Breathe

by Lila Kane

  Finn gritted his teeth. “What else?”

  “He’d hit me when he was angry. A lot.”

  His chest moved up and down with his breaths. His hands clenched at his sides.

  I lowered my chin, all the anger leaving me. “And he’d…force me to be with him even if I didn’t want to.”

  I flinched when he took a step toward me and then saw the look on his face and felt a million times worse.

  “You…” He held my gaze. “You’re not afraid I’m going to hurt you. Are you?”

  “No,” I whispered.

  He frowned.

  I shook my head. “I’m not. I swear. Finn, I’m sorry—it’s not you. I mean, I got used to him…it was a cycle. And I expected yelling and fists, but that’s not you. I know it’s not you.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Unable to keep my distance, I walked to him and put my hands on his cheeks. “Yes. I’m sure. I’m sorry you’re in the middle of this.”

  He curled his fingers around my wrists. “I’m going to be wherever you are. And it sounds like you could use some back-up. I want to be here for you.”

  “I know.”

  “Then I’d appreciate it if you’d let me.”

  I released a slow breath. “I’m doing a pretty shitty job of it.”

  Finn pulled me to him, wrapping warm arms around me. “It’s a learning process. It sounds like you were handling all this on your own before. Now you have me. You can trust me.”

  I hated that flicker of doubt. It wasn’t Finn. It was everyone—including myself. I was so used to doubting the situation could get any better—that anyone could help—I started to believe that was my life. Forever.

  Instead of responding to that, I asked, “Why was Curtis here?”

  “You sure you want to talk about this now?”

  I rubbed a hand over my eyes. “If it’s bad news, I guess not.”

  “It’s not bad news so much as a lead—one that might help us. Here,” he said, gesturing to the bed. “You can relax and I’ll tell you about it.”

  I hesitated. It was late. “It can wait. I’m sure you’re tired.”

  “Stay here,” he said. “Don’t go home. Or let me come with you.”

  After considering this, I got into the bed. My body and mind were so tired, I didn’t want to do anything but sleep. Finn turned off the light and climbed in next to me. He pulled the covers up, curling his arm around me.

  His face was just a shadow in the darkness. After a moment, he said, “Do you think it’s me?”

  The wheels spun in my head. I tried to grasp what he was saying through the haze of sleepiness. “You what?”

  “Why you’re having the nightmares more now. You had one the last time I slept in the same bed as you, too.”

  “I…” I sighed. “I don’t know. I hadn’t thought about it.” No, that was a lie. I had thought about it. More than once. “I guess…it’s possible. Maybe my subconscious is reacting to having someone else there, and since the last person I had there was Mark…”

  “It’s triggering the dreams.”

  I pressed closer to him, breathing in his scent. “I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. I want to be close to you.”

  “I can leave once you fall asleep.” But he sounded doubtful. And hesitant.

  “But…”

  “I know. I don’t want to. But I will if it’ll help. You just have to come get me. You know, if you wake up or if you’re worried.”

  Squeezing my eyes shut, I nodded even though I hated the idea of him being even a few feet away from me. “Of course. I don’t want to hurt you. I didn’t mean to hit you before.”

  “That’s not what I’m worried about, Charlotte. It’s—”

  “I know,” I whispered. “Please, let’s not talk about it anymore. Tell me about Curtis.”

  Finn sighed so quietly I could only tell because of the rise and fall of his chest. “He talked to his tech guy and he said someone from Housing had logged in with the administrator’s code.”

  My body felt heavy, tired, and ready to float away again. I struggled to focus. “What does that mean?”

  “That means they could access your apartment and Paige’s apartment and mess with the locks. All from the computer without having to set foot on your floor.”

  “So…there really wasn’t anyone up there? It was just to scare us?”

  “They could have seen you from the cameras, too.”

  I drifted off for a moment, then felt Finn move, and woke again. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled.

  “It’s okay. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

  He brushed a hand down my hair and then caressed my cheek.

  My mouth was full of words but all I could manage was, “You can go if you need to.”

  His voice vibrated against my ear. “I’ll wait with you a little longer.”

  With his soft breathing next to me, I fell asleep, and this time I didn’t dream.

  My hand shook as I dialed the number. I hadn’t talked to my sister in over a year. She’d been angry when I’d picked a fight with her and Mom, telling them if they couldn’t support my relationship with Mark, I didn’t want them in my life. Period.

  I hadn’t meant it. But it had been the best way to get them out my life. Mark had overheard the conversation—I’d had to make it believable.

  Outside the door, I could hear a few noises from Finn doing various activities around the apartment. We’d gotten through the end of the week and I was at his place again. Even though I’d rather have stayed at my home, it was safer here. Harder to access. And Finn was with me.

  The phone rang a few times and then a female voice came on the line.

  “Jenna?” I said.

  There was a long pause before she answered. “Charlotte?”

  “It’s me.” Emotion clogged my throat. “I know you weren’t expecting me to call, but if you have a minute I’d like to talk.”

  “It’s been over a year.”

  “I know,” I whispered. “I’m sorry. I wanted to call you, I really did.”

  “Why didn’t you?” Her tone had softened some with the apology but there was still fire in her voice.

  “I…” I swallowed and closed my eyes. It was so hard opening up about this but I had to. Not just to reconcile with my family, but for their safety. “I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

  “What do you mean?” I heard laughter in the background and Jenna said, “Hold on. Mom’s over and she’s watching some movie with Derek. Let me go to the other room.”

  Mom. And Jenna’s husband Derek. They were all together, miles and miles away from me.

  Once it got quieter, I heard Jenna’s voice again. “Okay, sorry. What’s going on?”

  “I left Mark. A while ago, actually.”

  “You did? Why didn’t you say anything?”

  The bedroom door opened. Finn peeked his head in. Everything okay? he mouthed. I nodded. He gave me a smile before disappearing again. I took a deep breath and told Jenna everything. She listened quietly except for a few noises of disapproval or disgust.

  “He threatened to hurt you and Mom,” I told her. “I was afraid he would, so I kept my distance.”

  Her voice turned hard. “I told Mom something was going on, but—Charlotte. He hurt you. Was it bad?”

  “Yes.”

  My hands started trembling even more. I answered her questions and warned her about being careful.

  “I should come there,” Jenna said. “Or you could come here. Stay with me and Derek. We have lots of room.”

  “I know. But I’m doing okay here.”

  “Still. I want to see you.”

  “I want to see you, too.”

  Jenna hesitated before asking, “So you think Mark’s still…looking for you?”

  “I’m worried he is. That’s why I want you to be careful. If you see him or anything strange, tell me. Promise you will.”

  “Of course. I still think I should come there, though.”

&nb
sp; “We’ll plan something soon, okay?”

  “You should talk to Mom.”

  Emotion closed my throat again. “Could you talk to her? I don’t know if I can go through it all again.”

  “Sure…Are you going to call back?”

  I nodded, wiping my eyes. “Tomorrow. And then I can talk to Mom, too.”

  We said our goodbyes and I tried to compose myself before leaving the room. Finn was in the kitchen, pouring a glass of wine. He turned when he heard me.

  “How’d it go?” he asked.

  “Good. Really good.”

  He walked over and brushed his lips on my cheek. “I’m glad. Powell said to let him know if you want him to call in someone there.” Finn poured another glass of wine and passed it to me. “But he thinks Mark’s more focused on what’s going on here to do anything there.”

  “I hope so.”

  Finn frowned.

  “You know what I mean.” I sipped my wine. “I want everyone else safe.”

  “I want you safe.”

  “What about that guy John said might have been involved in this? Did Curtis say anything else?”

  Finn leaned against the counter, relaxed in his home. He’d already changed into jeans and a T-shirt. Casual. I’d yet to change out of my work clothes except for my heels.

  “He’s having John monitor the computers so if someone is doing anything outside their regular duties, he’ll know. But he’s narrowed it down to two employees who might have accessed the override code. If they do anything, we’ll know. And then we can ask him about Mark and if they’re working together.”

  “But they’ll tell us before they do anything, right?” I asked, setting aside my glass to wring my hands. “Because if Mark really is working with someone and then he finds out we know, he might—”

  “I know,” Finn soothed, walking to me. “Powell knows what he’s doing—he won’t make a move if it means someone might get hurt.”

  He placed my wine glass back in my hands, making me smile a little. I leaned up to kiss him. “Okay.”

  “Good. Let’s not talk about this anymore. Let’s relax tonight.”

  Feeling relieved about having my sister, and hopefully my mother, back in my life, I relaxed more than I had in the last week and let Finn distract me.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Torque was one of the hip restaurants that just opened up in the Entertainment sector, and it was packed with people. It boomed with ambiance, dark corners, and cozy booths. Music pounded overhead, filling the room with a pulse. It felt more like a nightclub than a restaurant but Finn reminded us that one of LA’s top chefs had joined the Torque team. His influence also scored us one of the best seats that accommodated our group. Tucker, Leslie, Paige, me and Finn. Leslie’s boyfriend also promised to stop by later.

  And, somewhere in the background, Dustin was keeping an eye on things. But after a successful day shopping for our gala dresses and spending time with Leslie and Paige, I’d let down my guard some and decided to let myself enjoy tonight.

  Finn squeezed his arm around my waist on the way to the booth. “I’m glad you invited me to come along tonight,” he said, lips touching my ear.

  I smiled at him. “I wanted you to be here.”

  “Because it makes you feel safe.”

  “No.” I shook my head. “It’s not that—or not just that. It’s…I’m trying, Finn. Like you wanted. To make this work. To believe that maybe we have another chance.”

  He stopped feet from the table and turned me to him. The rest of the group seated themselves but Finn set his hands on my hips, giving them a possessive squeeze. His eyes were fathomless in the dim lighting, dark as midnight. “You don’t know how much that means to me.”

  “I do. Because I know how much it would have meant to me to have you say those words when we were dating the first time.”

  He swallowed, storm clouds passing over his gaze.

  “Finn, no,” I said. I moved when someone tried to get by us. “Shit. I didn’t mean to bring that up or to make you feel bad. I just wanted you to know that I was where you are. And I want you to know where I am now. That I’m…in this with you. As much as I can be.”

  He crushed me to his chest, so tight I could barely breathe. “I know you are. Thank you.”

  I lifted my chin so I could kiss the underside of his jaw. Just like I used to. Finn shifted against me.

  “Maybe we should skip dinner,” he murmured, lips brushing mine. His eyes dropped to skim my body, making me heat up all over.

  I grinned at him. “Patience,” I said, even though it hurt. My body hummed against his, longed for his hands to run all over me.

  “No, sorry, I don’t have any.” He clasped my hand. “Let’s go back to my place. Your friends won’t miss us.”

  “Finn,” I said, shaking my head. “No. We’re having dinner.”

  He released a long-suffering sigh. “Yes, ma’am.”

  My gaze swept the bar, stopping when I recognized someone. John’s eyes caught mine and he smiled. I waved, pulling my hand from Finn’s. “It’s John. I’m going to say hi.”

  He turned. “Wait, who?”

  “John. The guy from security. The IT guy. Go sit, I’ll be over in a minute.”

  He glanced behind him, and I saw him meet Dustin’s gaze before nodding. “Sure.”

  I walked to John, noticing he’d brought a tablet with an attached keyboard. It sat on the bar with a glass of dark liquid.

  “Hey,” I said, giving him a smile. “Checking out the new restaurant?”

  He nodded and pointed to his tablet. “And making sure the cameras are all up and running.”

  I looked around, trying to find them in the dark corners of the rooms. “I can’t see them.”

  “They’re pretty small. Like the rest of the ones in the buildings. And most of them are strategically placed.”

  “How so?”

  He took a sip of his drink. “Behind mirrors or along the trim of windows. Places where people wouldn’t think to look or wouldn’t notice.”

  A shiver of unease traveled through me.

  John seemed to notice and offered a small smile. “It’s a good thing,” he said. “It means we can keep an eye on what’s going on—keep people safe. And it’s more aesthetically pleasing.”

  I nodded but I wasn’t convinced. I didn’t feel safe. I felt exposed. When I turned back to John, he was staring at me. I tried to give him a more encouraging smile. “Have you, uh…found out anything else about that person in Housing?”

  “I’m keeping an eye on it. I see everything. I’m watching.”

  I laughed. “Okay. Good.”

  When I stood, he stood as well and nodded. “Have a good time tonight.”

  “You, too.”

  I left the bar and walked to the table. Finn scooted out so I could slide in next to Paige. Her smile was bright. She had her honey blond hair twisted up into a sassy knot and a dark ensemble that accented her curves. Tucker couldn’t keep his eyes off her.

  “Everything okay?” Finn asked, his voice low in my ear.

  My gaze traveled to the bar again, but John was gone. I scanned what I could see of the tables and the exits. He was nowhere to be seen.

  “Charlotte?”

  Laughter from the rest of the table brought me back to the present. “Yes. Everything is okay.”

  Finn’s hand settled on my thigh. He rubbed his thumb back and forth, and I tried to focus on my friends. On the evening.

  “I don’t know about you,” Leslie said, lifting a menu, “but I need appetizers.”

  Paige nodded, leaning over to see the list. “Yes. Dress shopping is hard work.”

  “You found something?” Finn asked. His thumb skimmed my thigh again.

  I shivered, and he smiled. “Yes.”

  “Can I see it?”

  “Oh, no,” Paige said. “You have to wait. She looks amazing in it, but let it be a surprise.”

  “Charlotte has already made it clea
r I’m not a patient person,” Finn said with a grin at me.

  “This will help. Call it practice.”

  He rolled his eyes at Tucker. “Women don’t understand. Guys work better with instant gratification.”

  “Which is exactly why you shouldn’t get what you want right away,” Leslie said, smirking at Tucker. “You lose all motivation.”

  Finn leaned and whispered in my ear, “I have plenty of motivation.”

  I reached out and squeezed his thigh. He caught my hand and skimmed his fingertips over my knuckles.

  “I know what I want,” Leslie said.

  Finn settled a menu between us. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s decide.”

  Over drinks and candlelight and music that kept up the energy, we ate two appetizers and several entrees that were as good as Finn claimed they would be. When Leslie’s boyfriend arrived and insisted we order dessert to keep the party going, I excused myself to go to the bathroom.

  When Paige turned to me, I shook my head. “No, stay. I won’t be long.” I just needed a minute to myself. A breath.

  It had been a long time since I’d let myself get out in public so much. Be around so many people.

  Finn slid out of his seat and held his hand out for me. The warmth and the strength in his fingers made my stomach flutter. There was a light in his blue eyes when he smiled at me, and that moment froze around me.

  I was falling in love with Finn again. Not just the old feelings that had never left, but new ones for the man he’d become. For the life I could see myself having with him.

  Now I really needed a minute to myself.

  “You okay?” Finn asked.

  I gripped his arm when I stood up, afraid I was going to wobble. I’d only had two glasses of wine, but the shoes Paige had made me wear were taller than what I was used to.

  “I’m good.” I smiled at him. “Really. Just a minute.”

  He looked over my shoulder, however, and when I glanced back, I spotted Dustin still lingering in the corner. Watching.

  Dustin arrived at my elbow as I walked to the restroom at the back of the restaurant. The hallway was dim, pounding with music and full of shadows. He waited patiently at the end of the hallway while I went inside the restroom.