie’s recent suggestion that his attentions towards her had been noticed, she felt exposed and uncomfortable.

  ‘You received my note?’ he said.

  ‘Yes, thank you.’

  ‘Will you meet with me tomorrow?’ he asked, his head bowed and his hands behind his back. ‘I thought we could walk together. I found out from Charlotte that you have a half-day.’

  ‘I’m sorry, I can’t. I use my free time to prepare lessons.’

  ‘Oh, don’t tell me you work every hour that God sends. I don’t believe that you’re really such a serious person, Miss Linnet. If I were a medical man, I’d recommend that you took some time off. You will make yourself ill.’ He looked up.

  ‘Thank you for your concern for my health, but I can assure you that I am quite well, and intending to remain so for the foreseeable future.’

  ‘I’m very glad of that.’ He was smiling. ‘George is going into town tomorrow, so I will be all alone. I fancied some pleasant company and intelligent discourse, that’s all. Does that reassure you?’

  ‘What about what you said in your note?’

  ‘Ah,
I hope that you will permit our conversation to touch on our feelings when we are alone.’

  ‘What about your mama? What would she think of this … invitation?’

  ‘She doesn’t tell me what to do. Agnes, how old do you think I am?’ He didn’t pause to let her answer. ‘I’m twenty-two years old. I’m a grown man, not a boy tied to his nanny’s apron strings. You are a respectable young woman to whom she has entrusted the moral education of my sisters. There is hardly better recommendation of your character than that.’

  She stared at him. What was she afraid of?

  ‘Don’t worry. Your reputation will be quite safe with me.’

  ‘I’m worried that people are talking about us. This will only add fuel to the fire.’

  ‘It’s all perfectly proper. It’s your day off and you are entitled to do as you wish on that day – unless you have other plans, apart from work.’

  ‘Oh no,’ she said quickly. She thought of Miss Treen – she knew exactly what she would have said about the situation.

  ‘Then say you will walk with me,’ he said.

  She smiled. Why shouldn’t she grasp a little joy when it came her way?

  The next day, Agnes dismissed Charlotte and Elizabeth from the schoolroom at midday so they were free to meet their mother to call on a neighbour who had recently moved to the area. George had gone to Canterbury and Sir Richard was out on estate business.

  Agnes wore her pale grey dress, bonnet and summer shawl, and her outdoor boots, because it looked as if it might rain before the afternoon was out and she didn’t want to spoil her shoes. She ran down the stairs to the back of the house and crept along the corridor to the rear entrance, hoping that she wouldn’t meet anyone on her way. She placed her hand on the latch.

  ‘Miss Linnet, you are going out?’

  She turned at the sound of Pell’s voice and her heart sank.

  ‘Are you going anywhere in particular?’

  It wasn’t any of his business, but she didn’t like to say so.

  ‘I’m going to take the air for a while,’ she said brusquely.

  ‘Hmm,’ he said. ‘You seem nervous, like a cat on hot bricks.’