Her Mother's Daughter

by Evie Grace

  ‘I don’t know what gives you that impression.’ She opened the door and stepped outside, impatient to get away.

  ‘You are in a hurry?’

  ‘I wish to make the most of my free time, that’s all. Good afternoon.’

  ‘Good afternoon, Miss Linnet,’ he called after her as she fled across the yard.

  She slowed down to a walk when she reached the garden. She followed the path between the flower beds filled with marigolds, lavender and mint. She turned left at the beech hedge, opened the iron gate and went through the arch into the park. She glanced behind her. There was no sign that she was being followed.

  Was she doing the right thing? There was still time to change her mind, she mused as she hesitated. She had agreed to meet Felix as friends, but what did it matter if their assignation should lead to anything else? She had thought that it was impossible that she should ever meet a suitable match, but then her and Master Faraday’s paths had crossed. Like Evie, she’d had low expectations about how she would spend the rest of her life, but Felix was master of his own destiny and she was a lady of quality. He was a baronet, and highly eligible. She was attracted to him, and he was attentive towards her. She was more than qualified to be mistress of Roper House.

  Why shouldn’t she go on to marry him?

  It wasn’t often that a young man of his standing married a governess, but it did happen. He was also slightly mad, as evidenced by his shooting of the rat and the way he tore about the countryside on his horse, but she put that down to youthful impulsiveness. She hoped that he didn’t possess too many of the eccentricities of his father. If she ever became mistress of Roper House, she would insist on the hunting trophies, the stags with their glassy stares and the pheasant and hare facing each other in the box, being put away in the attic.

  She walked on up the sweep of short grass to the top of the hill. Her heart beat faster as she spotted a figure waiting with a dog at the foot of one of the tall chestnut trees on the ridge. Behind them, a white-topped thundercloud was slowly spreading across the sky.

  ‘No one saw you leave?’ he asked anxiously when she reached him.

  ‘Pell did,’ she said.

  Felix frowned.

  ‘Does it matter? You said that meeting like this wouldn’t be a problem.’

  ‘I’d rather he hadn’t seen you, that’s all. Oh, don’t worry about it.’ He whistled to the dog and a pheasant flew up from the undergrowth. ‘We’ll go this way. There’s a gamekeeper’s hut over the other side of the hill. We can take shelter there if it rains.’

  ‘Oh no,’ she faltered.

  ‘Or we can walk in the garden, up and down in full view of the house, and run indoors at the first sign of a shower,’ he said. ‘I have no fear of our association.’

  ‘We’ll go towards the hut,’ she decided.

  ‘One day, not too soon, I hope, I shall be master of all this,’ he said, raising his arms and spinning around on the heel of his boot. ‘I will not be answerable to anyone.’

  Agnes couldn’t help laughing. He looked vaguely comical as he came to a stop, his hair caught up by the breeze.

  ‘You are very fortunate,’ she said, thinking how differently her life might have worked out if she had been born a boy. Perhaps she would have been in line to inherit Windmarsh Court, instead of Henry? Or would she have been cast off when Henry came along because she was the Berry-Clays’ adopted son?

  ‘Let’s walk,’ he said. ‘I can’t bear standing still.’

  They reached the top of the hill and began to stroll down the other side.

  ‘May I venture to take your hand?’ he asked. ‘There is no one watching except for the birds and the deer.’

  She supposed it would be all right. She felt his fingers touch and entangle with hers. His skin was smooth, his grip was firm. She felt sick with longing, but for what she wasn’t sure. He strode out more quickly, taking longer strides. She hurried along, trying to keep up with him, but as they turned off down an avenue of trees, she caught her foot on a tussock of grass and tripped.

  ‘Oh,’ she cried out, as a pain shot through her ankle.

  He stopped and turned to her.

  ‘Agnes, what has happened? You have hurt yourself.’

  ‘It’s all right. It’s nothing.’ She touched her toe to the ground and winced.

  ‘You must sit down and rest for a while. I’m sorry. I was walking too fast for you.’

  She hopped on one leg as he supported her with his arm around her waist, the contact seeming to burn through to her flesh. He guided her to a fallen trunk and she sat down.

  ‘Allow me,’ he said, sinking to his knees in front of her, and taking hold of her foot. She froze. He moved his body close to hers so that their arms were touching and then their thighs through her dress. She was painfully aware of his breathing, the way his breast rose and fell, quicker than before. His cheek was flushed and his eyes dark, his pupils dilated.

  He began to unlace her boot. She didn’t argue, transfixed by the sight of his face, his concentration and the dexterity of his fingers. He gently pulled off her footwear, making her gasp with a mixture of pain and longing.

  ‘There is no bruise,’ he said, examining her skin. ‘I don’t think you have broken any bones.’

  ‘How can you tell?’ she said. ‘You are not a doctor.’

  ‘I’ve taken many a tumble from my horse. I can recognise a break when I see one.’ He looked up at her, his expression soft. ‘Shall I carry you back to the house?’

  She smiled at the very idea. ‘No, I shall be all right in a few minutes.’

  A drop of rain fell on to one of the curls on his forehead as he slipped her boot back on and retied the laces loosely around her ankle.

  He cursed lightly as another drop fell. ‘We will have to go back.’

  ‘I think that would be for the best.’ She was having second thoughts.

  ‘Why did it have to rain now?’ he went on.

  She reached out for his arm and pulled herself up. She touched her toe to the ground again. The pain was immense, but she managed to limp two steps with Felix’s support.

  He hesitated for a moment, leaned down and pressed his mouth to her cheek.

  She gasped.

  ‘I hope I haven’t offended you, my dear Agnes.’

  She wasn’t sure. She touched her cheek as she turned slowly to face him.

  The rain pattered down, but she hardly noticed as he leaned closer and his lips found hers.

  ‘One kiss,’ he said softly, ‘for the pain. Do you feel better?’

  She nodded. Her heart was pounding and she ached for more, but Felix returned to her side. He offered her his shoulder to lean on, and they made their way back to the house.

  ‘I’ve told you about how my future is mapped out,’ he said. ‘How about you? What do you wish for? Are you going to teach young ladies like my sisters for the rest of your life?’

  ‘That depends. My wish is to save some money so I can set up a school for less fortunate girls.’

  ‘You have noble intentions, but you are misguided. People misrepresent themselves as disadvantaged, if they think they will benefit by it.’

  ‘I thought we’d agreed to disagree on that,’ she said with half a smile. She felt sore that she couldn’t talk about where she’d come from and the experiences she’d had. The pain in her ankle was nothing compared with the pain she felt at having to pretend she was someone other than her true self.

  ‘What if you can’t build up enough of a reserve to start your school?’ he asked. ‘It seems unlikely that you’ll manage that on your wages.’

  ‘If I can’t do it by myself, I hope to find a patron who will set up a charitable trust.’

  ‘So you are not thinking of marriage?’

  ‘Of course, I wish to make a good match one day,’ she said. ‘I expect that your mother has someone in mind for you.’

  ‘Oh, she is full of ideas. There’s Lady Bottes’ daughter who laughs like a horse. And
the very dull Miss Lawrence of Selling.’ He held her gaze. ‘She will never convince me to marry either of them.’

  The rain stopped and the sun came out. Her heart soared like the buzzard that owned the sky above their heads, as Felix walked and she limped back down the hill to the house. When he’d said that he wouldn’t marry either of his mother’s suggestions, he’d hinted – yes, she was sure that he had hinted that he was free to marry another. Her, perhaps? She hobbled on through the garden.

  Pell was waiting at the back door.

  ‘Look who I found,’ Felix said loudly.

  ‘Miss Linnet,’ Pell said, his expression inscrutable.

  ‘It was a lucky coincidence – she has fallen and twisted her ankle in the park. Will you help me take her to her room? And have some hot water sent up so she can apply a compress?’

  She was relieved that Felix had turned out to be a good liar. He seemed to have convinced Pell that their meeting had been totally innocent. She wasn’t sure that they should make another arrangement in the future. It was too dangerous, she thought later, as she ate dinner alone in her room. The trouble was that, torn between duty and desire, she would find it well nigh impossible to resist.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Be Careful What You Wish For

  They met once again on her next afternoon off. This time, she managed to escape the house without Pell seeing her – at least, she thought so. She met her beloved at the top of the hill in the shade of the chestnut tree, where he pulled her behind its mighty trunk and kissed her. She felt that she would burst with joy.

  ‘We will go to the hut,’ he said, taking her hand. ‘I have a surprise for you.’

  ‘I mustn’t be out too late.’

  ‘I’ll have you back before dusk. Trust me, my love.’

  ‘Oh, my dear Felix,’ she sighed, feeling overwhelmed and weak with a desire for more kisses, to meld with him, body and soul. He loved her. He’d said so and she would love him back with all her heart.

  They ran down the hill and into the woods, following a path between the hazel trees and chestnut underwood. She hesitated when they reached a clearing in the middle of which stood a tumbledown timber hut. He took her hand.

  ‘Come on in,’ he said, leading her towards it. ‘I took the trouble to check for spiders beforehand, and I’ve left a blanket and a basket of provisions inside.’

  She followed him through the door which was sagging on one hinge, into a single room with an earth floor on which he had spread a tartan blanket. It had a strong odour as if it belonged to one of the dogs. There was a basket to one side, and a broken window that was partly obscured by brambles.

  ‘Sit down with me,’ he said.

  She consented and they sat down side by side. Felix poured her some of his father’s sherry. Even after one sip, she felt light-headed.

  ‘Have some more,’ he said.

  ‘No, thank you.’

  ‘Oh, go on.’ He rested his hand on her knee and tipped some more from the bottle into her glass. She put it aside. ‘Tell me about your family,’ he said. ‘I still feel that I don’t know you very well.’

  Agnes gazed at his profile, reminding herself of the way his hair curled down over his forehead.

  ‘It is difficult,’ she said. ‘I am not sure I can speak of it.’

  ‘You will have to …’ he lowered his voice ‘… if you are to satisfy my dearest wish and become my wife.’

  ‘You mean …?’ Her heart leapt and hot tears sprang to her eyes.

  ‘I have admired you from the first time we met, and since then my affection for you has grown. I adore you.’ He took her hand. ‘Do you think you can ever feel the same about me?’

  ‘I-I-I don’t know. I mean, I do …’

  ‘Prove your love for me,’ he whispered.

  ‘How can I do that? Isn’t my word enough for you?’

  ‘Show me …’

  ‘How?’ Her belly felt alive with butterflies.

  ‘Lie with me,’ he begged urgently. ‘Give yourself to me.’

  She touched her throat. ‘Shouldn’t we wait, at least until we are formally engaged?’

  ‘Oh, we are past that. We are here alone together and I think of you fondly as my fiancée.’

  ‘Do you? Do you really?’ she marvelled. It wasn’t what she expected. She had dreamt of a proper proposal, whatever that was, when the gentleman went down on one knee and offered his hand in marriage. This was the second time when it hadn’t gone to plan.

  It crossed her mind that she should mention Philip and her previous engagement, but as she felt his hand on her shin, she realised that it probably wasn’t a good time.

  ‘Your parents are happy with our arrangement?’ She could hardly speak now as her dress was riding up her thighs.

  ‘Hush, Agnes,’ he whispered. ‘I’ve been patient. But now I have to have you. You are driving me mad.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ she gasped. It felt wrong. It was wrong. They were promised to each other, but they weren’t married.

  ‘Don’t worry. It’s perfectly natural. And if anything should happen, I’ll look after you. I have the means, and the intent.’

  ‘Felix, I don’t think—’

  He silenced her with a kiss, obliterating her doubts. She loved him, wanted him, ached for him …

  Afterwards, Agnes pulled down her skirts and watched him fasten his breeches, and then they lay together, their bodies entwined. Agnes’s eyes filled with tears.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she sobbed, unsure why she was crying.

  ‘Didn’t you like it?’ he asked, rolling over and leaning on his elbow. His face was a sheen of perspiration.

  ‘Oh, yes, I think so,’ she said, biting her lip.

  ‘It always hurts the first time.’

  She didn’t ask him how he knew.

  ‘When will we be married, do you think?’ she asked.

  ‘Oh, not yet. I have to finish my studies.’ He smiled. ‘I can’t marry before then.’

  ‘Is that what your parents have said?’

  ‘Oh no, I haven’t spoken to them yet.’

  ‘What?’ Agnes sat up abruptly. ‘You said that we were engaged.’

  ‘I said that we should consider ourselves engaged. We can’t say anything just yet. I have to speak with Mama and Papa first, then we can be open.’

  ‘Why did you let me think you had?’ She wouldn’t have lain with him if she had known otherwise. ‘You misled me.’

  ‘Oh my dearest girl, of course I didn’t. It was your imagination that led you to think this way.’

  ‘Felix, what if I am with child?’ She was filled with sudden panic.

  ‘I’ve said, don’t worry about that. It’s very unlikely.’

  She thought of Mama and how it had taken her years to conceive, and felt a little reassured.

  ‘My parents respect you. Mama is most impressed with the way you’ve brought my sisters to heel.’

  Which was all very well, she thought. It didn’t qualify her to be a wife.

  ‘I need to know more about your family and where you come from,’ he went on. ‘I have to be armed with all the answers when they start interrogating me. They will expect me to justify my choice, but I can’t see any reason why they should disapprove.’

  Agnes did. Would the Faradays still be as fond of her when they knew her history? At least, though, if it was out in the open, she would have no more trouble with Pell. It was a chance that she had to take. She wondered how much she should say, and when.

  ‘What are you thinking now?’ he asked.

  ‘That we should go,’ she said quietly.

  ‘We will walk back separately,’ he said. ‘I can see this upsets you, but I can’t expose you to gossip and speculation. I have to choose the right moment to speak to my parents,’ he went on. ‘Until then, we’ll continue to meet in secret. Not a word. Don’t worry, Agnes. When I want something, I get it. Haven’t you noticed?’ He grinned as he helped her up, and planted a kiss on her cheek wh
en she was back on her feet. He grasped her around the waist and kissed her again before letting her go.

  ‘I wish we could stay longer, my dearest love,’ he whispered as he led her out of the hut and forced the door shut behind them. ‘Until next time.’

  They parted and she watched him saunter away with a piece of grass stuck between his lips like a country fellow.

  When he had disappeared over the brow of the hill, she felt more alone than she’d ever been at Windmarsh Court. Did he really love her? Could she take him at his word? She recalled her true mother and what had happened to her, but her situation had been different. From what Agnes had gathered, she had been parted from her betrothed by an unexpected circumstance. There was no reason for history to repeat itself.

  She dismissed any doubts. All would be well because Felix had said so. She trusted him. She had no reason not to. They were engaged.

  The next morning, when she went into the schoolroom, she found a rose and a note on her desk.

  To my dearest Agnes xx, it read. Burn this.

  She pressed the paper to her lips and then set it alight, watching the flame lick across his words of love before they crumpled to ash. It was right to be discreet, she thought. He needed time.

  She wondered how they would present their news to his sisters. She would no longer be their governess once she was married – there would be no need. They would live on Felix’s allowance until such time as … well, she didn’t like to think of Sir Richard being taken up to Heaven like Papa, not yet.

  She blushed whenever Felix caught her eye and she couldn’t concentrate on giving her lessons. The rest of the month of August seemed to crawl by, but she consoled herself with the fact that she would soon be able to give up her burden of teaching. She would celebrate by burning the dreaded manual of etiquette.

  Agnes and the young ladies were in the schoolroom one afternoon when one of the footmen – the one who was sweet on Evie – called to speak to her.

  ‘I hope I’m not disturbing you, Miss Linnet, but I ’ave a message from Mr Pell asking you to meet him in his room after lessons,’ he said.

  ‘What can he want?’ she wondered aloud.