If I Can't Have You (Mills & Boon Spice)

by BETH KERY

  Eric nodded. “The evening’s gone great so far. I don’t want to ruin it by having your family catching me mauling you,” he said wryly.

  “What about if—” But Jenny was knocking on the door, and Colleen stood to open it. She hustled Jenny out to the hallway to give Eric a moment to collect himself. By the time she’d put on her coat and gone out to her car to retrieve the pillow and duffel bags for the kids’ trip to Chicago, Eric was standing in the foyer putting on his coat and talking to a sleepy Jenny. Jenny thanked her for her pillow and wandered out of the foyer.

  Frustration filled her as she set down the duffel bags and faced Eric. Both of them wore their coats. Marc and Mari must be preparing to leave for Chicago, because the sounds of bustling people and voices sounded close by.

  “I had a great time,” Eric said in a hushed tone. “Thank you for inviting me.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “We’re still on for tomorrow night, right?”

  “For our date?”

  He smiled.

  “Of course,” she murmured, suddenly feeling ridiculously shy.

  “Good.” He reached up and brushed back her hair, briefly touching her cheek with a gloved finger. “I already thanked your mother and said goodbye to your family, so I’ll say good-night. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  She nodded. He leaned down and kissed her—brief and electric. Her frustration turned to acute disappointment as she watched him walk out the door. Things weren’t turning out exactly the way she’d planned. She wasn’t ready to say goodbye to him so soon.

  “Mom, did you pack my iPod?” Brendan asked her from the hallway.

  Colleen sighed and realigned her brain into Mom mode. “Yes, it’s in your duffel bag.”

  “Good, ’cuz Riley is already asleep, and Jenny is going to be, too, as soon as we get in the car. I’ll have to be quiet on the way to Chicago,” Brendan mumbled.

  Everyone gathered in the hallway and foyer, putting on coats and giving hugs. Colleen solemnly charged her children to do whatever their Uncle Marc and Aunt Mari said, not to sulk and to pick up after themselves. She gave them both some spending money and huge hugs.

  “I’ll be calling you over the weekend,” Mari said when she came to say goodbye. Her significant glance told Colleen loud and clear that Mari wanted the entire scoop about Eric. They hadn’t really had a chance to talk privately all day.

  “I might be busy,” Colleen whispered. Mari’s eyes went wide in increased interest before she gave Colleen a hug. Soon Marc, Mari, Riley, Brendan and Jenny were backing out of the driveway, only to be followed by Liam and Natalie. She and her mother stood in the foyer, the overhead light on, waving goodbye.

  “Do you want to spend the night here, honey?” Brigit asked after Liam’s car had disappeared down Sycamore Avenue.

  “No. I can imagine you’d like some alone time, after all the hard work you did. Thanks, Mom. For everything,” she added.

  She felt strange a few minutes later as she backed out of the driveway. It was odd, not having Brendan and Jenny with her. Yet she didn’t feel lonely, necessarily. She felt…excited.

  She shivered uncontrollably. The temperature had plummeted and the car heater seemed to be having no effect. It wasn’t until she turned left, not right, on Travertine Drive and drove west—in the opposite direction of her house—that she realized she wasn’t trembling from cold, but from anxiety.

  And excitement.

  It took Eric only seconds to answer her knock, but it felt like tortuous minutes to Colleen. The entryway light switched on and the door opened. She froze when she met his gaze through the outer glass door pane. He was wearing only a pair of black sweatpants. A towel hung around his neck. He was swiping one end of it across the damp hair at his nape, a slightly puzzled look on his face.

  His expression stiffened when he saw her standing on his front stoop. Her gaze swept down over his naked torso. Moisture gleamed on taut, olive-toned skin.

  He dropped the towel and whipped open the door.

  “I’m sorry. You were in the shower. I should have called—”

  Her apology was cut off short when he reached for her elbow and drew her into the house. The sound of the door shutting behind her sounded like a gunshot in Colleen’s oversensitive ears.

  “You’re shivering,” he murmured, chafing her back and upper arms. “It’s freezing out there.” He backed up and started to unfasten her coat. “Come on inside. I’ll start a fire.”

  She laughed. He paused and glanced up at her face, the ends of her belt in his hands.

  “What’s funny?” he wondered aloud.

  She shook her head as if to clear it. “You didn’t even ask me what I was doing here.”

  He resumed unfastening her coat. Colleen tried to ignore the feeling of his long fingers moving down her chest and belly, working the buttons through the holes, but it was difficult. “I guess I was too busy being happy to see you to question why you were.” He glanced toward the door as if something had just occurred to him. “Where are the kids?”

  “On the way to Chicago.”

  He froze in the process of peeling back both sides of her coat.

  “They left tonight?” he asked, clearly stunned.

  Colleen nodded.

  “I thought they’d leave tomorrow,” Eric said.

  “They always leave after dinner. The kids usually fall asleep in the car. That way, they have the whole day tomorrow to goof off in the city. There’s a pancake place they always have to go to for breakfast, and Marc has tickets to a basketball game tomorrow—”

  He interrupted her breathless rambling.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded, his manner fleetingly reminding her of how he might respond to a scattered parent who’d forgotten to tell him something crucial about his patient in the emergency room.

  “I tried to,” she said defensively, giving him a pointed glare. “But you ran out of the house so fast, I didn’t get a chance.”

  He released her coat like the material had burned him. “Why are you here?”

  Not only his questions, but the blazing look in his dark eyes seemed to shine a blinding spotlight on her. She averted her gaze. Looking at him seemed to make her heart beat even more uncomfortably in her ears.

  She dug deep for courage and slipped off her coat, hanging it on an antique armoire with hooks affixed alongside the mirror. She smoothed her skirt and shifted her feet, studying him through lowered lashes. “I just came to a decision, that’s all.”

  “A decision,” he said deadpan, his eyes narrowed on her, his nostrils slightly flared.

  “Yes,” she said with false cheerfulness. “And I really couldn’t have told you earlier, because I technically just decided on my way over to your house.”

  “Are we talking about the decision…the rational decision?”

  “That would be the one. Although…” She gulped as she met his stare. “I think we both have come to the conclusion that there isn’t much rational—” she waved her finger between their bodies “—about this.”

  Her cheeks heated at his slow smile. He stepped toward her and leaned down. Her face was only inches away from his bare chest. His nipples were dark brown—small and erect from the chill of the outdoor temperature on his damp skin. When she inhaled, she smelled soap and felt a tingle of warmth on her lips.

  His fresh, male scent and shower-steamed, heated body caused a shudder to go through her. He placed his hands on her upper arms and chafed her, mistaking her desire for cold. “Actually, I think it’s the most logical choice you’ve ever made.”

  He pressed her body against his. She swore she could feel his heat emanating straight through her clothes. He kissed her, hard and sure. His tongue entered her mouth, stroking
her firmly, leaving her in little doubt she was about to be claimed. He tasted like spearmint toothpaste and Eric. Colleen was thankful he had a firm grip on her, her legs grew so weak. He lifted his head a moment later and shifted his hands, stroking her sides and settling on her hips.

  She gave a little squeak of alarm when he lifted her into his arms and she was airborne. She glanced up at him, embarrassed by her yelp, only to see him looking down at her, grinning.

  No. Beyond grinning. He looked triumphant…like he carried a priceless treasure he’d fought hard to win.

  Despite his smile, his gaze scorched as he strode down the hallway and then carried her up the stairs.

  Chapter Ten

  When they reached his bedroom he didn’t bother to turn on a lamp, but Colleen was able to make out a few details due to the hall light flooding into the room. Two chairs with a table between them stood in a circular alcove surrounded by windows. The draperies were made of a rich, ivory colored fabric and were closed at the moment. She caught a glimpse of the bed before Eric laid her on it. It was king-size and covered in streamlined yet luxurious bedding.

  Despite her anxiety, she sighed in pleasure when Eric laid her down. The duvet and pillows felt thick and soft. His singular scent filled her nose. He sat next to her on the bed, his hands still at her shoulders. His face was cast in shadow, but she saw the glint in his eyes as he looked down at her.

  “You’re still shivering,” he murmured, rubbing her upper arms.

  “I…I think it’s nerves, to be honest. I haven’t done this in a very long time,” she said in a thin whisper.

  “Are you sure about this, Colleen?”

  She nodded, unable to remove her gaze from his shadowed face. “Yes. What about you?”

  He laughed, low and rough, causing the back of her neck to prickle in pleasure. “Are you kidding?” He leaned down and brushed his nose against hers. She instinctively tilted her chin up, seeking out his lips with her own. A sigh caught in her throat when their mouths touched. His hand swept along the side of her sweater, lifting it. She sat forward slightly, assisting him as he whisked it over her head. She sunk back on the pillows, her long hair falling in disarray all around her.

  Her entire awareness focused on the sensation of Eric’s hands spread along the sides of her naked waist. He swept his palms along her ribs and back, seeming hungry to soak in the sensation of her skin against his own. The surrounding air felt cool, but Eric was warm. Hot. The contrast was delicious. Nerve endings sprung to attention wherever he touched. Pleasure swamped her awareness, leaving her a little stunned. It really had been too long for her. She’d forgotten how sublime it felt to have a man touch her.

  Or had she ever known, to this degree?

  Her trembling only increased when he pressed his face next to her neck, kissing her. She sunk her fingers into his damp, thick hair.

  “I’ve waited for this for so long,” he murmured next to her throat. Colleen’s eyes went wide. He’d sounded a little rough…desperate. She felt a tug on her bra, and then the fabric loosened. They both moaned when his lips found hers and they kissed feverishly. Her fingertips mapped the muscles and tendons on his neck and shoulders. He was so hard, but his skin was so smooth. The contrast fascinated her. She couldn’t get enough. She caught him at his neck and pressed, increasing the pressure of her kiss. His hands moved. His fingers skimmed her sensitive breasts as he pushed aside the fabric of her bra. He lightly detailed a nipple with his forefinger and a violent shudder went through her.

  He sealed their kiss and lifted his head.

  “Colleen?” he rasped, obviously concerned. “You’re shaking. You’re still cold.”

  “No. I mean…maybe I am a little cold. But I think it’s mostly nerves. And…and…”

  “What?” he whispered, stroking her face as if for reassurance.

  “It feels so good,” she admitted in a threadbare whisper. “I don’t remember it feeling quite this…intense.”

  His caressing fingers stilled. It suddenly struck her that she was ruining things with all her shaking. If they just could get on with things, she knew it would eventually stop. She had faith in him. It would take all of another thirty seconds for Eric to make her forget her own name, let alone the fact that she was nervous and experiencing feelings she’d never had in her life. She leaned up, determining to resume their torrid kiss, but he halted her with a hand at her shoulder.

  “Wha—?” She stopped when he stood next to the bed.

  “Come on. I’m going to put you in a hot shower.”

  “But—”

  Again, he never let her finish. He just matter-of-factly whisked her bra off her arms. Colleen’s heart sunk a little when she saw he barely glanced at her breasts.

  Oh, no. She really was ruining this.

  He grabbed her hand and hustled her into the master-suite bathroom. It still felt warm and humid from Eric’s earlier shower. He flipped on the light and shut the door. Colleen stood there stupidly as he turned on the shower.

  “I’m sorry,” she mumbled when he began to unfasten her skirt a few seconds later.

  “Why? You’re cold. I’m the one who should be sorry for not warming you up before I dragged you to bed.”

  “You hardly dragged me,” Colleen muttered. She tried to brush his hands away, feeling foolish. “I can undress myself, Eric.”

  “I want to do it.” He speared her with his gaze and Colleen dropped her hands. She’d thought him calm and collected in the past minute, but she’d thought wrong. Very wrong. His eyes told the true story. He was far, far from being unaffected by her partial nakedness.

  He bent his head and resumed unfastening her skirt. It slid over her hips with his urging, falling in a pool around her ankles. He helped her step out of the fabric. She stood there wearing nothing but panties, thigh-highs and pumps. His gaze trailed over her, making her tingle wherever it touched. He placed his open hand over her belly and hip, the gesture blatantly possessive and intensely erotic. Colleen couldn’t breathe.

  “I can’t think of what to say,” he muttered, his hand stroking her waist. “You’re so beautiful.” His fingertips skimmed the bottom curve of one of her breasts. “So incredibly soft.”

  The pleasure wrought by his touch was sharp and concentrated. Her nipples pulled so tight as he caressed her, it made her hiss between a clenched jaw. He glanced into her face.

  The next thing she knew, he was pulling down her panties and kneeling before her, working her thigh-highs down her legs. He held up a hand, and she grabbed it to steady herself while he removed her heels. Spikes of pleasure shot through her when he palmed her naked calf and then stroked her heel as he slipped off a shoe.

  By the time he straightened, and she was naked, Colleen was trembling again from acute desire. She reached for the waistband of his sweats, but he grasped her hands, halting her.

  “Get in,” he said, nodding toward the shower, his voice rough. “It’s nice and hot.”

  She went hesitantly. The steam and heat felt delicious when he slid back the glass shower door. “Eric,” she called in protest when he shut the door between them.

  “Just give me a second. Try to warm up,” she heard him say through the barrier of the door and the sound of the hot water pounding on the shower floor.

  “I’m not that cold,” she said, but she turned into the inviting heat anyway, submersing herself in the steaming, jetting water. It dismayed her a little, to think she would look like a drowned rat when Eric next saw her, but she couldn’t resist the heat. She closed her eyes and put her head at the center of the spray, hastily wiping away the mascara she was quite sure was streaming down her face.

  Heat and comfort coursed through her, soaking into flesh and then bone, erasing her tension.

  She peered sideways, trying to
discern what Eric was doing. Had he left the bathroom? The glass doors had already steamed up, obscuring her vision.

  She barely had time to figure out her next move when he pulled the shower door open. Her gaze traveled over a long, muscular stretch of naked man. His male beauty and obvious desire for her left her mute. Her brain seemed to vibrate in her skull, freezing her muscles and tongue.

  He stepped into the shower. The sound of the door shutting made her blink, breaking her trance.

  All signs of hesitation gone, he took another step, joining her beneath the hot spray. He reached for her. The hot water, and more importantly, her desire for Eric, melted her nervousness into mist. He covered her mouth with his. She shuddered yet again at the distilled impact of his kiss combined with the delicious sensation of their naked bodies pressing close, but this was a convulsion of pure need. She felt his erection throb next to the sensitive skin of her lower belly. Her body responded of its own accord, her core clenching in desire. She gasped in protest when he lifted his head a moment later and stepped back a few inches. She clutched his shoulders, trying to draw him back, hungry for the feeling of hard male muscle pressing tight against her skin.

  His smile was a little strained when he grabbed her wrist and turned her hand, kissing her palm. “Let me look at you,” he said quietly, his gaze entreating.

  He looked with his eyes, but his hands traveled wherever his gaze went. He stroked her shoulders and slid his palm with rivulets of warm water along the sides of her ribs and waist. He caressed her hips and belly, and all along, Colleen was melting beneath his worshipping hands and hot stare. She, too, eagerly began to stroke him, squeezing his delightfully rounded, hard biceps in her palms, whisking her fingers across his smooth, muscular chest, running her fingertips over the discs of his flat, erect nipples.

  “Don’t, Colleen.”

  Her startled gaze leapt up to his face, his tone had been so hard. His expression turned a little contrite.